Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.
Previously: Radek's Mission 1 being on Major Lorne's team (since chapter 66) was a success! Probably. Anna goes to visit John because he's been a bug (since chapter 62-ish) and that kinda sucks. Also has to figure out what to do for Radek's birthday (since chapter 65).
Chapter 69. No One Ever Heard Of.
John would finally take visitors. Doctor Beckett said he still looked pretty funny, but at least his eyes weren't yellow. The slit pupils went away last week. He was still on medications to keep him under control, but the dosages had been steadily descending and now he was almost normal.
Anna leaned around the curtain in the infirmary. John wasn't living here, but he wasn't exactly living in his quarters either. His arms were still scaly, even though it had been a few weeks. It was February now, and Radek had been gone a lot. The missions came along with more frequency than either of them were prepared for. He was gone again today. It was fine, because it gave Anna time to get things ready for his birthday and work with Doctor McKay on her science homework.
But there was also plenty of time for other things. Visiting John, for example.
She knocked on the curtain's metal pole frame. "Can I come in?"
He smiled a little bit at her. "Hey, there. Sorry I missed the Puddle Jumper lesson. I told Griffin to give you a lesson on the basics, though. He talks a lot… usually about Spaniards… but he knows what he's doing."
Anna shook her head. "I decided to wait."
John looked truly confused at that, but he just shrugged in answer otherwise. "Okay. What's new?"
Dropping her messenger bag next to the bed, Anna hopped up on the foot of the bed he was sitting on and crossed her legs. "Radek is Major Lorne's Doctor McKay now." She smiled at his reaction of intensely arched eyebrows and a bit of a grin.
"You're kidding."
"No."
"They went through with it." Sheppard shook his head, looking pretty… sad? Why would he be sad? "I can't believe I missed it all. His first trip through the 'gate. Shooting lessons. Physical training. How was it?" Ah, so he wanted to laugh, too.
Anna smiled, never so happy to disappoint someone in her life. "He did really well."
"Really?" John raised his eyebrows. Impressed. He nodded. "Well, I can't say I saw that coming, but I also can't say I thought he'd do terrible. Doubted he'd be happy about it, though."
"He's not." Anna looked around for a moment, just to make sure no one else was nearby. Then she realized the odds were very, very low that Radek would be skulking around the infirmary… unless they came back from the mission early because someone got indigestion at yet another feast. "It's Radek's birthday in a week, too, so I'm trying to put together his present."
"You know," Sheppard said, "before you got here, I sort of forgot that people had birthdays."
"When's your birthday?" Anna asked, knowing full well she probably wouldn't be logging it away for future use… Though, she probably should. Someone should take notice of birthdays, shouldn't they? Even if it was just Anna?
"June," he answered. "Eighteenth. Thirty-four this year. God, when did I get so old?" He smiled.
"That's not old. I don't think…" Anna said. He was only a little younger than Radek, though, and Radek seemed older… Maybe that just because he was her father. "I don't think it is, anyway." On the other hand… he was about twenty years older than her, which actually sounded pretty old.
"So what are you doing for his birthday?" John asked.
"Cooking." Anna sighed. She looked at him dejectedly. "That's really boring, isn't it?"
John shrugged. "I guess it depends on what you're making."
"I'm making soup," she said. John's expression didn't change. "It is boring, isn't it?"
"I didn't say anything." John held his hands up in innocence.
"It's the only thing I think I can make, because I don't really have an oven to use. I'm also making fruit dumplings. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but we never have anything like that here. I thought it'd be nice, since I used to have that at home all the time." Anna shrugged helplessly. "I sort of miss them, so I wonder if he does, too."
"That sounds like a great idea," John said. "Nothing better than food from home for your birthday. Unless, of course, you can get ATA gene therapy…"
"Radek can't." Anna sighed. She slid off the gurney. "Well, I think I should go talk to Doctor Brown. She'll probably be able to give me some fruit to use…"
"Good thinking," John agreed. He turned and stretched out on the gurney. "Hodně štěstí." *
Anna cast a grin at him, but remembered just in time she'd come to return his books. She fished around in her messenger bag and gave him the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "I almost forgot. Thank you for letting me borrow this."
"You're welcome." John opened the front cover and read a line before shutting it again. "Did you like it?"
Anna nodded. "It was very good. Zaphod reminds me a little of Doctor McKay." The narcissism fit, anyway.
"Aren't we glad he doesn't have two heads?" John wondered.
Wow, that would be terrible. She should probably count her blessings. She nodded and took a deep breath. "Oh, yes. I have a question, though, for Radek's birthday. Do you know where I can get some good beer that is not… from Radek?" Everyone else she asked, after scolding her that she was too young told her that, really, Radek was the one they all got their alcohol from since he always seemed to have some. That really wasn't very helpful to her.
John frowned. "Uh. No. Not really. I have some, but… what do you mean by 'good beer'?"
Anna didn't want to tell him that she actually meant the American brands the Daedalus brought weren't good enough, so she just shrugged. "I don't really know. Thank you, anyway."
She left John in the infirmary reading his book.
The botany department was quiet, as usual, when she arrived. Doctor Brown was near the entrance, turning a plant around on her desk in its pot. It had a lovely white bloom that looked like a rose or a hydrangea and had streaks of red in its leaves.
"Oh, hello, Anna," Doctor Brown said when she entered. "We don't have a lesson until tomorrow." She rotated the plant a bit more and then jotted down a quick note on her tablet.
"No, I'm not here for a lesson. I was hoping you could help me. Maybe the botany department could spare some fruit." Anna glanced around in a hurry, since it was more likely Radek would be here than in the infirmary. After all, pigeons were just down a few walkways, up some stairs, and through the back door.
"Fruit." Doctor Brown glanced at her for a moment, then made another note. Finally, her attention landed solely on Anna and she shrugged. "We have some fruit. How much were you thinking?"
"Um…" Anna wasn't entirely sure. "Enough to make ten dumplings is all."
"Fruit… dumplings?" Doctor Brown didn't seem convinced. "Okay, well, we have a few strawberries and blueberries. Things like both of those, but Pegasus varieties. Something sort of like a fig or an apricot…"
Doctor Brown started walking, kept talking. Anna assumed she was supposed to follow. She never took a very close look at the plants as they walked by, and she noticed how very many of them seemed to serve little to no purpose at all. There was even an entire aisle marked "poisonous." Anna wondered why they even bothered to have those here, and then decided that perhaps some poisonous plants could be useful in one way or another. They had pretty flowers.
Doctor Brown finished by handing Anna a small pail. Anna felt a little bad about not listening to a word she said after the apricot. "You can fill this, but don't take much more, alright?" she said.
Anna headed straight for the blueberries. It was supposed to taste like home, so… better pick a fruit that actually was from home. She had other plans, too, not just the soup and dumplings. She didn't have Radek's resources and, really, there was no way she could possibly top ATA gene therapy. She had to make it work with what she had.
She had precious little.
She had her violin, so she could play him a song that she remembered her mother saying he liked. She wasn't sure why he liked it or whether he still did or even if he did, now that she thought about it. Anna learned the melody once from an old music book, and her mother said it reminded her of Radek when Anna played it for her. "Nonstop" by Michal David.
She had fruit, she had potatoes, and she had pots of boiling water. She did her best to find marjoram, but that was asking for a lot. She settled for the next best thing when not even Gerald could find an exact substitute. It wasn't shaping up to be the best birthday dinner, but at least it wouldn't be terrible.
Anna sighed and looked at her pail of blueberries. "You can't go wrong with fruit dumplings, right?" she said, popping one of the blueberries in her mouth. At least they were sweet.
#
Radek had no idea where Anna had been for the past two weeks. Or maybe it was three. Primarily because he had no idea where he'd been, either. Evidently, in order to break in his newest team member, Major Lorne made sure that he had the worst schedule for 'gate travel this month. Most of the missions were just scanning planets from orbit from the Puddle Jumper. Radek thought he could get used to that kind of thing.
Wherever she was, he hoped that she was considerably happier than he was. He crouched behind a tree next to Lorne. Lorne leaned his head to his radio to listen.
"Yeah, looks like they've pretty much got the 'gate surrounded," Reed said.
"You two stay out of sight," Lorne instructed. "We'll see what they've got planned."
Major Lorne sank down to the ground next to Radek. He looked at him. "Well, I guess we now know that the Genii have widened their interests."
"Good to know," Radek said. "Even though I'm sure we already knew that." They finally figured out it was impossible to fight the Wraith just by sitting at home in underground cities, killing themselves with radiation poisoning.
Unfortunate.
"Probably just looking around," Lorne said. He kept his eyes up into the surrounding woods, never looking for long at the same spot. He looked like a nervous squirrel.
"You don't have to make things up," Radek muttered. "Or else I will be forced to ask questions. Looking around for what, for example? For us? Maybe for the raw materials for another bomb. Or perhaps they've decided to expand their weaponry. I read the report about the poisonous plants on this planet. Maybe they've moved on to chemical warfare."
"Hm." Lorne smirked and shook his head. "Aren't you a box of rainbows?"
"I helped Rodney work on their last bomb." Radek leaned his head back on the tree behind him and looked up into the branches above them. The one thing he swore to himself he'd never help build again. Limitless energy, fine. Spaceships, please. Weapons of mass destruction? That had a way of blowing up in their faces every time.
And what the hell did they expect, exactly? "The next time someone recruits me to work on the Manhattan Project, please just shoot me."
Lorne chuckled. "Ah, come on, Doc. How else do you expect to beat the Wraith?"
"Being alive helps," Radek said. And radiation poisoning was typically bad for that kind of thing.
Lorne didn't offer any further resistance to the idea of shooting Radek should another Project Arcturus come up… which didn't exactly make Radek feel any better.
"Major Lorne." Reed's voice come over his radio.
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Left behind a couple of guys at the 'gate," Reed said. "If I had to guess, they're just going to stay a couple of hours."
Whatever the opposite of worried was, Lorne was that. Radek wasn't sure he knew what that was. Lorne nodded, scanning the woods as he spoke. "Seems like a good bet. Check to see if they're headed to the village, then head our way. Keep an eye out."
"Copy. Out."
The radio became silent, and the sounds of the forest surrounded them again. Lorne sat down. "Looks like we'll be here for a while." He sighed. "Might as well get comfortable."
Small chance of that happening. This was supposed to be a simple mission. And, well, it was. Everything went off without a hitch. They were supposed to have tea with one of the local traders. It was tea, alright. The most exciting damn cup of tea in his life.
Then the Genii showed up. Reed and Coughlin got out of town, headed toward the 'gate. If the 'gate was clear, Radek and Lorne would go by a different path and they'd all go back to Atlantis together. If it wasn't… apparently, picnic in the woods?
Lorne took a snack bar from his vest. He offered it to Radek. "Hungry?"
Radek glared at the snack bar, directing his hostility for the situation at the granola.
"Alright," Lorne mumbled. He took a bite from his granola bar and looked up at the trees, around the whole wood as though taking it all in. Why he'd want to do that was only slightly beyond Radek's comprehension. It wasn't a sweltering jungle full of death traps, anyway. "It's not so bad. It's a nice day."
"The weather is always nice on Atlantis," Radek pointed out. All the more reason to never leave.
"The tea was good," Lorne suggested.
Radek shook his head. "I don't usually drink tea."
"Alright, well." Lorne sighed, apparently in defeat. Then he smiled a little. "Could still be worse." He shot Radek a grin and said, "You could be McKay."
Radek couldn't help himself. He laughed, shaking his head, because there was really no downside to that scenario that he could think of. While he might trade places with McKay pretty quickly if offered the chance, he wouldn't be McKay for the any world in either galaxy.
Lorne finished up his granola bar, sticking the wrapping in the pocket of his vest. "Alright. Well."
Radek doubted Lorne would be enthused about a game of Prime/Not-Prime.
"Like any sports?" Lorne wondered.
Radek could have laughed. He should have guessed this would be Lorne's preferred method of killing time. "I've been known to watch ice hockey."
Lorne's eyebrows raised. "Really?"
Did he honestly expect Radek to say something like "chess"? Okay, probably he did. And it wouldn't be unfair, either. "It is very popular in my country."
"Like football?"
Radek shrugged. Maybe, more or less that popular. But Americans loved their football—really loved it. And still stubbornly called it football despite never really using their feet to move the ball except for kick-offs and field goals. "I think football is more popular in the Czech Republic than ice hockey…" He smiled at Lorne's look of surprise. "And that would be the legitimate kind of football, what you Americans call soccer."
"Alright, alright." Lorne chuckled. "But I'm pretty sure we call it football because—"
Radek wasn't about to let him finish that. "What?" he asked. "Because the ball is kicked a couple of times in a game? The rest of the world actually uses their feet for more than running in their football."
"Fine, fine," Lorne laughed, holding his hands up in defeat. "I'm not gonna argue. I don't really care about football. Basketball is my sport."
"Basketball," Radek said. He knew virtually nothing about it. "Now, there is a sport I could get behind. That makes sense. You actually put the ball in the basket."
"Okay, I get it. America is stupid because we don't even know what words we're using. I get it." Lorne laughed. Radek wasn't going to argue… even though that wasn't what he thought. "How do you say 'hockey' in Czech?"
"The same, basically," Radek answered. "Hokej."
"Alright." Lorne kicked back against the tree behind him, looking pretty self-satisfied. "So what the hell does 'hockey' mean?"
Radek stared. Smiled a little. He had no idea what hockey meant.
Lorne at least waited to give Radek a chance to answer, which was more than he ever got from Rodney. "See, soccer isn't so bad. At least it means something. I think." He frowned and then shrugged. "Maybe not. But if you can have hockey, we can have soccer. Okay?"
"But you also have hockey…" Radek mumbled.
"Well, yeah, but…"
"Some of the best in the world," Radek interrupted.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You guys win world championships. You know, the USA. Canada. Us. Russia." He paused and smiled. "Not last year, though. Last year, we won the world championship. Beat Canada."
The next time he looked up, Lorne was grinning like he won the lottery. "So you actually do like ice hockey."
"Well, who doesn't watch whatever is playing at the bar?"
Lorne took a deep breath and shrugged. Still looked amused as he pointed out, "Didn't know you were in a lot of bars broadcasting world ice hockey championships last year." He looked up toward the trees behind Radek, nodding. "Ice hockey. Huh."
Radek didn't get a chance to say anything on account of being scared out of his skin.
Reed suddenly crashed on the ground next to him. Radek jerked away, his hand flying to the weapon clipped to his vest even though he was still unsure of his ability to effectively use it. He jumped right into Coughlin.
"Scheiße." Coughlin brushed Radek off and moved aside. "I don't think we could be more obvious if we brought a megaphone with us."
Radek tried to ignore Lorne's and Reed's laughter. "Do prdele, nesnáším lesy." *
"I swear we weren't trying to sneak up—though now we know how easy it is." Reed caught his breath.
Radek didn't know and didn't answer. It wasn't important anyway. It was probably because he was trying to figure out what "hockey" meant. Just go with that.
Lorne looked like he was giving calm his best shot, but not doing so very well. "What do you know?" he asked, trying to keep his chuckle quiet. "About the Genii?"
"You were right. Probably trading something or something." Reed shrugged noncommittally. He laughed, too, until Radek wanted to snap that there was no way his jump was that funny. "We stayed out of sight, I think."
Coughlin sat so that he could see behind Lorne. He stayed quiet, apparently the only one who didn't find Radek amusing enough to laugh out loud. It was, however, just as likely that he just didn't find anything all that funny. Radek couldn't remember hearing Coughlin laugh ever. He hadn't known him very long, either, though.
Coughlin reached into one of the pockets on his uniform and pulled out an old, yellowed paperback with a tough-looking cowboy on the front of it. That might have been a cow or a horse behind him. Radek couldn't see.
"Radek was just telling me what the word 'hockey' means," Lorne said. "Or just about to tell me he has no idea what 'hockey' means. Because it's apparently a big thing in the Czech Republic."
"You'd think that you'd get along better with McKay, then," Reed said.
"You would think that, wouldn't you…?" Radek shook his head.
He once brought up ice hockey, and Rodney looked at him like he'd grown a third eye. They went about their business for five minutes before Rodney wondered if maybe he "should put in a request for some maple syrup, eh?"
That apparently signaled the end of that conversation. Everyone was quiet for a long time.
Radek contemplated how many times he'd actually watched a hockey game. He did enjoy watching hockey, but he didn't make a habit of it. Still, he kept up for the conversation back in the Czech Republic. It was a habit he didn't seem to get out of. He checked how the national team was doing when he decided he and Anna were returning to Atlantis after all.
"I got it." Reed suddenly looked at Radek with a half-formed grin. "We'll call you Radar."
If that was supposed to be some corruption of his first name, he had no idea. Until now, Reed and Coughlin had both called him "Zelenka," so that assumption was probably off the mark. It was obviously a word, too, but Radek didn't see the connection. "Why?" he asked finally, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
"Ever seen M*A*S*H?" Reed asked.
Coughlin laughed. "Yes. Radar." He approved of this enough to look up from his book.
Radek shook his head in time for Coughlin to see and click his tongue in disappointment. He peered back down at his Western, still shaking his head every now and again. Even Lorne looked distressed at this development.
"It's a TV show," Lorne offered, because Reed was apparently too upset at Radek's having little idea what it was to respond properly. "I won't pretend to have any idea what Reed's talking about beyond that, though." He finished with a glance at Radek. "You really haven't seen it? At all?"
"Even I've seen it," Coughlin said. "It's no Hogan's Heroes, but…" He grinned.
Radek shook his head. He could see future team meetings held around a tiny tablet screen. Popcorn and beer might make it worth it. "Bring it to Atlantis," Radek offered, "and I will bring the beer."
"Now you're talking." Reed nodded in approval, and finally explained, "Okay, Radar is one of the characters in it. Radar was a nickname because he had this, you know, sixth sense. Could hear helicopters before they got there, stuff like that."
"So it's ironic." Radek sighed. Not that he really appreciated the appellation to begin with.
Reed laughed and slapped Radek's shoulder. "It's okay, though," Reed said. "Everyone loves him. I mean, Hawkeye is everyone's favorite, but Radar is a damn close second. It's a compliment."
"It is?" For some reason, he looked at Lorne for confirmation.
Lorne shrugged, like maybe that was an accurate assessment. Maybe it was actually a compliment.
"Also," Coughlin spoke up, "awkward as hell and from a place no one ever heard of. Too good."
"Oh." Radek sighed. There it was. At least he wasn't McKay. "Thanks."
Czech Things
* Do prdele, nesnáším lesy = [expletive], I hate the woods.
According to Wikipedia (would trust with my life /s ... but you have to work with what you have), though, M*A*S*H is somewhat popular in the Czech Republic, too. Been playing reruns since the 90s. So. I mean, Radek doesn't watch a lot of TV, though. That's what I say.
Thank Yous and Etc.
Linda- Oh my word. I laughed when I saw your comment. For some reason it sounds so much more official like that. Thank you so much; that is 100% awesome.
KeianaLunae- I'm pleased you're still enjoying it! I hope Lorne comes into the story a bit more as time goes on... hence, the wall-contemplation. He is, of course, a favorite. All these great secondaries. Plus, I feel like their relationship being complementary to the one between Sheppard and McKay isn't too far off-canon.
AivriZaive- Ah, yes, so much fun. More bonding time than is given credit for has probably happened over pearl grips than pearl necklaces. (I think I jest. But it could be close.)
Adela- I'm glad! I hope the story continues to be lovable.
Next time: Oh, yeah. I've got plenty. Plenty of knives, plenty of hair, plenty of references.
