10
"You know… you can polish a turd but it is still a turd" Carl laughed as he looked around the room the boys had done for their first room… the bedrooms now done and the scores predicable. Ianto and Jack were at the bottom of the leader board and Ianto knew Jack hated Carl with a passion, so much so that he wanted to play the game… a little. So Ianto was seeing for himself if it was worth changing the rules a little and not losing completely… just enough so Carl was below them each week.
Ianto sat in the production truck with his mouth in a thin line, his anger brewing as he listened to the fucker pull apart what was actually not bad work… if maybe a little… deliberately gaudy. The point had been not to win… but place above that fucker and they had… by half a score. Now Ianto saw why Jack had asked for that and knew also by the twitching in his mouth that he might really want to bury this prick.
"Look... black is such a polarizing thing to do… some can… some can't. You can roll a turd in glitter… but clearly as you can see… it's still a turd." Carl said to the camera ""And now this bedroom? So feckin vanilla. God save us from twats who clearly do not know style!"
Carl was showing his hatred for this by picking things apart in the most… displeasing way and Ianto knew he had to teach this prick a lesson.
Ianto knew just how.
.
.
"So we are gonna shake things up a little this week" Jack read pompously from the 'note' as he looked over it at the contestants and an unusually pissy Welshman "Bathroom week."
"Oh god" Carl sighed "I hate bathrooms."
"I bet… so many turds in there" Ianto said inanely and looked at the sky like some might be about to fall on them. Carl looked at him like he was insane.
"Excuse me?"
"Well… turds. Everywhere."
"Ianto" Jack said softly "Let's go."
"Sure" came the teethy reply that had Jack on edge.
His husband was up to something… unpleasant.
.
.
Ianto hung around and listened… learned… schemed. Jack was getting increasingly unnerved by the calmness of the man and knew whatever he was planning, it was going to be aimed at Carl so really… he was not THAT worried about it.
Ianto made some calls and schemed… giggled... schemed. Used the advantage of the firm friendships he had quickly made with their suppliers and such… add the fact he overheard Carl giving out their codes during phone calls… well… easy really.
"Doug?"
"Yes me old china?"
"Don't do that" Ianto scolded with a shudder at the terrible attempt at a cockney accent "I want a challenge."
"Challenge?"
"Something that has the contestants out overnight for the last few days of the build" Ianto nodded with a grin "so we get back in time for… well... same as last time. No time to fix anything."
"Fix anything" Douglas repeated. He looked at Jack who shrugged.
"OK… how about… to celebrate we all go out for the night… a day of games shit and a meal that night, stay overnight in a luxury room and then next day go home to reveal the finished room" Douglas offered.
"Hunger Games. Oh yes… I love it" Ianto said with glee.
"What sort of games" Jack asked.
"Archery and some … I don't know… axe throwing or something all gung ho He-Man for fuckhead to show off with?" Ianto said with wide eyes "Make me and Jack look soft… maybe I get hurt like… my wrist so he can make a quip about limp wrists or something? Really let him dig a hole."
"What have you done" Jack asked "no… on second thoughts… whatever it is you have done… I do not want to know. Plausible deniability… right"
Ianto grinned.
.
.
"Wohooooo" Helen whooped as her husband took out another win and Ianto grimaced a he saw his chance, lofting the heavy axe to throw and yelping, dropping it on Carl's foot as he clutched at his wrist.
Everyone rushed to him as Carl jumped about yelling about his foot, Jack swinging to snarl "For Godsake man… Ianto is hurt!"
"It's OK Cariad" Ianto sniffed, letting his bottom lip wobble a little bit "Clearly I am OK... after all… he is important."
"Jesus Carl, stop being a girl's blouse" Helen sighed at her husband "Ianto has really done himself a mischief."
"And me!" Carl wailed.
"Girls' blouse. I've not heard that one in a while" Douglas muttered as he watched the footage "What is he up to?"
.
.
They got back from a great morning's breakfast and everyone was in high spirits, especially Carl who had won a new pizza oven for their back yard when it was time to do it. They entered the builds to find their workers in full swing and for some reason Carl's men looked… uptight.
It didn't take long before Carl's screams echoed… porcelain tiles do that… even if they are black as the ace of spades.
Ianto grinned like a loon as Carl rampaged at his men for putting black tiles in the entire fucking room... even the toilet was black… even the fucking toilet paper… where do you even get black toilet paper… the man was livid, being told it was what he had ordered and they had tried to reach him but there were no cell phones allowed during the challenges… yeah.. Ianto was on feckin fire!
Men left the site with tools being thrown, hardhats bouncing and Helen in tears as she tried to work out how the hell her husband had ordered everything in black instead of white.
"Don't worry love… this is Carl. Remember? He said he could make a polarizing room work right?" Ianto asked with wide eyes, making Carl stop his rant to swing and stare at him for a moment.
"You. This was you."
"Huh?" Ianto answered "Me? Don't be silly… I would have done so much better… Jack chose our décor this time, didn't you dear?"
Carl rampaged some more as Ianto watched and then said sweetly "Do you need some glitter? I have some left over."
"Glitter?" Carl asked with confusion.
"For your turd."
Jack knew everyone would lose it on that one… he sure did.
