-Chapter 77: You Raise Me Up-
Location: Unknown
"Surround yourself with people who want to see you grow."
"You have failed the Jedi Code."
"Your weakness is obvious. You will never be a success, only a failure."
"You'll never be a Jedi!"
The verbal assault continued without end, the phantoms of respected Jedi highlighting her every flaw. Those she looked up to, those she believed in, now they belittled her, rejected her, condemned her.
It was her greatest fear... and now it was a reality.
She couldn't avoid it, she had nowhere to go. Ahsoka was trapped, stuck here in this nightmarish state. The voices were relentless, the unceasing barrage continuing to torment her and prey on her fear. They wore her down, brutally assaulting her confidence, her self-esteem.
And this wasn't the first time.
This was the one nightmare she hated the most. The others, mostly about dead or dying Clones, eventually blurring together in a sense of recurring monotony. But this one, the one that blurred reality and imagination, tormented her perhaps even more than all the others. It attacked the very core of her being, preyed upon her worst fears and insecurities, exploiting her every emotional vulnerability, mocking her to no end.
Ahsoka felt powerless in the face of this. It was the one thing she couldn't wake up from, the one thing she wanted to run away and hide from... but she couldn't.
And so, like so many nights before, Ahsoka simply curled up into a ball and let the verbal assault continue.
Wraith slipped into bed, pulling up the sheets and hitting the pillow, more than ready to sleep. It had been a long day of practice and training as part of a performance review and he was too tired to do anything else. What he needed now was a well-deserved rest and that's exactly what he planned on getting.
But destiny had something different in mind...
Settling in and closing his eyes, it wasn't long until Wraith was asleep. And as he slept, he dreamed...
The dull sound of distant thunder boomed ominously in his ears. Except it wasn't thunder, but cannonfire.
Opening his eyes, Wraith found himself on a mist-covered battlefield. He sat up, seeing scorched ground, cratered flats and the corpses of Clones all around him. The whistling of shells hurtling overhead drew his attention skyward where he found a grey, cloudy sky that darkened the atmosphere. Picking himself up, Wraith found himself to be armored but helmetless. What was the point of this? He felt conscious, able to take everything in... but something seemed off.
"I have no memory of this." He mused aloud. While he'd participated is dozens, if not hundreds, of battles by this point, something about all of these simply seemed unfamiliar. Usually his dreams were either so fanciful he could easily pinpoint them as being pure fantasy or were recollections of things he'd done in the past, putting a spin on certain battles so that he came out even more victorious than before. But something about this seemed wrong to him. Whatever this place was, he had no memory of ever being here.
Voices growing in volume grabbed his attention next, drawing Wraith towards a front line of sorts. There crouched a few live Clones, those who had not yet been blown to pieces by cannonfire.
"This is a nightmare! We're not making any gains here!" One shouted.
"This is the Commander's fault!" Another blamed. "She led us into this!" Wraith began to wonder who they were referring to, as they were clearly unimpressed with them.
It was then that he felt something at the barest edges of his senses. Like the hairs on his neck was standing on end, Wraith felt a presence. Someone else was here. Closing his eyes and and trying to focus, the sounds around him were drowned out... except for quiet sniffling and crying.
Wraith started walking, trying to follow the sounds. He found himself at a nearby crater and, peering into it, he found Ahsoka, curled up and hugging her legs close to her chest. Wraith immediately jumped into the crater and knelt beside her.
"Ahsoka," he whispered, touching her shoulder, "Ahsoka... it's okay, I'm here." His gentle words stirred the Togruta and she looked up in wonder.
"Wr... Wr-Wraith?" She sniffed, "Wha... What are you d-doing here?" She asked.
"I do not know." He responded, easing her to a sitting position. "The last thing I remember was falling asleep, and I have no memory of this battle." It was then that a nearby explosion sent the remains of a Clone into the crater and Wraith quickly pulled Ahsoka away from it. It was the upper half of a Clone, everything from the naval down blown away, leaving only trailing innards behind. He turned to Ahsoka, gazing blankly at her through his broken helmet.
"You've... failed us Commander..." He rasped, blood spilling from his mouth, "You've... killed us... all..." Wraith quickly shielded Ahsoka's gaze.
"Don't listen to it, Ahsoka!" He growled, seeing this nightmare for what it was. "There was nothing you could do."
"But... what if there was something-?" The teenage Togruta meekly wondered, her voice alone indicating the heavy toll this was taking.
"Do not settle on what-ifs! There was nothing you could do." Wraith encouraged. "You did not fail."
"Y-You say that... but... d-do you mean it?" Ahsoka whimpered. Wraith could tell this had taken a toll on her spirit.
"Of course I do!" He whispered, pulling her close.
"Ahsoka!" A new voice shouted. Both of their gazes were drawn up to the edge of the crater, where a furious-looking Anakin stood over them. "How could you do this?! This is all your fault!" He accused. Ahsoka curled up into a tighter ball as Wraith left her side, charging the figure of her master.
"Shut up you brat!" Wraith roared, unleashing a leaping punch. But his fist passed clean through the dreamscape spectre and Wraith tumbled through Anakin. He reached a sudden conclusion as he picked himself up: he was in the middle of one of Ahsoka's nightmares. How he got here he did not know, but he knew now that, being this was Ahsoka's subconscious, there was no way he could interact with her imaginings.
She was the only real thing here.
As Wraith whirled back around, everything suddenly changed. In the blink of an eye, the scenario had shifted completely. Now he stood on a flat, empty, endless plateau that was full of mist and fog. The battle was gone, Anakin was gone, Ahsoka was gone, Wraith wondered where he was now. He tried focusing his senses again, attempting to discern any differing sounds like last time. He could hear distant voices, many of them recognizable yet also unpleasant.
"You are a stain on the Jedi Order."
"Your failures bring shame to all who know you."
"You are unfit to be my apprentice."
Each one of those sounded like a Jedi, and Wraith had a feeling he knew exactly who they were talking to. Wraith started moving towards the voices, first walking then jogging then running as a sense of urgency swelled within him.
He had to find Ahsoka. He had to try and reverse the damage her wounded psyche was inflicting upon her.
A crowd of phantasms appeared before him and Wraith moved even faster. He expected to pass right through them, but ended up colliding with a solid mass more dense than flesh and bone.
Something was trying to keep him from her.
Through the phantoms, Wraith saw Ahsoka, curled up on the ground and simply taking the verbal abuse from these figments of her psyche. Wraith felt compelled to do something.
"Ahsoka!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. "Don't listen to them!" Ahsoka never moved, not reacting to him in the slightest. Wraith tried again. "They're not real! The Jedi would never say such things!" Still nothing. Wraith was growing desperate. He wasn't sure what more he could do, being so unfamiliar with this kind of environment.
"How do you know?"
"Because despite what I think of them, I know that they would never act like this!" Wraith emphatically replied. "Don't believe what these things say! They're not the real Jedi!"
"But... But how do you know what they're saying isn't true?" A defeated Ahsoka woefully asked. Wraith could clearly sense her defeated spirit, crushed by the damage done to her mind. "How do you know that they're wrong?"
"Because I've seen the truth! I know you Ahsoka! I know you better than these things, I know who you are and you are not a failure!" Wraith shouted. The whole atmosphere suddenly changed, as if his words had sparked a change in Ahsoka's very spirit. This was her subconscious, after all. Wraith witnessed one of the phantasms vanish and decided to press on, attempting to channel his emotions through his words in a way she could sense. "You are worthy to be an apprentice. You do not bring shame to those who know you." He solemnly stated. More spectres started to vanish and Wraith advanced closer to Ahsoka, pushing past the weakening phantasms. "You will be a success, you are the greatest of Jedi, you haven't tarnished anyone's reputation, you have not failed and you are the furthest thing from weak!" he vehemently announced. By now he was nearly by her side, the phantasms continuing to vanish as Ahsoka looked up at him. Wraith could feel her spirit swell, if only ever so slightly. She was still chained by doubt and fear. They were chains that needed to break. "I believe in you! I believe there is more to you than this! You don't have to let these define you! You are more and will always be more than your setbacks!" Wraith assured her. For a brief moment, Ahsoka's eyes belayed a small glimmer of hope. But it was soon clouded over as her doubts returned in full.
"What makes you so sure?" She asked in a broken voice, looking away from him. Wraith stooped down to her side and tilted her head put towards him.
"Because I've seen the real you." He softly told her. All the phantasms had faded away now, leaving just the two of them. Wraith gently pulled Ahsoka to her knees, holding her close. "I know how you view yourself... will you let me show what I think of you?" He asked. Wraith didn't know how he could do this, but he was determined to try anyway. His thoughts drifted to envisioning his words, his belief and idea of who she was flooding this thoughts. Ahsoka nodded in agreement, though was none too enthused. She believed he had some sort of impossible standard set for her that she would never be able to live up to, failing someone else yet again.
Ahsoka let Wraith help her to her feet, and then he vanished without warning. A startled Togruta looked around for him, wondering where he'd gone. The mist before her started to brighten, becoming a grey light as the figure of being began to take shape within. Cautiously approaching it, Ahsoka looked on as familiar details and telltale shapes solidified, coming together to form a person.
Ahsoka saw herself, looking normal and unchanged. Physically, she didn't look any different from how she did now. But she was missing her gloves and the scars on the underside of her arm were exposed. But instead of being dark and fresh like they were now, each scar was pale and faded, on the way to being fully healed. The look in her eyes was not soft and weak, but strong and vibrant, belying a sense of inner-strength and total confidence.
And then, the voice of Wraith began to echo around her.
"I see a strong, powerful, independent young woman, who is beautiful beyond comparison. I see a woman whose experiences have made her stronger, who's learned to cope and does not let her fears get the better of her." He described. "I see a woman who wears her scars as a symbol of victory, a representation of what she's overcome. She is an overcomer... you are an overcomer." Ahsoka felt her insecurities slowly melt away as she looked at Wraith's description of her. Save for only a few passing compliments from the Jedi, Anakin included, no one had ever praised her in such a manner before. "She is strong, she achieves impossible feats, she is talented and special, knowledgeable and insightful, courageous and bold." Wraith continued. Ahsoka closed her eyes and embraced his words, feeling overwhelmed as she sensed his positive emotions flooding her subconscious. He put so much effort into this, all of it for her sake.
There were times where she didn't feel worthy of anyone's concern, a lie which haunted her for days on end. But in this moment, Wraith had broken through that lie.
She heard his voice again, this time from behind her. "No matter how low you sink, now matter how lost you are... I will always be there to pick you up again," he vowed, "because I believe in you and I want to see you succeed." Turning around, a misty-eyed Ahsoka looked to Wraith as he reappeared. The super-soldier walked right up to her and took her hands in his. Ever so slowly, he removed her gloves one by one, revealing her bare arms and the scars along the undersides. Closing her eyes, she looked away from him, feeling ashamed of them. Ahsoka didn't know why Wraith insisted on exposing them, she hated even thinking about them.
But she was surprised when she felt his lips press against the scar closest to her wrist and then repeat the motion with the next one, kissing his way down her arm. Once he finished, Wraith did the same to her other arm, kissing every scar he could see. Ahsoka's eyes brimmed with more tears as she realized that, despite her perceived failures and mistakes, there was someone who cared about her and did not focus on her weaknesses, only embracing them along with the rest of her. Seeing her expression, Wraith released her arm and wiped away her shed tears before pressing his lips to hers. He kissed her with such loving care, Ahsoka felt like her heart might burst. She could sense his tenderness and thoughtfulness through the Force, radiating from him so strongly.
And it was all for her...
She reciprocated, kissing him back, feeling warm and safe in his arms. Tears started streaming down her face, Wraith pulling away in time to see her soft smile and watery expression. "I love you. And all your scars." He whispered. Ahsoka sniffled and hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Thank you." She managed, softly crying as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck. in that moment, she felt so many things for him, understanding just how important he was to her. He was her rock, her source of strength when she was at her lowest, her source of comfort when her days were darkest. Wraith had become such a staple in her life, Ahsoka wasn't sure what she'd do without him.
The young Togruta realized now that, in the same way Wraith loved her, she believed she loved him too...
Ahsoka opened her eyes, the dreamscape fading away. She was back in her bed, safe in the Jedi Temple, dressed in her pyjamas... but not alone.
Her arms were still around Wraith, who was kneeling beside her on her bed. His own arms were wrapped tightly around her, the two still in the same close, embrace from her dream.
She wasn't sure how this could happen, but she was grateful for it regardless.
"F... Funny how this works..." She mused, looking up. Wraith chuckled.
"I'll never be able to understand this thing between us." He remarked.
"Hopefully... we... w-we can understand everything else between us." Ahsoka replied with a small smile. Wraith nodded in agreement.
"Feeling better?" He asked.
"Much." Ahsoka responded. "I've... I've never felt this way before..." She added.
"Been a while since you took a walk on the positive side," Wraith mused, "hopefully this will continue. Is there anything else I can do for you?" Ahsoka laughed, actually laughed at his words. He'd done so much already and he was asking if he could do more.
Well... there was... one thing...
"Please... stay with me. Hold me... l-love me." She begged him. "I just want to be close to you."
"Okay." Wraith agreed. Together, they slipped under the covers of her bed and Ahsoka snuggling up to Wraith, curling up to his warm chest. He was wearing just a pair of shorts and no shirt, letting Ahsoka feel his muscles up close once again. It was a nice feeling, the sensation of warm, living flesh and bone beneath her touch. It was calming and even soothing to experience. Wraith kissed her forehead as he held her close. "Good night Ahsoka. Sleep well... I love you." He whispered. Ahsoka didn't reply, but did take his words to heart, basking in his praises and encouragement and feeling emotionally better than she had in a long time.
Even thought Wraith might vanish in the morning, he would always have a place in her heart.
