Ahsoka's Private Journal
*sigh* "There are days where Skyguy could really stand to loosen up a little.
"Just the other day, we finish up on Daimar, everything's going okay and then Anakin pulls me aside and lectures me about my feelings. Apparently he saw Wraith and I dancing and took him to be a local. Which is good, but he really wouldn't let it go!"
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"Ugh! Why do I have to get treated like such a youngling? He acts like a rogue more than I do! So what's he doing tell me what to do?!"
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"I... I don't mean that. I'm just... just a little stressed out, I guess. I just needed to get some thoughts off my chest."
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"...It wasn't really a lecture either... it was less than ten minutes."
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"Dancing with Wraith was... really nice. I've never danced before, but, with him... it seemed so special. He makes me feel like I'm special, like I'm worth fawning over. Nobody else treats me that way. The other Jedi just view me like a comrade-in-arms... or like a youngling." *grumble* "The Clones... eh, depends on who. I've always looked up to Rex like a big brother, same goes for some of the others before they died. Master Obi-Wan's like my responsible uncle, who tries to be a 'dad' when my real 'dad' is off being irresponsible." *giggle* "It's... It's kinda funny, these social dynamics we have. For all our quirks and all the friction, we get along in the end."
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"But... Wraith... Wraith is... He's more than a familial connection. To me, he strikes a chord deep within me... something about him just... resonates. I feel this... like something is drawing me to him. It's... I-It's an attraction of some sort. I-I-It can't be ro-... r-romantic. But... maybe it's the whole 'bad boy' thing that's drawing me in. I can't condone a lot of his actions as a Separatist, and I never will. But his confidence, like he KNOWS what he's doing... even if it's shamelessly brazen... it's almost like he's happy being the bad guy."
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"As a Jedi I'm not supposed to have feelings for anyone. Growing up in the Temple, I had a crush on Anakin for a little bit, but that quickly got stamped out. Now it's just wierd to think about that. Same thing goes for others. I like Rex as a friend and it be pretty wierd, and kinda gross, for us to be romantically evolved. He is an adult after all...
"But Wraith... Wraith is something else altogether. I'm... I'm not allowed to l-love... but maybe I'm allowed to... like? Oh I wish I understood my emotions better! I need someone to teach me how to process all this. It's all so new and scary... I don't know what I'm doing!"
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"Maybe Master Ti is around... as another Togruta, she'd know how to help me. I hope. Now... how do I ask her without bluntly stating "I think I love someone, can you tell me if I do or not'?"
End of Entry
