The match had already begun. The fans' cheers and sound of noisemakers filled the stadium. But, all I heard was white noise. Everything felt like it was slow motion. I told Kageyama I was fine.. but was I really?
I knew Hinata already had opportunities lining up for his future. But, now that it was here, I couldn't help but feel my heart aching. Knowing he had the opportunity to travel the world pursuing his passion filled me with such bittersweet emotions that it was truly hard to focus on my surroundings.
I only snapped out of my haze when I heard a whistle blow signaling the end of the set. I quickly glanced at the scoreboard:
Karasuno: 23 Fukurōdani Academy: 25
Shit.. they lost the first one.
I could see their frustration. It seemed that their blocks weren't slowing down Fukurōdani. Both coaches were talking to the team but it seemed their thoughts were a million miles away. Especially Tsukishima's.
I growled and hollered over the crowd, "Tsukishima you better wipe that look off your face or I'll do it for you salt-shaker!!"
His eyes pinpointed my exact location and he gave me that characteristic death glare. I grinned and stuck my tongue out at him in response. That got laughter from the entire team. Like a curtain, I saw the nervousness lift off their shoulders.
Coach Ukai gave me a nod to thank me for my quick thinking. I laughed and waved him off. I moved to the end of the railing and Kageyama and Hinata came over to greet me.
"Ughh.. it feels like we're not landing," Kageyama grunted in frustration.
Hinata moved his hand over mine and I felt his grip tighten. His fingers were trembling.
Wow.. I've never.. seen him so worked up. He's usually so confident.
I leaned over the railing and playfully smacked the back of both their heads. That earned me two disapproving groans. I laughed, "Guys, breathe. I know it seems like things aren't working to your advantage but.. when has that ever stopped you two stubborn dorks."
"D-dorks?!" they both exclaimed.
I noticed Tsukishima walk by and stifle a laugh. I couldn't help but burst into laughter at his reaction.
"Both of you get your asses out there and win this next set," I said shoving them off towards the others.
They both looked dumbfounded by what I'd said, however, it was much better than their previous demeanor.
~~
The next set flowed much smoother. Everyone seemed to have kicked into gear and they were all performing at their absolute best.
Now, we were in the third and final set and both teams weren't backing down. Each point was returned with equal ferocity from either side of the court.
I had noticed Hinata was being much more jittery, bouncing his leg up and down impatiently, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. I knew he was itching to launch and I did my best to contain my own nerves but I could feel my grip on the railing tighten.
Please.. calm down.
Coach Ukai called time out and pulled Hinata to the side while Coach Takeda talked with the others. I couldn't make out what they were discussing but Hinata's eyes kept darting to look in my direction.
I willed for him to settle down. I prayed he'd finally glance over and see that I was doing my best to hold it together for the both of us. As if he'd read my mind, his eyes met mine. In that moment, it was like everything stood still. All the noise around us fell silent, all the movement and energy dissipated. It felt like, as we both held each other's gaze, all the anxiety melted away. Those eyes that held an intensity that could shatter glass, held my heart so carefully, almost like a whisper.
I mouthed the words, "I love you."
He smiled so tenderly and I felt the return of the lively sound of the gymnasium.
The whistle blew signaling the return to gameplay. This was it:
Karasuno: 27 Fukurōdani Academy: 26
Everything moved so fast in the final play. All I saw was Yamaguchi serve and Fukurōdani return and Kageyama set the counter. And the sound of a collision at the net.
The final whistle blew. That was match point!
I felt my heart leap into my throat and tears rolling down my cheeks, Hinata had fallen to his knees, Kageyama was hunched over panting, Tsukishima was laid out on the hardwood floor. Our fan section was roaring in celebration. The bench had cleared and the entire team had rushed the court cheering.
They had done it. Their final victory in pursuit of future victories. I could see it now, each of them having their futures bright in the world of professional volleyball. I could see Kageyama leading the European circuit as any team's trophy setter, Tsukishima excelling in his university on and off the court, and Hinata...
Hinata shining his light and passion across the globe as one of the biggest names in volleyball. A spotlight all his own creation.. One that didn't need my shadow.
I beamed at Hinata as I watched the exhilaration etched across his face. I hurriedly wiped away my tears, began gathering the extra gear around me, and walked towards the court side. Knowing, it wouldn't be long until I'd have to let him go forward.
Without me.
