Rey didn't expect Ben to stick around after the battle of Exogol. She didn't count on Ben willingly coming back to the Resistance with her, that same Resistance imprisoning him, or for her to willingly go into exile with him when they decided that they couldn't and wouldn't accept him-a harsh reality that she was still struggling to come to terms with.

Ben Solo didn't get the luxury having the history that he did. It didn't happen because Kylo Ren would always be there to remind people as to why that wasn't feasible. It wasn't a fantasy that she dwelled on, because she knew with every part of her that peaceful endings were just that: fantasies. With every promise that the two made, with her insistence that she would be there as long as he needed her to be, halfway mumbling a confession that would probably always stand in between them unacknowledged, she still told herself that in the end it didn't matter.

It couldn't matter, even if now more than ever it felt like it should.

She didn't think about it too much, avoiding the urge to dissect and analyze what exactly their connection meant . The words be with me could have meant anything, and it was a tease to her mind to play around with the idea of what she thought they did.

So far, she'd come up with no other alternative.

And unfortunately for Rey, she was exactly where she hadn't meant to be, where she hadn't tried to be: sitting in the cockpit of the Falcon with the galaxy whizzing by and overthinking. She didn't exactly have a preference as to what her relationship with Ben would be, just that she had a preference for him being close by. In the few years of fighting with the Resistance, she'd never believed that she would be given the choice-a choice that didn't stop her from fighting whoever she could to avoid having to make it in the first place.

They'd never talked about it. Every touch, every interaction, every conversation, every moment that had meant something had been left to fester and build up and fizzle out until the next one popped up and added itself to the collection of conversations the two should probably have.

Be with me, Rey. Please? It sounded more and more impossible for her to not have an answer to the easiest of questions. In what way?

Did they have to be ? Could "us" just have been "us" with nothing else behind it? An unspoken title and confirmation between the two of them that would transcend an entire lifetime. She knew but she also didn't and there wasn't enough space for there to be an answer in between the two.

The silence stretched between leaving the Resistance base to their next destination. They occupied the same space in a mutual quiet. She didn't complain about that, and instead revelled in the time they could spend in close proximity not spent behind a prison door.

When he'd walked away to go to the washroom, she'd silently pleaded for just a few more minutes, or even a split second to find the words that she'd been trying to say since she'd nearly toppled the Resistance base on her friend's heads. Rey had turned to him before he'd left, had studied his outline in their leap to hyperspace and flashing lights of bypassing stars highlighting him in a faint glow.

There was a cruel beauty that fit to his profile, something that he would have scoffed at had she told him, an exhale through his nose, his nostrils flaring before he'd shake his head as if she'd gone crazy and the only indication that he appreciated the gesture would be his index fingers and thumbs nervously rubbing together.

The way he'd slouched in the seat, looking more relaxed than he had his entire life-that she had seen him. A soft exhaustion dusting his face, the muscular outline of his arms hidden underneath the resistance jumpsuit pressing at the buttons above his head, strong hands gripping at the controls hard enough that she thought they'd break. She'd leaned across the cockpit, gently touched his arm to see the sudden surprise and unease flare in his eyes.

She had said nothing, and when she'd pulled free he'd announced that he was going to go wash off and left her alone.

Part of her wondered if that was to avoid her or if he was finally bothered by the residue that he hadn't completely managed to wash off from their fight on Exogol. The look on his face was always hard to read, and for once she didn't reach through the thread to find out herself.

If he wanted her to know, he would tell her.

So, Rey sat a little taller in the pilot's seat and even the passing lights of stars and galaxies did nothing to help the world inside the Falcon glow a little brighter. It stayed a dull gray, and the air snatched from her lungs was thrown into the vastness of space.

She waited.

She waited for a long time, casting a glance over the co-pilot's seat every so often.

Apprehension hung in the air, fear and panic resonating so strongly that the thread between them beckoned her to his side. His lightsaber flew from its resting place and careened into the door, the sound of metal clanging against steel before it rolled underneath the control panel. Rey had ducked her head just in time to avoid it, her eyes wide before jamming her thumb into various control switches and whipping the pilot's seat around.

She'd shoved herself from it and darted for the hall. One outstretched hand beckoned his saber to her palm, her legs pumping with all of the strength that she could muster in her own rising panic. Shaking and with her head running faster than her legs, screaming their objections, she went. Through every turn in the corridor and every scanner that she had to hit to get through and the fluorescent lights that suddenly felt blinding. A loud crash resounded and furthered her urgency.

Briefly, she wondered if it was only seconds that she'd been waiting instead of what felt like centuries. Nonetheless, she threw her hand into the scanner of the washroom and burst in only to come to an abrupt halt and fail to fight off the blood that ran to her face all at once.

Ben took a deep breath, ran his fingers through his hair and brushed it down against the nape of his neck. He sat under the stream, his legs stretched out and the water streaming down over his head. His eyes snapped open when she'd burst in, head whipping around to catch her in a wide-eyed stare. An insistent tugging through their Dyad broke her from her trance, and she was sure that all of her anxiety, agitation, concern-all rolling into one-sent a crackling through their thread as though to gouge his tolerance.

"I'm-" She gaped, lips flailing uselessly. "I didn't, ah…"

Her chest heaved, looking around the washroom and praying that some threat would show itself that she could use as an excuse for her sudden intrusion. "I'm-" Her thumb fumbled for the ignition switch. A hitch caught in her throat when her eyes found his nude form again, and she turned, breathing out. " Kriff , I am so sorry. Your saber flew under the control panel, and I heard you fall and I thought-"

"Rey-"

"I mean, I don't know exactly what I thought but I thought that I would come check on you just in case you were-"

" Rey- -"

The steam poured out of the washroom behind her, a cold chill that swept in ran up her spine. She acknowledged him with a soft mhm, and avoided looking at him directly. The air suddenly felt too thick and the room was far too small and although she was looking away, he was still looking at her.

She could feel it, his voice soft but his body tense, muscles standing out starkly under the steam of the washroom. Against her will, she wondered what they would feel like, to touch a part of him that wasn't his hand, to bury her head between his shoulder blades and run her fingers over the smooth muscles of his back.

Force, help her now.

"It's fine." Ben assured her, holding up his hands to further illustrate, his face growing hot with his own embarrassment. He was acting much calmer than her, offering something that told her that they were in the situation together , sharing the awkwardness of the moment.

"Right, I know that. I mean I know that now ." She turned, giving him one more once over to confirm that he was in fact okay. Ben looked okay. More than okay, actually.

His lips pressed together and he added, more blunt. "You're still staring."

Rey stiffened, slamming her eyes shut. She whipped around again, one hand flying up to the side of her face to further obscure her vision. "Right. I'm just," she stammered. "I'm just going to leave you to finish, I mean I'll see you-I'm just going to go." Ducking her head through the doorway, she slammed her hand into the washroom scanner and retreated back to the cockpit.

She breathed a deep sigh. If things weren't awkward between them before, they most definitely were now.

As the days went by, there seemed to be less and less to hide and when those same days continued to roll, those same things continued to grow in complication and flipped like a switch. The two of them bounced between wanting to succumb to their connection, and reminding themselves that they were enemies once and that they needed to figure out themselves before they would be able to figure out each other.

Rey rubbed at her eyes as she slumped back into the pilot's seat. It all made her dizzy and this was supposed to be much easier than it was. They were supposed to go back to the Resistance and live out their days bringing peace to the galaxy one step at a time. Now she couldn't even give Ben Solo peace in the shower…

When he finally slipped back into the co-pilot's seat of the Falcon, she'd glanced over to find that he had ditched the abhorrent green standard issued uniform and replaced it with a long black sleeve and jeans that fit a bit too big. They were his father's, but Rey was sure that wherever Han Solo found himself now, he wouldn't mind. Wet strands of hair were plastered to frame around his face, clasping his hands on his abdomen and lounging his head back.

"Did you enjoy your wash?"

"Yeah. I did."

Rey wondered if she would ever come to know all the more miniscule parts of him. If he would ever cease to surprise her at every turn.

She didn't count on it.

But she looked away, watched the galaxy pass by the viewport and settled into her seat flipping through the control switches with too many what ifs to answer, all hovering spontaneously over an unspoken question behind a simple statement.

Be with me.

The excitement that had entered their lives for the briefest of moments in the washroom, and the smile that had tugged at her lips when she'd left did nothing to stop her mind from going somewhere else, obscured to him. He'd leaned forward, catching her eye just outside of her peripherals.

"Are you still thinking about what happened on Crait?"

She looked over. "Huh?"

A hint of worry flickered in his eyes as though fearing that he may have suddenly miscalculated. He'd looked away, apprehension plucking through their Dyad that pressed his lips into a thin, tight line. A twinge of regret lurched in her heart. She'd almost reached for him. There was every reason for her to and simultaneously not. It'd been so easy to take his hand before, being the one to offer comfort however she could. This felt different to that.

Rey wanted to; wanted to feel him there with her and get the proof that he was beside her and this was happening, that she didn't imagine everything that had occurred on Exogol or with the Resistance and she wasn't currently floating in the In-Between somewhere.

So she did.

She didn't overthink the gesture or place anything behind it, but she reached across the cockpit, sliding her fingers up his wrist, and resting her hand on top. His touch was familiar, even in different scenery, a completely different situation; strong and warm and more than she could hope for. Then again, she only told herself it was because he meant something and he was important and she let herself believe that be with me only meant what she'd hoped it did.

"I've done worse." She replied, rotating in the pilot's seat so that she was facing him, scooting to the end of it. It made it easier to tighten her grip, to turn their hands over so that their palms touched. She caught the beginnings of his baffled expression, a half-hearted smile touching her lips in turn.

He countered his own baffled expression with the beginnings of a smile himself, genuine and so very rare, she wondered if she was one of the few that had been granted the opportunity to see it in all of its depths. "You did slash me in the face," he agreed, dipping his head to further confirm himself. "I had a scar. Took a literal miracle to heal."

Rey laughed, and it was in that laugh that his smile broadened, enough to lift her own spirit, their earlier embarrassment thankfully left in the washroom where it belonged. "Yeah, okay." She grinned. "I get the point."

"And you refused to rule the galaxy with me."

"Right."

"And shut a door in my face."

"I did."

"And you're starting to sound like C-3PO, apologizing all the time."

Rey scoffed, incredulous. "What?" She gently shoved at his shoulder. "Are you willing to try me again, Solo?"

"If you think you can win." Ben cocked a brow.

"I remember being the victor in every fight thus far." Rey proclaimed proudly.

" You were fighting. I was mostly dodging."

"If that helps you better deal with it." She said with the hint of a tease. Her fingers curled around his, her gaze downcast when their fingers intertwined again, his hand so much larger compared to hers, wide with calloused palms and long thin fingers that covered her own so easily. Strong, with raw untamed power just underneath his fingertips.

Rey's apprehension thrummed underneath her palm, and his grip around her hand tightened. "You seem happy." She observed. "Happier."

Features that had once been so tense and careful when back at the Resistance oozed out until he finally relaxed. Content fell upon his sleepy face, a small glimmer of hope shining through his once fatalistic demeanor. "When we eventually get to Naboo, I might actually feel good about the whole thing. Everything with the resistance; with the war. I guess because it'll be far behind."

She hummed, stars cluttering the atmosphere and opening up an entire galaxy above their heads. Possibilities. "We will." And she said it as though it were a promise. "Once everything calms down. I just didn't think that anyone would think to look there, had they decided to."

She paused.

"If they wanted to."

"We might be on a different path, but the resistance isn't our enemy because of it."

Even with their currently rocky relationship with the resistance, the absolute nightmare that had been the last few days, she knew that to be true. Had it been anyone else, she may have just entertained the fact that they would immediately label them a fugitive-a traitor, but they were her friends and somehow even on opposite ends of the galaxy, they would always fight on the same side.

A part of her wanted to look into the conflict in his mind, search for a similar opinion, but he kept it closed off to her.

She didn't need to read his mind to know or prod around for something else anyway. He hadn't seemed to stop thinking about it, hadn't gotten rid of the temptation to ask her.

"I know that you didn't mean to do it."

There was a pause, a slight tick working itself in her jaw as if mulling over whether or not she should respond, and she dipped her head, eyes downcast.

"I didn't." Rey agreed gently. That wasn't what she had been thinking about, but she humored him. Everything was okay and she let herself soak in it for however long it would last.

In what way? She didn't ask. Ben was trying and while she wasn't sure exactly what beyond the realm of comfort, he was and she figured that so could she. A lot of things changed and somehow a lot of things remained the same—some she very desperately wanted to change.

"And you wouldn't have if you didn't think that you had to."

"I didn't think about whether I should, or shouldn't. I just," she shrugged. "I just did it. I can't explain it. It was like for a moment I lost control. All I could think about was leaving, and for a moment I didn't care what would happen to them."

Her gaze was fixed on nothing in particular, the sight of the electricity hitting the side of the Resistance base a fresh memory wedging itself into her mind's eye, the smell of smoke and the yelling of her friends deafening in her ears. No, she hadn't thought about it. Not until now. "And as soon as it was over, I just felt regret. I guess I'm just afraid."

"That you're going to end up like Palpatine?"

Rey smiled at that, a sick smile as she lifted her chin up, blinked profusely. She nodded, tugging her hand away to sit in her lap. "I actually entertained telling the Resistance, but if they were having trouble accepting you even with your lineage, I have sincere doubts that they will accept mine. Especially after what I almost did."

"You didn't do anything." His brows knitted together.

"Thanks to you." She sucked in a breath, crossing her arms. The atmosphere flickered in her eyes, making them look so much brighter in that moment, highlighting his features when she looked at him again. "I owe you."

"No, you don't."

"They would be dead now if not for you. If you hadn't interfered." Her voice was suddenly soft and she knew it to be true. How much would she have thought of it then?

"You're not a monster, Rey. You're just... you ."

A scoff, huffing out a laugh through her nose and ducking her head to look at her fingers laced tightly together in her lap. "What does that even mean?"

"Like I said before. Good, bright. I may have fallen to Darth Vader's temptation, but you've fought your lineage at every step-are fighting it. You just didn't realize it. You were fated to sit on the throne with me."

"And what if there was more to Leia's message? What if in the end I am fated to sit on a throne?"

He shrugged and then he was the one looking away. "Then that just means there was a definite reason that I was kept here. With you."

At her puzzled expression, he clarified. "To bring you back."

"At the expense of yourself?" Her lips tugged into the slightest of a smile that dimpled one freckled cheek, sad in nature but heartfelt-he didn't have to look to know it was there.

The split in his brows ached from the genuine expression that broke through his determined features. It did little to disguise the shift in his resolve.

"At the expense of everything."