Rey winced when the small of her back collided with the edge of a table. So, she had decided that the good part about splitting up was that she could find a place to lay low and breathe? And she had figured out rather quickly that the universe would not grant her any such reprieve, even if she had done what she was supposed to do and asked around about who may have been interested in making a decent trade.
She'd kept her identity a secret, hadn't let anyone know that she was currently traveling with the previous Supreme Leader of the First Order, and yet even refraining from drowning her sorrows in alcohol and sacrificing her mental health to denial, it still wasn't enough for the universe to say "enough is enough".
One of the patrons had gotten handsy, and all it had taken was a quick sweep of two fingers over his eyes to get him to quite literally walk out of the tent and rethink his life's decisions. She'd made a second attempt to the owner, only for him to bellow out something about a Jedi's mind tricks before a mob had seamlessly rounded on her and fought amongst themselves as to how the bounty would be split.
She'd believed that there were no more bounties on Jedi, but then it occurred to her that she was quite literally the last Jedi, unless somehow Ben and Finn counted, and it was not beneath the drunk bigots to attack force sensitive children. A problem for another time, but at least Ben had the luxury of everyone thinking he was dead. Otherwise his alias would have been screamed across the galaxy and plastered on every possible shred of paper that could be found with the promise of credits equivalent to at least one hundred years on Jakku-a thousand.
Again, not her problem-at least for now until they were inevitably found out.
Rey ducked to the ground as another hand grasped for her, knees burying themselves into the sand as she grasped fistfuls of it and threw it into her assailant's face. With one hand pushed outward-the force effectively shoving him back-she grabbed a drink from one of the tables and turned to smash it into the jaw of another. Shards of glass showered over her as it connected, a liquid that looked worse than the juice that Luke had ingested on the island stuck to her skin in a slimy residue.
She scowled.
Scaled fingers grasped her wrist and yanked her back, her hip colliding with the side of a stool. It fell, catching the tip of her foot to which she hooked around the legs and threw it back, effectively tripping up the man that held her. They both tumbled. She hit the sand again with a gasp, her rib colliding with the stool that she'd thrown and forcing a sharp hiss of pain through her teeth. With a soft groan, grasping the edge of one of the tables, she pulled herself upward and stumbled, lips pressed together tightly and taking great care to not breathe too hard lest her ribs scream more than they already were.
Dark shapes surrounded her on all sides, their chatter too incoherent for her to make out all at once. She exhaled heavily through her nose, each breath coming out shorter and more forced than the last, but she maneuvered back despite holding the table for support.
Her steps retreated, hand grasping for her saber and pressing the ignition switch. It thrummed to life, a bright crackling in the otherwise dim light of the tent. "Leave now." She warned. "You get one chance."
They laughed at her, maneuvering around her in a wide circle but noticeably maintaining their distance. Several gripped blasters in their hands, the barrels aimed on her and it was comedic almost; how useless such things were against her.
As they would find out.
"Or what Jedi scum? What will you do?" One persisted and she continued to retreat, her back brushing against the far wall, a light saber gripped tightly in one hand, the other still wrapped around her waist.
Her brow slanted sideways, and she found herself standing a little taller even if her muscles screamed against it. The sudden feeling of surviving overshadowed any hesitation that she had-as little as there was.
"I'll show you."
Rey threw her hand outward, channeling through the force and bidding it to her aid. Seamlessly it obeyed, a rope hanging on the wall whipped outward and wrapped around the throat of the assailant in front. When she closed her fist, the rope tightened yanking the surly drunk forward with a loud and resounding snap at the side of her feet.
A tray careened across the room with another flick of her wrist as her assailants charged, slamming against the ankle of another and tripping them up. Rey ducked to the ground effectively sliding underneath them, rolling onto her back as it returned, flying inches from her face and nailed another directly in the chest. They fell back with a loud gasp and a yell.
Rolling to her feet, a knife flew through her fingertips, slicing through skin into a hand that reached for her. With a toss in the air and a flick of her wrist, the metal blade slipped from its nestled home and buried itself into the attacker's throat. She leaped over their body when they crumpled at her feet, spinning in the air and throwing the lightsaber down in a flurry of light and loud static.
It connected with another, the blades resonating between her and the newcomer in a crackling frenzy. She pushed against the sudden strength, but neither gave in. With a shove, her saber dipped itself into the sand, a hard push against the air effectively shoving her back.
She slashed at their legs, but they flipped over her, an arm grasping around her throat and tugging her backward, but rather than a choking suffocating feeling, she felt a sudden surge of comfort, willing herself to take a breath, her earlier adrenaline giving way, rapid breathing slowly giving way to an air of calm as the rising and falling of her chest finally settled.
Sweat rolled down her spine and plastered every part of her, the sharp smell of ozone clotting the air with the shot of a blaster that was effectively blocked. A twitching crackling saber formed a protective barrier in front of them, and when she looked up, she saw the familiar face of her companion.
Angry.
Admittedly, he was a very welcome distraction, but him wrapped around her so tightly brought back the memory of him in her bed and it was becoming so much more vibrant now-
No. No. She gently scolded herself. Stop it.
He hadn't said very much since breakfast, hadn't spoken much on the trekk there, and she couldn't find the words she so desperately wanted to express to him without bumbling like an idiot or thinking about him in the shower.
Or both at the same time.
Not then, and not now.
Truthfully, she was too distracted by everything current in her life to focus on the in-betweens. And that was all that mattered.
Thankfully, he filled the silence for her.
He didn't look at her, his eyes focused on the dozen physical forms laid out in front of them. His expression was torn in half, a troubled mind succumbing to some sort of feral bloodlust.
"If anyone lays a hand on her, I'll cut it off." Ben warned, snapping, a tremor rumbling through his stiff form still forming a protective barrier around her.
"Ben!" Rey gasped in relief.
"You're trembling." He told her, and she hadn't realized it until now, but he was already ushering her behind him, holding a protective arm outward. The crease in his brow deepened. "Don't do anything, just let me handle it."
But they were scared. Not of him-although his presence most certainly did help-but while they had been adamant about keeping her alive at first, now they were clearly out for the kill, judging their threat and deeming it necessary to give up the extra credits if just to keep their own heads intact.
Except there were two jedi, double the reward, a few credits proving a worthy sacrifice.
"Handle it?" One of the patrons sneered. "You're surrounded. What can you do?"
"Add in a few more," Ben shrugged, a taunt in his haunting tone. "The odds might be in your favor."
And they laughed again. Rey almost felt bad for them, feigning that bravery when several of their own had fallen already.
"You smug-" A chair came flying through the air, exploding into a shower of splinters against the cocky assailant's skull.
Ben blocked a fist that was in motion with his wrist, grabbing the base of another attacker's neck and shoved their head toward the bar.
"Ben-"
Her companion gripped his lightsaber, dodging to the side of another fist and with a force push, she was ushered out of the way to safety, and another invisible tug yanked her out of the way of a charging hand.
Rey sighed. There was no going back now.
They were found out.
The alien that had been shoved braced against the bar, saving his face from being effectively bashed in. He rounded on them again, but one force shove slammed his head against the corner of the bar and made his earlier struggling useless.
"Well," Rey gripped her own weapon, bracing her back against his own. "I'm not going to let you do this alone."
One of the bargoers turned around with a snarl, smashing a glass against the edge of the counter in sharp and jagged edges.
They stabbed wildly at Ben who stepped back, brushing against her and ushering her with him. He stepped to the side, a dark almost sadistic grin etching itself across his face as he swiped his feet out from underneath of him, raising his saber into the air and slamming it into the back of the attacker's spine. With a grunt of effort, he yanked it out, free of blood and grime, bracing his saber around another man's neck, pressing it tightly before dragging it in a loud popping hiss across the man's throat.
The line in his jaw tensed, and his already-perturbed demeanor turned downright hostile. An elbow slammed into his stomach, and he barely flinched, features crinkling into pure rage, his force vice grip he held on her never wavering much to her irritation.
She effectively shoved back at him, making him release his mind grip, but her saber flew from her own hand and landed somewhere across the room. It didn't come to her when she called it.
Shards of broken bits and pieces flew about the room with it, striking at skin, drawing blood. Every strike was met with an equally forceful one, Ben maneuvering around her assailants in some form of dance, each step cunning and calculated, each move perfect and accounted for.
It was not the same brutality exhibited in Kylo Ren. Rage didn't drive him through the fight, rather he fought with the intentions to kill swiftly. Not like she had where they'd been left to gurgle and spit their own blood onto the floor.
They didn't stand a chance.
Bracing a hand against his arm, he begrudgingly dropped one of the men in his grasp, switching off his saber and putting it back into his waistband.
He rolled his shoulder. "Come on." He told her. "Let's go."
Ben had taken to standing by a window in the cockpit of the Falcon at what quite literally felt like the end of the world, his saber settled in one hand and an expression equally ill-suited as though he were trying to figure out whether to worry about what had happened back there or worry more about what was currently happening in here.
He must have gone with the former.
Rey was still coming down from the events of the day, dehydrated from the sun having beat down on them from their trek back. She'd had some water, at least until someone decided to try and turn in a bounty. Ben had played the hero card while she was perfectly fine putting them all into the ground herself.
Perhaps that was the root of the problem. Her troubled gaze fixed on her hands.
He hadn't said anything, hadn't remarked about what exactly happened, hair damp and frazzled by sweat, face molded in irritation. His hand ran through it, untangling the knots. The silence, she decided, was not preferable to scolding her, admitting that she had overdone it, that she was supposed to be avoiding conflict, avoiding drawing attention and now they had to find somewhere else to trade the ship-and part of her felt guilty that she was satisfied they were able to keep it a little longer.
But Rey was sweaty, scratched, bruised and irritated. Maybe the silence was better. She'd tried to recount the events that led to where they were, but they wouldn't slow down enough for her to keep up with. She couldn't hold on as each memory overrode the next, then the next, and so on.
It was painful.
She finally looked up.
He was watching her, hand outstretched with her saber in his palm face up. A vague gesture of waving it toward her urged her to take it, but that seemed like one of the lesser important things right now. At the top was the altercation on Tattooine moments earlier, and after that was that they hadn't any clue as to where they could take the Falcon for a decent enough trade than could be offered on Tattooine within relative distance-not that distance and time was a problem that they currently had.
Rey didn't let her mind wander too far down the specifics because there was no Resistance breathing down her neck and demanding justice for the actions of Kylo Ren, she wasn't currently running from anything or being expected to fill some higher destiny when she was only just beginning to figure out herself.
Focus on the small things.
"Here," he said, more insistent this time. "Take it."
Right. She reached out to retrieve it, reliving the moments that had caused him to take it from her in the first place. They would be okay. They had to be. He may have looked disappointed now, and fearful, but at least she had derived no satisfaction from what she had to do. Rey's actions had been decided purely in the heat of the moment with adrenaline rushing through every part of her body and with no other goal than to get away.
"I'm sorry." Were her first words, his hand still hovering as though waiting for her to take that too.
She didn't know if she should.
The look on his face was unreadable, and she didn't delve into their connection to judge how he may have been feeling in the moment lest it affect her too. "I know. It's okay." She saw him sigh, a brief hitch of his shoulders, defeat and acceptance and other things that she couldn't place a name to in that moment.
It wasn't okay. It wasn't okay at all.
She looked up at him, met his gaze. It was stern and he was frowning, but there were few times when he actually smiled. He was a shadow against bright lights, his jaw tight but looking at her with concern and exasperation both.
"I'm…" Her eyes crinkled, willing the tears away before they could come and interrupt whatever was actually cohesive in that moment. "I was asking around about the ship, and my force charm didn't work on them and the next thing I know…" She shrugged helplessly. "They… They attacked me."
"You could've gotten hurt." He snapped gently. "Or worse. You were being reckless."
"You were the one that suggested we split up if I recall." Her gaze fell, shoulders drooping. "You didn't have to get involved. It was my fault, and I was handling it."
"It wasn't your fault." Ben disagreed, his outstretched hand wavering. "Why wouldn't I get involved? I care about what happens to you."
She didn't know what to say to assure him.
"I felt you through the force." His brow tensed and relaxed sequentially. "I was worried about you. I thought that something had happened. I thought that I was too late."
"I was fine on my own. I was trained by members of your family, remember?" Rey attempted a smile, but his hardened gaze warded against it. It dissipated immediately.
There was a small hint of dryness in his tone, and his lip twitched into a smile that didn't quite reach the happiness that she'd hoped for. "You didn't see the way that they were looking at you. Like you were just some…" Ben's eyes darted away, bracing his hands against his hips and cursing under his breath. He was already moving from the cockpit to the hallway. She followed. "Some prize. Just a reward despite you stacking bodies."
"What else was I supposed to do?" She scoffed, passing through the various hallways until they were walking down the loading ramp again, the wind weaving around her legs and whipping against the fabric of her tunic. "Let them kill me? Wait for their reinforcements to arrive? You would have done the same. You have done the same." She took a step closer on the ramp, and he didn't move, rather stood rigid at the very bottom. "I'm okay now, thanks to you. Just let it go."
With that, Ben whipped around. Her heart pounded rapidly at the sudden spike of energy between them, crackling and spitting even though he hovered nearby. She refrained from shrinking back to get away from it, bracing herself to walk the remaining distance instead.
"You think that I can just forget?" His fingertips dug into his skull, scratching insistently as if something was trying to pry itself out. He breathed, stilled himself. Ben was struggling. "I didn't want you to get involved because I didn't want you to embrace that anger, or that hate. You were, and I didn't want you to fall to that part of you."
"What part?" Her features fell when he refused to look at her, and she ducked her head to the side attempting to meet his gaze. "The dark side?" He didn't answer, and she pressed harder, dumbfounded. "You think that I will fall to the dark side? Am I that incapable?"
"I didn't say that."
"But you insinuated it."
"Fine. Tell me you won't." He went on, challenging, throwing a hand out to the side and gesturing further. "Go on." He continued. "Lie to me. Tell me that you're fine. That you're just worried about the resistance-your friends. Everything that has happened."
"I won't," Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat, willing him to listen. "The past is the past, but what we have now is everything." She placed a hand on his shoulder, reached into the farthest part of him. For the barest of a second, it was intoxicating. His touch, his build.
Rey took a breath, the air suffocating and dry.
"I'm just trying to get you to deal with it, rather than shoving it aside and misplacing it. I saw your dream. I know that you're scared and I know what it is that you think that you're going to do." He uttered, almost inaudible, but she heard every word. It hit her, each word sharper than the last. "You think that your friends betrayed you, and you're afraid of what you think is inevitable, but it's not."
And she broke as he drilled into her. Her hands braced into fists at her sides. She cleared her throat, but her voice came out rough. "How much did you see?"
"More than you did."
"Is that why you moved into my bunk?" Her trembling stare found him. "Do you even remember?"
"I was awake."
Rey trembled hard, her lips quivering and he reached for her but she backed off, studying her hands as if she had committed a horrible crime. In ways she had. She swallowed hard, shoving past him and while he grasped for her, she shrugged him off, continued back up the ramp.
"I can't-" Her frown deepened, jawline shifting as she swallowed. While her eyes clamped shut, the weight of his hand moved against her back, then heavy and warm, his fingers gripped her elbow, gently turning her around. She breathed in deep.
"Just talk to me."
"I promise you that I am doing the best that I can. It comes and goes, but it only comes when I have to defend myself, defend you." And the words came out seething through her teeth, not looking back as the sounds of his footsteps trampled on behind her. "I shouldn't have to explain myself for that."
"I'm not asking you to explain, I'm asking you to take a second and process it. Control it."
"You're not processing things either." She met his startling focus with an equally determined glare of her own.
"That's not true." He almost sounded hurt, and her heart ached.
"Nothing is true anymore." She snapped. "Have you stopped to think about things since Ben Solo came crashing back? Your parents, the resistance, me? Do you even know what you're doing with the life that you've been given back?"
"Yes, I do." Ben took a breath, deep and ragged and she had no other intention than to look at his face, a sudden gust of wind blowing through that whipped both of their clothes back. Made her cross her arms over her chest despite the heat. "My parents are dead, the resistance-my first home will never trust me, and you are the one worrying about me when it should be the other way around.." And he reached for her despite her flinching, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Flashes of memories come and go, but I know what's real and what isn't. I have taken plenty of time to process."
Rey's face was pained as it fell, a sensation of guilt settling over her. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid of an inevitable destiny, of what I do not think that I can control. That nobody will be there. No family, no friends, no you." She watched him, waiting for reprimand, waiting to be told that she was wrong, that her feelings were fake and that her anxieties were irrelevant. Begging to be told that she was something else, anything else. "And it is not helping me that you do not seem to harbor any faith in me."
One hand pressed against her temple at the arrival of a headache, and she breathed.
"Do you normally have trouble sleeping?" He asked.
"Do you?" She shot back.
"Yeah. I always have. Since Snoke, since the Jedi Temple, the First Order." He shrugged, as if that was so simple, so normal. At least for him.
"Any good dreams?"
"A few. They started after I met you," He admitted. "There's nothing you can do, except to remind yourself that that's all it is." His hand gripped the doorway above his head, the other shoved into his pocket. "When I moved into your bunk, did you have a nightmare then?"
"No," Rey whispered and she knew that was true. "I felt… safe."
"Because of me?"
"Yes," She choked down the emotions welling inside of her throat, tears brimming in her eyes that she forcefully blinked away. "Because you were there."
"And you think that it would be better for us to split apart?"
She needed him to know that wasn't it, that it was an act to remain on guard, just to let him know how vulnerable she was. Just like him. He wasn't alone in dealing with any of his demons, and neither was she. Be with me could have meant anything but to her there was only one answer. And it wasn't the one that she wanted.
Rey lifted her chin, straightening. She huffed under her breath, eyeing up his towering form in front of her. There was no question as to why he brought her such a feeling of security whenever he was around. "No, just-"
"You're afraid of a possibility. Of what you think is merely destined to be." He confirmed, placing his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs brushing against her collarbones lingering a little too long before he let go.
"Yes." To her, Ben was an anomaly. He was both wrong and right and tipping on a scale that threatened to turn upside down and around. Fate had a way of following down a similar path even if nobody wanted to walk down it.
"But it's not." A sad exhausted smirk followed by a breath pushed through his nose. "If you stay with me."
"I want to."
"Why can't you?"
"I don't expect you to understand. You don't know what it's like to be afraid to close your eyes, to be trapped in your own head unable to get out."
And that seemed to hurt him, only because he did understand. He understood better than anyone.
"I know that you do. I do. I'm just- I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She inhaled a trembling breath. "I don't know what's happening to me. I don't want to hurt anyone." The palm of her hand wiped against her eyes, and the other joined it as the tears fell, unable to be held back anymore.
"I'll help you figure it out." He lifted her chin with his hand, wiping away a streak of hot tears with his thumb. "You're afraid of what you don't understand, of what you think that Palpatine has control over but this is all you. You'll learn to control that urge, and you'll realize that the dark side is needed just as much as the light is to bring balance. The dark side isn't a frightening thing. Not when it isn't alone."
Rey trembled, the pounding in her chest so ferocious it hurt. She reached for his hand, covering his fingers with her own. Her walls were being knocked down, their connection resounding so strongly, whipping against each other with new and unbridled emotions as a crackling electricity. She wanted to feel better, wanted him to feel unconcerned. Let him know everything she'd been struggling to come to terms with the last few days-perhaps even longer than that.
Help him find their place in a world that didn't want to make room for them.
Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. "And what if I can't?"
"You saved me." Ben said simply. "I told you, I'll save you back." And it was said with such an honest sincerity, as if he had come to terms with that already, as if whether or not she became the monster she was meant to be, he would be there through every hard decision she would make; good or bad.
After that, he was quiet and contemplative and a part of her thought that would be the end of it.
Tentative fingers reached out and brushed over her knuckles, lacing long deft fingers through her own with his arm stretched as far as it could go. Still space, but with an intimate touch she only hoped he wouldn't yank back from. She wanted him to answer the unspoken question for her, let her know that the one thing on her list was the only one that wasn't feasible. The one she kept closed off close to her heart was the one that did.
He drew their hands up and pressed together despite their connection crackling against each other, suggesting separation by this newfound surge of power.
She glanced down at their woven fingers with a hard-pressed stare that distracted her from how much closer he'd crept, able to bend his arm now with the closed distance. He had her against the wall but did his best to not loom with his overbearing height, kept his gaze soft despite his frustration. Shaking hands stilled.
"I will help you. There is too much light in you. You're not going to turn."
And that was a promise. One that she suddenly believed with every single part of her.
His eyes released raw emotion from their deep depths.. There was a space between his lips as they trembled with hesitation, uttering another promise that halted all of her doubts, her fears and insecurities. His skin was cold but also heated, his breath warm on her skin.
"I'll always be here."
He leaned forward, her heart slamming in her chest at their close proximity. The quiet seemed to capture the moment in all of its glory. It was enough to convince her that he was right and they would both be fine. His forehead came to rest on her own, breathing slow and steady in an attempt to control urges that touched them both.
Love was an emotion she'd felt only platonically. One that she didn't believe that she possessed the time to find. A dangerous adventure with no sanctuary, and no promise of safety. A harmful thing that she didn't have time for and more priorities that took precedence first.
An ideal that shouldn't have been allowed to be in her company if it would only make her question whether or not she was dreaming.
Too many times recently had she been sleepwalking through dark and twisted possibilities, waiting for her light to guide her.
Ben had hovered over her looking as if he had just survived a war, as if they had never gotten a break between Exogol and he hadn't taken a dip in the Bafta tank. He smiled in a way that she'd witnessed from him genuinely only once, one so natural and ordinary as if his smiles had never been hidden underneath a mask or behind the shadow of Kylo Ren. Rey knew him, at least as well as she could have in the limited time that they had managed to talk, but there would always be a mystery to him that she struggled to get just right-a guessing game that even after several years fighting against him, she couldn't quite piece together. A piece of him hovering in between two different identities.
The quiet seemed to capture the moment, the both of them staring one another down,
She couldn't escape, and she breathed him in, willing him to be just that, getting so much closer to ward off what was trying to shroud her life and pull her in with it. Two forces playing tug of war, one effectively winning more over the other.
Sucking in a breath, trapped between him and his hand now braced against the doorway that led into the falcon above her. Her body shuddered as the arch of her spine met it, her heart thrumming with energetic chaos sending signals through their thread. It hit her just as forcefully.
He was the one winning.
