Dean's POV

Back home in the bunker, I put Eve in my bed. The whole drive, she was sleeping. Maybe for regeneration. I just recognize that her wounds have disappeared, only her skin is slightly red where the spikes were rammed inside. I observe her for a second before I leave the room. I enter the library and open a desk. I snatch out a bottle of whiskey and don't even bother to fill it in a glass. I drink right out of the bottle. The liquid still burns in my throat, even after all these years of drinking, but I don't care. I need to get some thoughts clear and booze always helps me. Sam wouldn't say so, but he isn't here.

I fall down in a chair, gripping the bottle tight. In less than ten minutes, the bottle is half empty and Sam suddenly sits in front of me.

"Where do you come from?" I ask him.

He shakes his head:" I'm sitting here for at least two minutes, but you lay on the table with your head."

"Well then…," and I lift the bottle like making a toast, "to our failed mission. Again." and I take another sip.

"Dean, none of this is your fault."

"Again, it is. I put everyone in danger. Every damn time." I glare at Sam and when I see him grinning, my anger rises even more. Not only against myself but at him too. "What's so funny?" I ask, not trying to hide the rage in my voice.

"You do acknowledge why you think it's your fault?"

"Because it is. My whole life, I have tried to protect and failed so often. I can't do this anymore, Sammy. "

"And like ever before, I tell you, it's not your fault. Stop claiming yourself for everything that happens."

I shake my head, sipping on the bottle.

Sam is quiet for a bit, while I try to keep drinking the feeling of guilt away.

"She needs to leave." I suddenly say and Sam straights himself up.

"What are you talking about?"

"Eve. She needs to go back to heaven."

Sam's eyebrows arch, he stares at me in disbelief.

"Dean, you…"

But I interrupt him:" Yes, Sam, I do, and that's why she needs to leave earth. To keep her safe."

"You are drunk.", he just answers, "go to sleep and we will see how you think about that when you are sober again."

Sammy questioning the situation and playing it down, drives me mad. I get up, grip the bottle and empty it with one big gulp.

"You think I made this decision easily, Sam!" I glare at him," for fucks sake…" and I can't hold on to myself any longer and in rage, I throw the bottle to the next wall. Sammy flinches and gets up from his chair, too, while I stare blankly at the pieces of glass on the floor.

"I..." I don't make eye contact with him, but I feel his hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

"I know," Sam answers softly.

"But it's inevitable."

"It would be if you would just allow yourself…."

I shake my head and finally look at him:" I can't." And it needs all my strength to gulp the tears down.

With a throaty voice, I mumble:" I will go to bed now."

I look over my shoulder once more, seeing him standing there. He looks sad and I see his mind is racing. But he will not change my mind.

Before entering my room, I take a few deep breaths, trying to shake away all the feelings. The good and the bad. I can't allow emotions to guide me. I need to make rational decisions now.

Eve is still resting. After watching her for a few moments, I glide next to her onto the sheets, pulling her in my arms. One last night holding her and inhaling her, caressing her skin. With the help of the alcohol, I slowly drift to sleep.

In the morning, I wake up because I feel a movement beside me. My eyes shoot open, seeing Eve next to me. She lays on her side, watching me. Her lips curve into a smile when she recognizes I'm awake.

"Hey," she whispers.

I lean over, kissing her as an answer. My palm glides over her neck to hair, grabbing it gently. The feeling of relief is rushing through me so profoundly my kisses get more rapidly and eager. I'm not good at expressing emotions with words, and I try to put everything I have into this. I am trying to make her feel how I feel.

Sometime later, we let go of each other, just our foreheads leaning against each other. My eyes are still closed, my fingers buried into her hair.

"What's wrong?" I hear her asking quietly.

I don't answer her immediately and she backs away. I open my eyes, looking at her.

"No!" she whispers," don't do that!"

I still just look at her and I see her eyes get filled with tears. She reads me and knows now that this was meant to be goodbye.

She gets in a sitting position and so do I. I swing my legs out of bed, turning my back towards her.

"Say something," she demands, but I hear how raspy her voice is.

I wipe my face with my palms before I sigh:" You already know."

"That's not… Dean, please." with a shaking voice, she is begging me for not doing what I need to do.

"It must be. It's the only way to keep you safe."

"You know that's not true. I'm an angel and…."

"And he got you in his fingers anyway," I finish her sentence," go back to heaven, where he can't harm you."

"For now. What if he finds the ark? Then he will come at me and everyone else in heaven anyway." her words are interrupted now and then from sobs. I clench my fists, I fight the urge to turn and bury her in my arms.

"We will prevent him from that."

"How?" she shouts out," Without me, you wouldn't even know a bit about where the ark was. And I don't want to leave."

I feel the matrices moving, she comes closer. She lays her arms around my shoulders. I want to flinch away, but I can't. I want her touch.

She then whispers into my ear:" I don't want to leave you. I am where I want to be." and I feel her tear-wet skin against my cheek. I'm glad we don't face each other, I know I can't stand her when she cries.

I gently place a palm over her hands:" No, Eve, I'm not good for you. I put you in danger, I can't live with the thought something will happen to you. So, please, go back home."

I softly take her arms away from me and get up, still not facing her. I walk towards the door. She doesn't follow me. I grab the door handle and say once more:" Eve, please, don't make it harder…."

"Don't worry," she answers and I can hear, she tries to sound angry but it's almost like I can listen to her heart breaking," I will go."

She approaches me from behind, leaning against my back. I sense how deep she exhales. Her hands on my arms make me stiff for a second and before I can change my mind, I hear her wings flat. I turn around and she is gone. I wipe my face dry before leaving the room and entering the kitchen.

Eileen had already made breakfast.

"Good morning," she says and looks behind me," where is Eve? I made some bacon for you two."

Wordless, I grab a cup and pour some coffee.

"Dean?" Eileen asks," where is Eve?"

"Gone," I answer shortly.

"You stupid idiot," she replies and leaves the kitchen, shouting Sam's name.

I really don't want a lecture from both of them right now, so I flee and make my way to my car. Sitting in the driver's seat, I look to my right. I loved placing a palm on Eve's leg during the drive.

"Get yourself together," I say to myself," she is in heaven, she is safe. That's all that matters."

I start the engine and drive to the next gas station to grab a few six-packs. Afterward, I park the car next to the lake, right out of the city. I sit down at the hood and start drinking. Every time I empty a can, I crush it and throw it away as far as I can.

I'm so angry at myself and the world at this moment. I shouldn't even be here. I should be up in heaven, peacefully enjoying my afterlife. But I got dragged back into this life again. And if that wouldn't be enough cruelty, Jack, basically my own son, sent me an angel. An angel I couldn't resist, not even a little bit.

I think about the moment she entered the bunker. Wet and happy. It was the first moment I felt she moved something inside. She was beautiful and pure and innocent at that moment. She was so curious about human life, she found beauty in every piece, even in me.

Later my phone starts ringing, but I choose to ignore it. I know it's Sam. And I can imagine what he wants to say. He would try to comfort me, but just after he made allegations against what I did this morning.

I stay here until it's dark and even then, I have no urge to get home. Even if I wanted to, I'm too drunk. I decide to sleep in the car. It will be cold as fuck and uncomfortable, but that's what I deserve anyway.

But instead of falling drunk in the backseat, I see a pair of lights appearing. A car stops and Eileen and Sam get out.

"Dean," Sam shouts, while I try not to get dazzled," I called you a thousand times."

"I know and I didn't want to talk to you," I answer and turn away.

"Come on, we bring you home," he replies and comes nearer.

"No, leave me alone." I stumble over my own feet. I'm not aware of how drunk I am.

"How much did you drink?"

"Everything I had." and I point to the empty cans in the distance.

Sam is faster in his movements and grabs me by my shoulders, pushing me to the car's door. He forces me inside and then he talks to Eileen. They kiss each other quickly and I feel a pinch between my belly and heart. I close my eyes, feeling the world around me starts spinning.

The next time I open my eyes, the car is parked in the bunker's garage. Sam hauls me out of the car and with his help, we manage to get to my room. He let me fall onto the bed.

Before he leaves, he says:" We will talk about this tomorrow."