21
"Oh no" Ianto said loudly as he stood looking at the bathroom and Donna looked up with alarm, the bright green towels in her hand dropping to the floor.
"what? Too much?"
"Are you fucking mad? Even Kermit the frog would say too much green love" Ianto spluttered as he looked at the bright apple green and white… it was… electric.
"Oh god. I knew it" she sighed "What do I do?"
Ianto checked his watch "Right…shops are open in … what ... four hours. Get on line now, see what they have in stock and email so you can go in when they open to do a pick up. You want… god. Forrest green… put deep rich forest green towels and bathmat… then you want a few ferns… keep the green and white theme but tone it down with lots of greens, the bright green tiles will then be more of a … lead in" Ianto said then he let his hand move long the single stripe of green that went the entire girth of the room. "Also… ditch the rubber duck in the bath. Get one of those wooden things that goes across….natural wood not painted… and place an open bottle of bubbly, a glass half full… put lipstick on and take a drink so they see the smear. Fill the bath with bubbles… the smell of green apple bubble bath. Sell it. A single pink rose here on the counter by the mirror with some green leaves still on it … as if placed here by a lover."
"Will yours be filled?"
"Yes, no bubbles and I did talk him out of a duck decoy from the hunting and fishing store" Ianto said and she stated to giggle as she tried to imagine it.
"Don't laugh. They had a stuffed fox and he was so demanding I almost put him in a time out" Ianto grumbled as he turned to leave and Miles smiled as he caught him.
"Hey… thanks for the putty, and fixing the cupboard. It looks perfect."
"no problem buddy… you rest up."
.
.
The judges walked the lot going from house to house. Miles and Donna's declared crisp. They liked that. Their score not bad, better than they had expected. George and Mildred got a good score too, her soft English rose style a firm tick and then… well .. the quiet middle-aged couple got blasted for their 'old couple' style twin bed room that Ianto felt was actually a little unfair.
Carl proudly stood as his room was given the once over and given a good score… a great one and he was in the lead, the bed a firm favourite. They noted the starry sky like in the other room and Ianto looked a Jack with alarm… a night sky? Ah. The mirrors had little lights in them… crap. Argh. They all said the mirrors let him down and he was not happy about that but… there ya go.
Then the judges entered Ianto and Jack's master.
The female judge eagerly ran for the dark blue and silver dappled bedding and threw herself into all the pillows and huge fluffy eiderdown, laughing as she rolled to look up and curse softly before slapping her hand over her mouth.
The two men joined her and one of them said softly after a while "I want this."
"You can smell the grass under you.. hear a sheep or horse in the distance. Wow. Just you and your lover in the moonlight."
Ianto smiled and held Jack's hand as they then headed to the ensuite and laugher started a they saw the huge hot tub in the floor with water lilies floating in it, the cute country garden effect with the cobbled tiles and the painted walls.
"This is sweet…is it naughty that I would have a meal in here?" one of them asked.
They all giggled as they peeked in cupboards to find more things and commented on how decadent it was, the chandelier sooooo cheeky.
"You know… I could see Jackie swinging off that"
More laughter inside and out.
Guess who won?
Yeah.
Ianto was pleased… then….
"I object!" Carl roared "A night sky. They copied my other room with the stars!"
"Carl, a few lights a ceiling does not make it a night sky" Harry said calmly "that was crap anyway. Not even a constellation that I could recognize."
"Still.. copy"
"So… you have a night sky visible from here on earth?" Jack asked, getting pissy now "And anyway… if anyone should object it should be us. You stole our bed and we had to get another one because you wouldn't give it back! You painted it and left your own bed to get thrown out!"
The judges were aghast "Is this true?"
"Yes. Theirs is in the skip as they left it out in the rain, they stole our more expensive one and painted it before I could stop them. We had to choose a different one to our original plan. We had to change our design, our bedding choices… everything" Jack folded his arms "And theirs was a cheap bed, both of ours expensive. He at least owes us for the bed he took!"
"Bullshit!" Carl sneered "Finders keepers!"
Ianto swung to stare at him and then ask "How old are you? Really? Sticks and stones then? Carl… you took our bed. When confronted said 'deal with it' and now you don't want to pay? What's wrong… no budget left?"
"Enough. Carl, did you use goods from another constant's build? You know that if forbidden in the rules unless that item is offered?" Stevie demanded.
Carl opened and closed his mouth.
"Does not matter anyway. I won" Ianto said with glee.
.
.
Ianto was in a good mood and as he cleaned up their section he started to sing. He opened his lungs and boomed out some song as he worked and soon others were joining in, the site starting to rock like a flash mob.
"For fucksake, some of us are trying to sleep" Carl screamed from inside the house.
"Poor diddums… try some warm milk… mummsy might make it for you so you don't burn yourself on the big nasty stove" someone yelled back and Ianto laughed, and then broke back into song.
Carl strode from the house fully dressed, not looking in the least like he was sleeping or trying to and as he strode toward Ianto ranting his hands pumping and his intent clear, he did not see the man coming from his left and as the idiot started to swing a Ianto, Jack's haymaker had him flying back to land in the dirt.
"No. Carl… you ever … EVER take a swing you better be prepared for the push back." Jack snarled as he stood over him "this time I held back, next time I will let my shoulder lock into it and I will knock your head right off."
"Carl… what are you doing" Helen yelled as she ran over "get up."
"He hit me!" Carl roared.
"You tried to attack my husband. I happen to love my husband… so very much and if you think for a cotton-picking second that you can hurt him… then think again buddy. I will rip your fucking throat out with my bare hands" Jack seemed to get bigger as he looked over the man now scrambling to get up "Helen, get him back to your house and lets all calm down."
Ianto watched everyone form a wall around him as Carl slumped and made back to his house.
He had finally stepped too far into Ianto's space and Ianto let himself have a moment then gave the all clear.
That night as they aired the episode.. they also shared all the homophobic insults Carl had used over the entire time. And blatant rule breaches.
He was toast.
