Tuesday.

Harleen woke bright and early to the sound of distant gnawing. Looking over her couch, she saw Lucy and Ethel playing tug-of-war with a big, white femur. This was strange to Harley, particularly because she didn't remember giving them one.

"Heh! Resourceful li'l tykes..."

Rubbing the sand from her eyes, she stretched across the couch, remembering her dream from the night prior: a tall man with deathly pale skin and all-consuming eyes came to her from out of the void, clothed in flame, and spoke to her in a voice made of mountains. "A house is not a home," he said. Then she got stampeded by a herd of lawn flamingos. Weird.

She raised her arms into the air for another stretch.

Then she remembered something else.

"Wait..."

Taking her phone out from her couch cushions, she saw she was not only a day closer to her rent being due, but that it was the very day she had meant to "earn" it.

"Shoot!" She ejected herself so quickly from her couch that she fell flat onto the ground. "Oof! Oh man... I gotta get ready!"

Frantically, she reached her hands between the couch cushions and felt around, pulling out her trusty (and somewhat musty) harlequin outfit.

Harley held it up to her nose and sniffed.

"Eh, good enough."

She tossed it into her duffel bag.

Next was accessories: anything she might need, she put it in her pocket for later – everything she couldn't fit in her duffel bag.

Headlamp, firecrackers, saltine crackers, smoke bombs, pipe bombs, those big black bombs from cartoons that looked like cannonballs she always liked, and, last but not least, her favorite sledgehammer.

" 'Ere we go! Into 'el poqueta,' as the Mexicans say!" (They do not.)

It was time to go, but, as always she had to leave her babies a li'l something to munch on before she did. She opened the ice box, and...

...nothing. Just ice.

'Uh-oh.'

Harleen racked her brains: did she forget to go to the store? 'Shit, that's right' – she was saving what money she had, just in case things didn't go to plan with the heist.

She looked back at her babies as they tugged and tackled each other over that same bone from before. It was painful to her, knowing they'd go hungry, even for half a day; still, she pushed it down and waved to them with a smile.

"G'bye, babies! I'll bring ya a li'l somethin' after school, alright?"

They looked at her for a second before going back to snarling and slobbering over that pale white stick she hadn't even gotten them herself.

She needed that money, and she needed it now.


Doris had woken up that morning the same she always had, as of late: with a stabbing pain in her chest.

She calmed down with a quick breakfast (toast and a banana), steamrolled her mom and grumbled her way past her dad as he mentioned some camping trip just for the three of them. As "excited" as Doris was to spend a whole week alone with her folks, it likely meant all that time being away from the gym, from her 'roids, and from working on herself – three things she wasn't too keen on giving up.

She could give it up, of course, if she wanted to. She just didn't want to, is all.

It was a long jog as the adrenaline in her system clashed with the sleep in her eyes. Music helped the time pass, but it was still a drag, even as she jogged faster to try and alleviate her boredom.

When she got there, Leslie was trying to look cool as possible on the school's outer wall – leaning against the fence with one leg crossed over the other, arms crossed, head down like she totally hadn't seen Doris a mile away and immediately gushed at the sight of her. If she only had a pair of shades and a cigarette to chew on, the look would be complete.

She heard Doris's footsteps and as she turned to greet her, she almost jumped back at the sight of how frumpy she looked, eyes baggy and back slouched forward. Leslie, knowing as much about life as any teenager thinks they do, wanted to offer her some encouraging words – nothing too lovey-dovey, just something that showed some acknowledgement on her part.

"Wow," she said, "you look like shit!"

'Nailed it.'

Doris slowed down, wiping the sand from her eyes. "Yeeeah, kinda been havin' trouble sleepin' these past few— er, several, uh..." Doris thought for a minute. She had a hard time remembering a point where she didn't wake up like she did that morning.

"...a-anyways, my dad wants to go on this stupid camping trip."

Leslie furrowed her brow. "What, like, outdoors and shit?"

"Yup."

"Damn. Sucks to be you, I guess!"

"Rmmf."

Doris slumped against the wall to take a chug of her water bottle. She seemed quiet. Leslie could see the usual Willis charm wasn't working the way she had hoped.

"Hey, think they got Wi-Fi over there? I could tag along, make it less boring. Maybe even do something like a, uh... wilderness vlog or something. People watch those, right?"

"It's more of a family thing. 'Sides, I'm skipping out if I can."

"Think they'll let you?"

"Have you met my parents? It's like Doormat City with them."

"Wish my parents were like that. Walked in on me in my bedroom today."

"What, while you were changing?"

"Nah, just..."

'...thinking about you.'

"...I mean, yeah, something like that."

"Gross, haha! You should put a deadlock on your door. That's what I did."

"Sounds nice, Doris. Sounds reeeal nice."

The faraway screeching of a car grabbed their attention. Though they recognized it (or, perhaps, because they recognized it), they backed away as it closed in on them, skidding to a complete stop in an awkward position on the street in front of them.

Harley exited the driver seat.

"Hiya, gals!" she said to the other two. "Ready for our little shindig tonight? Our itty-bitty humdingeroo, the puh-tee-tay es-cuh-paw-day en la casa de moolah? Capeeshee, amigitos?"

They both just stared at her like she had just grown a second nose.

"The heist, I'm sayin'!"

"No, we know what you meant," said Leslie, "we just thought you were having a stroke."

"...oh."

Doris huffed. "Y'know, you'd think we'd have gotten used to you, by now..."

"If evah ya did, I'd-a failed as a clown!"

Pam gracelessly exited the passenger seat of the car, holding her stomach while using the car door for balance.

"I thought you were studying to be a psychologist," said Pam with gritted teeth.

"Aw, that's later, I'm talkin' about the now!"

"Hi, Pam," said Leslie.

"Leslie. Doris."

Doris gave a short, nervous smile before Pam continued.

"I don't suppose either of you have talked to Carol. I wanted to ride with her for once, but she wouldn't answer my calls."

Leslie groaned. "Probably texting that guy from algebra."

Pam gave her a curious look. "What 'guy,' exactly?"

"Oh, just some freckle-faced, ginger-bowlcut asshole in a football jacket. You know the kind she's into, she's like a super magnet for red flags."

"That checks out," said Pam.

"Yeah!" said Leslie. "God, she is just the worst judge of character. I mean, if you woulda seen this guy, you'd be saying the same thing! He had this stupid, boyish face and this butt-chin that went out to here, and I swear to God it looked like he was swallowing a golf ball everytime he opened that stupid mouth of his, and—!"

"Uh, Leslie?" started Doris. "Why do you care so much about this guy?"

"Uh, well... why do you care so much?"

"I care because you care."

"Well, why do you care so much that I care?"

"I... uh..." Doris was genuinely confused by what Leslie was asking. Should she ask the first question again? Should she counter with another question? What would that even sound like?

Pam pressed on the bridge of her nose, and groaned. "Let's just drop it. Talking about Carol's boyfriends gives me a headache, even with you two involved."

The others all had to agree.

Doris took a second look inside the car and saw that it was now devoid of passengers. "Hey, where's Selina?"

"She also wouldn't answer my calls."

Harley waved it off. "Eh, I'm sure she'll be around soon. Cats are like that, y'know?"

"Think it has something to do with her date last night?" said Doris.

"Like how?"

"Like, maybe she's... or they're, you know... late together?"

Leslie stuck her tongue out. "Oh, barf! I don't even wanna think about that."

"Well, yeah, me too, I was just..."

Just then, another car slid into the spot just behind Harley's: one pink and squarish with an open top. Carol got out of the passenger's side, eyes glued to her phone, even as a voice from the driver's side called out "love you, darling!" and the at drove off.

All eyes were on her as she stood there on the sidewalk. Just texting.

Maybe it was the lack of silence that got her attention when her head perked up, fingers still dancing across the screen.

"What?" she demanded.

"Who is it?" asked Harley.

"Who's what?"

"Carol," said Leslie, "who are you texting?"

"Psh, like you would care."

"We're just curious," said Doris.

"None of your business, alright?" She immediately went back to texting.

Everyone else looked at Pam. She shrugged. "Told ya."

"I see we're all awfully cozy today," said a voice from behind.

They turned and saw their missing sixth member.

Harley went in for a hug. "Hiya, Sel! How was your date last night?"

"Let's not talk about that."

Carol laughed.

Everyone stared at her in horror, but she was still on her phone. She probably hadn't even realized Selina was there.

"Eesh," said Harley. "That bad, huh?"

"Just leave it. I'd rather make it through the day without any gnashing of teeth." With her head hung low, Selina walked towards the school entrance.

"I'll second that," said Pam, who followed close behind.

One by one, the juvie rejects of Metropolis High waltzed in through the front door like they were nothing less than the most law-abiding citizens. Already, they could hardly wait to achieve the unthinkable for supervillains: robbing the same bank twice. Today, high school; tonight, the world.

Still, for reasons beyond the knowledge of her peers, Selina couldn't help but but be driven by nerves to glance back at her own companions...

...and see Carol still on the sidewalk, staring at her phone.

Selina ran back to drag Carol towards school by the collar, forcefully grabbing her attention.

"HEY! What's the big—!? Oh, hey Selina! When did you get here?"


THOOM!

The roof of the bank's vault caved in to reveal the starless black sky above the city's bright lights, leaving only a gigantic woman in leopard-skin loin cloth atop the pile of rubble that was the section of ceiling she had just forcibly renovated.

So far, so good.

While that was going down, Selina (as Catwoman) gave a speech to the troops as they rode a floating platform courtesy of Star Sapphire's power ring down from the next building over.

"...and remember: codenames only! Need I remind you, we can't risk anyone ID-ing us, much less any witnesses or law enforcement itching for a trace of evidence. Any questions?"

"Yeah, uh, do we really have to go over this everytime we pull something?" complained Livewire.

"Yes! Any better questions?"

The team stayed quiet.

So far, so good.

Star Sapphire floated them down through the bank's brand new skylight. The sound of alarms was pleasantly absent, and, fortunately for them, Metropolis was so retrofuturistic that silent alarms didn't exist in the imaginary era it occupied.

So far...

"Uh, Catwoman?" Giganta called out from the her-sized hole. "Where's all the money supposed to be, again?"

"Should be in the safety deposit boxes, just like last time. Why?"

"Uh, well, about that..."

The team touched down on the rubble, and every last one of them gasped – before them laid dozens, if not hundreds of metal drawers strewn about the room, all empty save for loose coinage that had spilled out onto the carpet.

...not good.

"Our score!" cried Harley. "It's been pilgrimmed!"

"Did they move it to a different bank?" Star Sapphire asked.

"No," said Catwoman, picking up an empty drawer and shaking it upside-down. "These wouldn't be scattered around so messily if it was moved through legitimate means. This bank was robbed."

"...by someone other than us!" said Harley.

Catwoman rolled her eyes. "Yes, thank you for that, Harley."

"Ya welcome!" she said, missing the sarcasm.

Livewire kicked a drawer off to the side. "Well, this blows."

"What do we do now?" asked Star Sapphire.

Catwoman sighed. "I guess... we retreat back to home base, look at our options... maybe we can do this some other—"

"Hey, wait a second!"

All eyes were on Giganta in the center of the room.

She pulled up the section of roof she'd sent tumbling down, revealing a large hole with pipes and circuits jutting out of the sides, leading to a concrete floor a few yards below them.

"How's that for nothing?" Giganta said smugly to Poison Ivy; however, she didn't seem to notice. Giganta frowned.

Catwoman was the first to jump down the hole, finding herself in an intersection of two tunnels with dim, rectangular lights lining either side. She took one step and cringed as her foot splashed into a small puddle of water (or so she hoped it was).

"Ugh."

Without waiting for an all-clear, Harley jumped in after her. Star Sapphire followed, flying down with both hands balled cautiously into fists to prepare for what may come. Ivy had two vines grow from the bank floor to carry her down slowly before receding back to the surface...

...then Livewire fell right on top of her.

"Oof!" Ivy grunted.

"Oops! Haha, sorry."

"Hmf."

The tunnel was smooth concrete with grime coating the bedrock beneath them, the rectangular lights of the tunnel dimly illuminating the group's environment.

"The sewers?" asked Sapphire.

While everyone looked around, Catwoman kept her eyes on the team. "It would seem so."

"Whoever pilgrimmed our dough musta figured out just where to dig up from to get to the bank!"

"Yeah, but who?"

While everyone looked around, Star Sapphire turned her body three-hundred-sixty degrees mid-air, which is probably what helped her see it first...

"Hey!" she shouted. "Over there!"

Heads all turned to see her pink light shining on a vaguely feminine figure clad in rubber with short, white hair and a hefty sack slung over one shoulder. Whoever she was, Star Sapphire's yelling must have caught her attention, because she bolted in the other direction as soon as she had spoken.

Harley gasped. "A bulgarlarar!"

"Get her!"

The gang was ready to pursue, but Livewire held them back, holding out an arm as sparks formed around it.

"I got this one!"

"No! Not in—!" Catwoman reached out to stop her, but it was too late – with a flash of blinding blue light, glass shattered all around them as the tunnel lights exploded. The ones that didn't explode shorted out, putting them in total darkness with Livewire and Star Sapphire as their only sources of illumination. What's worse was that they could hear footsteps further down the tunnel, so not only had she put out the lights, but she had missed her mark entirely.

Catwoman looked ready to scream. "You're lucky we weren't knee-deep in water, you could have killed us!"

"Uh, yeah, but I didn't, so..." Livewire shrugged. "...problem?"

"We'll discuss this later!"

"What are you, my mom?"

"Basically," she hissed under her breath. "Think we can still split up to look for her?"

"Sure," shrugged Livewire.

"Always!" Star Sapphire held out her ring

"Knew this'd come in handy!" said Harley, putting on a headlamp that came seemingly out of nowhere.

"I willow-f I can," said Ivy. Grass sprang up from the ground as soon as she spoke. "My plants will tell me if they feel anything."

"Great!" Catwoman tapped the side of her mask, turning her lenses night vision green.

Giganta poked her head down into the hole. "Uh, guys? I don't think I can fit down there without shrinking back to normal, and if I do that, I'd need another, uh... but, I don't..."

"That's alright," said Catwoman, "just keep an eye out for anyone who might follow us."

Giganta nodded. She turned to face the vault door and sat down, causing the tunnel walls to shake from the impact. Everyone but Star Sapphire struggled to keep their balance.

"Jesus, that girl..." Catwoman pawed at her face. "Now, I need someone to stay behind and help Giganta. Star Sapphire, do you think you can help?"

"Wait, why me and not Livewire?"

"Ack-cha-lee," said Harley, "should'n it be summin' like me or Pammy—"

"Ivy."

"No, I'm Harley!"

"Just go on!"

"—since e'ryone else here's a walking lightbulb?"

"I can handle myself in the dark," said Ivy. "If anything, send in the clown!"

"See?!"

Star pointed at Livewire. "And besides, you literally just said she tried to kill us!"

"Hey, a little thanks for the initiative might be nice," groaned Livewire.

"Oh, fuck you, you skinny blue bitch!"

"Y'know what? Thanks for the idea!" Livewire's hands sparked to life. A bubble of pink light quickly enveloped her, slowly closing in around her as she pressed the palms of her hands against the walls, trying to escape with no avail.

"CAROL," Catwoman yelled out. The bubble stopped shrinking. "GO HELP GIGANTA. NOW."

"B-but I—! And she—!"

"This is not up for discussion, now GO!"

Reluctantly, Star dropped the force field. Livewire was left sitting on the ground, breathing heavily with her hand to her chest.

"Better than ruining my pedi running around in the sewers... with a certain someone." Arms crossed, she stuck her tongue out at Livewire. Livewire stared death into her. Catwoman watched with marked exhaustion.

"Sure, whatever, just... go up there already."

Star flew back through the hole in the ground with her fist skyward.

"And watch the exits!" Catwoman called out. No reply. She turned to face Ivy. "You can bring us back up if she doesn't come back, right?"

Thumbs up from Ivy.

"Great. Now, everybody: scatter!"


Harley had been walking for barely a minute when she saw the mystery thief gunning down the grid-pattern tunnels, unaware (for the moment) of Harley's existence.

All that dough must have been heavy, Harley thought – she wondered how much heavier it'd be to add a couple tons of explosive force from, say, a cannonball with a fuse attached to it, which Harleen just so happened to have.

"There ya are, ya dang pilgrim!"

The thief ran away as soon as she heard Harley bouncing towards her down the wet tunnel with the fizzing bomb in her hands like one kindergartener chasing another with a pair of scissors.

All these twists and turns led to a corner with their other two options blocked by concrete. The thief took a gamble and, as luck would have it, she had hardly rounded the corner before she was face-to-face with Livewire.

Livewire had both her hands raised the instant she saw her. Sparks leaked from her fingertips as her eyes burned holes into her soon-to-be victim.

"Looks like it's 'lights out' for you, this time!"

With both hands in front of her, Livewire took aim – carefully, this time – and the blue sparks that had been building up in her hands exploded outwards into a single, intense stream of static...

...just in time for the thief to duck, right as Harley rushed around the corner with the bomb in her hands.

KZZZAAAK!

The bomb fell from Harley's hands, rolling over to the thief.

Smoke poured from Harley's charred form as she fell to the ground and twitched uncontrollably.

Livewire cringed.

"Oops."

When the bomb stopped at the mystery thief's feet, its fuse was almost completely out. She looked at Leslie and Leslie looked back at her with a smile. She could still win this.

She hadn't, however, counted on the thief kicking the bomb in her direction. Which she did.


"What was that?" Giganta asked.

"What was what?" Star Sapphire asked back.

"The ground just shook."

"You're sure it wasn't just you?"

"Oh, hardy-har. I'm serious! What if the wall just.. fell down in there or something?"

"You mean like a cave-in?" she said with exhaustion.

"Yeah, a cave-in! They could be stuck down there, or crushed by rocks, or, or—!"

"Or, being smart enough to avoid blowing themselves up, they could have not done that. Leslie, on the other hand..."

Giganta looked at her with confusion at that last statement. But, with her partner's back turned, she didn't seem too keen on finishing that thought.

"What if they split up, though? Maybe they panicked and blew something up, or the guy they're chasing blew them up, or maybe—"

"—or maybe we're worrying over nothing and when we go down there, the police come and have us cornered. We should just stay put, like Se— like Catwoman said. God, I hate using codenames."

"Yeeeah, me too," Giganta groaned. She kept nervous eye on the hole in the ground. Then something came to her:

"Y'know, I think this hole is smaller than the tunnel itself. If I could just squeeze myself down there—"

"Giganta, no. The last thing anyone down there needs is your fat ass plugging their only way out."

"Fuck you, I'm not fat!"

"Sure, you're also a liar. Besides, it's not like it's my fault it's true."

"YOU—! Okay. Y'know what?" Her feet shook the ground with each step (perhaps more than they she had meant them to) as she huffed her way to the hole their friends had gone down.

"Um, what the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm—?"

Giganta jumped down into hole, landing on her feet and shaking the ground below...

...or she would have, if she didn't get stuck halfway through.

"Uh-oh," she said.

"Oh, don't tell me..."

"I'm stuck."

"I LITERALLY JUST SAID DON'T TELL ME!" Star Sapphire ran a palm across her face. "Ugh! Giganta, you gigantic asshole, this is exactly what I was talking about!"

"More like 'what you were yelling about'."

"That's... just... semantics! God, now I gotta pull your fat butt out of there before—"

A loud, electronic crackling could be heard. They had been distracted and the sounds previously muffled by the vault doors, but over the past several minutes, the sound of police sirens had been increasing in both volume and amount.

"This is the Metropolis Police!" rang a bullhorn from outside. "Come out with your hands over your heads or we will be forced to...!"

Star Sapphire sighed.

"—before that happens."


While those two were arguing, a dark figure exited the cloud of smoke from the explosion below and took a GPS from her belt showing a map of the sewers with herself represented by a red triangle in the center. With the two from before having taken each other out and the others being sent elsewhere, this job was looking easier than she had thought.

The tunnel walls flew past as she ran, charging through sewage and mold cultures and god knows what else on her path to payday. Eventually, she reached a section of tunnels that were more overgrown than the others: patches of grass appeared more and more frequently as she went on, even growing out from the side-walls which was something she hadn't seen before.

In fact, it seemed no matter where she went, the grass just kept getting thicker and thicker.

She came to a full stop.

Logically, if she looked behind her, she should have seen less grass than there was in front, and yet there was just the same; if anything, the grass seemed only to be growing thicker and longer.

She tried to keep running, but fell face-down into the concrete, dropping her sack of cash in front of her: her foot, she realized, was stuck on a tangle of grass. It was embarrassing, to say the least. When she tried sitting up to fix it, her hands had the same problem.

The grass continued to grow around her; thick, green blades spiralled up her body, no longer appearing natural and random but specifically targeting her.

As surreal as it was, one thing was for certain: this was a trap.

"Don't be so hard on yourself," said a voice from behind her.

The thief turned her and saw further down the tunnel, a figure sauntered closer. Her hand was in a fist facing skyward, and as it rose, so did the grass, holding her captor up like little green legs on a table. It wasn't long before the thief was mummified in the green, posed upright so the figure opposite could meet her eye-to-eye.

The thief's heart was beating out of her chest, and Ivy could feel it.

"Even my teammates underestimate the true scope of my abilities. Not that I blame them, I've never truly shown it to them. So I wouldn't expect anything more from you, a common—"

Something stopped her. She cocked her head to the side, as if her attention had been yanked away by some invisible force. Her victim could only watch.

" 'The same'?" Ivy muttered. "What are you...?"

She brought her hand up to the thief's shoulder, which sent the thief struggling to reel back in defense of whatever she meant to do. She didn't know Ivy just meant to feel her catsuit, not that Ivy cared to let her know.

In her palm (she was wearing gloves, but the gloves were more a part of her body than anything), Ivy felt rubbery spandex – not skin-tight, but close – with a hexagon pattern that felt high-end. She looked into the thief's eyes and saw the faint green glow of night vision goggles. It all seemed so familiar.

She was about to take those goggles off when sge, through her plants, felt Catwoman walking up from behind.

"Nice work, Ivy."

Ivy said nothing – just glanced curiously her teammate.

With her hands on her hips, Catwoman walked up to their catch and looked her in the eye.

"Didn't last very long, did you?"

The thief stayed silent.

"Cat got your tongue? Pride hurt, much? Too bad. No honor among thieves, as they say. So go on, curse us or moan or hiss, whatever you like, we won't judge."

More silence.

"You know, it's not very nice to stay quiet when someone is talking to you. If there even is a voice in there. Come ooon... give us a little tweet, birdie, won't you?"

Silence still.

Catwoman tilted her head to the side and frowned. She raised her hands to take off the goggles their thief was wearing, and as they were occupied, a small, metal tube the size of a pen dropped between Catwoman's legs and bounced to the grass behind her. It hissed, and green gas spurted from holes on either either side.

Ivy gasped.

Catwoman turned back to look on it in horror, and suddenly their thief was now wearing a breathing apparatus.

The grass on the walls around around them shriveled and cracked into a pale brown dust, reading the thief from her prison.

Ivy was hacking into her fist now. She kneeled from feeling very weak and Catwoman nearly did the same, but felt it in her to run over and help her friend stand up.

She looked at the thief running away, then at Ivy, whose condition was worsening faster than her own, and sighed.

"Come on, Ives. Let's get you out of her."

The gas had enveloped them by that point. They could barely make out the source of it, and Catwoman didn't want to take chances with trying to kick it away.

Catwoman walked Ivy away between cough attacks and moments where her knees buckled beneath her. She felt it wouldnt be long before they both passed out.

Ivy moaned. "Pesticides," she wheezed. "How did... she...?"

"Save your breath, Ives."

It was several more steps before the cloud thinned out. Maybe. Catwoman could barely see a thing in her drowsier state.

She gambled on a breath – fresh air! For a sewer, at least. Some of the grass Ivy had made was still around. Catwoman collapsed almost immediately, cushioning Ivy's fall with her own, but the redhead had already closed her eyes.

The last they saw before passing out was a pink light growing brighter and brighter in the distance.