Author's Note: Okay, this one comes from, of all people, my dad! Someone who wants to see something funny happen in the midst of some super-serious super-soldier sinistry! (Is that a word?... Sure, I'm calling it a word.)
Anywho, belt up and get ready as the Republic tries their hand, once more, at conquering the unconquerable (or is he?)!
-Chapter 26: One Bad Day-
Location: Makem Te
"Sometimes the impossible idea is the solution to an impossible problem."
Obi-Wan Kenobi was concerned.
He was currently on Makem Te along with his friend Anakin Skywalker. It was an arid world full of pebbles and nothingness, and yet the local Swokes Swokes species called it home. The planet had originally succeeded from the Republic at the start of the Clone Wars to join the Separatists. But now that the Republic was making gains along the Perlemian trade route, Makem Te had fallen into their crosshairs and needed to be taken. While Separatist defences were minimal, the local population wasn't very willing to aid their cause.
But Obi-Wan had a feeling that their conquest of a Separatist world would not go unnoticed.
The Jedi Master was presently standing on the bridge of his cruiser, mulling over the situation at hand. As he did, Anakin arrived from behind.
"We've secured the eastern banks, as I'm sure you've heard." He announced.
"Good. That should help solidify our position." Obi-Wan replied as Anakin stepped beside him. The Jedi Knight was quick to note his friend's distracted gaze.
"Everything alright Master?" Anakin wondered.
"For the moment, yes. But I am considering the future." Obi-Wan informed him. "I'm worried our winning efforts here will be enough to attract the attention of The Wraith. The last thing we need is for him to show up now."
"You're telling me." Anakin agreed. "Remember the mess he made of Brentaal, just after Master Ti took control? I'd hate for Makem Te to wind up like that." Obi-Wan nodded. He remembered with little fondness the moment the Togruta master had reported a prison break resulting in the loss of many captured insurgents.
But it was her appearance that worried them the most.
With a bruised face and split lip, Shaak had certainly seen better days. They all grimaced when she reported that her injuries were due to the arrival of The Wraith, who had rescued General Losan and had personally torn through his Clone guards himself.
Just when they thought they had ended him on Mygeeto too...
"Wraith seems to strike me as one of those mythological creatures who keeps coming back no matter what." Obi-Wan mused. "Even though Commander Thrawn truly gave him a run for his credits, he still managed to walk away from the fight... eventually."
"Yeah, and I'm getting real tired of it." Anakin huffed, personally preferring that downed opponents stayed down and didn't get back up. "He can be beat. He's not immortal." The Knight muttered, delving into his own personal thoughts. "You know, maybe we should prepare for his arrival. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he showed up here all of a sudden."
"I agree." Kenobi nodded. "I'm just wondering what we could possibly do to stop him from ruining our work. An orbital bombardment doesn't work, neither does dropping a few tons of ice on him." The two Jedi fell silent as they started pondering some kind of solution they could turn to. While Obi-Wan began to consider more 'acceptable' solutions, Anakin was thinking outside the box. He was starting to realize just how impossible a foe Wraith really was and decided that no known tactic could possibly take him down, given how none had so far, meaning he would have to invent a few of his own. He was becoming renown for his unorthodox battlefield tactics, but maybe this time they could be completely justified.
Especially if they took down the infamous Wraith.
"What if we set a trap, like Commander Thrawn said we ought to try?" Obi-Wan suggested.
"Maybe. But what kind of trap would it be?" Anakin wondered. "I get the feeling if we just rig it with explosives, he's likely to just walk away from it."
"Good point. It would have to be something elaborate. More than what we might prepare for the average Separatist." Obi-Wan's words suddenly gave Anakin some inspiration.
"Well... maybe instead of beating him, we could try humiliating him." He theorized. Obi-Wan shot him a quizzical look, raising an eyebrow.
"Humiliating him?" He repeated.
"Yeah. You know, if we can't beat him physically then maybe we can beat him mentally." Anakin replied, explaining his reasoning. Obi-Wan thought the approach different, but maybe just what they were looking for.
"And how do you propose we do that?" He asked, wanting to learn more. Anakin quickly began to recall what equipment they had in their arsenal and cargo that might prove handy. What would be the best method to utterly humiliate The Wraith.
Suddenly, a plan that was both insane and brilliant.
"We do have those marker dyes..." Anakin mused, a grin growing on his face.
"You mean the ones used for painting the landing zones?" Obi-Wan queried.
"Yeah. Got at least four different colours to choose from." Shaking his head in disbelief, the elder Jedi was quick to clue in to his friend's absurd plan.
"Let me get this straight: you want us to paint The Wraith?" He wondered.
"No!" Anakin exclaimed. "I want us to use explosive marker bombs to paint The Wraith." He stated with a grin. Obi-Wan's jaw dropped.
"Marker bombs!?" He loudly repeated. "Anakin, that's the worst idea I've heard since one Clone trooper tried to insult another by saying 'Who's your daddy?'" Attempting to digest the absurdity of that statement, Anakin waited to see if Obi-Wan had more to say.
He didn't.
"Do you have a better-?"
"No. Let's try it."
Sometime later...
The lone Aka'jor shuttle touched down in the middle of the barren, rocky plains. It matched the rest of Makem Te's geography: arid and pebbly. Surrounded by distant mountains and rock outcropping resembling canyons, this was perhaps the best place to make a discreet entrance. Disembarking from the shuttle, Wraith stood tall and proud, his newly repaired duster shining brightly in the arid sunlight.
Not to mention he had a new toy to play with this time.
Scipio had redesigned his belt to give Tyth a proper holster on his back, the flat design of the saber helping it to blend in with the rest of the belt.
Wraith could only imagine the look of surprise on his enemies faces when a portion of his belt transformed into something far deadlier.
Suffice to say, the Separatist's number one super-solider was in a good mood.
He had been sent here to collect a data tape on the Republic's movements, in preparation for an upcoming counterattack. With the Republic making gains and already in a heightened state of awareness, who better than The Wraith to infiltrate their base.
"Doc, you read?" He asked into his comms.
"Loud and clear, my boy. I'm impressed with the available signal reception Makem Te has to offer." Scipio responded.
"Not bad. Just figured I'd do a systems check before I got to work. You said the data tape would likely be in one of their more secure storage buildings, right?" Wraith asked.
"Correct. The Republic would more than likely try to keep such things away from prying eyes and on a 'need-to-access-basis'."
"Then that's where I'm going first." The commando responded. "Wraith out." Setting his proximity sensors to their maximum range and triggering his cloaking device, Wraith disappeared into thin air, the only evidence of his existence being a set of boot prints being left behind in the dirt.
Captain Rex and a group of other Clones finished dumping a crate full of thermal detonators onto a table in front of Anakin.
"That's the last of them, General." Rex reported.
"Geez, this is a lot of firepower." One of the Clones mused, picking up one of the explosives.
"They won't be explosive for long." Anakin explained, picking up one himself. "You happen to grab the marker dye, Rex?" The captain nodded and lifted up three buckets.
"Right here, sir. Purple, neon green and yellow." He announced.
"Good, good." Anakin nodded with a grin. "Alright, here's what we're going to do: we're going to remove the harmful stuff and replace it with these marker dyes." The Clones all stopped what they were doing and looked to Anakin with askew glances.
"Beg pardon, sir?" One of them asked.
"So... we're going to turn these into... what, paint bombs?" Rex clarified.
"Basically." Anakin nodded. "The goal is not to hurt Wraith physically but rather to pop his ego-bubble."
"But sir, won't that make him... I don't know... mad?" Rex wondered.
"Maybe. Which is why I'm working on a 'just in case' plan." Anakin replied. "We want to be able to take everything from him and give him nothing in return. Obi-Wan is working on relocating our base several hundred miles to the south, which will give us enough distance for Wraith to be stuck without anything to pursue."
"I'm not sure how solid of a plan that is, but I guess I'll have to see it in action." Rex mused with a shrug.
"That's the spirit, Rex!" Anakin beamed. "Now, there's this canyon to the west that I think we can use..."
Sometime later...
The looming shadow of a low-hovering Venator-class cruiser reached far across the terrain beneath it. Like some giant symbol of war or the greatness of the Republic, it was something many people knew well.
It was also a sign that Wraith had found his objective.
"Do you guys even believe in subtlety?" He wondered, still invisible thanks to his cloaking tech. Jogging under the massive Republic craft, Wraith immediately sought out a cluster of buildings positioned directly beneath it. "Man. Maybe a little overkill on the security measures." Wraith mused as he glanced up at the looming hulk of durasteel above him, deeming it to be some kind of protective measure for whatever was within the confines of those structures.
Which was more than likely the very thing he'd been sent to collect.
Slowing his pace, knowing too much movement could give away his location, Wraith crept into the camp and snuck past a few companies of orange and blue striped Clones, recognizing them to be belonging to the 212th and the 501st, respectively. Definitive evidence of Skywalker's and Kenobi's presence.
Now he just had to figure out which building held the Republic's data tapes. Where would they keep something that held tactical positioning data, topographical data and troop movement?
Switching to his electrical scanners, he looked about for some cluster of energy that might offer him a clue to where his target would be. His thoughts lay in the idea that wherever they stored their data there was likely similar items stored close to it, which would result in the production of a large amount of similar electrical energy.
Something he was discovering in a building to his right.
Even better, Wraith discovered it wasn't guarded.
Darting over to the entrance, Wraith double-checked his surroundings before he slipped inside, making sure there were no Clones around to witness the doors open seemingly on their own. Once he determined he was alone and the doors had sealed, Wraith triggered his cloaker once more and returned to being visible. Before him lay a single server that was hooked up to multiple wires, a classic mobile data server setup. Similar to the Forward Commander Centres the Republic had used during previous battles, but far heavier on the intel side of things and far less mobile.
"Please be in here. Please be in here somewhere." Wraith muttered as he set to work examining the device.
Elsewhere...
Through a set of hidden security cameras, Wraith's actions and presence were being transmitted live to Anakin and Obi-Wan who stood alone in another building.
"Good call using the security modules Anakin." Obi-Wan praised him.
"I had a feeling they might come in handy." His friend replied with a slight shrug. "Besides, with all the electrical output being done by the server, their own signature would be hidden."
"Forward thinking. I'd say this is a first for you." Obi-Wan joked.
"Ha ha, real funny." Anakin responded, rolling his eyes as he reached for his wrist-communicator. "Rex, are you and your men in position?"
"Roger that, sir. We're ready to go." The captain positively replied.
"Wraith has taken the bait, he's inside the building." Anakin detailed. "Spring the trap, we're on our way over."
Having plugged into the server, Wraith was having a hard time sifting through the available data. The system was slow and a little old, making his interception harder to do as he was suffering from a few compatibility issues. So far, the data he sought was not in reach.
And seemed to be even further out of his reach when the doors suddenly opened and Clones came rushing in.
Wraith didn't have time to question the 'how' of this situation as he quickly freed his gauntlet from the server input and drew his blaster pistols, opening fire without hesitation. Several Clones fell before him and two quickly rushed him just as Obi-Wan and Anakin burst into the room, drawing their lightsabers. Wraith pistol-whipped one Clone, knocking him senseless before stowing his weapons, dodging the trooper's attack with the butt of his blaster and then grabbing him by the throat and hoisting him up.
"Stop right there, Wraith!" Obi-Wan commanded. Looking away from the Clone in his grip, Wraith regarded the two Jedi before him.
They would prove to be a quick distraction from the task at hand.
"Ah, Skywalker," Wraith greeted, dropping the Clone to the ground, "long time no see. I was starting to feel due for a rematch against you. I do so enjoy beating you into the ground."
"Do your worst, Wraith. Whatever you want, you're not getting it!" Anakin bluntly informed him.
"'Do my worst', eh? As you wish." Taking great triumph in revealing his new acquisition, Wraith drew Tyth from behind him and ignited the blade, a column of yellow fire shooting up from the hilt.
Wraith chuckled even more when he saw the expressions of shock on the Jedi's faces and the terrified looks on the Clone's helmets.
"Since when does he carry one of those?!" Anakin cried.
"It seemed like all the upper-tier commanders are carrying lightsabers these days. Dooku and Grievous for sure. I just wanted to fit in with the greats... and then some." Wraith explained, twirling his blade around in his hand. "Why the shocked looks? It's only a few tiers above a Kage electro-sword."
"That's... That's a firesaber." Obi-Wan realized.
"Correct. I call it Tyth after the Zakuul god of war." Wraith explained, showing off his blade for them all to see. "Care to see what it can do?" He asked with a smirk, eager to find out himself. Spying the Clone he dropped still near his feet, Wraith promptly flipped his blade over and plunged its fiery end right into the helpless trooper.
The effects were twofold. Not only did Tyth cut through him like a regular lightsaber, but he also lit him on fire.
The Clone started screaming, first at the pain of being impaled and secondly at the sensation of being burned alive. The Republic affiliates looked on in horror as one of their own was soon completely enveloped by flames, his body thrashing about before going still and the smell of burnt flesh beginning to fill the room. Wraith tore his blade free of the corpse and eyed in admiration. "Damn, I love this thing." He remarked before shifting his gaze back to the Jedi. "Now imagine each one of your men suffering the exact same fate."
"Alright, alright, enough's enough." Anakin sudden stated, deactivating his lightsaber. "What do you want?" He asked. Wraith tilted his head a little.
"You would roll over so easily? Whatever happened to the staunch General Skywalker of the Five-Oh-First Legion?" Wraith mockingly wondered.
"I'm only backing down for the sake of protecting my men." Anakin replied, telling Wraith a complete half-truth.
"How nauseatingly noble of you." Wraith sneered.
"Don't worry about us, General." Rex suddenly chimed in. "We can take 'im!"
"Care to put your words to the test, Captain?" Wraith wondered, levelling his blade at Rex. "Or, more accurately, test your mettle in the fire?"
"Stand down Rex. Anakin is right, we can't afford any casualties." Obi-Wan reminded him, stowing his own lightsaber. "Now what is it you want Wraith?" He addressed the super-soldier.
"Simple. I want all your tactical data: troop movement, terrain data, everything you've got that's been helping you take back Makem Te." Wraith demanded. "And unless it's here, on this server, you had better tell me where it is or I will turn this base into an unstoppable inferno!" He threatened.
"Relax, would you? Sheesh, I've never seen someone so uptight. We do have a data tape of that stuff, but we moved it off site." Anakin lied.
"Then I suggest you take me to it." Wraith informed him. Taking a few steps forward, Wraith grabbed Rex by the arm and pulled him close. "And I'm taking him as insurance. You better not be lying to me Skywalker... for his sake." He growled, holding Tyth menacingly close.
"Then I suggest you keep up and follow me. It's in a canyon to the west."
A short while later...
Anakin, Obi-Wan and a cluster of Torrent Company members escorted Wraith and the captive Rex out of the base camp and down to the canyon Anakin had sent them to earlier, where their surprise for Wraith was patiently waiting. They arrived at the mouth, the entrance to the long and winding corridor made of dirt and rock where Anakin gestured to Wraith.
"It's right here." He stated. Wraith glanced at the lay before him and nodded.
"Then lead on." He directed, firesaber glowing hotly. He wasn't stupid. He wasn't about to even fake walking into a trap just so Skywalker could pull a fast one on him. He wanted to make absolutely certain nothing was about to happen to him. Anakin relented and stepped down into the canyon, Obi-Wan motioning for Torrent Company to stay behind.
He did want to have a good view to see Anakin's absurd plan play out.
Wraith followed Anakin, Rex still in his grip and Tyth in the other, half-expecting Skywalker to execute some kind of trap.
He had no idea he was actually walking into a trap.
"I'll have to use the Force to move some rocks. But first, let Rex go." He explained, bargaining for his friend's freedom. With the way he had positioned things, Wraith was standing directly atop his paint bomb trap.
Behind him, the excited Clones were having a hard time keeping it together to avoid spoiling the surprise.
"Interesting way to prepare, Skywalker. Not exactly a tactically sound place to hide a data tape." Wraith commented as he released Rex from his grip. But before the captain could leave, Wraith held up Tyth in front of him, effectively cutting off Rex with a fiery barricade. "Go ahead." Wraith urged Anakin. Calming his mind and hoping he could create a distraction big enough to buy Rex some escape time, Anakin raised his hand and summoned the Force to start moving a few rocks that were already off to one wall of the canyon. They had been here beforehand and now he was using them to make Wraith think that was where the alleged data tape was. He made a show of moving the rocks far apart, ensuring he had Wraith's total focus.
Now was as good a time as any.
"Rex! Now!" Anakin commanded. Knowing the plan was in motion, Rex ducked under wraith's blade and bolted back to his teammates. Seeing his motion out of the corner of his optic, Wraith brought Tyth down hard in a fiery arc, but missed by a few seconds. With Rex safely out of harm's way, one of the Clones, known as Fives, quickly readied the detonator.
"Chew on these, Bucket-head!" He called, pressing the trigger. Seeing red lights from thermal detonators light up in the dirt all around him, Wraith realized he'd been played and reached for his shield generator when the explosives suddenly detonated.
But instead of being enveloped in a thermal cloud of explosive power and shrapnel, Wraith found himself in the midst of a rather multicolored cloud of... something.
Having shielded his face at the last possible second, the commando looked down to see splotches of color across his arm and across his body.
"What the hell...?" He wondered, examining his hands through his optics. "Is this... paint?" Looking down at his body, Wraith's optics adjusted to reveal the presence of bright patches of color that stained him from head to toe, a bright yellow splotch concealing the Separatist logo on the left of his chest while his boots were now bathed in bright green.
Wraith was now covered in large splatters of neon green, purple and yellow dye.
To the Clones, he looked like rather comical. His helmet and arms were decorated in purple and yellow, the two colors mixing to form pink.
The Wraith, in pink!
His once menacing appearance had now been dulled by very bright colors, reducing him from an intimidating super-solider to something rather clownish.
"Point and laugh, boys! Point and laugh!" Rex chuckled encouraging his men to do so. The Clones all started chuckling, before it evolved into full on laughter.
Their jeering shouts were enough to knock Wraith from his stunned state and accelerate his anger.
"YOU DARE?!" He shouted, advancing towards them, reigniting his firesaber.
To the surprise of those watching, Tyth suddenly changed color, escalating from yellow to red, with a hint of orange flashing in between the two of them.
But an unfazed Anakin stretched out his hand and held Wraith in place with the Force.
"Yes Wraith, I do dare." He replied with a smirk. "But you know what? You've got no one to blame but yourself. You fell for this trap hook, line and sinker." Frozen in place, Wraith could only listen as Anakin continued. "There is no data cache on any tactical movements! When I'm in charge, I don't keep any terrain data, let alone troop movements!" He declared, startling Wraith. "You came here for nothing, and you'll leave with nothing, too." With that, Anakin used the Force to throw Wraith into the right canyon wall, then the left, before lifting him up and dropping him headfirst into the ground, his body standing straight up with his head buried in the dirt for a brief second before he fell over, knocked out with Tyth deactivated but still in his grip. The Clones started celebrating, cheering and whooping as they took in the sight of the defeated Wraith. Anakin crossed his arms, smiling in confident victory. But Obi-Wan gave him a curious glance.
"You don't record those kinds of things?" He wondered.
"Uh... That was, um, just acting, Master." Anakin replied, knowing he needed to do those.
"Right." Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "In that case I need to see those terrain reports when we get back."
"Uh, yeah. Sure thing..." Anakin nervously agreed.
Some time later...
With a groan, the multicolored Wraith came to with his face in the dirt. He had no idea how long he'd been out for, but he anticipated it wasn't that long.
He was hoping the Jedi and the Clones were still around for him to attack and take revenge for this humiliation.
His muscles tensed and his hand clenched tight, he felt the grip of Tyth in his hand and was relieved to know the Jedi were too dumb to have grabbed it while he was out. Jumping to his feet and igniting his firesaber, Wraith looked around for any sign of the Republic.
There was none.
Quickly pinging his scanners and sensors, Wraith hoped they were close by so he could exact his revenge.
But they weren't. In fact, his scanners indicated he was all alone.
They had humiliated him and then hung him out to dry without a single piece of information to bring back in victory. He would be forced to return empty handed, the mission a complete and utter failure!
That single thought was enough to make Wraith mad, his even demeanor shifting to growls and heavy breathing as his emotions escalated.
Letting out a mighty roar wrought from pure frustration, Tyth's fiery blade started flickering, the flames suddenly transitioning from calm yellow to a vibrant blue color as Wraith channelled his anger into one enormous bellow.
It really was tied directly to his anger.
Author's note: again, this was just a fun little tension-breaker my Dad inspired me to do. Hope y'all enjoyed. If not, next chapter is back to the super serious awesomeness!
