Rey's thoughts were a miasma, choking Ben up and suffocating him all at the same time. He knew that she could sense him there, rifling through the inner workings of her mind in ways he hadn't meant to, but it was intoxicating, and he fell to the temptation so easily.

It wasn't the right way to search for what he wanted. He knew that, and yet it mocked him. There had been a time where he had her bound and took great pleasure prying through her mind for the information that he wanted-how easy it had been to get despite her fighting him at every step.

Seeing her struggle did not give him any pleasure now. This was the part of him that Luke had first witnessed, the part that he recoiled from. Feared. The part that he learned to embrace as Kylo Ren, and while it would never be fully expunged from his blood, he could damn well try.

But this, this power drew him in, conjuring a heavy mixture of apprehension and excitement deep within him. Raw. Untouched power that was stripped down to the very bone, the manifestation of it laid in bare energy and dangling above him like meat.

Rey was looking at him, looking into the very deepest depths of his soul for something, laying below him as he drew his saber over his head and sent it crashing down over her head.

Her eyebrows suddenly furrowed, the saber flying back into her hand before an immense pressure collided with his face. Stars burst in his vision, tears spilling from the corner of his eyes as his balance was ripped out from beneath him. His breath left his lungs in a sudden heave, feet skidding the ground as he fought to grasp any footing.

It didn't work. Ben stumbled backward, his free hand coming up to clap against his skull. He swore in every language that he knew-and traveling around the galaxy as much as he had, it was a lot-the rather creative expletives muffled into his palm and spat out against the ground.

Rey however wasn't finished there. She turned her piercing gaze on him, her stance rigid and focused when she pushed herself to her feet. Electricity shot from her fingertips, piercing him straight in the chest. The vibrations shook his muscles with a vice grip, and he convulsed violently. It threw him on his back, a pounding ache in the center of his face and chest that had him rolling over onto his side, one hand grasped around his abdomen, the other pressed between his eyes.

"Oh," Ben moaned. "By the force…" His voice rasped.

"Caraya's soul, Ben!" Rey spat in outrage, and he could just barely see her expression falter through his fingers. She knelt next to him, gently pulling his hand back to inspect the damage, and by her sport of mild disgust, he safely assumed it looked just as bad as it felt. Her cheeks burned hot, both with unbridled fury and sheer embarrassment.

He felt that strongly enough.

"I'm sorry." Rey apologized. "I wasn't exactly ready for you to plunge your saber through my heart."

As soon the words left her lips, he felt an immediate twinge of regret. It had been a moment of pure adrenaline that had guided his actions-and a moment of irritation at her prodding for the contents of his mind while simultaneously mentioning the unfortunate demise of his father.

And the fact that he also owed her an apology.

And yet he couldn't find the words that would express any form of apology, even at the barest amount. There was too much to apologize for, and the list seemed to grow longer the further their relationship progressed.

"I didn't mean-"

"I know."

The twitching bleeding wound marked the bridge of his nose in the very center of his eyebrows. He was careful not to touch it, but it stung. Rey turned her head to the side, gently swiping a thumb over the wound, scarlet smearing her finger and wincing as if it hurt her.

Ben meanwhile attempted to find the words that would let her see through the deepest darkest corners of his mind. Another explanation in the long list that he owed, but also didn't have. "I'm not sure why I-"

"I don't-I don't think that it's our biggest concern now. We need to get this looked at, and make sure that you don't have a concussion or something worse." She smiled, managing that calm-even if concerned facade so easily, her eyes fixed on the spot between his eyes. Anything to not look at him directly.

"Let's go find Rose." Her words grazed over him, drifting off somewhere else. They barely penetrated the fog in her thoughts, something so thick that he couldn't see through.

It had been a gesture brought on by the combination of adrenaline and a heedless slip of control. An accident, he promised himself even as she withdrew completely, or rather had completely ripped herself back when the blow caused galaxies to bloom behind his eyes. The heaviness of her emotions was still palpable through the bond that required no further prodding. She had panicked, she'd been scared which had only slightly satiated him.

Her irritation was still above everything else that she'd been feeling in that exact moment, and he assumed that's why she hadn't thought twice about jabbing him in between the eyes and electrocuting him, knocked the breath from him, but nowhere near any sort of gesture that would have put him down for good.

Still, he felt her rip away from his thoughts just as quickly then, leaving the inner workings of his mind in an unmuted terror. The guilt further settled behind an unspoken meager apology, and there was no familiar feeling of the soft and bittersweetness of two people sharing a close connection being caught on opposite sides of a war.

There were no fireworks in the sky or any symbol or sign of closing that connection. Just raw emotion, as confusing and equally infuriating as their relationship as a whole. Chaotic, like the ocean before a storm. Rough, but beautiful at the same time. It was enough to take his breath, or maybe that was just the blow from earlier.

Maybe he really did have a concussion.

With no other choice, he held out his hand, the saber flying from the dirt into the familiarness of his palm before being passed off to Rey who took it without complaint. The resistance would undoubtedly lose their minds as it was just seeing him out, let alone the fact that he was with their hero bleeding and unrestrained.

And for the moment considering, he wasn't ready to give them any reason to complain.


He let Rey guide him, feeling the warmth that radiated from her presence against his flank.

"You know that this means you owe me an apology." Rey finally spoke, her mind becoming more open as they continued back down the path, sheathing the sabers as if dismissing the itch to hit him again.

"I will apologize as many times as you want me to." Ben promised. "If that satisfies you, but I will remind you that you're the one that hit me in the face."

"Then I want twice of what we agreed upon." She smiled smugly, in some weird twisted way of a Jakku bargain he assumed. Always fair for one side, double negatives for the other. They ducked their heads beneath the stretch of an old tree that happened in their path, and she went as far as to hold the branch back but release it in the last second as it pelted back against his face.

It hit the bridge of his nose, but despite the painful twitch, the roaring ache in his arms and his tired legs added to the fresh throb of pain combining with the gash on his face, he did feel better. Nothing had been actually resolved on his end, but at least he had maintained a grip of control. Maintained his connection to the light, willed the dark away and hoped it didn't mix.

Rey knew where to find Rose, never straying far from the same general routine. It was only Ben's timbering height and notable gait that brought a hush over what bodies passed them by as opposed to an endless cycling of looking.

Their whispers didn't hide their thoughts either, and he knew that Rey could feel it too. His own head lowered to keep their assumptions at bay, to hide what had just transpired from them.

But they knew. It was obvious and he couldn't hide.

It followed him even when they found Rose in the med bay, tending to a data pad. At first, she didn't acknowledge them, only because she didn't actually see them.

"Rose, hey, do you—"

She looked up. "Oh my stars, Rey, what happened?!"

Rey socked me in the face when I allowed the remnants of Kylo Ren to take a hold of me, Ben answered to no one in particular, but the thought permeated to his companion if just to stoke out any guilt, only to realize that she didn't feel it at all.

Rey however flinched and he took that as evidence enough that she at least felt something.

To both of their relief, Rose did not wait for an answer. Instead, she ushered the pair of them to the medbay within the Tantive IV.

The two moved along-Rey's hand wrapped around his waist for what he assumed was just in case. He kept his head low so as to not attract any more attention than he already had, their thoughts hitting him full force. Curious. Judging. Making their own assumptions and debating whether to kick him to the farthest reaches of the galaxy or shoot him down on the spot.

He couldn't decide which sounded better.

Their reactions hadn't gone lost on either of them, their concern emanating from Rey was not alarming, but it did urge him to separate from her and follow behind, silently reveling in the fact that he had been intelligent enough to give his saber back when he did.

If prompted, he would gladly take the blame, and the guilt from the entire situation hadn't quite gone away yet. It wouldn't. He'd allowed his emotions to get the better of him-again; had succumbed to the voice in the back of his mind that had told him that he could. It'd been without warning, a muscle reaction.

But she knew the very deepest corners of his mind in all of its dark places. His fears, his wants and desires, and something didn't settle well with the fact that he had likely opened more of it up to her during their training session in the clearing. She didn't say it, but he knew that she had witnessed something and while she didn't say it out loud, the thread crackling between them was enough to gouge that discomfort directly.

And he was still struggling to wrap his head around it.

The entirety of the last few days had felt like an unfortunate out of body experience. He could only have hoped for that much, the sting between his brows intensifying as they followed Rose to the medbay, not realizing the tenderness of it until she urged him to sit and dabbed at it with a damp cloth, his chin gripped firmly in her hand.

Calming down from his adrenaline, the aches and soreness stiffened his limbs and with a wince he shifted his weight, Rose unwavering in her patchwork even when he moved. Unlike Rose's stare, Rey didn't look at the wound, her eyes piercing him to his very core and he willed her to feel the annoying throb of her result of their sparring in turn.

She looked away.

"Can you two stop doing that weird mind stuff for a minute while I finish this?" Rose murmured through her unyielding concentration, grabbing a bottle of clear fluid and a package of fresh swabbing gauze. "Anyway…" She trailed off. He could feel the concern and curiosity radiating off of her so strongly, enough to make him sit a little taller.

"I got a bit too into training this morning." Rey was the first to admit. Not a lie, just a half truth, vague enough to abstain from any incriminating details but with an honest enough satisfaction.

"That's an understatement." Ben mumbled.

"So did Ben." She added. "It was just a silly accident." Then she smiled-albeit a bit forced. Sheepish and awkward.

Rose only nodded curtly. He suspected that she knew, but perhaps for their sake she chose to keep it to herself. "Well, it doesn't look deep. It might be sore for a couple days though so he can avoid another scar at least." She went on to acknowledge Rey more casually, looking over her shoulder as Rey straightened, her eyes flicking from him to her friend. "If he starts acting weird, just bring him back."

A concussion it is, then? Her expression seemed to say, smiling at him and dimpling one of her dirt smudged cheeks.

Rose seemingly missed it. Again, he suspected she merely pretended to be oblivious to their silent connection. "Take it easy for the rest of the day. Avoid any strenuous activity, and that's it, I think." She finished, cleaning up the cut, backing away.

Ben could already feel the bruising at the bridge of his nose, threatening to spill underneath his eyes.

"And I don't want to pry, because I'm not entirely sure what happened…"

And there they go.

"But are you two okay? You know, I heard about what happened this morning."

He stiffened at the mention of the attempt on his life-one that resulted in him nearly killing a child and facing the realization that he had a permanent tether to the dark side. No matter how much light he held, it overshadowed it by the barest amount. It always would.

Rey cleared her throat, and before he could speak she cut in while the other woman trimmed a thin, clear film-like material to match the length of the laceration, applying it gently along the reddened borders of the injury and holding it there. "We'll be fine. Thank you, Rose."

Rose nodded, forcing a smile of her own as she straightened and began packing her medical supplies away. Her voice stretched to Ben this time. "I know that it's been a difficult adjustment for you, and none of this has gotten any easier but we'll get farther if we work together than fighting."

The words resonated in the silence between them, Rose shifting, working more to say around the inside of her jaw, eyes darting around the room before finally meeting his own. Unflinching. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everyone is uneasy with you being here." She finished, resting one hand on her hip, the other clutching the med kit tightly. "You guys should grab some lunch. Finn and some of the others left for Pasaana earlier after everything happened so there will be extra portions. Doesn't happen often so I'd take advantage of it."

Their more level-headed general had gone? But why?

He cast one glance at Rey, and she looked away, closed her mind off to him.

"I'll keep an eye on him." She assured.

Not that it would be hard. From the confines of his cell anyway.

"It will be hard for the resistance to accept what happened between them and the First Order. Everything that I did." Ben admitted, and it was a truth that he had learned to accept when he had decided to come back "home" in the first place. It wasn't his home anymore, but he remembered that he didn't define home as a place. Never had.

He looked at reality as it was, rather than as it should've been. "I'm not an enemy of the resistance anymore. I'm tolerated, and while I understand the gesture, I know where I stand amongst your ranks." A charged atmosphere, cackling in the air, something fogging his thoughts and demanding his attention. It yanked his concentration around and demanded it to focus on something other than Rose's defeated expression, Rey's disappointed stare. He mulled them over, but reminded himself that while they hoped, he knew the reality of his situation well enough.

Ben had lost control, and while he had understood their unwillingness to trust Kylo Ren, he couldn't exactly blame them as Ben Solo either. But he shoved it down, buried it under a grave of thoughts that he hoped wouldn't see the light of day again. The list was growing. Too long. But he caught the barest trace of the two girls exchanging a glance, their one sided optimism shrouded by Ben's logic.

"Thank you again," Rey acknowledged, holding out a hand to Ben for him to stand, and he did. Her fingers twined through his so easily, and Rose did not so much as bat an eye at the display. "I owe you."

"We're friends." Rose reminded her, a warm smile tugging so seamlessly at her lips. "And also on the same team, but you can make it up to me later." She chuckled around a playful wink.

They slipped from the medbay, leaving her to reorganize and restock on what had been used. The halls of the Tantive IV were eerily quiet, their footsteps echoing as they strolled out of earshot from everyone else, hand in hand. He just barely caught Rey outside of his peripherals, cocking her head, her eyes exposing nothing more than sincerity, choosing her next words very carefully he assumed. When she spoke however, she sounded exasperated. "By the Force, Ben. Take a slight of kindness for once. Friends would get you along much better here."

But he knew in what he had said to Rose, knew his place, knew who he was to the resistance. It had become painstakingly clear as soon as he had stepped foot outside the x-wing. Considering his new quarters, his guards, his escorts, the assassin, everyone else seemed intent on making sure he didn't forget that as well.

Nothing he could do would ever wash away the blood of who he once was. He could offer them a show of what redeemable qualities he had, and he could let the past die, but it was only a matter of who would let him try.

Someone. Not many, but one.

And if the resistance would prove to be a constant memory of who he could never afford to be again, he'd take it if just to remember.

He hoped.

"This isn't about acknowledging any kindness. Your friend, Rose, knows that you and I share a…" Ben hesitated, reminding himself he hadn't necessarily put a title on what they were. Previous enemy, now a trusted ally, a friend, or… something? "A connection. I think that she as well as the resistance are being as kind as they are only because of that." His hand slipped from her own, a gesture he felt much needed in case he were to be the subject of any backlash on her behalf. More than he had been "I know what you're trying to do, but the resistance will never mean as much to me as it does to you."

Truthfully at this point he could consider it a real pain in his ass instead. "I guess I'm just wondering how much they'll be able to look away for you."

Rey stopped, and he followed suit. It was just them. Otherwise the halls were empty. Their voices echoed. Despite that he felt the divide between them widen in the hall, or maybe he just never realized that it was there, or he ignored it to toe around the edge of whatever stood between them. But it became painstakingly clear and forced him to acknowledge it.

Nothing felt to be going right. Why did he follow her back to the resistance base? They wouldn't accept him with open arms-and he knew that. All over Rey's words from a Force ghost? He really was a fool.

Her features softened in visible dejection as her eyes searched his face. "The resistance trusts me, or they wouldn't have allowed you to stay. It's not just pity." All at once she looked away, her fingers curling at her sides into loose fists. "I think that maybe I've been trying too hard to fit in. I came back and pretended like everything was normal. Tried to find somewhere for you in all of this." She lowered her voice to a bare whisper. "Perhaps it was selfish. I don't know."

"Rey-"

"I just want-" Her voice pitched in a stifled desperation, and while he was normally the one able to maintain a tightened control, he could see her trying.

She was trying really hard.

For you to want to stay.