Whilst Tom was in the progress of summoning the courage to ask for Mary for a chance to court her, Sidney, Charlotte and the children had already been at Trafalgar House for at least forty minutes. As predicted the over-excited children's adrenaline started dwindling by the time they got them home. Therefore, the sight of their nurse and the thought of taking a nap before their dinner was very welcome to the tired youngsters. It was of course a good thing for the remaining adults in the house as well, but for an entirely different reason.
The tension between Sidney and Charlotte was bad enough in the carriage. Sidney could honestly say that if the children had not been in the phaeton with them at the time, he would have kissed Charlotte senseless not caring a fig about who was watching. He could see from the way she was looking at him that her thoughts were drifting towards that direction as well. Alas they were both too socially conscious and proper to act upon the impulse in public.
However, the moment the nurse took the children away, their impatience reached newer heights. Sidney did not utter a word- he looked about him for the presence of any servants. He then took Charlotte's hand and guided her to Tom's study where he knew they could lock the door and not be interrupted for a while. Charlotte knew exactly what he was about. She knew it was not proper but she decided to momentarily flaunt the rules of propriety on this occasion only. She needed some time alone with him.
The moment the door was locked, he claimed her mouth with an urgency that he had never felt so strongly before. Perhaps it was her earnest declaration of love at the beach or even just wanting to show her how grateful he was that she loved him as much as she did. He felt that simply telling her was not enough to show the depth of his love and affection for her. He felt that he had to actually show her with actions.
Therefore, he kissed her deeply and for a long time, their tongues duelling for the ultimate victory giving neither of them any respite. Sidney pulled Charlotte as close to him as humanly possible to feel her warmth. Charlotte moulded her soft body perfectly to his and delighted in being kissed and having the chance to play with the soft hair at the back of his neck. Sidney felt her hands on his hair and that made him moan loudly. His vigour in kissing her grew anew until he felt her moaning slightly as well.
Their passion grew exponentially. Without knowing who initiated it, they ended up on the settee with Sidney on top of her for a make out session that none of them had previously planned for. He was in heaven. Even touching his Charlotte's body through her clothes was so alluring. She had the most beautiful body! He touched her everywhere whilst continuing to kiss her. He caressed her perfect neck, her breasts, her beautiful curves and round bottom. She was his Aphrodite and there was no other woman for him.
Charlotte was feeling a million things at the time with Sidney touching her all over her body. His kisses were addictive and she could not get enough of them. She was feeling hot all over and a warmth was going through her body in places that she could not imagine that it would. She moaned appreciatively when Sidney massaged her breasts until she felt their peaks stiffen. She ached to touch his skin and wondered whether it would be as soft as she imagined it to be. She satisfied herself by caressing his clothed upper torso, which made him moan louder and increase the speed of his kisses.
Sidney knew that their impromptu make-out session was starting to affect him and that they needed to stop. Easier said than done! She was so very tempting! He reluctantly toned his kisses down, whispering endearments in her ear, telling her how much he loved her until they both needed to breathe. Charlotte did not honestly want him to stop. However, she knew why he did. Hearing him telling her of his feelings for her and that he loved her went a long way in fixing some of the remaining part of her broken heart. It was like balsam to an open wound.
In truth, this romantic and steamy interlude between Sidney and Charlotte only lasted fifteen minutes or so even though it felt much longer to both of them. They came out of it breathless and spent a little while hugging each other tenderly whilst their breaths started normalising again. Once their breathing normalised, he gave her a large goofy grin and helped her up from the settee. He went on to sorting out his rumpled clothing whilst she fixed her hair and straightened up her dress. Their little passionate tryst on the settee was luckily not noticed by any of the members of staff in the household. This was a relief to both of them.
On the one hand, Sidney wished that she would consent for a courtship sooner than later so that there would be no more hiding. He could enjoy her company and heavenly charms without being chastised by society's propriety rules. He had to ask her soon.
On the other hand, Charlotte was flushed and confused in her thoughts. She did not doubt their mutual love and affection. That was a given. However, they needed to talk. The elephant in the room needed to be addressed before she could fully trust and forgive him.
When they both felt that they have recovered the equanimity and their respectable looks, Sidney unlocked and opened the door. He then sat down on the settee and sat her down on his lap embracing her gently.
Embracing her gave him the chance to breathe in her lavender and vanilla scent, a scent that he has always associated with her, and play with her soft curls whilst the embrace allowed Charlotte to reacquaint herself with his unique Sidney smell- a mixture of sandalwood and the sea breeze. They were both silent simply enjoying being in each other's embrace.
Charlotte broke the comfortable silence between them by asking 'Sidney, a penny for your thoughts.'
He smiled and simply touched the locket that was hanging from her neck. He was inordinately pleased that she was wearing it. He kissed it and then looked at her beautiful brown eyes with his best pleading puppy-dog look and responded, 'I am just thinking how lucky I was to find you and how lucky I am that you love me. It just feels like a dream that will be snatched from me at a moment's notice. I am a flawed, foolish man, my darling, and I don't always feel that I deserve this beautiful love of yours for me. I have certainly done nothing else but hurt you so far- dear god- I nearly lost you because of my foolishness. Should that have happened, I would have never forgiven myself. Yet, despite everything, I hope you will give me the chance to prove my love for you and earn your trust. Would you allow me to court you properly? For us to get to know each other better?'
She took a moment to take in his words. Sidney could see her usual cute frown when she was thinking about her next course of action. He found it so alluring and wanted to kiss it off her face. She really had no idea how adorable she looked when she was thinking.
Yet, he knew the gravity of his question though so he did his best to resist that delicious temptation. He would shower her with kisses providing she accepted him. He was not willing to take anything for granted- not when it came to his relationship with Charlotte. He vowed to himself when she became unwell that he would never cause her another day of pain if he could truly help it.
He could see all her feelings in her eyes. He could not tell what they were so he kept his peace until she spoke. She looked up at him at a loss for words. He could see that she was trying to communicate something to him- he waited patiently still keeping her in his embrace. He thought to himself that it was a good thing that she did not wish to move from it.
Charlotte sighed and a million thoughts were passing through her mind at the same time. She was not surprised at Sidney's request. She knew he would ask. Yet, now that the time was here, she truly did not know what to say to him. She could not avoid the inevitable any more. She had to speak to him properly. She only knew that she did not wish to upset him.
She gave him a soft kiss on the lips and traced his face lovingly with her hands taking in his beloved features. 'Before I respond to your question, we need to talk.' The change of his features from happiness to panic pushed her to continue her speech 'no, Sidney, I am not leaving you- I could not do that even if wanted to do so.' She saw his panic subside and spoke further 'I read the letter that you gave mama. She gave it to me earlier today when you were playing tag with the children.'
Sidney had to speak then despite his nervousness, 'What...did you think of it?' Charlotte smiled at him when she responded, 'I thought it was the most beautiful love letter! It felt even more precious as it was your first one to me. You expressed your feelings very clearly in there. I am eternally grateful to you for doing so as nothing else but that letter or your presence would have taken me away from the mist in my coma.'
He could not resist kissing her forehead at her words, 'I am so relieved that it has helped you. I was getting desperate being away from you until I came up with the idea to write the letter and ask your mother to read it to you. I will always be grateful to her for that. Charlotte, what were you thinking before you collapsed and during your coma?'
She looked at him surprised at the question. She responded, 'I was angry at you. You were being short-sighted and thoughtless. I was thinking that you took me for granted, that you did not talk to me about your problems despite the fact that I knew I may have been able to help you. I was upset that you had thought so little of me. You had made no promises to me, but when you told me of your engagement, my heart broke in a million pieces. It felt as if you were inconstant in your affections and not to be trusted. It felt as if the rug was pulled from under my feet plunging me in a black, endless pit of misery.
Yet, at the moment of your announcement, I was too shocked to speak. That shock simply exacerbated the condition that I knew that I had as a child. My parents told me about it when I was young. It is true that I never told you about it. I have always been careful in giving my heart until you came along. I saw no reason for any alarm when we first met. We ended up being angry at each other anyway. However, the more time that we spent together, though, the more in love I fell with you. My feelings for you broke through my own defences before I knew it had happened and the heartbreak that ensued your announcement pushed things along faster towards the coma.
When your announcement came, it was just the cherry on top for my heart condition and I could not stop it from happening. It was a strange feeling of nausea and lack of oxygen that made me collapse.
I do not remember much from the time that I was in that coma. Mama and Alison told me what happened around me when they visited me in my room. I only knew that I was not unhappy in my dreams. It was a happy place which gave me no encouragement to wake up and join the real world. In a way my mind was protecting me from the heartbreak that I felt. I heard everyone around me. I wanted to speak out and I could not. I was so fed up with eating broth, but I could not voice my frustration. I knew that I missed you, but you were not there. I could not feel your presence. It was a very frustrating time for me.
Despite all the frustration, though, I still did not want to come back until mama read your letter to me. It made me realise that I could not stay away anymore. Your letter certainly showed me that you picked up some of the thoughts that went through my mind and it confirmed your thoughts as well. It confirmed that you loved me and you needed me back.'
Sidney was listening to Charlotte's narrative feeling his heart breaking in two. Oh, he was such a rake! How could he have caused her all this heartache and self-doubt! He must have been weeping as he felt Charlotte's fingers gently wiping away the tears. His voice was thick with emotion when he spoke dejectedly, 'I do not deserve you, my love. I would not blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me let alone allow me to court you.'
She replied by wordlessly giving him a kiss that he could not help but deepen- so desperate was he to wipe the sadness that crept in his soul after Charlotte's narrative. This tender kiss was both a consolation and promise for both of them. It was tender and soft.
She then broke the kiss and simply said, 'There is no need for such drastic measures, my darling Sidney. I have forgiven you a long time ago. You have proven yourself in London and all the time that you have been back in Sanditon. I know now that you love me and that I love you. That is a fact. I would love nothing more than for you to court me.
Yet, in truth we hardly know each other. We need to get to know each other. I want to know of your past and you need to know mine. We need to communicate our worries and concerns and be equal partners in this relationship. I need to be able to trust that you will not dismiss either my feelings or opinions when the going gets tough.
All in all, we need to assess how compatible we are for each other. There are times that love simply is not enough in a relationship. You need a foundation of trust and friendship to ride out any tough times for the future.'
Sidney was too moved to speak immediately. He brought her close to him and took his time in kissing her thoroughly until both of them were flush with need and they needed to break for air. He then looked at her adoringly and responded, 'You have made me a very happy man, my darling. There are not enough words to show you how much you mean to me. I agree with you. Everything has happened so fast. Getting to know each other is important. I will not hide anything from you again. May I write to your father to ask his permission to court you? Your mother could pass on the message to him at her next letter to him.'
Charlotte flashed a wide smile at him and said, 'Yes, please do. Mama will pass it on. Now what have you decided to do with Sanditon and Tom? Can I help?'
He gave her his charm smile and told her of his meeting with Mary, Arthur and Diana and what has been decided about Tom. He told her of the potential visit to Lady Denham and the investors. He also told her of his plans with Mr Stringer and the workers.
Charlotte took in all the information and nodded to encourage his narration. 'You have been busy, Sidney. How about we make the meeting with Lady Denham more interesting? She has been very kind and sending me donkey's milk every day to aid my recovery. How about both Alison and me join you at your visit to her on Friday morning? I would like to thank Lady Denham for her care and attention whilst I was unwell. You can ask to speak to Lady Denham along with Susan, Mary and Lord Babington and get the Sanditon agreement signed whilst mama, Alison and myself catch up with Lady Babington.'
He nodded at her sound reasoning, 'That does sound good but only if you are feeling up to it, Charlotte. You have not been out of bed for long. I don't want you to relapse.'
She retorted, 'I will be well enough. We are not going to walk there so no harm will come to me. Anyway, I cannot stand being in my bedroom a moment longer after being in there for so long. I long for the outside and for human contact. Why don't we go for a picnic at the beach tomorrow afternoon? We could take Alison, mama, Susan and Georgiana. We would have plenty of chaperones and we may even manage a walk on the beach.'
He smiled at her, 'That sounds like the perfect antidote to a demanding morning visit with Lady Denham, my clever Charlotte.'
She nestled on his chest and she asked quietly, 'What about the family meeting on Saturday morning?'
He knew what she was really asking. He knew that she would want to help with that meeting, but he had to protect her from that confrontation. He would never forgive himself if she relapsed, 'My love, I know you want to help with the family meeting on Saturday. Remember thought that it will be a very unpleasant one. Tom has been erratic and cruel. He has already lashed out against Mary. Please allow me to deal with that one myself. Mary, Arthur and Diana will be with me in the room. It will also help that there will be no servants in the house for Saturday morning.
What you can help me with though is with the children. Would you take them to Georgiana's abode and keep them busy? They have missed you very much and you have missed them. It would be the perfect opportunity to spend some time with them. I promise to tell you all that happens and you will be able to help me then. How does that sound?'
She knew he was right about this one and simply nodded in his embrace. She decided to change the topic by asking, 'Did you notice any particular regard from Mr Springer towards Alison, Sidney?'
He wondered at her question, 'In what way, my love? Do you mean that Mr Springer is sweet on your sister?'
She shifted in his embrace and grinned at him mischievously, 'Of course, Sidney. Don't tell me that it has escaped your notice? Where has your mind been wondering to?'
He knew that she was teasing him, 'Well, Miss Heywood, you have taken such a hold of both my mind and heart that there is no place for anyone else.' His comment made her cheeks go bright red and he could not resist kissing her softly.
He sobered up and continued, 'Yes, I did notice their secret glances- they were pretty obvious. Have you talked to your sister about it yet? Has she spoken to your mother about it?'
She responded, 'No, Allie has not spoken to any of us yet. I was going to speak to her tonight after dinner about it. You see you can help me with Mr Stringer. You are meeting with him on Sunday afternoon and you can gage his feelings on the matter. Are you up to doing some matchmaking with me?'
He laughed aloud at that last sentence, 'I am yours to command, my love. A bit of matchmaking it is. Remind me have I told you that I love you in the past few minutes?'
Charlotte smiled at him with glee and responded in the negative, 'No, Sidney, you have not. That is quite an omission, you know.'
He brought her close to him and whispered in her ear, 'Well, Charlotte Heywood, I love you more than life itself. I am no poet but Shakespeare has said it before me. Have you read Sonnet 116? Do you remember it?'
She sighed happily and said, 'Remind me, my prince.' He obliged her by whispering the sonnet in her ear.
Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no; it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests, and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
(Shakespeare)
She had of course read the sonnet before. She has always liked it. However, until Sidney dedicated it to her and her alone, she could not remember a time that it had made more sense. She could feel tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks listening to Sidney's words in her ear. She was so incredibly happy to have found the love the sonnet was describing. She was well aware that so many others have not been so lucky,
He finished speaking and waited her out whilst wiping her tears gently from her cheeks. She sat up and said, 'That was beautiful. I love you too, my Sidney. Shall we wait until papa responds to tell everybody about our courtship? I want to tell mama, Alie and Susan this evening. I will ask mama whether you can join us at my bedroom. We can tell them together.'
He nodded and said, 'Yes, of course, my love. Anything you wish.' He could not say anything more as they heard Tom and Mary coming in the house. They smiled at each other and Charlotte unwillingly got up from his lap. Not before giving him a brief and sound kiss on the lips though. A kiss that made him give her a wide Cheshire-cat-like happy smile.
