Chapter 3: The Letting Go


Nate wakes with a start the morning after his engagement party. He half expects Cassidy to stroll in with a cup of coffee and a 'good morning, sleepyhead' but instead, he is greeted by cold sheets and an empty apartment.

He rolls over and reaches to check his phone. Two new messages light up the screen. One from Cassidy: Took my parents to the Museum of Natural History. See you for dinner tonight.

And another, from a number he doesn't have saved, reading simply:

Lunch?

Like most things involving Serena, he knows getting lunch with her would be a bad idea. It would be difficult to explain to his fiancée why he was out getting lunch with his ex-girlfriend the day after their engagement party.

But Serena wasn't just his ex-girlfriend. They were old friends. And he can platonically get lunch with an old friend, right? (Wrong.)

Before his brain could catch up with his heart he responded:

Sure. Orsay at 12:30 sound good?

His phone barely shows his message as delivered before those three (annoying) dots show up.

See you there!


He arrives at the restaurant early. He's nervous. (He knows he shouldn't be — it's just Serena — but then again, she's never been just Serena to him.)

His stomach is in knots and he's really itching for something strong right now, but he sticks to water, not trusting himself to not clear out the entire top shelf of the bar before she shows up. He tries to play it cool, mindlessly scrolling through his email and refreshing his Instagram feed about twenty times before locking his phone and giving up.

He's about to bail on this whole stupid thing when he sees a flurry of blonde rush through the door.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," she rushes out, throwing her bag down and taking the seat across from him. "I had to go see my parents and you know how that goes. Parents, right?"

He looks at her then, all blonde hair and shimmering wide smile. (He pretends it's just for him.)

"Parents," he smiles back.

Soon enough, they fall into comfortable conversation. Serena tells him about her travels. He tells her about what she missed in New York.

They both avoid the elephant in the room (Dan). He knows, via Blair, that she filed for divorce at some point during her year away. He didn't care to ask for any updates after that, and Serena doesn't provide them.

Eventually the conversation turns to the other topic Nate had been trying to avoid: Cassidy.

He tells her how they met (at a fundraiser for some endangered species), how he proposed (over dinner at his apartment), who said "I love you" first (she did). He spares her the details of how he only went to the fundraiser because his grandfather dragged him there — following weeks of him moping after Serena left him without a goodbye for the millionth time.

Serena tells him she's happy for him and he feels like he wants to puke. He quickly changes the subject.


It's nearing five o'clock by the time they leave the restaurant, with Nate offering to walk her home. ("I'm staying at The Palace. For old times sake.")

During the walk there, Nate almost laughs at himself for being so ridiculous earlier. There was nothing to be nervous about. Serena was his friend once and he can be friends with her again. Their banter has returned, and it's like the old Serena (the before-Dan Serena) is back.

"You know," she laughs, as they enter the gates of The Palace courtyard. "I always thought it would be you and me."

(Suddenly, he feels sixteen again. Him in his uniform. Her in the same outfit from the night before, when she crashed Blair's mother's party. If he listens closely enough, he can almost hear her ripping his heart out and breaking it in two.)

("But you're back now." "I didn't come back for you.")

He snaps his head to look at her. It's as if the air has been sucked out of his lungs.

"What?" he spits out.

"I just…" she stutters. "I don't know. I thought you'd wait for me. That I'd come back and I would be the girl you marry."

He tries to take a deep breath. Clench and unclench his fists. Even though he doesn't have to worry about Gossip Girl anymore, he's still a Vanderbilt. There are still people watching. He can't be seen yelling at someone in public (let alone his ex-girlfriend).

But he can't help himself; the anger is rolling off him in waves.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" he shouts.

"What? Nate, I-"

"Stop! Serena, please." Another deep breath. "I am begging you. Just let me go. Either be with me — for real this time, or let me go. I can't keep waiting in this limbo for you. I won't."

"Nate," she whimpers.

"No."

And with that, he turns and walks away, leaving his shattered heart in the courtyard.


If he was itching for something strong before, he's definitely looking to get drunk now. Not just drunk, but shitfaced, off-the-wall, don't-remember-my-name, bordering on liver failure-kind of drunk.

Somehow, he ends up at a private bar inside The Empire (thank God for Chuck Bass). After four shots of tequila and two glasses of something way too disgusting to be for public consumption (aka horrifyingly strong and definitely part of Chuck's private stash), he feels his phone vibrate.

Cassidy
7:42 p.m.
Hey. Are you on your way?

Fuck. He forgot about dinner with Cassidy and her parents. Nice, normal Cassidy.

Got caught up at the office. Not going to make it. Tell your parents I'm sorry.

Now he really needs to get drunk. For starters, to forget about her. And now to forget about the guilt of lying to poor Cassidy. (Maybe he really is sixteen again.)

He makes a mental note to send Blair flowers (you can never apologize to your high school ex-girlfriend for being a dick too many times, can you?) and orders another round. Maybe tomorrow will be clearer.