Summary:

Two long years...

Bonnie Bennett stood in the middle of a magic circle she has had to redraw. She didn't have the confidence to utter the spell she had been so familiar with.

Two years ago, when she had left Mystic Hills, even though she hadn't made any promises to Damon about returning, they had both silently expected it.

She hadn't —and she was sure neither had he— considered the possibility that things would get as deranged as they have been: and the worst part of that was the blame she ascribed to herself.

Bonnie Bennett seldom cared for things these days but for the order of events that followed her return from Mystic Hills, she believed she was responsible for them. Or at least a chunk of them.

Her Grams had warned her to stay away from dark magic. She had told her that the imbalance would be of great peril to her but she had paid no heed to the warnings.

It was after all, dark magic that brought her relief ... and friendship.

It was dark magic that had opened her eyes to a whole new world, led her to witness what her face would look like if she had no worries... if she wasn't fighting so hard to stay alive and keep everyone alive.

Dark magic was salvation to her, and giving that up was not up for discussion. Not when giving it up meant giving Damon Salvatore of Mystic Hills up.

But she should have listened to her Grams.

Wisdom does not reside in the brain of one person after all. Was it not the African Proverb that said what an adult sees while sitting in the valley, a child will not see standing atop a hill."?

That much was true because Bonnie had believed —innocently— that it was enough.

It was enough if she practiced dark magic for limited times during the course of a week, for her.

It was enough that she saw her friend twice or thrice a week in Mystic Hills.

It was enough that the price she had to pay for moments of peace with Damon, was just a piece of her psyche being exposed to darkness.

But it hadn't been. No.

And even though she had only been learning expression during the days when she didn't cross universes to see a version of Damon salvatore that she liked, slowly it crept up on her.

Expression.

Something about the name felt seductive... almost sinful. And the allure of it was all she needed before she cast aside dark magic —along with the spell that opened the portal to another world, and her friend who was most likely waiting for her— to pursue this sinister magic with fervor.

She hadn't meant for it to blow up but somewhere through it all, she found out that while she was busy juggling her lessons with professor Shaun and her rendezvous with Damon, her friends had found themselves in a pickle.

She wasn't proud of her weakness: of allowing professor Shaun to brainwash and manipulate her to do his wishes and she wasn't proud of the things that unraveled as a result of that.

Was it days? Weeks?

She wallowed in it, swam in the darkness with no light in sight and when she was finally dragged out, it wasn't into the light.

Light, would be being brought out of that dark place and into the smiling and happy world of Mystic Hills.

Light, if she were to compromise on her ridiculously high standards, would be to wake up to a world where everyone was alive and healthy so that she could at least retreat into the woods and go back to her life before expression consumed her.

No.

When she woke up, it was to be plunged into another darkness.

Jeremy had died. And Elena had finally caved. And perhaps that wasn't on her, but the coven of witches she had led to their deaths, was on her.

And it was something she couldn't live with.

So she hadn't.

———X———

On February 3rd 2011, Jeremy Gilbert had died by Katherine's hand... and on June 11th 2011, Bonnie Bennett died by her own hands out of guilt.

Perhaps it was Damon who had somehow softened her heart and allowed her to feel guilt about the predicament of her friends.

Or perhaps she was always this way and even in her hatred and dark place, the thought of her friends being in danger, triggered a selflessness out of her that was deep enough to make her sacrifice herself for their happiness.

It was just her luck that her only company, was the person she had given her life for.

———X———

In the four months that followed, she heard the words every minute of every day:

"Give me a chance. The Damon in your world, I assure you I'm a loyal friend."

Every day she followed Damon around to keep up, she realized her anger at the vampire dissipating.

Damon had been right about himself. —and she rolled her eyes several times at this realization— He was a loyal friend to say the least, but most importantly, he was a good boyfriend.

It was difficult to maintain anger after that, but when she figured out how to replace Amara as the anchor to the other side, her hope was that she would have her magic back... that she would be able to go to Mystic Hills at least for a brief moment and hold onto Damon Salvatore.

More than anything, she just wanted to sit and stare at him for a while, to know he was okay.

But apparently, even that was asking too much.

———X———

On May 2nd 2012, she held onto Damon Salvatore in her dying moments and things never got back to where they used to be.

Friendship.

Camaraderie.

Companionship.

All these things she never believed she could feel for Damon and yet, day after day, week after week the vampire morphed into something she had never expected him to become.

A friend.

She lay awake most nights struggling to find her anger at him, trying to locate the hurt and anguish she had held onto for so long, and every night she drifted off to sleep without it.

From pancake breakfasts to bourbon nights, conversations held in the dark with a vow to not speak of under the light of day.

Suicide pacts in the moments of weakness and pulling each other back from the brink of death whenever despair overwhelmed them.

That was when her confusion had started.

Mystic Hills Damon —Damon 2.0— had told her with confidence that he —Damon 1.0— was a loyal friend, that something about his other world counterpart was redeemable and the more time she spent with 1.0, the more she realized that was true.

How could he know that for certain when he hadn't met this version of himself before?

It was easier to befriend Damon... so much easier to talk to Damon 1.0 because he never judged her. His darkness complemented her light so well and his light complimented her darkness just as well. They were in perfect balance.

And so when she started to develop feelings for Damon, she wondered which Damon it was that she was pining for.

And one night, under the guise of darkness and under the influence of several bourbon shots, she could swear they both leaned into each other.

It was the only reason there could be for her blurting out the existence of Mystic Hills and her confounding feelings for the Damon Salvatore of that world.

She had expected some yelling or berating(like Caroline would) but none had come that night —or the days and nights that followed—. Damon had just listened to her talk about Mystic Hills all night long and when morning came, didn't bring it up again.

———X———

On 19th November 2012, she sent Damon back home to Elena and lived the next few months under such harsh conditions that she wished for death just as much as she wished for one more opportunity to see Damon again, just to say goodbye.

And on February 10th 2013, she run into Damon 1.0's arms in Mystic Falls after fighting her way out of the prison world.

It felt natural to jump into his arms —the man whom she had spent so much time and energy hating, and who had kept her sane for months in a world closed up from the rest of the world.

It felt natural that the first person she went to see after her return from the prison world, was Damon ... just as it felt natural that about ten minutes of just holding onto the vampire, she pulled back with clarity, smiling up at him.

"I need to go." She whispered, knowing exactly where she needed to be in that moment.

"Wait, so soon?" Damon asked with a frown on his face, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah... there's someone I need to see." She finally dropped her arms from around him.

"Damon?" It was weird to hear that from him.

"Yeah..." Bonnie agreed, grabbing the duffel full of candles and black soil that she had brought from the prison world just for this purpose.

"We never talked about him." Damon says conversationally, tucking his hands into the pockets of his suit.

"I know. You must have been dying of curiosity." Bonnie chuckled, heading towards the door with Damon right behind her.

"Not dying, that's too dramatic but I'm definitely sick with it." The vampire quipped.

She turned at the door to look at him, smiling. "I'll tell you when I come back. Anything you want to know."

"Just one thing." Damon says with a serious tone that had Bonnie raising her brow in concern. "Is he more handsome than me?" He asked.

Easy laughter bubbled out of her. "You're literally the same person, silly." She turned, opening the door. "Vain much?"

And just like that, still chuckling, she took off at a run through the woods.

———X———

And now, here she stood.

In the middle of a Star of David surrounded by the biggest black candles she could find, taking several deep breaths to mentally prepare herself for what awaits on the other side.

Phasmatos invenira venatrixos isto gladio ulla onyx...Vescaram Anta Intacurum, Vescalis Dissendis Divinitum. Vidau matere et virtus. A pouvoir la trouver.

She chanted the familiar spell.