-Chapter 68: Stranded Part 4-
Location: Scarif
"Words spoken with care can heal the most ancient of wounds."
Ahsoka got up the next morning with a sense of unease. After Wraith's revelation yesterday, neither of them had spoken to each other since, leaving an element of tension between them.
The source of it all revolving around Ahsoka's response to Wraith... or, more accurately, what she hadn't said to Wraith.
His reveal had come so suddenly and without warning that Ahsoka had no idea how to react to his profession.
She hadn't slept much last night, having spent a lot of time wrestling with everything presented her. Anakin and Corsair's positions were suddenly null and void in light of the information presented her. She knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Wraith well and truly cared about her.
The question was... how much did she care about him?
Emerging from her shelter, Ahsoka found no trace of Wraith, save for footsteps leading away from the beach towards the jungle. A piece of roasted fish sat on the spit, suspended over a small, dying fire. She sat down and ate slowly, her thoughts full and plentiful, moreso than her appetite. The whole atmosphere of the day seemed to have taken a darker turn, despite the sunny skies above. A sense of melancholy seemed to linger over the island, Ahsoka could feel it. She felt it strongest deep within her, resonating in her very soul. The only times she'd ever felt like this were after perceived failures... moments where she felt hopelessly trapped by her own inadequacies.
But she was slowly overcoming them. Thanks, largely, to Wraith.
Wraith. The man who, almost a week ago, she'd wanted nothing to do with. But now she couldn't avoid him. The very notion of Wraith invaded her thoughts, consuming almost every waking minute of her days.
The man she wanted to avoid, now she couldn't shake him.
The topic at hand was so very personal. It would take plenty of self-exploration. Ahsoka found it ironic how such meditative methods, taught to her by Jedi Masters who frowned upon emotional attachments, were now being used to explore one. Ahsoka recalled her earliest experiences with Wraith and all the ones that took place before Anakin and Corsair's words had changed her mind. She realized now that she had foolishly accepted them both at their word without even checking to see if they were correct. That may sound like a bad thing, especially since Anakin was her master. But Wraith had proven himself faithful time and time again, yet she'd let her hot-headed emotions control her thoughts and send her down this path that pushed Wraith away.
No wonder the Jedi Code frowned upon emotions...
She remembered the time he'd surprised her with a kiss on Lola Sayu. In light of his recent profession, it made sense that his feelings for her had welled up to a point where he couldn't contain them anymore. Especially after seeing her so corrupted on Mortis... and seeing her die. But then Ahsoka remembered the time she'd kissed him after the Titan's attack on Takodana. She had been so relieved to see him alive, especially after having that vision of his death, her own feelings had welled up beyond containing.
So... did that mean she felt the same way about him?
With a sigh, Ahsoka found the divide. Where her personal convictions clashed with her private yearnings. Raised a Jedi, she was taught that relationships, especially romantic ones, were off-limits. No Jedi could love, let alone marry... unless there were specific extraneous circumstances, like Master Mundi. But deep down, Ahsoka felt... something for Wraith.
But what exactly did she feel for him? She felt pity for sure, she wanted to see him redeemed, to see him be more than what the Separatists were forcing him to be. But did she feel something... more?
Remembering the... mature dreams about him she'd been having, Ahsoka partly wondered if her own subconscious had figured out her feelings before her mind did. But was that due to her uncontrollable hormones? But then there had been the moment she saw him bathing, just days ago. Even before that, like seeing his face for the first time. That had triggered feelings the likes of which were so foreign to her, but were so undeniably powerful. What was this stirring in her heart she felt... just from looking at him?
With a sigh, Ahsoka stood up, her fish eaten. Moments like this made her wish she knew something about relationships and boys, let alone her own feelings. Maybe Wraith was right when he said that pent-up feelings only led to trouble. At the moment, she had to wonder where he was and if maybe she should find him. But if he was gone so early without a word, Wraith likely didn't want to be found.
Well... at least that gave her plenty of time to think.
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Ahsoka remembered Wraith's words. Three little words that had the power of whole galaxies and the brightness of stars.
I love you.
Somebody loved her... and she didn't know what to do about it.
"Okay... just breathe... stop and breathe. And then think." She told herself aloud. Taking a few minutes to calm down, Ahsoka tried to review the facts as she knew them. "Wraith loves me, which is why he cares about me. That all makes sense now. Anakin and Corsair are wrong." She determined. "Now... what about me?" This was where things got... complicated. Ahsoka didn't really know what she felt for Wraith. What she did know was that just looking at him nowadays formed this... this ache within her, like a lead weight in the pit of stomach. And seeing him without his helmet, let alone without his shirt or any clothes at all, caused her stomach to flip over and over, like she was filled with butterflies.
So what did that indicate?
"Well... didn't my old biology course have something to say about this?" She wondered. That was something. It wasn't heavily elaborated on, but the subject of love had come up once in one of her classes as a Youngling. The topic had been accepted by the Master instructing it, but only as a means to further promote the Jedi Code and ultimately prohibit such feelings. As she thought, Ahsoka recalled another memory, one that was very embarrassing and she put it from her mind soon afterwards.
But she couldn't deny the similarities between what she felt then and what she felt now.
Maybe, in the same way Wraith liked her, she also liked him.
"I need to meditate." Ahsoka mumbled, wandering off down the beach. She needed to clear her head, things were getting too muddled.
And she needed total clarity before coming to any sort of conclusion, or before giving Wraith a response...
That night...
When Ahsoka did return to the camp, she found Wraith by the campfire, sitting alone on the sand with his legs drawn up to his chest and his arms around them. He looked still and lonely, and a quick search of his feelings through the Force revealed that he did indeed feel lonely, but he also felt troubled in spirit. He was wearing his helmet, powered optics blazing brightly amidst the dark of night and hiding his face away from everything. Ahsoka couldn't help but compare him to a turtle, drawn up into a protective shell to hide away from the world. The Togruta couldn't help but take pity on him. Testing his emotions as she drew closer, she felt embarrassment and gloominess flood her senses.
Poor Wraith. He'd embarrassed himself in front of her and now felt miserable. She assumed, based on his few responses, that he'd wanted to profess his love of her only after he knew her feelings about him. Now he was certain she'd reject him because she was a Jedi.
"Hey." She whispered, walking over and sitting next to him.
"Hey." He quietly mumbled in a barely-audible voice. It was then that Ahsoka noticed a deep cut running across his bicep, dried blood trailing down his arm.
"You're hurt."
"It's nothing really." He mumbled.
"Will you let me look at it?" She asked, giving it her full attention.
"I just scratched myself on a branch." He softly said, not even meeting her gaze. But he didn't move, even when her touch landed on his arm. As Ahsoka was checking the injury, observing it was quite the cut, she couldn't help but feel the firmness of his arm and the thickness of his bicep.
"Wait here. I'll go get the medkit." She said after a moment, rising to make for the pod. The wound needed to be properly cleaned, though she didn't yet know how well he healed on his own.
"I'm sure it'll be fine by morning." Wraith softly protested, his voice low and lacking the confident strength it normally had.
"We don't know what kind of toxins might be on this island." Ahsoka protested. "Will you let me help you?" She gently asked. Wraith didn't respond, not even looking at her. But his soft exhale indicated his relent and Ahsoka went to retrieve the medkit.
A short while later, Ahsoka sat next to Wraith with an open medkit, tending to his arm with an anti-bacterial cream. Having had plenty of experience in dealing with wounds and cuts, on herself, on Clone and even on Anakin, Ahsoka knew what she was doing. As she did, her hands running over the impressive musculature in his arms, Ahsoka couldn't help but marvel at Wraith's physical attributes. She'd never truly comprehended his immense size before. The two of them being this close together, Ahsoka could plainly see Wraith was so broad-shouldered it would probably take two of her standing shoulder to shoulder to match his width. But she was a girl with an objective mindset, and Ahsoka made note of his size and carried on with her task... she'd likely dream about it later.
For his part, Wraith let Ahsoka work without complaint. He didn't even flinch or hiss when she applied the rubbing alcohol to the cut, courtesy of his relatively high pain-tolerance. Just as she was finishing her swab, Wraith spoke up.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, causing her to stop and focus on him. "I'm sorry I dropped this on you. I know you have a lot on your plate already... you don't need this too." The dejected tone in his voice moved Ahsoka so much she couldn't stay quiet.
"Wraith-" She whispered, reaching out and rested her hand on his leg.
"I would just bring you a lot of trouble." He continued, slowly shaking his head. "I know you... you couldn't feel anything for me, after everything I've done. A-And I've come to accept that." Ahsoka internally wondered if he really had, her heart breaking a little just hearing him ramble. "But... But I want you to know that I will still regard you highly." He added, turning to her. His crimson optics locking with her was a sight Ahsoka was very used to. "I will still care about you... even if you don't want me to." His left hand found its way to her leg, gently resting on her thigh as he shifted a little closer to her. "I'd like for the exact opposite to be true. I-I want us to be a thing, but... but I know that's not how reality works." Wraith admitted. Ahsoka had never heard him talk like this. Such emotional vulnerability and he was wearing it on his sleeve.
He really did regard her highly if he was willing to do this around her.
He sounded broken and she wanted to say something to assuage his feelings. But she just didn't know what to say. She needed more time to think, more time to sort out her feelings for herself. "I... I-I just want you to know... no matter what... I believe I will still love you." He whispered, gaze shifting to the sand. Ahsoka wanted to reach out and touch him, to hug him, but she held back. She needed to sort herself out first.
Looking down, they both realized how close they were to each other and that their hands were resting on each other's thighs. Ahsoka looked up and Wraith's crimson gaze met hers. She instinctively made to look away and pull her hand back, out of sheer awkwardness, but Wraith gently caught her hand and held it in his. "If you do not reciprocate my feelings, then please, just tell me." He was practically begging her, his voice thick with emotion and threatening to break. Ahsoka didn't answer, but her big blue eyes never wavered, locked with his optics. Wraith could see unsaid words behind her shimmering gaze... and had a feeling he knew what they were. With a slow exhale, he released her hand and slowly rose. "Thank you for your help." He added in a whisper. Wraith started to walk towards his tent, posture still bent over as it was yesterday. Ahsoka couldn't imagine how he'd been feeling all day, left to stew over this predicament alone with whatever other thoughts he was thinking. No support. No encouragement.
No wonder he felt lonely.
She needed to say something. Ahsoka wouldn't let him go on like this. She couldn't.
"Wraith." She called after him. He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Will you... come back earlier tomorrow?" She requested. "I... I want to talk." Waiting anxiously for his reply, the Togruta fidgeted, unable to take the silence.
"Alright." Wraith quietly replied. Ahsoka nodded, mentally accepting his response. She reached out through the Force again, hoping she'd instilled some sort of wellness within him or maybe a sense of relief. But his uneasiness did not go away, nor did his troubled nature lessen any.
Instead, her request seemed only to heighten it.
The next morning...
Wraith was gone again by the time Ahsoka got up, another piece of cooked fish left behind for her. She ate it quicker this time, knowing she had to get everything in order by the time he came back. While falling asleep last night, she had a thought that maybe she needed to ignore her Jedi teachings and go with her gut instincts on this one. But that proved to be easier said than done, as her teachings had been so deeply ingrained in her over the past thirteen years it was hard to think of anything else. It was like she was waging a war with herself, what she wanted to believe fighting against what she chose to believe.
Now she just needed to make that distinction and settle on it.
Finishing her breakfast, Ahsoka spied Wraith's armor off to one side, abandoned right where he'd left it their first day here. The last time she got close to it was when she got curious and examined his pistols... and spent half the ammo in one slugthrower for target practice. Folded up in a pile, resting on a piece of ground where sand met grass, Ahsoka suddenly felt an inexplicable draw to it, in a way she couldn't totally explain. Getting up off the log, the Togruta walked over and knelt next to it, examining the smooth, streamlined contours of Wraith's solid and rigid armor. She reached for his utility belt again, but not his pistols. The draw she was feeling emanated from this and she had to find out why!
The smooth metal casings that lined his belt captured her attention, all of them equal in shape and size, symmetrical in design. Ahsoka reached for the one that caught her attention more than the others and pressed the twin release switches on the sides, the lid flipping open on hidden springs... and something fell out, landing on the sand. It was small and cylindrical, an object she'd seen several times before.
"Wait... what's this?" She wondered, gently lifting up the small recorder. She'd seen them used by Clones out on long-range reconaissance when radio silence was a must. Had Wraith been using it for something similar? What reason would he have to keep such a device on hand?
Curious, she switched it on to find a single audio log saved to its data, the recording date going back to well-before being stranded here. Wondering what might be on it, Ahsoka pressed play, Wraith's own voice coming through moments later.
"Wraith's log. Entry nineteen."
...
"They say love is scary. I have to agree with that statement, but for different reasons. Many are scared to love because of how it makes them feel. Their stomach does flips, it comes with great amounts of uncertainty... not to mention trying to figure each other out...
"But my reasons are vastly different by comparison. I'm afraid to... well, I know I'm in love. But I can live with such a one-sided expression... I'm worried about what happens if I were to say it out loud.
"I know this has been the topic of logs before... but I can't recall if I've ever gone in-depth about it before. I guess I will now... for the first time, if not the fourth or fifth.
"Ahsoka knows I have a crush on her. That much others have told her. It's true, if maybe to a certain extent. But, in reality... I love her." To hear him say it again moved Ahsoka and she realized he'd felt like this for some time. "I love her so much... why? It's who she is. She's passionate, she's energetic, she's caring and considerate. She gives so much of herself for her cause. I love her fiery energy, even if the damn Jedi are trying to temper it. There's so much I love about her. It's more than just her looks. I mean, yes, I think she's insanely... just, smoking hot!" He declared. That made her giggle. "But I'm not that shallow. I don't just love her looks, I love her soul. I've... I've fallen in love with who she is. And... everything I've just listed comes with a problem."
"What problem?" She asked aloud. Having just felt a warm buzz and even smiled as she listened to his generous compliments, Ahsoka suddenly stilled as Wraith moved to a bleaker topic.
"I know she's a Jedi, I know she's trying to be a good one... likely to either impress her 'masters' or because they demand it of her." He paused and sighed, perhaps out of exasperation or disappointment? "I know she's loyal. And for that reason alone, I'm afraid to admit anything to her. I am afraid of how she'll react if I tell her about how I truly feel. She'll likely want to distance herself from me... Jedi can't have relationships."
"How... How horrible." Ahsoka whispered. To have lived like this... to have spent every encounter with her feeling a sense of unknown longing and unannounced love... Wraith had been pining for her for so long. How was he not a wreck by now?
"I value our current friendship. Just being able to speak with her and talk with her is... so perfect. I don't want to ruin that by telling her I love her. I guess I'll just suffer in silence. I've suffered before. I can handle a little unrequited love... I hope." The log came to an end and Ahsoka sat there, completely motionless. The revelation that Wraith was willing to sideline his own feelings for her sake moved her. Who had ever done something like that before? Who had so much respect for her that they would willingly put her and her desires above their own?
There was so much she hadn't known about. So much she was learning only now. Ahsoka's opinion started to change, shifting with every second she reflected on Wraith's words. Her emotions stirred as each one came to mind. How he valued her friendship. How he loved who she was as a person and not just her appearance. Now he loved her thoughts, her soul, her energy and passion... things the Jedi would frown upon, things she thought she needed to fix.
Things he thought were perfect.
Sliding the recorder back into his belt, Ahsoka felt a sense of finality as the lid closed shut. She felt strongly about Wraith. Whether it was love or not, she didn't know. But deep down, she had a feeling it could become love if she let it.
And she knew she needed to tell him.
After all he'd been through, he deserved to know the truth. In the same way he had kept his feelings for her secret, she had kept her feelings for him also under lock and key. And so, getting up, Ahsoka walked down the beach, starting to rehearse exactly how she'd tell him.
That evening...
The sun was starting to set when Wraith returned, casting brilliant golden-red hues across the infinite expanse of the ocean's surface. He sat in front of a driftwood log, leaning against it with his legs drawn up again. Ahsoka slowly approached him, reaching out and testing his emotions through the Force as she did.. She felt a great sense of loneliness emanating from him, making him feel curled up and withdrawn. It was not a physical sense of loneliness, but an emotional one, coming from deep in his soul.
Even after she'd voiced her desire to talk to him, he still felt so terrible.
"Hey. What were you up to today?" She asked, sitting next to him.
"Little bit of hunting." He softly answered, not meeting her gaze. His optics remained transfixed on the fire before them, lingering as he deeply stared into the flickering flames. "Didn't find much... guess I was too distracted."
"I bet." Ahsoka softly agreed, trying to make sure her tone was low and even to match his. Her heart was pulsing rapidly, beating so loudly she was convinced he could hear it. She was thankful he couldn't sense her emotions and feel the raw nervousness she felt.
"So... what'd you want to talk about?" Wraith wondered. His voice did not display any energy, nor did it sound as though it were ripe with hope. He seemed drained of all sense of positivity, likely convinced his mistake had done him in.
Ahsoka hoped she could give him something.
"Wraith... look at me." She whispered. He obediently did so, helmet swiveling so his optics were locked on her. As he did, Wraith slowed as he took in the sight of Ahsoka and how light cast by the setting sun caused her skin to practically glow.
She was so beautiful to him.
Ahsoka paused as she calmed herself. She knew what came next, yet no matter how much she'd tried to prepare over the course of the day, every coherent sentence seemed to vanish in the heat of the moment. His stubbly chin, polished helmet practically made golden by the decreasing light, bright red optics that locked with her eyes and didn't stray... it was a little overwhelming to say the least. She took a breath,
"I've never done anything like this before." She started, trying to feel her way through this. "I don't know how to say this, but... oh, I'm so confused...!" She muttered in frustration, rubbing her brow as she fought to find the perfect words.
"Confused?" Wraith inquired, tilting his head.
"I feel like I'm being torn in two." Ahsoka honestly told him. "It's like my head is telling me one thing, but... but instinctively I feel something else." She said, gaze locking with his again. "I've been fighting what I instinctively feel for, well... a while now. I thought I could convince myself by making sense of what others said. I tried to create a sense of logic to convince myself... but it hasn't worked." She revealed. Wraith immediately understood what Ahsoka was talking about. It was an instinct he'd been trained to follow in the heat of intense situations. He knew that gut-feeling well.
"That's your heart." He spoke, body shifting as he did. "Your heart is often the source of your instincts." The Jedi had likely taught her to trust anything but herself. This might not be easy for her. "Forget your mind for a moment. What is your heart telling you to do?" He encouraged. To Ahsoka, his words sounded strangely like Obi-Wan's. Trust your feelings, he'd said one time when she was flying. He explained later that the Force often worked through her feelings. It seemed to fly in the face of what other masters taught, about how emotions and feelings were often wrong and couldn't be trusted. The sheer disconnect she realized in that moment almost sent her into a fit of madness.
She had to forget it all. Just this once...
Wraith waited patiently, watching Ahsoka's mental struggle through her eyes as she figured out what it is she wanted to do. His heart skipped a beat when her hands came to rest on the sides of his armored helm. Her thumbs softly stroked the smooth metal encasing his face, feeling every panel line and contour. Wraith allowed her touch to travel and roam, Ahsoka's thumb gradually moving from metal to flesh as she touched his chin and then his lower lip.
His own heart was also racing.
He was frozen in place, feeling unable to move any part of his body save his head. The loud thudding of his heart became so much he thought it was about to burst out of his chest. Reaching for the sides of his helmet again, Ahsoka's fingers found the release and pressed it. His optics powered down and several panels on the sides and top opened with a whirring of mechanical parts. Once it seemed open, Ahsoka gripped and pulled it off his head, revealing his face as long, auburn hair fell from the confines and draped around his head. Wraith gave a little shake as Ahsoka set the helm aside, reaching up again so her fingers could move the dark red locks before he got a chance. She revealed his face as she tucked his hair away. His pale skin, red scars and fierce amber eyes a familiar sight, but one that seemed totally new in this moment.
It was then that she saw something different. Something that was new. Looking into his eyes, Ahsoka saw a noticeable change in Wraith. No longer was there a subtle malice or passionate fervour that boiled beneath the surface. Now his eyes beheld a much kinder and more gentle soul... a man, and not a monster.
Although she didn't immediately place the feeling, and wouldn't for some time, in that moment, Ahsoka fell in love with, not what, but who she saw.
She saw the man behind the mask.
Swallowing nervously, Ahsoka decided that maybe the best course of action was to simply tell him, plainly and earnestly.
"I... I care about you. More than most think I should and... a-and probably more than the Jedi Code allows." Her words were electric, Wraith's gaze perking up as he looked to her with a newfound hope in his eyes.
"You... Y-You do?" He stammered, silently pleading and begging fate to not be toying with him.
"Everyone has said that I shouldn't and that it's contrary to the Code. But, I... I can't help but feel like it's what I want." Ahsoka continued. Wraith could see the timid fear in her eyes, like she was taking the plunge into new and unfamiliar territory, yet was still determined to go there. "Like it's what my heart is telling me to do." She said with resolve. Her touch landed on his cheek as her hand cupped his jawline. Wraith leaned into it ever so slightly, more than a little stunned by this surreal situation but not showing it in the slightest. "I care Wraith. I care about what happens to you, I care about how you're doing." She whispered. "I know how you feel... because I feel the same way." Ahsoka wasn't sure how she'd said that, feeling as though she'd slipped into a kind of autopilot as she talked. The road to this conclusion had been a long one and far from easy. She'd wrestled with her feelings all day, making sure she would say the right thing. It was a little hard to return to such notions, especially after trying to vehemently deny them with faulty logic and partial evidence. But maybe Wraith's verbal blunder had been a blessing in disguise and helped her achieve some sort of clarity. Saying the words, though foreign to her, felt right... they felt normal. While Wraith had always hinted at having a thing for her, this was the first time he had ever admitted anything resembling strong romantic feelings for her. But now that she knew, she felt safe in telling him everything she felt about him. In exploring her thought today, she concluded this would be something that went against everything she, as a Jedi, was supposed to believe in and adhere to.
Then again... Wraith was going against everything he was supposed to believe in and adhere to as a Separatist. If he could make such a commitment... surely she, someone dedicated to keeping the peace and helping others could too.
"You do..." Wraith breathlessly whispered, his expression indicating surprise and... even a little joy. Then he reached out and laid one hand across her cheek. Feeling his natural touch glide against her skin, feeling something more than armor and fabric, Ahsoka felt a sense of physical affirmation that she was doing the right thing.
This was the man she was talking to.
Then Wraith tilted his head a little, leaning a fraction of an inch closer to Ahsoka. She didn't move, seeing his intended course and fought back a sudden fear welling up in her chest. But it died down when she looked into his eyes again, seeing that which had prompted her to do so the last time.
Ahsoka leaned a little closer, slowly coming to terms with what she wanted. Realizing her motions and how she slowly drew closer to him, Wraith leaned forward too. With mere millimeters to spare, Ahsoka's eyes fluttered shut as she felt his warm breath on her lips. He was so tantalizingly close...
And then their lips touched, pressing together in a tender kiss.
It was an act not requested or forced. It was natural, a reaction born of similar emotions. They held it for a moment, holding each other close. Ahsoka remembered the feel of his lips from the last time and felt a rush as she noted how it felt good to kiss him again.
Wraith was so elated to be doing this again, especially since Ahsoka was reciprocating. She hadn't used the three words he had, but knowing she cared in the same way he did, she might as well have used them.
They parted slowly, Ahsoka's breathing coming a little faster as her eyes opened and locked with his again. They pulled each other closer, unconsciously desiring to be closer. Wraith's hand slowly moved to told her chin, basking in the closeness.
"I've been denying the truth for too long. I don't know why or how I've started to feel like this and I know it's against the Code," Ahsoka rambled, "I'm scared and I've never done this before but I finally know it's what I want." Wraith let her speak as he ran his thumb across the edge of her lower lip, his touch gently gliding across and marveling at the almost-violet color. She was such a myriad of colorfulness, whites and blues, orange and brown and violet. Such a combination of brightness warmed his very soul every time he saw her, the colours of her body he now associated with love. "I want to care about you, I want to help you. I..." Ahsoka continued, then trailing off as she approached a more difficult subject. "I can't condone the killing. I can't and I never will. But looking at you, I see someone in there... I see you." She whispered, her thumb stroking his stubbly skin and feeling the wondrous contrast in sensations. "I see the real you, beneath the armor, beneath all the monikers and the reputation. That's what I care about, that's who I want to help." Wraith felt so touched to hear Ahsoka say this. He knew of her struggle though, he understood why she could never condone his actions. But he doubted there was much else to be done on that matter.
"I don't think I could just give up killing. I've been reconditioned so many times..." Wraith slowly responded, "it's hard for me to think beyond what I've been hardwired to be." He admitted, his words convincing Ahsoka of his trouble. "But you... you are a goal I can strive towards." He emphatically whispered, amber eyes gazing into her oceanic hues. "You are a way I can be different than what my superiors want. None of them approve. They know and they don't like it." He revealed. "But I want to be more." He added. Hearing the conviction in his voice, Ahsoka felt more convinced then ever before that this was the right thing to do. "I love you." He whispered. Ahsoka could sense the abundant adoration he had for her. His words were pure, his intentions towards her wholesome. To know that someone felt so strongly about her, to know that she was thought of so highly and in a romantic way, warmed her through and through. "I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this point." He apologized. "I wanted to tell you sooner. But I was hardwired to be a solider and it's... hard to think otherwise sometimes."
"It's okay." She whispered, a second hand coming up to stroke his twin scars. "Thank you, Wraith. For telling me... everything." The Togruta truthfully told him.
"I've been afraid to do so for a long time, Ahsoka." The super-soldier gently replied. "I'm just happy to know you care." He added with a small smile. Ahsoka smiled back, feeling happy as well. For a long time her days had been full of darker and depressed states of mind. But here with Wraith, she felt something wholesome, something she hadn't felt for a long time. She was grateful for this and grateful for his calming, reassuring presence. She knew that there would be more dark times ahead, but took heart knowing Wraith would be there to help her through them. Her emotions rising, Ahsoka had never felt more positive, grateful or calm before.
She partly wondered if Wraith could sense that too... and privately hoped he did.
That night...
They ate their dinner in much higher spirits that night, talking and interacting without any pretense. It felt good to be this normal around each other again, going back to a time before misunderstandings threatened to thear them apart. Finishing their meal and bidding each other good night, Wraith and Ahsoka went to sleep, happy and contented.
One battle, the battle to solidify one's thoughts and feelings, might be over. But another was far from finished.
Ahsoka lay in her tent that night, an anxious wreck at she tried in vain to go to sleep, a stark contrast from just a few hours ago. Another bout of nightmarish thoughts plagued her, reminding her of bloody conflicts and dead Clones once under her care. It was a struggle Ahsoka was all too familiar with, one that had caused plenty of sleepless nights back in her quarters in the Jedi Temple. She'd been grateful for the less-disturbing yet mortifying dreams she'd had about Wraith, but now her nightmares seemed to return in full force.
The war had deeply hindered Ahsoka's emotional development. She suffered from PTSD, losing sleep and experiencing frequent flashbacks to battles... not to mention her cutting problem. Anakin had tried to console her at times when she was clearly suffering, but lacking any real training in that area, he could only do so much. That and he had no idea how deep her troubles really ran, her cutting still unknown to him.
Which is where Wraith came in.
While Anakin was bound by the limits and the restrictions of the Jedi Order, Wraith was not. Anakin could only give her so much time, but Wraith was willing to give her all of his time. As she sat there, alone in the dark, struggling to fall asleep yet leery of enduring another sweat-inducing nightmare, Ahsoka felt like she had but one choice... a choice she didn't want to have to make.
Getting up, she left her tent and made for Wraith's but a short distance away. The starlit sky, dark and unassuming, hung undisturbed above her. The night was really nice, the brilliant view of the heavens combined with the gentle lapping of the tide on the shore would've bee something to stop and enjoy had Ahsoka not had other thoughts on her mind. Kneeling before the entrance, she parted the flap as stealthily as she could and poked her head in. The large well-built form of Wraith lay silently before her, his body gently rising and falling in time with his breathing.
"Wraith?" She called in a barely audible whisper. He didn't stir and for a fraction of a second, Ahsoka felt pushed to not bother him. She even turned to leave after a moment's hesitation, and called again, a little louder this time. "Wraith?" The super-soldier moved slowly, amber eyes softly glowing in the dark as he regarded her.
"Ahsoka? What's wrong?" He sleepily wondered. Ahsoka could hear it in his voice, she'd disturbed him. Feeling embarrassed for taking up his time, she made to excuse herself and leave.
"I-I-It's nothing." But Wraith wouldn't be put off so easily. He could tell something was bothering her and sat up, now more awake. He had a feeling he knew what her issue was and decided to act on his hunch.
"We, my dear, both wear masks." He quietly told her. "I wear one forged of metal that gives me a more recognizable appearance. You wear one you made yourself, to hide the true you that is flawed and hurt." Ahsoka winced a little. He had found the source effortlessly. Everytime someone other than her broached the topic, she felt ashamed. Deep down, she knew Wraith wanted only to help her and comfort her, but couldn't help her reaction. "You put on a strong, sometimes plucky facade to hide your pain from those who would look down on you. That mask can come off around me... as my mask comes off around you." Wraith softly vowed. Taking both of her hands in his, Wraith kissed the backs of her fingers before looking up with softness in his eyes. "Tell me how you're really feeling." He whispered. Ahsoka breathed, her wall of resolve crumbling before his gentleness. She knew she needed someone to talk to and figured it was time to renew that connection, no matter how badly she wanted to just push it away.
It was time for her mask to come off.
"I feel cold, and lonely." She admitted with a sigh. "I feel weak and vulnerable." Knowing her situation, Wraith understood.
"Open to attack from nightmares?" He pried.
"Y-Yeah..." Ahsoka hesitantly nodded.
"Would you like to stay with me?" Wraith suggested, ready and willing to offer her a close and reassuring presence.
"Please?" Ahsoka readily asked. Clearly she needed this and, with a nod, Wraith invited her into his tent. Crawled in and lay opposite him, resting flat on her back. Though she was close to Wraith, now, Ahsoka's feelings didn't change. She still felt cold and lonely on the inside. She needed more assurance, and she had an idea to ask for something she'd never asked before. "Wraith? Would... W-Would you hold me?" She quietly pleaded with a stammer. Ahsoka felt nervous and awkward just making her request. She regretted it immediately after. What if Wraith said no? What if he made some remark that got her all flustered?
Fortunately, Wraith didn't do any of those things and shuffled closer to her. Ahsoka rolled to her side, facing away from him, and felt his arms snake around her body, wrapping around her torso and pulling her to him. She felt the sturdy, solid muscles of his back and a surprising amount of warmth radiating from him. Even with his shirt on, Ahsoka's picked up a lot of heat from Wraith due to her outfit exposing her back.
Wraith was hot like a blast furnace!
His arms helped her feel that same warmth all over, easing her nerves significantly. Ahsoka settled in, feeling much more relaxed.
"Better?" Wraith asked, as if reading her thoughts.
"It's preferable to going it alone." Ahsoka replied.
"I'll bet." He quietly concurred. Having done some thinking, Wraith figured Ahsoka needed something to distract her, a train of thought different from the one causing her to lose sleep. Hopefully, he could talk her to sleep as well. "So... what's it like to care for somebody? Must be... new." He casually wondered. To his delight, Ahsoka giggled.
"I haven't gone my whole life a heartless fiend, I'll have you know." She shot back with a smile.
"I never said that." Wraith clarified, also smiling. "But, don't the Jedi preach emotionless attachment?"
"They... They do." Ahsoka confirmed after a moment of thought. To hear it referred to so harshly was... new to her. But it was the truth.
"So... I'm guessing you've never really cared about someone before." Wraith gently continued, proving his point. It was a moment before Ahsoka responded.
"Being the apprentice of a Jedi with a rogue-streak has allowed me a few... leniencies." The Togruta admitted.
"So Skywalker isn't like most Jedi after all." Wraith mused.
"I thought you'd figured that out by now." Ahsoka cheekily responded. Wraith lightly chuckled before getting back on topic.
"Tell what the Jedi believe about attachments." He asked.
"Well, the Code says that we're supposed to devote ourselves to the will of the Force and that alone. Anything else is just a distraction from our true duty." Ahsoka answered. Wraith shook his head in dismay. What complete and utter nonsense!
"A duty that was-..." He started to growl, but upon remembering Ahsoka's current state, decided against pursuing his thought. "Never mind. So what about attraction, then?" He inquired. Remembering the memory she'd recalled the other day, Ahsoka felt as though Wraith wouldn't embarrass her if she told him.
"Back when I was a youngling, I grew up as part of a clan. Clawmouse, they called it." She began.
"After the eponymous rodent, I assume." Wraith mused. Ahsoka nodded in affirmation.
"There were a bunch of other younglings in the clan with me. We grew up together." Ahsoka continued. "One time I expressed interest in, well, one of the boys."
"I can see where this is going..." Wraith sighed.
"And the other girls... they, well, they taunted me for it. They kept telling me 'sluts don't become Jedi Knights'. Some of the boys eventually got in on it too..." Ahsoka revealed. Wraith couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was how the Jedi raised children? To disrespect something so powerful as love and intimacy? If these children were a reflection of the Jedi's attitude towards sex and relationships, then Wraith was wholeheartedly pleased with his mission to destroy the entire Order.
"What did you do?" He asked.
"I was mortified! I stopped almost as soon as it started and I tried to diffuse things as they escalated." Ahsoka emphatically told him. "I... I never thought about another boy like that ever again."
"And you never considered something like affection or relationships either?" Wraith pried, wondering if this incident had stunted her entire view of the subject. Ahsoka shook her head.
"Not really. The only time I did, well, at least from what I remember, was when I worked with some Altisian Jedi one time. It was a few years ago." The name struck Wraith as odd, being new to him entirely.
"I'm... not familiar with them." He quietly said.
"They're allowed to form attachments, even romantic ones. The two I worked with were supposed to get married soon." Ahsoka replied. Wraith raised an eyebrow.
"Really? I may have to look into these Jedi a bit more."
"I... I found them unsettling." Ahsoka slowly stated.
"Unsettling? Why? Because of your teachings?" Wraith inquired.
"Well, yeah." She affirmed. "But... now that I do think about what Master Altis had to say..." Pausing and wondering about the practices of the Altisian Jedi, Ahsoka couldn't quite muster a straight answer just yet. "I don't know." She relented with a sigh.
"Heavy stuff." Wraith assumed. Ahsoka nodded. "What else does the Jedi Code keep you from doing?" Ahsoka dwelt on that for a moment, pondering what else she could share with Wraith.
"Well... technically... I'm not supposed to be stubborn or curious or aggressive. I can't have a defeatist attitude, I can't be arrogant, I can't have anything more than my clothes, a robe, my lightsabers and a few credits."
"Unbelievable. To think they demand this of you..." he trailed off, feeling quite flabbergasted. "I couldn't imagine having to live like that."
"Without aggression, without defeatism, without arrogance?" Ahsoka wondered.
"Without curiosity, without stubbornness?" Wraith countered. "Curiosity is what helps you learn and stubbornness helps you stay strong in your beliefs. Your stubbornness... well, it's on of the reasons I love you. I'd hate to see you lose that." He told her. Ahsoka could sense his genuine tone of voice and wondered if she should reconsider the her attempts to fully embrace the Code. If not for her curiosity, she wouldn't have learned about ships and mechanics from Anakin.
"What about material goods?" She wondered.
"Credits? Let's just say I have access to a special banking clan account set up for me. It's worth a few... million." Wraith admitted.
"The Wraith is a millionaire?" Ahsoka chuckled.
"I haven't exactly had a need to spend it. But if you ever wanted to... go on a date, I could make it happen... and make sure no one's watching us." He replied. Ahsoka paused as his words registered with her. She was familiar with the concept... but had never done something like that before... let alone been asked out on one.
"Are you... asking me out?" She wondered.
"Maybe once we're out of here and back to normal. But we could view the rest of our stay here as a date." Wraith suggested. Knowing the implications of such a thing, specifically establishing them as a couple, Ahsoka mulled over the thought... and slowly came to like the idea.
"Maybe we could do that." She softly replied.
Their conversation continued, switching back and forth between random topics until Ahsoka finally dozed off, much to Wraith's contentment.
Ahsoka slowly awoke, eyes blinking open. It was still dark out.
"Wraith?" She whispered in a hushed tone, wondering if he'd passed out as well. "Are you awake?"
"I am." He softly replied. He didn't sound tired, so he likely hadn't been asleep.
"What time is it?" She asked.
"I don't know. No sun yet." He informed her.
"How long have I been asleep?"
"Maybe a half-hour or more."
"Oh." So she'd just had a catnap. That was unfortunate. She'd hoped to have been asleep for a lot longer, or at least closer to sunrise. Letting out a yawn, Ahsoka stretched as best she could, Wraith's arms still around her.
"You purr while you sleep." Wraith suddenly observed. Ahsoka froze where she was as his words set in.
"I... I-I what?" She stuttered in reply.
"You purr." Wraith repeated with a chuckle. "It's not snoring, but it's a lot harder than just normal breathing." He elaborated. Ahsoka fell silent, not sure what to make of that. "Don't feel embarrassed. I think it's cute." Wraith reassured her. Swallowing her nervousness, Ahsoka felt bold enough to ask something of him.
"What... What else about me do you think is cute?" She asked, rolling over to face him. Wraith looked thoughtful for a moment, pondering her question.
"Your nose." He answered, earning him a giggle. "Your facial markings. The way you roll your eyes when others carrying on talking after they shoud've stopped a while ago." He continued. Ahsoka did just that, causing Wraith to chuckle. "All of that comes together in a perfect... beautiful young woman." He whispered. Ahsoka thoroughly blushed.
"I don't think I've ever received so many compliments in one day." She softly admitted, looking to Wraith with big blue eyes.
"You deserve every one of them." Wraith kindly replied with a smile, his amber eyes gazing warmly at the Togruta in his arms. Ahsoka smiled back, snuggling closer to him.
"I know I said I care about you... but, I... I-I also kind of, well... l-l-like you." She whispered, tripping over her words in a fit of nervousness. "I really do." Wraith didn't say anything, appearing to process her words. But then he bent down and kissed her and Ahsoka stiffened before easing into the embrace. She kissed him back, ensuring her lips were tightly pressed against his.
It really did feel good to kiss him again.
They broke apart after a moment, both breathing a little harder. As she opened her eyes, Ahsoka saw a sudden change overcome Wraith. The gentleness she'd seen in his eyes was suddenly replaced with a simmering, powerful desire. He kissed her again, fiercely this time, with much more passion and energy that took Ahsoka by surprise. She whimpered into the embrace as she felt powerfully overwhelmed by him. He slowly rolled them over, putting Ahsoka on her back and him above her. He pulled back, a flushed Ahsoka panting for air.
"Wr-Wraith?" She squeaked, wondering what his intentions were. Wraith said nothing, simply holding her in place with his hands on her wrists, ensuring her hands were above her head. On top of her, pinning her body to the ground, all Ahsoka could do was feel him pressed against her, feel his warm breath pulsing rhythmically against her skin and look into his passionate amber eyes.
Then she felt a totally new sensation overtake her, one that was far more primal and more... carnal than anything she'd ever felt before.
In the earliest days of Togruta society, the women of her species, those who were huntresses, would often go hunt during mating season only to be jumped by Togruta men who wished to mate. Only the strongest, those who could pin down a huntress, would be deemed worthy.
Through evolution, much of the Togruta's had changed. But there were still some traces of their primal heritage in their DNA, manifesting in subtle, varying ways.
Ahsoka knew Wraith was a lot stronger than her and was more than capable of having his way with her. More than capable of pinning her to the ground and making her his mate. And something about that thought really, really aroused her, to a point where she doubted she could stop herself.
A heavy blush crept across her cheeks, darkening so much she was convinced Wraith could see it. Her montrals darkened, blue turning almost black, and she gazed at him through eyes half-lidded by sinful desires. The next kiss he gave her, she returned with equal passion and fervor, losing herself to her desires and wants...
"Mmm... Wraith..." Ahsoka softly moaned. "Oh Wraith... oooooh..."
"Ahsoka?" Wraith quietly asked, nudging her shoulder. "Ahsoka?" The Togruta stirred, eyes fluttering open as a brighter environment greeted her.
She had been dreaming. She'd dreamt that entire interaction.
"Oh! Wr-Wraith..." She stammered, feeling warmth flash across her cheeks. "What... What is it?"
"You were making some pretty interesting noises." He told her. Ahsoka blanked.
"S-S-Sorry." She apologized, feeling completely and utterly embarrassed. "What time is it?"
"It's morning." Wraith answered.
"Oh!" Ahsoka exclaimed. Untangling herself from his hold, Ahsoka quickly sat up. "Well... guess it's time for another day then..." She awkwardly remarked with a sheepish grin.
"Indeed." Wraith agreed, sitting up alongside her. One by one they emerged from the tent into another bright and sunny day on Scarif. They stood and stretched, Ahsoka totally not watching as Wraith flexed his muscles, craning his chest and abs and biceps.
He really was pretty handsome.
As he was rolling his neck, Wraith paused as his glance turned skyward. "Ahsoka... do you see that?" He asked, pointing up. The Togruta followed his gaze and she peered into the blue, shielding her eyes from the sun.
There, off in the distant sky, was the distinct triangular shape of a Venator-class cruiser.
"The Republic! I'm saved!" She realized with a gasp, eyes widening in surprised happiness. But then her joy slowed and she turned to Wraith. "What about you?" She wondered.
"I'll manage," he assured her, "but we need to make this look like it's just one and not two people surviving." He stated, already moving.
"What do you mean?"
"I'd rather not get captured and put in prison. That wouldn't be very healthy for our relationship." He replied. Ahsoka nodded in understanding. She hated to leave Wraith, but knew it was better for them to return to their separate factions.
"Yeah. You're right." She agreed.
"I'll take care of the tent if you start moving my armor into the brush." Wraith announced, dropping next to his shelter.
"Okay!" Ahsoka affirmed as she dashed towards his pile of discarded gear.
A gunship touched down on the beach, a ways away from the camp, Ahsoka waving it in. The side door slid open to reveal Anakin, Rex and a couple of Clones.
"Ahsoka!" Anakin happily greeted as his apprentice with a big smile as she came on board.
"Boy am I glad to see you again, Master." Ahsoka greeted, smiling herself.
"When we never heard from your cruiser, I started to worry." Anakin admitted.
"You know me, Master. I can handle myself." The Togruta replied with a confident grin.
"I don't doubt it." Anakin agreed. "Any other survivors?"
"Unfortunately no. The Separatist ship hit us pretty hard." Ahsoka responded, her expression falling.
"How about you? How do you feel?" Anakin inquired.
"Like I need a shower... with proper soap." Ahsoka answered, feeling a bit dirty without a proper refresher to visit.
"I think we can arrange that." Anakin determined as he signalled the pilot to take off. Ahsoka watched the beach slowly grow smaller... and caught sight of a flash of red within the jungle.
After saying good-bye and a quick parting kiss, Wraith had gone into hiding before the Republic arrived. He would not be found and would safely see her off from his hiding place. Ahsoka watched Scarif vanish with mixed feelings. She'd be grateful to get back to the Republic, but it really was a nice world to visit. If she ever got the chance, she'd definitely come back here to reflect on the memories, experiences...
And her newfound relationship with Wraith.
No longer were they just acquaintances, nor were they simply friends. What they were exactly, Ahsoka had trouble pinning down. What she did know was that they were something that no one in the galaxy would approve of.
And to be honest... she was okay with that.
Down on the ground, Wraith straightened up and watched the gunship grow smaller as it returned to the cruiser.
"Until next time, my love." He whispered. With a pleased sigh, he reached for his helmet and activated his comms.
They had been working the whole time... but he'd been determined to wait until Ahsoka had been rescued before putting out a call. Adjusting the frequency, he too was ready to leave this world behind.
"Hello? Anyone read me?" He called into his mic. "Doc, you there?" It took a few seconds before an explosion of voice came through his receptors.
"Wraith? Wraith! Thank the stars you're alive!" A relieved Scipio cried.
"I'm here Doc, and in one piece." Wraith reported.
"Where in the universe are you? Captain Umar's ship never came in and we all feared the worst..."
"We accidentally ran into a Republic cruiser in the Abrion sector. We ran into some shield troubles and the cruiser was destroyed. I managed to board the cruiser and exact revenge... but I was the only survivor. My helmet took a hit and I just managed to fix the comms now." He lied. "I'm on Scarif. Tell the rescue team to scan for a Republic distress beacon. That'll be where I am."
"Affirmative! Hang tight, my boy, we'll have you back in no time!" Scipio announced.
"I hope so. I need to shave." Wraith mused before cutting the call. Emerging from the jungle, Wraith sat alone on the beach and reflected on the past week he'd spent here. It had been a full and successful week, packed with good things. He'd patched up his relationship with Ahsoka and even took it a step further. She knew she loved him and was okay with it! Settling into the sand, Wraith smiled to himself as he glanced at his surroundings. He would never forget this little oasis of a planet, where his life had taken a turn for the better. Sure, he'd probably missed out on some things, but he'd had a much better stroke of luck while stuck here alongside Ahsoka.
Getting stranded had really been a blessing in disguise.
