Previously: Radek goes on missions of limited excitement and has bonding time with the team. Anna finishes up preparing for Radek's birthday (since chapter 65).
Chapter 70. More Than Necessary.
Anna stepped into the gym, took a deep breath. Teyla told her today she could start learning some empty-hand fighting styles, but Anna wasn't sure where she was. Maybe Anna was early. Ronon was here, but Anna didn't remember Ronon being a part of the deal… though, he probably knew more about empty-hand fighting than almost anyone.
"Hey, Ronon," Anna said. She went to the window seat, where he sat with a bottle of water.
Ronon looked unhappily at the hanging punching bag a few feet away, and then turned his eyes on her.
"You bored, too?" Since John was on house arrest on account of being a bug, his team was grounded, too. It was apparently driving Ronon insane, even though he went offworld with Teyla sometimes to visit her friends and trading partners. He even participated in some training exercises with other teams, and he never did that.
Anna sighed and sat next to him, nodding. "Yeah. Basically all the time." She hesitated for a moment. That wasn't exactly true… "Actually, some of the time."
He grunted with a nod. "I mean, I feel bad Sheppard's a bug and stuff." He shook his head, probably at the ridiculousness of the words that just came out of his mouth, and didn't finish his thought.
Anna felt bad for smiling. But at least he was okay now. Even going on his first mission in a month tomorrow. "But you won't be bored tomorrow, right? You get to go offworld huh?"
He nodded. Didn't look particularly pleased. Or not pleased. That meant Ronon was pretty excited about it.
Anna started to wonder if she was ever going to get a Puddle Jumper flying lesson.
She knew she would. John told one of the other accomplished pilots to give her a first lesson, but Anna politely declined. It didn't feel right to her, for some reason. John was like the fun uncle. The other fun uncle. She didn't have many memories of Radek's brother, Miloš, but she remembered he was fun.
Of course, she was five years old. Her five-year-old self had no idea what was going on.
"Are you going to help Teyla teach me how to… um, punch stuff?" Anna laughed at her inept description of whatever it was she was doing today. But Ronon was probably really good at punching stuff.
"Sure." Ronon turned to face her more directly. "Make a fist."
Anna offered the only fist she really ever made, squeezing her thumbs. Ronon sighed as though absolutely irritated and grabbed her hand so fast Anna couldn't even react beyond her heart beating a little faster.
She had the presence of mind to tell herself she was being ridiculous.
"Alright," he said, tapping her knuckles. Anna assumed that meant she should open her hand again. "First off, don't grab your thumbs like that. You'll break them the second you hit anything." Anna nodded and watched him curl her fingers for her. Her fingernails dug into her palm, and then he wrapped his hand around hers.
She must have made some sort of face.
Ronon smiled and said, "It's gonna hurt. Your tendons need to stretch so that your fingers can be flat, here." He slapped his palm against her fingers. "This is what you usually want to hit with." He pointed at her first two knuckles.
Anna felt his eyes on her while she kept looking at her hand. He adjusted the way her hand was positioned. He straightened her hand and wrist until they were completely flat.
"And," he added, "you want your hand to come right off your wrist. Like this is all one straight bone from here…" He touched her elbow. "To here." Then her knuckles. "If you hit something hard and it's not straight, you could break your wrist or your hand or both."
Anna frowned. "I don't know why I thought punching stuff would only hurt the stuff you're punching." She should have known better. Physics, and stuff.
"Yeah, well, hopefully, you'll hurt the stuff you're punching more." He let go of her hand. "Practice. Nothing to worry about."
Anna nodded and dutifully started pressing her fist into her palm, even though it didn't exactly feel great. "Thanks," she mumbled.
"No problem." Ronon hopped up and started his assault on the unsuspecting punching bag. He danced around it, springing off his toes like he didn't weigh any more than a sheet of paper.
Anna watched for a couple of minutes, feeling the sun from the window warm her shoulders while she stretched her tendons. She knew stretching tendons took forever. Months and months, even if they were worked at every day. She'd have time, though, if this week was any indication…
Except next week was Radek's birthday. She would probably take that day off. Of course… she could stretch her hand anywhere.
"Hey, Ronon?" He didn't answer, but he glanced at her for half a second. As much acknowledgement as she was going to get. "I need a knife."
He stopped jumping, dropped his hands. "What for?"
"For Radek…"
"Your dad," Ronon clarified. He considered that information for a few seconds. "Wants a knife."
"No, he doesn't know he's getting a knife… it's a birthday present. It's going to be a surprise." She sighed. Did she really want to explain her reasoning behind this? To Ronon? "He doesn't know how to use a knife yet, but I'm going to show him how. You think I'm ready?"
"I don't know." Ronon shrugged. "Do you think he is?"
Anna smiled. "He'd better be. He's going offworld now, and he needs to be able to protect himself."
Ronon shrugged and walked over to her. He leaned down and pulled three knives from under his pant leg. Then he picked up the shoes he'd taken off and took two knives from in there. Anna watched, mystified, as knives poured from pockets and hidden sheaths all over Ronon's wardrobe. He spread them all out on the bench next to Anna, finishing the display by taking a tiny, sheathed knife from somewhere in his dreadlocks, and putting it on the very end.
"Pick one."
"Really? Wow…" she breathed. "Thanks." Anna looked at the large selection, some more pretty than others. All of them looked dangerous. "Which one do you think?"
"He'd probably get more use out of something like this." Ronon picked up a black-bladed knife that had decorated his belt. A few centimeters of the blade had teeth on one side, but the rest of it was smooth and sharp. Ronon demonstrated a slice, then a stab, leading with the serrated edge. Anna could imagine it would cut almost anything. He flipped it, caught the blade, and handed it to her.
Anna took the knife.
"Good luck," Ronon mumbled, putting his knives away.
Anna knew she was going to need it, if Radek's reaction to Anna even learning how to correctly hold a gun was any indication. On the other hand, he seemed less distressed about the idea of her learning to throw knives… Anna imagined it was a lot harder to kill with a knife. It was closer, only one step removed. Very messy.
Anna shivered and shook her head at the thought.
Teyla came into the gym a few minutes later, looking apologetic. "I am so sorry," she sighed. "I ran into Doctor Moreau outside of the infirmary, and he simply would not stop asking me questions about the Athosian herb garden my people gave Atlantis as a gift last harvest." A moment later, she spied the knife in Anna's hand. She looked at Ronon in confusion, and then at Anna.
Anna decided to rescue her with an explanation. "I needed a present for Radek for his birthday. Ronon was nice enough to give me one."
"It was nothing," Ronon said with a shrug. He grinned when he saw Teyla's face.
Teyla seemed even more confused with the explanation than she was without one. "For Doctor Zelenka?" she repeated. She shook her head uncertainly as she said, "I was unaware he was at all interested in knives. Or any other weaponry, for that matter."
"Big space guns," Ronon pointed out.
Teyla nodded as if that was a good point.
Anna laughed. "I'll show him how to use it. I want him to be able to defend himself offworld."
Teyla absorbed that new information for several seconds, a smile crawling to her lips. She took a step further into the room, getting ready for their lesson. "That is very sweet, Anna," she said finally. She straightened and turned to face her. "Are you ready then?"
Anna nodded, not sure exactly what was sweet about giving Radek a present he was sure to hate. It seemed kind of rude if she thought about it too much. "I'm ready. Ronon showed me how to make a fist."
Teyla looked amused. "Good. We can get started."
#
Atlantis had its own barber. Everyone knew him simply as Matt the Barber. Radek had no idea what his full name was, which was incredible in its own right since he talked so much. Too much, in Radek's opinion. But Matt insisted he was "the best damn barber on Earth." He used to work on aircraft carriers and jumped at the chance to be a barber somewhere that required security clearance.
What barber wouldn't?
"Radek Zelenka!"
Radek had no idea how Matt remembered everyone's name, either. He smiled when he walked into the small room off to the side of the mess hall. Hair clippings littered the floor around the solitary chair and Matt's feet. "Ahoj, Matt."
"The usual?" He patted the chair and snapped out the white poncho used to keep hairs off his customers' shoulders.
Radek took a seat while Matt snapped the poncho around his neck and answered, "Yes." Just a trim. He figured he looked ridiculous no matter what he did with his hair, so he'd better to just keep it the same old ridiculous he'd always had.
"I swear this makes you look like an event planner for a comic convention, or something." Matt gave a disapproving sigh, leaving enough time for Radek to wonder where in the world that came from. "One second, you're a world-class physicist, the next you're freaking out about George Takei's blueberries."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Radek asked. It was surprising how often Star Trek came up around this guy… The blueberries were new, though.
Matt didn't look like he was keen on answering as he tried out his scissors on the empty air between his hands and Radek's hair. "I'm just saying you could do with a different hair-do, you know? Someday, I think, we'll talk you into a more drastic cut, huh?" Matt wondered, gazing at Radek's hair in the mirror for so long Radek started to feel uncomfortable. "Shorter, maybe a centimeter. With a beard. Get some sort of Bohemian look going. You could pull it off."
Radek smirked. "Is that supposed to be a joke?"
Matt gave him a glare in the mirror. "I do not joke about hair." He snapped his scissors a few times before getting to work. Then Matt grinned. "I wasn't lying when I said you could pull it off… but, yeah, it was kind of a joke. Either that or you'd look like a member of the Russian mob." Matt grinned.
"Really?" Radek squinted at his reflection tried to imagine it.
"I'd call you… Anatoly."
Radek sighed.
"What? That is a Russian name, isn't it?"
"And another joke? I hope?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course."
Radek set his jaw and remembered not to move his head or else Matt would make some sort of dreadful mistake. Maybe cut off his ear. Totally on accident, of course. Russian mob, indeed. "Good one."
Matt was quiet for a few seconds. It wasn't bound to last, of course. "Or!"
Radek rolled his eyes and waited for Matt to continue.
"Maybe not a Russian mobster, more like a fairytale fisherman. You know, once upon a time there was a little fishing village in Maine…? One of the little townspeople that gets turned into a fish by the evil stepmother. Or someone like that. Fairytales are weird, aren't they?"
There was really no way to respond to this guy, was there? "Um, I used to fish," he offered.
"See? Could be perfect."
"Yeah, could be." Radek sighed. "Just stick with the world-class physicist." The world-class physicist who realized why he'd really let his hair-cutting go the past several months. Probably because of conversations like this. "Or the, um, convention…?"
"Convention event planner?" Matt nodded knowingly. "You like comics?"
"I have no idea…"
Matt clipped off the bottom bits of hair and was about halfway done when Major Lorne walked in. It was sort of incredible how often Radek was seeing him lately… or maybe Major Lorne had always been around and he'd just never noticed.
"Hey, Matt. Doc." Major Lorne looked from one of them to the other with a pleasant smile. Maybe his hair was getting on the shaggy side, too. It was impossible to tell, because, well, Radek never noticed him before.
"Evan," Matt returned. He spun Radek in the chair. He continued his mad clipping where Radek couldn't see, but Radek wasn't concerned. There wasn't much he could do to make things any worse. "I'm trying to talk the doc, here, into a beard. What do you think?"
Major Lorne grimaced. "I'm thinking I'm not about to be taking fashion advice from you."
"Excuse me." Matt sounded insulted, spinning Radek back. "Best damn barber on Earth," he reminded.
"Right," Radek spoke up, looking thoughtfully in the mirror.
Maybe a beard wouldn't be bad. Not on Atlantis, though. Maybe later. Much later, in some tomorrowland he couldn't even imagine where he was teaching at some university somewhere. Or at a high school, probably, if his poor luck held. Probably wouldn't even be teaching science.
"But isn't your specialty in taking hair off?"
Major Lorne seemed to find that amusing.
"Alright, Radek. You're done." Matt unbuttoned the smock and spilled the remains of Radek's hair on the floor. He laid it aside and picked up another one, presumably, for Major Lorne. "You're up, Evan. The usual for you, too?"
"Well, I don't think I'd like to go any shorter. I wouldn't have anything left." Major Lorne arranged himself comfortably in the chair even though it probably wasn't going to take him two minutes to take half a centimeter off the top of his already short hair.
Matt sighed and shook his head. "Best barber on Earth, and you people don't know how to take advantage of it. Every last one of you could be stars. Well… you know, not the literal kind."
Radek was about to leave, but Major Lorne called him back.
"Hey, Doc, come here a second."
"Yes, Major?" Radek stepped back into the room, standing a bit stiffer than he expected just because his commanding officer was talking to him. He was a science team member, not a marine.
"Relax, Doc," Major Lorne laughed. "You're in the barbershop, for god's sake."
"Sorry…" Radek mumbled. "What is it?"
"Just wanted to let you know that the team and a couple of others get together on Wednesday nights to play poker in my quarters. You're part of the team now, so if you're into poker…"
"Gambling isn't a particularly Czech vice, is it?" Matt wondered, apparently feeling left out.
Major Lorne grinned. "You can bring beer. Plenty of room for other vices."
Today was Thursday. Radek just didn't imagine substituting his time spent off with Collins with playing poker with a major and two lieutenants. And a few "others," whoever they were.
Life on Atlantis sometimes defied explanation.
"Anyway," Major Lorne said with a small shrug. "Plenty of room. Not a requirement."
"Thanks," Radek said. He looked around helplessly. "I'll, um… I'll be there." He sighed. He didn't really want to play poker, but it seemed like an important thing to do. Even if Reed and Coughlin insisted on calling him Radar.^ "I'll bring my vice."
Czech Things
Ahoj = "hi" and "bye." Like aloha?
^Explanation of Radek's nickname "Radar" in chapter 69. tl;dr: Radar is a character in M*A*S*H. As Reed puts it, Radar has this sixth sense, hearing helicopters before they get there and whatnot, so it's ironic because Radek never sees anything coming. It's a compliment, though, because everybody loves Radar, right? Also, Coughlin points out, he's "awkward as hell and from a place no one ever heard of."
A/N: This was just for fun, okay? I've been wanting to do this sort-of inside joke forever; it's a miracle I made it this long. It's been about two years now (whoa what?) since I went on my "watch every episode of anything on Netflix with David Nykl in it" spree... even though I never watched one episode of Arrow before. It all kicked off when I saw Tomorrowland. I literally squealed (and I don't squeal, usually) (then I shuffled over to IMDB to see if it was, indeed; and, indeed, it was) (and then I realized that other guy was Paul McGillion?) (what a day). I was sick and couldn't do much more than sleep for six months; what else was I supposed to do? I mean, besides fanfiction.
I'm better now. Thanks for wondering.
So, yes, there are, I believe, four references in the last part of this chapter to small roles that David Nykl has played in television or film. If you find them all... uh... you win. Yes. You win. Bonus points for Kavan Smith's little reference as well.
Thank Yous and Etc.
Adela- Glad to hear it. Thanks for reading.
KeianaLunae- Yes, well, I can't be tying up all my little story threads in just one chapter. Or two. Or ten. *ahem* Yeah, it may be a while before anything comes of that. I may enjoy dangling things off the edges of cliffs. Just as a hobby. As for M*A*S*H... I haven't watched it in years, but the mild irony plus the similarity in names was apparently enough for me. Would recommend, though.
SabreKai- Oh, thank you! I'm glad it's enjoyable.
Next time: It's not gene therapy, but I did my best.
