Someone paused on Finn's left, an obscured figure framed by a growing darkness with blurred edges. A kneeling figure snapped his attention upward, a loud snapping right in front of his eyes, a voice speaking with an urgent concern that housed some form of finality-as if he would be in more trouble if he didn't answer as opposed to simply dying.

A hand wrapped around his arm; tight and none too gentle.

Reality blurred in and out like a passing memory. Lights blared above him and he squinted, slowly coming to the realization that while the ceiling passed by above his head, he wasn't moving. His limbs remained limp and useless, fighting him at every step against what he commanded and the hands that gripped his shirt collar dragged him along despite the weak tugging that he used to ward against it.

Someone was talking to him-the same voice he thought that he heard before anyway, a low rumbling incomprehensive but most certainly throwing a slew of curses his way, and a few derisive insults that he was almost glad that he wasn't conscious enough to hear because he would definitely be offended if he could somehow take part in this one sided conversation.

A sharp throb pounded against the side of his skull and he winced but couldn't find the motor control to touch his face, nothing but a small jerk here and there. His eyes closed again, the voice growing farther away if that were possible, but all Finn could manage was a low mumbling insult of his own.

He didn't quite know what slipped from his lips, but the abrupt tap against the back of his head told him that he had at least been successful at his last attempt at being a smartass before he blacked out again.


When he opened his eyes again, a medical bay blurred into focus, furnished with its familiar dividers and the beds that still made his back ache despite the many times he had found himself in one. He grasped a hand underneath of him, if only to be sure that the discomfort did not originate from some strange form of punishment for his traitorism even in death, but he felt the covers, grasped it in the palm of his hand and breathed out.

It was real.

"Finn?" Rose's breathless laugh resounded in his ear. She perched on the side of his bed, maneuvering closer while he managed to get a firm grasp of his surroundings. Her brows pinched together in concern, but she exhibited a mild look of relief nonetheless. "Finn, how-how are you feeling?"

When he managed to sit up, he winced. A sharp pain shot through his stomach and up through his chest, and he took one wheezing breath, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. Rose held out a hand to steady him, but he brushed her off with a dismissive hand gesture of his own, sniffing.

"I could be better honestly." Finn grimaced, stealing a glance around the room just to find it empty. Eerily so. The blank white walls added to the array of nothing, and the smell of antiseptics and cleaner assaulted his nose and briefly distracted him from the familiar metallic scent and taste of blood that he remembered from Hux's ship. "Where are we? What happened? I was on Hux's ship and then I-"

"While the two of you were keeping the Order occupied, I directed everyone off of Crait to the next rendezvous point. Poe sent out an SOS and the next thing I knew, he was dragging you behind him half-dead." Rose stole a glance down to her lap where she fumbled with her fingers. "I'm glad I decided to stay behind and wait," She shrugged. "Just in case."

"Where is Poe?"

"Piloting the ship, but he had me stay in here in case you woke up and freaked out. Honestly, we weren't holding out much hope just in case you didn't..." She frowned, squeezing her eyes shut. "It didn't look good."

"Hey," Finn interrupted, holding a hand out, and she took it without hesitation. His thumb ran over the back of her knuckles, traced the ridges and he gave it a gentle reassuring squeeze. "I'm fine. It could've gone worse, a lot worse."

Rose wrenched her hand free, delivering one swift punch to his shoulder. He rubbed the accused area, but she was already maneuvering around the bed, coming to stand on the other side, hands clenched into tight fists. "You didn't see the condition you originally arrived here in. It couldn't have gone much worse actually. You almost died, again."

"Well, I didn't."

"Yeah, thanks to Poe." She quipped. "Honestly, you're lucky someone is always there to save you when you decide to play sacrifice. What is going to happen when someone isn't?"

"I will be sacrificed?"

Rose's brows pinched into a scowl.

Finn threw up his hands in defeat. "Right, sorry. Not a good time."

She scoffed, ran a hand down her face, breathed in and for a moment he expected her to lash out again. She didn't. "They searched our base. Everyone left out the back entrance while they were busy, and when the chaos happened, I prepped the next ship and waited for you guys. They haven't caught up yet, but I imagine they put Ben and Rey on a higher priority than us right now." She mused. "That doesn't mean that we're off their radar, and I wouldn't bet for a high bounty on any resistance members too."

Finn pressed his lips together with a slow nod, taking in everything that she said in order to process. It was slowly coming back to him now; the interrogation, the fight, shoving Poe out of the room-

He scowled. "Is Poe mad?"

"He thinks that you're an idiot." Rose clarified. "For once I think that I can agree with him."

"So nothing new then." He blew a puff of air through his nose.

She couldn't find the humor in what he said, leveling him with a hardened stare, accusing. "What do you think that you could have accomplished back there?" Her tone was serious, holding none of the light-hearted jovialness that was an endearing part of her personality, instead attempting to be intimidating-another thing that he couldn't take seriously.

Looking at her stern expression only made him want to laugh more at behavior she tried so hard to exhibit, but it was more so for her worry over him and as such he made no remark-lest he want to be punched again anyway. In his condition, he doubted he'd be able to take it and that was a mockery that he would prefer to avoid if possible.

"I was thinking that since I was the one with force powers, that meant that I could do more than Poe could have." Finn explained lamely. "Or if anything, I could give Poe a chance to escape the ship, maybe even evacuate everyone else before they were imprisoned." He looked up. "Or worse."

"A lot of good your force powers are doing, aren't they?" She scoffed out a laugh.

"Yeah," Frinn grumbled sarcastically. "Thanks-Thanks for that. I didn't exactly have anyone like Rey or Kylo to exactly teach me."

"I'm kidding. But I'm sure if you had asked Rey or Ben nicely, they would have."

"I didn't exactly get the chance before they took off."

"Things got a little crazy after you left."

"So I've heard."

A silence passed between them after that, somewhat awkward as the reality settled in, rather the truth. Silently, he wondered what would have happened if he had stayed rather than leaving to find the force sensitives. If he could have convinced Rey to stay even if Ben was sent to exile.

He knew the answer without thinking too hard.

"Anyway," Rose ran a hand against the nape of her neck. "Poe wanted to talk to you as soon as you woke up so I'll go and trade him places-" She turned, but Finn reached out and curled his fingers around her wrist, stopping her in place.

"Thank you, Rose." Finn said quietly.

She smirked. "Don't thank me. I'm only playing your babysitter. Poe was the one that saved your life."

"I don't mean just for that."

"Well, don't count on our help next time you decide to do something stupid, okay?" With great care, she tugged out of his grip and a cold space was left between them. "I'll let Poe know you're awake."

And then she was gone, and Finn was left alone to think, to process. While it was supposed to be inviting to finally get the chance to breathe, he couldn't stop thinking. About the moment on the New Order's ship, Hux's sudden-but not surprising-betrayal and his best friend who he had escaped his first life with and had also immediately crashed a ship into the Jakku desert and been on a wild adventure beside ever since.

His head swiveled around the medical bay to the familiar pilot's jacket that he'd been given-rather taken. It had long shown its signs of wear, having been stitched one too many times from the amount of times that his life had been threatened.

A few more times wouldn't make much of a difference.

What if he had died in an instant. Was just gone? Angry shouting, frantic beating on a reinforced door, Poe shoving into the room, blasters exploding in a flurry of light and sound, back rolling along the wall, the warmth that spread through his body and the cold that had immediately followed.

It all assaulted his head at once-urging a hand to wrap over his abdomen, and for the first time, he had considered himself a means to an end. Another friend that had given their lives to protect the mass as a whole where the fragile leaders of the First Order-New Order, whatever, had always failed.

Finn against all odds had been the one to save his friends-or provide enough of a distraction at least that would lead to their safety. Not Rey, not even Kylo Ren, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo, but Finn.

Just Finn.

Yet he was still here and everyone was fine. Sure, everywhere hurt like hell and his clothes were ruined but it meant something. Finn had found his purpose, one that more importantly didn't limit itself just inside the resistance.

He straightened stiffly as Poe appeared in the doorway, raising his head to meet him and finding the face of his friend-tired and stressed, but relieved nonetheless.

"You look like shit. In a good way." Poe smiled faintly.

He made no initiative to actually walk in, his shoulder pressed against the doorframe, hands shoved in his pockets. He gave Finn a quick sweep, chewing at his lower lip, turning his distracted gaze elsewhere as if he couldn't stomach looking at him for that long.

Finn didn't know if that was because he looked as bad as he thought or because Poe was contemplating making him look worse.

"I knew you wouldn't do it." Finn began.

"Hm, do what?" Poe walked the rest of the way into the room, squeezed between the dividers to stand at the foot of his bed. His hands curled around the rails of it in a white-knuckled grip. "Kick your ass? I'm still thinking about it actually."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Sell out Kylo and Rey. You had their ship pinged when they left Crait, but you didn't tell him where their radar was headed."

"It's more my business than theirs. I want to find them before Hux does."

"I still appreciate that you didn't say anything."

Poe shrugged. "Well, they should be the one thanking me, not you. This only happened because Hux was looking for them."

"Honestly, I just thought you'd leap at the chance to surrender Kylo Ren to the Order, or the courts if they aren't a part of them too."

Poe's features creased into a scowl, dropping his head between his shoulders. A puff of air blew out between his lips. "I hate him. I hate what he did." He raised his head, gaze somewhat downcast still. "And if he wasn't Leia's son, I probably would have finished it." With a sigh, his fingers snaked back through his hair. "Not to mention he's kept Rey alive. If everything she said about Exogol was true."

Finn cocked his head, lowering his voice. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"Leia, Han, Rey. They all gave up everything for the bastard. Their lives, just so that he can somehow atone for everything that he did. I guess-I don't want that to go to waste if he gets executed." He threw his arms out. "Maybe Rey is on to something and I'm choosing to trust her, and if I sell out Kylo Ren, I may as well be damning her too."

A smile pulled at Finn's lips, and he nodded. Subtle, but for once in the last few days he could say that he at least agreed with something his co-general said. "If you could turn that into an apology, I think she would accept it."

"I've been giving you time to practice yours." Poe went on. "For shoving me out of that room, trying to play the sacrifice card again."

"I killed a lot of them." Finn admitted, ducking his head. "Stormtroopers. I know that they're on the opposite side, but I was once too."

"They were trying to kill you." He reminded him. "What else were you supposed to do? Take it?"

"I knew a lot of them; trained with a lot of them." He shrugged lamely. "I thought that I could convince them not to shoot if they knew who I was."

"A previous First Order soldier with a lot of compassion for that same order isn't a good thing." Poe closed the remaining distance between them and seated himself on the bed, one hand coming to rest on Finn's shoulder. "It'll get you into trouble."

Finn scoffed a soft laugh. "It already has."

"But I get it." Poe went on. "Stormtroopers were thought of as expendable. You didn't want to kill any more than the Order already was."

"Any Stormtrooper who couldn't prove themselves a good enough soldier deserved to die anyway according to the Order." Finn agreed. "If I didn't kill them, they were probably going to be executed. At least now, I can say that I made that choice."

"If there was one thing I learned in my time as a spice runner, it's that you can't dwell on changing the past. We work with what we have for the future, and at least we can say that we're trying."

"I know," He fumbled with his fingers, exhaling through his nose. "It's just hard to not think about different paths that I could have taken. Where I would've ended up because of that. Where the other troopers would have ended up if I had decided to somehow help them instead of run."

Poe bobbed his head and hummed thoughtfully. "We would've met a long time ago, probably sitting in this same ship. Me, you, Rey, Rose and BB-8 bringing that Jedi map to Leia. There would have been a different starting point maybe-you could've been in the resistance from the start and saved my ass again, but I like to think that we would all still be together, even if we took different paths."

"If we'd met Rey together, you could have saved me from her beatdown." Finn chuckled. "She almost knocked my head off because she thought I stole your jacket."

"I've walked away from plenty of crashes." Poe exclaimed proudly. "It'll take a lot more than that."

"You're labeled the best pilot in the resistance and you've walked away from plenty of crashes?" Finn mocked, cocking an eyebrow. "You know, I don't think that Rey has ever crashed a ship that she's piloted. You might want to think about relinquishing your title." He smirked.

"There were extenuating circumstances every time." Poe insisted. "And we would have died had it not been for those same skills actually." He pointed an accusing finger in Finn's direction. There was no aggression behind it, only a genine amusement as his words fumbled out over a laugh. "Not to mention, you would not have met Rey in the first place if not for me."

He seemed proud of that fact, as if for some reason Finn should actually thank him for crashing them in the middle of the Jakku desert.

"I'll let that be your speech if we decide to hand out awards."

"Alright Loverboy. Whatever you say." Poe shoved at his shoulder, and despite the sharp pain that throbbed there, the two boys shared in a laugh, reminiscing in old times and future possibilities, playful banter and simple insults.

Finn had run from his previous life like a coward, a traitor. He'd had enough hardship and grief to last a lifetime, had gained and lost so much at the touch of his hand, had held doubt and hope in his palm; held it so gently and also crushed it when it suited him. He'd survived and he'd persevered as a man stuck between two different worlds.

And he thrived as a member of the resistance. He'd saved people-friends. Helped win a war, helped those that wouldn't see reason see it, attempted to be a sacrifice. Attempted to let that end his legacy and in the end be remembered as a hero that while at first had a rough start, had chosen the right path in the end for the greater good.

It had failed twice.

But he was alive, and that definitely counted for something.

His old life was far behind him but his role in the resistance-as a co-leader-had just begun.

And he wasn't done yet.