Summary:

Bonnie's present

To say she was exhausted would be downplaying her current state. What she felt was a cocktail of several emotions that seemed to plague her every time she shut her eyes to sleep— or attempt to sleep.

The last few years of her life had become a lot more complicated than she would have dreamt—or wanted it to be and it all started with her Grams telling her she was a witch.

Things seemed to escalate after that. The Salvatore brothers had come into town, people had died, she had been exposed to the world of the supernatural and placed smack dubbed in the middle of it all.

Vampires, witches, werewolves, doppelgängers, hunters, hybrids and humans and through all that mess, she was the one at the center.

Being at the center meant she was always the one who lost something to keep everyone safe... to make everyone happy.

Her.

She had to bear the brunt of all that supernatural mischief on her own. First she had lost her grandmother, then her mother had become a vampire —against her will, thanks to the same person— and then her dad had died... and the realization had hit that she was utterly and completely alone.

Elena had two brothers pining over her, doing their damnedest, giving their all, to protect her and hers. Elena had Jeremy —whom she had saved with spells several times at the detriment of her own health and very life, and who had cheated on her just as many times.

She didn't even have Jeremy.

She rolled onto her back on the floor of the abandoned house in the woods, eyes flirting across the expanse of the damp ceiling , allowing herself this rare moment of self pity as she compared her losses to her gains and tried to imagine a world where she was a witch... but didn't need to protect everyone. At least not this hard.

Bonnie closed her eyes and envisioned a world where her Grams was alive, her mother was still a witch living far away from her peacefully with her stepson... a life where she didn't feel this crippling sense of despair every time she thought of her life.

That was only a fleeting relief because her reality was too potent to be subdued by such things as fickle as fantasies.

Tonight, in typical fashion, Elena had been the star of the evening, walking into the Mikaelson home with both Salvatore brothers on her arm, glowing with smiles and innocence.

Bonnie wasn't innocent.

She wondered at which point she lost her innocence but she knew it was in the course of the last year. Perhaps it was the time she tried to set someone on fire for disrespecting her, or when she caused an aneurysm for Damon... all those times she's tried to cause him pain. Perhaps the desire to hurt him as badly as he had hurt her.

Perhaps it was that desire —the one, potent, living and breathing desire to make Damon Salvatore suffer— that had robbed her of her innocence.

And perhaps it was the bottled up annoyance with the knowledge that no matter what she did, she couldn't hurt the vampire because of Elena.

She was beginning to understand what Caroline had said at the beginning of the year. No, Bonnie did not wish to be chosen by anyone romantically, but she would like it, if everyone realized that she was at the helm of things.

She was the one protecting everyone, saving everyone, risking her life for everyone... and Elena was the one getting all the loyalty.

She groaned, getting up into a sitting position in the dirt. She mentally shook herself, trying to get her thoughts to return to a semblance of normalcy and come back from the dark path they had veered off onto.

The fact of the matter was simple. Bonnie Bennett couldn't stand the mere existence of Damon Salvatore and no matter how angry and upset she was at Elena, the girl will forever be her best friend.

Life, felt stagnant to her.

Which was why she had ventured into dark magic. No, she wasn't planning on slowly sucking the life out of Damon —regardless of how tempting that was— but she desired a magic that did not give her rules, a magic that allowed her enough peace by giving her space.

She had read somewhere about Expression magic and she was thinking about following that lead as well.

Any kind of magic without rules... so she can finally breathe. And have fun while practicing her magic because that was what she had envisioned the day she confirmed herself to be a witch.

She thought it would be floating feathers, not living your life constantly choosing between life and death.

It took a toll on her. That kind of abuse takes a toll on you.

And she was no different.

———X———

In the weeks that followed, Bonnie found life more hectic than necessary. Killing an original vampire would kill their entire sireline and Bonnie had been so tempted to do it but she liked Stefan, probably with the same intensity she hated his brother.

He was faulty himself —considering he's a vampire — but a better choice considering their options.

Elena had died, and guilt had engulfed her when she heard the news. Thinking that in the weeks that led to her best friend's death, she had been bitter about her budding relationship with Damon and avoided the girl.

Even though Elena swore she loved Stefan and there was nothing between her and Damon, Bonnie knew it was only a matter of time before things got dramatic. She hadn't expected Elena to die.

And she hadn't expected her to have vampire blood in her system, and resurrect as a vampire.

No, when the call had come through from Matt, she had crumbled to the floor in anguish, wailing at her loss, mourning a friendship that was once beautiful... and ten minutes later, Matt had called again to tell her Elena had survived through unconventional means.

Relief washed over her... it lasted a few minutes before the darker version of herself in her brain snarked; typical. Typical Elena.

It was then that she chose to avoid the girl completely... at least for the next few weeks. Her phone remained on but she made it clear she was unavailable.

Caroline was a vampire... and now so was Elena. And she was a witch who had nothing more to lose in order to save her friend beyond making her a daylight ring.

"Hey... I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been hiding?" Elena's voice sounded from the other end of the phone.

They hadn't spoken for close to a month and Bonnie had, quite frankly, enjoyed her peace of mind but she knew the moment she saw Elena's call coming in that her peace was about to be shattered. The other probably needed something from her.

"I'm not hiding, Elena... see how easy it was to reach me?" She didn't mean to sound sassy but the words just crawled out of her.

"Sorry. I should have called earlier." The other apologized easily. Apologizing was always easy for Elena. It was part of her "good girl" package that people fell for... that people went to lengths to protect.

"Oh don't be silly. I'm sure you were busy." Bonnie chastised lightly. She wasn't angry with Elena, no. She had just realized that a majority of the things that upset her, that jeopardized her mental health, were tied to her best friend and she wanted some time out.

"More like confused." Elena mumbled over the phone and Bonnie fought off the urge to roll her eyes. There was no way Elena was just calling to check up on her, no. There had to be a reason and the reason most likely was her.

"Did something happen?" Bonnie asked regardless. She was just as helpless as her best friend.

"No... nothing really serious—" the new vampire tried to brush it off.

"Elena." Bonnie probed.

"Damon and I had sex." The girl deadpanned.

Bonnie felt her heart sink. "Okay wow... I was uuuhhh... not expecting that at all." She managed to say, trying to keep the disgust off her voice.

"I know. Me neither but Stefan and I broke up and I realized I had feelings for Damon so..." she tried to explain what kind of madness had possessed her into sleeping with Damon Salvatore.

"When did you break up with Stefan?" Bonnie asked. She had explicitly told Caroline not to inform her of these things because she needed her rest so she had no idea something of the sort was going on.

"Yest—yesterday." The almost timid voice of Elena replied.

"And when did you sleep with Damon?"

"Last night." Elena replied.

Bonnie sighed, shaking her head even though Elena couldn't possibly see her. "It may not be my place to say this but couldn't you have at least waited a bit? I mean I get that you've been in denial about your feelings for a long time but in consideration to your epic love with Stefan—"

"I know... that's why I feel guilty." Elena defended.

"Do you, really?"

"I don't know. Okay?"

"I'm not condemning you... I just hope you know what you're doing, that's all." Bonnie clarified, realizing that she may have sounded just a bit judgmental and didn't want to get into an argument with the girl. "Heard from Caroline?" She changed the subject easily and eased into slightly neutral conversation.

One about graduation, college and studies and not about vampires, witches and vampires who sleep with the vampire brothers of their vampire exes.

What a mess.

———X———

In the weeks that followed, Bonnie Bennett became more and more of a recluse, spending her days wishing for a different life and her nights dreaming that this life was better... much better.