Reminder:
"This is spoken English."
"This is spoken Czech."
This is a thought.

Previously: Radek and company were caught offworld in a dangerous place with bombs and bullets (chapter 120), but (last chapter) they were rescued. By Rodney and his team, of course… What? They're the stars of the show.


Chapter 126. What's Best.

Anna blinked at the ceiling overhead and realized that she'd been asleep a long time… The sun stretched across the floor and shined on the ceiling. She turned to see Radek sitting up in bed against a few pillows, contemplating a bowl of green Jell-O. She slid from under the sheet, and got her feet on the floor before he noticed her.

"Good morning, darling."

"Good morning." Anna put her fingers on the edge of his bed, embarrassed at the tears in her eyes. She looked around the infirmary. Everyone was busy with their work, too busy to notice her. Doctor Beckett must have gone to bed a while ago. Maybe he hadn't even seen Radek wake up.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He nodded, but didn't look one-hundred percent sure about his answer. He looked so… pale. And tired. It might have scared her, but he wasn't dead. So it was a good morning. "Good, yeah." He put his spoon in the Jell-O and slid it aside. "Just hungry. For real food. Not this… whatever Jell-O is."

"Collagen."

He smiled at her.

"When you get better I can make you something. Anything you want. What do you want?" She took a deep breath, her eyes trailing down to the spot under the sheet where skin and muscles were held together by a piece of string. Covered in blood yesterday.

Tears gathered to her eyes. Again.

"We can think about that later, okay?" he wondered.

She nodded. Doctor Adams stood behind his console. Doctor Cole sat at the computer next to the door reading some files. Doctor Keller walked up to Doctor Adams and started talking about an x-ray sheet in her hand.

She glanced at Radek. "Can I give you a hug?"

He chuckled. "Sure, just—"

Anna didn't give him enough time to finish whatever it was and slid her arms around him.

"Uh…" he mumbled and held his breath for a second. "Be careful."

She turned her eyes into his shoulder and didn't let go. She hoped she hadn't hurt him, but there wasn't much worse she could do against the gunshot he'd already taken. She shouldn't be crying. He was okay, wasn't he? At least, he was here, even if not exactly okay.

"I'm glad you're here," she whimpered.

He gingerly returned the hug. "Yeah, me, too." He sighed, put one hand on the back of her head, gripping a handful of her hair. "Anna, I'm so sorry."

Anna sniffed and tried to stop her tears. Didn't know why he was sorry. He was the one who'd been shot. He was the one who was okay. The only thing she'd wanted for the past two days was to hear it was a mistake. It was a mistake, and he was sorry?

"I shouldn't have brought you here," he went on. "We shouldn't be here. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through things like this."

Anna took a slow step back and searched his face while she smudged the tears off her own. "What?"

"We should be on Earth. I shouldn't have brought you here."

She shook her head, unsure for the moment why she thought that staying on Earth was no better or worse than living here. Of course, on Earth, physicists didn't do anything particularly exciting. They built spaceships thousands of miles away. They stayed in labs, thinking about life's inconveniences and biggest questions. They tried to avoid weapons of mass destruction, but, if they couldn't, they just tried to sleep at night.

That wasn't exciting.

She sat on his gurney next to him. "Don't say that."

"Malá…"

She shook her head again, this time more emphatically. Like that would somehow make her argument stronger. But she couldn't speak, so it was all she had.

He put a hand on her knee, took a deep breath like moving hurt. "We have to go back. Don't we?"

"But I want to be here."

"So do I, but… I can't be selfish." Radek turned his eyes down on the sheet covering the bed. "This isn't good for you."

"I have so much here," Anna said. "Don't you?"

Leaving Atlantis meant more for both of them than just leaving his job. It meant leaving Iskaan. It meant leaving Elizabeth. It meant leaving all their friends, the scientists that worked for Radek. John and Ronon. Rodney.

"It doesn't matter, Anna. None of that matters."

"Don't tell me it doesn't matter." Anna slid off the gurney and faced him. Maybe he wasn't thinking of all the consequences. He was on a lot of painkillers, right? "It matters to me a lot, and it matters to you." Her mind raced. What did she have to say to remind him how important it was to be here on Atlantis? How much they didn't want to leave…? "You love Elizabeth, don't you?"

"You first; you're always first."

"People die on Earth, too," she snapped.

Radek stayed silent, then. Maybe because he was thinking the odds were much higher he'd die here than on Earth. Anna was sure Mom would have thought that, too, if she had the opportunity to think of living in another galaxy like this. But she didn't. She lived on Earth, and she died on Earth. And it was stupid to think that just because they lived on Earth they were safer.

"I know they do," he said finally.

She blinked at the floor, trying to chase her tears away again.

"I know that doesn't make any sense." She covered her eyes with both palms. She was allowed to make no sense right now, though, right? Radek just came back from the dead less than twelve hours ago. Nothing made sense. "I know it doesn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Radek sighed, waving her to come closer. "Come here…"

She leaned into him; he wrapped his arm around her. There were so many things she wanted to do, so many things she hadn't finished. So many people she loved and wanted to keep around.

"I only want the best for you..."

#

Radek tried to stand up once. It was like throwing a fire alarm. Doctors and nurses poured in from nearby rooms that Radek didn't even know existed. They helped him up off the floor with some very stern words about not ripping his stitches and bleeding everywhere.

Radek leaned back and watched everyone go about their business. Hoped Anna was having a good lunch. What Radek wouldn't give to have an actual lunch in the mess hall. Doctor Cole said maybe tonight they'd let him leave. Let him have food. Real food.

"Bored?"

Radek smiled toward Elizabeth's voice. "You have no idea."

She leaned over him and kissed his forehead. She stayed close enough that he could feel her breath on his head. "Never do that to me again," she whispered.

He looked up as she backed away. "There are other things I'd rather do." Radek looked at her sideways, scolding himself for his second words to her after coming back from the dead.

Was it fair to say she started it?

Elizabeth sighed and sat down, seeming to frown only to keep from smiling. She reached for his hand, and he gave it. "But you're feeling better?" she asked hopefully. "And Anna, she's…?"

"I'm not dead, so no real complaints." She was still enthusiastic about fighting him on going back to Earth, making a difficult decision even harder. Maybe Elizabeth would understand and see reason. Maybe she'd be able to show it to Anna. "But this was really a disaster."

"It turned out alright, though," Elizabeth reminded.

Maybe Radek was wrong. Elizabeth wouldn't get it. Everyone was so set in their optimistic delusions that they couldn't see how bad things really were here. From what Radek understood, even if the bullet didn't kill him, a nuclear explosion would have. Ladon Radim had a change of heart and decided to not let them get incinerated with Cowen and the rest of his men.

He did it for his sister. If he could put his plan in jeopardy for that, then Radek figured he could put a few of his own things in jeopardy for Anna's sake.

"There is no bright side to this," he said quietly. "You saw Anna, right? I can't let that happen again, you know?" This time, he disappeared and he was really mostly alive the whole time. But what about the next time?

There couldn't be a next time.

"Lorne will be giving some other scientists a test run on his team, especially since you'll probably be out for a month or more. But he seems dead set on having you…" Elizabeth looked amused. "Maybe because you're already broken in."

She just wasn't getting it.

"I'm not talking about the team," Radek mumbled. He watched her carefully for a response. "I'm talking about Atlantis."

Her eyebrows raised and she frowned. "You're not serious."

"Elizabeth, you have to see this was a mistake."

She didn't say anything, but was clearly thinking about it.

"Today, I make it back alive, but what about tomorrow? What if the Wraith come here? What if the Genii do? What if your pet monster downstairs decides to be more monster than pet? What if there's something worse out there we don't know about yet?"

There was a long silence, long enough for Radek to realize what he'd said. Her pet monster.

"Michael is not my pet," she said in a low whisper, almost a growl. "And not a monster." At least, the implied ending left unspoken. At least, we hope he's not a monster.

"Yes, well…" He didn't know what to say to that. Fortunately, he didn't have to.

She didn't agree, but she nodded. "But you're right. You have to do what's best for her." She paused, looked around for a moment, and finally let her eyes settle on him askance. "Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know." It was the easiest non-answer there was. "Obviously, there is nothing about this that is good, you know?"

He watched for any shadow of a positive response. There was nothing about anything recently that had been good… except, incongruously with the rest of his life, his relationships. Anna really missed him, which was far more than he could have said for a like situation last year. Even if Elizabeth didn't admit in so many words that she loved him like he had—well, she was doing a pretty good job of fooling him into thinking she did, anyway.

Finally, when she didn't say anything for a long time, he said, "I'm sorry, I don't know."

"I think you should take a few days to think about it." Elizabeth finally made eye-contact, stepped close enough to put her hand on his shoulder.

"I've had at least a week to think about it."

"Ah, yes." Elizabeth's brow furrowed; her chin tilted down and her eyes darkened the way they did when she was angry. "Making life-altering decisions in a prison cell is definitely the recommended venue for that kind of thing."

She wasn't being fair. He muttered something to that effect in Czech, but didn't figure it would have any better effect in English. He scrubbed the grimace from his face and shook his head. "Well, it probably won't surprise you to know Anna is just as happy with that decision. But, Elizabeth, this is a very… this was bad. You were there, you saw it."

"I did…" Elizabeth sighed and sat down next to him. Her hand trailed down his arm until her palm rested in his. "And, you're right, it was terrible. It was terrible for all of us." She paused, and Radek thought he saw the hint of a smile on her lips.

"What?" he asked.

Elizabeth shook her head, her smile broadening despite the topic. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. So, how about this. You wait until you're at least out of the infirmary. Then talk to Rodney."

"Rodney." Radek smirked. "I'm confused. Do you want me to leave Atlantis or not?"

"Just talk to him. He has an idea I think you might like to hear. And if I'm wrong, then you can leave Atlantis… with my blessing." She sighed, and tapped her fingers on his wrist. "Alright?"

He shrugged, since he couldn't imagine what Rodney could possibly have to say that would change his mind. Knowing that, he finally nodded. "Alright. Alright, I'll talk… I'll talk to Rodney." Rodney, of all people. Rodney, his boss. Probably the worst boss he'd ever had.

She smiled. "It's for the best."


Thank Yous

SabreKai - Thank you for reading and commenting; I'm very glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully it continues to be fun.


Next time: Yeah, I was right. This is not okay.