When Rey opened her eyes, the first tinges of morning were drifting through the Falcon's windows. She was still in the same position that she had fallen asleep in, her tossing and turning having stilled since she had found Ben in the cot with her after her initial nightmare.
He wasn't there now.
Curled up on her side, the arm that had been draped around his waist now lay flat on the bed, and as if to ensure the fact that it was actually empty and this wasn't the start of some other nightmare, she patted the empty space where he had slept. It wasn't much, but craning her neck out over the bunk, she realized that the cot above her was empty too.
He hadn't moved there.
So, where had he gone?
With one languid stretch, Rey pulled herself up from her cot. Now that her fatigue had been dealt with, her stomach felt as though it were caving in from the hunger pangs now settling in. It was an easy feeling to ignore, something she had been used to from her time spent on Jakku and the limited rations, but being with the resistance as long as she had definitely made her spoiled.
Most of her friends giving her their servings because sometimes their meals weren't exactly edible had left her with that expectation too.
Hopefully Chewie had left some rations on the ship.
Somewhere.
The halls were quiet, only the whirring of the ship's mechanical systems working filled what otherwise would have been empty silence and noticeably there was still no outright sign of Ben. Even listening, tuning into their connection, there may as well have been static, or maybe some sort of voice message because she was blocked out and somehow that felt undeniably worse than merely being told that what had happened the night before was a mistake.
On whose part, she wasn't sure.
Rey shook her head, willing her intrusive thoughts away. That couldn't have been it, otherwise it wouldn't have happened. She hadn't been awake, and he had laid there on his own volition, had preferred it, she remembered.
Silly thoughts stemming from her own anxiety. Nothing more.
On her trek, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, contemplating what exactly their next step was. Not them personally as that was an entirely different bottle of Thala-siren milk that she wasn't ready to open just yet. Naboo was their next destination-at least that was what they had decided without any real plan-but after the waiting period on Tattooine was over, and they went to Naboo, what then?
Did Ben have a plan?
He could make a living with the many skill sets that he had, under his real name as opposed to his alias as well. Nobody would bat an eye, and nobody would think to look that far into his past history.
At least, she hoped.
Rey herself willed for something more simplistic. She wanted to lay low and avoid responsibility for as long as she could away from the eyes of the Resistance, or of any potential destiny that might spring up while her and Ben decided what they were and could be. Her friends would be more than fine without her. After all, they had probably relocated by now, and she didn't have the slightest indication where they would go.
Finn would hone his Force abilities and take his place as a Jedi. He would figure it out. That much she was sure.
And the force sensitive children? Her steps halted. He had left to go retrieve them, but had he found them? How lost was he without her right now? Not that she had tons of experience-not as much as Ben-but perhaps she should have at least said something...? Given him a few pointers before she took off and nearly shot down most of her friends?
No.
Finn would be fine, she assured herself and her walk continued. No doubt the resistance had spun a web of their own making when recounting the events that led to their escape and whatever misfortune had traveled their way since.
For all she knew, Finn could think of her as a monster and that was enough for her to push on.
When she stepped into the washroom and shed her clothing, choosing her shower's temperature had never felt more like a crucial decision. Cold would give her a more refreshing start to her morning, wash away the damp grunginess from the desert that had turned into a sticky residue against her skin, or hot to warm the chill that had seeped through her from the night before and soothe her aching, sore muscles.
She decided that the halfway point was good enough.
Rey stood underneath the showerhead, and all of her previous worries seemed to melt away. At least, the ones that she could control-mostly reminding herself that her and Ben were fine and somehow in some way they would make it. She tilted her head up, ran her fingers through her hair and massaged her sore shoulder, working the muscle as she rolled it back.
And they would make it to Naboo and the rest would seamlessly fall into place. Her and Ben would come at each other with a plan and it would somehow along the way fulfill the purpose that Leia Organa had promised her was unfinished.
She still thought that was merely to help Ben find his way, but Rey was in that equation somewhere.
Sometimes she wished she could travel back to the In-Between, shake his mother's shoulders and demand an answer to her cryptic message. Unfortunately for her, it couldn't work like that, at least not as she was now.
Rey almost chuckled at the thought of Ben's reaction if she decided to test traveling between the two, but she wondered if he would talk to them if he could, what he would say. Had he thought of an apology for them? Had they for him? Did he already find that peace?
Leaving the warmth of the shower left her with a certain longing for the return of that comfort. She brushed her teeth in a foggy mirror, her hair draping over her shoulders and dripping wet streaks against her shirt. When she spit into the sink and rinsed her mouth, despite having a newfound confidence being clean , she still wasn't confident in her ability to face the day. Or at least face Ben for that matter.
She made for the kitchen next, rather the small cramped side room that had been fit with just enough to pass as a kitchen-an island with a couple wooden stools, a stovetop, a compact fridge and some sort of grill that Han and Chewie used to press sandwiches-or she supposed Chewie used now.
The smell that wafted from it was heavenly, an insistent gnawing in her stomach urging her to move closer with what she hoped didn't seem like desperation.
Rey was a little desperate, but she was also starving—because of that, she may have scampered into the kitchen with a little bit of childlike excitement, but nothing she could help. Nothing she would try to help, anyway.
Ben was there, one hand shoved into the pocket of a fresh pair of jeans and the other shaking a skillet over an open flame-some sort of omelette sliding around the pan with a practiced precision as though he had done the motion many times before. Long black sleeves were pushed above his elbows, one foot positioned carefully forward, the other standing straight and holding most of his weight.
His hips jerked back as he flipped the omelette with a quick flick of his wrist.
Somehow it was funny to her to think of Kylo Ren actually cooking on the First Order. She just assumed he had people for that.
Though, it was as equally amusing to imagine Ben Solo trying to cook something with Leia Organa standing over him and telling him what was or wasn't right. Him and Han Solo cooking together and Leia smiling through the meal even if she thought it horrid.
Rey wondered if they had moments like that. If he thought about them, or if they were as distant from each other as he believed them to be. Whether even if those types of moments didn't happen often, if he still treasured them as if they had been together all the time.
It was both a sad and happy thought, but one she didn't dwell on lest she reminisce about the possibility of her own.
The pan skidded rather audibly across the stovetop as he turned the flame off.
"You really didn't have to do this." Rey remarked, standing in the doorway still.
"Well, that's great." At her quizzical expression, he added: "It's for me."
She couldn't have been sure what was going through her mind at his confession, nor what expression she was wearing, but she averted her eyes and crossed the kitchen to find something that would satiate her hunger pangs and help her to ignore the sudden drop in her stomach.
Anything, perhaps a fruit?
Ben was just putting the omelette on a plate when she passed by him, and with the food in one hand, the other snaked around her waist and lifted her effortlessly onto the stool sitting in front of the island, pale in color and matching the blankness of the rest of the room.
She scrambled for solid ground before her feet safely connected with the legs of it. In just as seamless a motion, he turned around and before she could ask, the omelette slipped in front of her with some sort of steaming liquid in front of that.
"I was, uh, making a joke." He said sheepishly.
" Oh ."
Another plate with an omelette and mug was set across from her, Ben sliding his forearms across the counter and picking at his food with a fork. Standing as opposed to sitting. Directly across from her, and not so much as looking her way as he dug into his own meal.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Hm?" A quick flicker of his eyes upward. He shrugged. "Couple hours."
Ben dug into his omelette again while Rey picked at her own. A few moments passed, her looking at the relaxed expression fitted on Ben's face, his fork scraping against his plate emitting a scratching sound that only worsened the absence of words that she couldn't find.
"How did you sleep?"
Rey almost choked, leaning over her own breakfast as bits and pieces of it fell out of her mouth onto the plate. Heat crept up her cheeks on demand, and she swallowed thickly. " What ?"
"Sleep." Ben repeated, looking up again through a mouthful of food. "You fell asleep early last night."
"Yeah." She nodded, her voice cracking through her nervous spluttering. "I slept fin… fine."
He didn't ask as she squirmed under her own skin, her hunger forgotten for the moment and replaced with the possibility of asking him why had he joined her in her bunk. Mulling over her own curiosity of questioning whether he even meant to do it, or if it had been a spur of the moment decision.
How he could be so calm about it. How he felt considering her own emotions were running free to where she couldn't stop them and resonating so strongly. She wondered if he looked that close, or if it passed over him without much thought.
She didn't ask, and there seemed to be some sort of solemn agreement between them that it would be better if she hadn't.
Of course he knew that they had slept together-not in that way-but did he know about her nightmare? Surely he had sensed it through their thread. Why else would he decide to climb into her bunk in the middle of the night if just to offer comfort?
"It's rather early now," Rey went on. "You didn't sleep for very long."
"I'm used to it."
" Oh ."
Another pause, awkward with only the sound of them chewing to fill the growing empty space. A pin might as well have dropped if that would let them hear something, focus on anything .
"So," When he looked at her again, she had to look away, couldn't look just in case she would actually reveal something. Her heart fluttered in her chest, remembering when his arms were wrapped around her and her head was tucked against his collarbone, his gentle breathing in her ear-
Ben acted rather nonchalant about everything while her mind was screaming.
Did he know ?
Was he looking ?
"Distracted?" Ben cocked an eyebrow.
"What?" Rey's brows pinched together. "What? No. Uh," She rubbed at her forehead, turning away in the stool to get to her feet to take her plate to the trash. "What's the… the plan?" She stammered. "For today?"
"I've thought about that." He bobbed his head in confirmation. "There's a village a few miles out, some traders and scavengers with a similar trading system to Jakku. I thought that we could go there, get a new ship-"
That stopped Rey in her tracks.
"A new ship?"
"I thought that we could scrounge enough credits, make a decent trade. You were on Jakku, so you probably have better bartering skills than I do but-"
Rey whipped around. "You're getting rid of the Falcon?"
He shrugged helplessly. "Do we have a choice?"
"I just thought-" She hummed, somewhere between a scoff and a sigh, "since it belonged to your family, that you might like to keep it?"
"It draws a lot of attention," he pointed out. "It's a well known ship on Naboo, also considering who it belonged to. If we want a fresh start, that also means the ship."
Rey's eyes turned downcast. "Oh."
Ben sat there for a moment longer, scrutinizing her expression with a slight tilt of his head. He narrowed his gaze on her. "I think that you're more upset about this than I am."
"What about the memories attached to it?" And she was so much more careful with her words now. "I know that it's… well, it's-"
"One of the few attachments that I have to my parents?" He finished for her.
She deflated. "Well, yes."
"Memories are nice to have, but that's all they are." A tick worked itself underneath his jawline, or was he merely chewing? She couldn't tell. "You can make more."
But Rey didn't think that was it. Maybe he wanted to forget everything attached to his parents that had taken root in some form of shame and regret deep in his heart.
Maybe letting go of what was important to them would help him move on; help him forget whatever nightmares still held themselves stationary in his mind.
Ben had mentioned before that he'd talked to the memory of his father, and she wondered if he had seen the memory of Leia too.
"Right." She grabbed his plate and brought it to the trash as Ben came to stand next to her. He didn't say anything, and he didn't need to, because for once there was nothing to see. Nothing that would give her a clear picture of what he felt, too.
That was more frustrating than anything. More frustrating than getting rid of one of the most famous ships in the galaxy's history.
"A new ship then." Rey nodded with a soft intake of breath. She looked to Ben with a slight squint of her own, chewing at her upper lip. "A newer model preferably. One that won't break down after we use it for an escape."
"Speaking from experience?"
"Only a few times."
Ben smiled at that, half of a smile that pulled at one edge of his mouth as both hands came to fit into his pockets. His chest heaved into what was almost a laugh. "If you can find one out here, then sure."
Before she could get a word in edgewise, he was already making for the hallway again, the sun casting a hazy light to his towering form and giving his otherwise dark hair a sleek shine to it. He was turning, looking at her, cocking his eyebrows. "You let your hair down." He noticed. Or at least she wondered if he just then noticed.
Rey blinked. "My hair?"
"Yeah. It doesn't normally look like that."
"Well, yeah. I just got out of the washroom." It was still wet, and she ran her fingers through it despite herself.
"It looks nice." He shrugged. "Like that."
"Oh," Rey's face couldn't get any redder if it tried, her heart doing somersaults in her chest. She quietly scolded it. "Thank you."
"Sure." And only then did he actually smile, one that broke from ear to ear and showed his teeth. He left, and she didn't attempt to form a cohesive sentence, rather wished she had another omelette to stick in her mouth if just to save her from the embarrassment of what she could say to him. What she wanted to say.
Thankfully, fate decided for her and without another word, nothing other than a meager thank you for the breakfast he had prepared, Rey left the kitchen right at his heels.
If he could act somewhat normal, then so could she.
