Chapter 32
The wheelchair pace seemed awfully slow to Varian, but the boy didn't dare rush the old maid. She was probably as eager as him to find Elora and was probably walking as fast as she could. So Varian resigned himself to biting his lower lip to control his restlessness.
They reached the garden, and it was easier for Ethel as soon as they went down the slope, all the way down to the chestnut alley. Varian's eyes darted in every direction constantly, heart beating faster with the anxiety to have proven wrong.
So when he spotted the white and peach dress of the young maid, the boy stood up before he could think of it, wheelchair still in motion, and leapt off the footboard. The blanket fell on the ground but he didn't care, nor did he seem to mind that his bare feet were tickled by the thick grass. He ran down the hill, his usual lack of coordination combined to his apprehension making him trip and stumble more than once, but his icy blue eyes remained locked on the little girl's form.
She was sitting very still under a tree. A shaky exhale of relief escaped his lips when he saw a grey and black lump on her lap, which he immediately recognized as Ruddiger. It was a new sight, though, since Elora was afraid around animals in general.
He slowed down when he realized that both of them were asleep. He paused before making his way carefully, step by step. Coming closer, he felt his heart was breaking as he knelt down on the grass, his legs now too weak to support him.
"She has cried herself to sleep" he muttered, noticing the harrowing proof - tear stains on her cheeks. "She has cried herself to sleep because of me…"
Varian knew too well what he felt like. He had lost count of the times he had gone to sleep with his face wet and his eyes burning when he was all alone in his lab, with only his father crystallized in amber for company. Well, not quite alone.
Ruddiger was there. The sweet creature couldn't talk, but his concerned chittering, his small pats on Varian's leg or arm and his heartfelt cuddles were probably what protected Varian from losing his mind completely. The boy was too upset and angry to acknowledge his furry friend's kindness at the time, but still, the raccoon has always been there for him, no matter what.
Varian realized that now. Another pang of guilt hit his chest as fresh tears sprang to his eyes.
Awakened by Varian's heavy breathing, the raccoon stirred, ears first, and lifted his head to meet eyes with his boy.
Ruddiger's ears backed down, his fur bristled and his teeth bared. In one second, he was away, hidden in thick bushes.
Paws moving fast on her legs woke up Elora. She blinked a few times, trying to remember what she was doing outside, before falling face to face with the dejected teenager in front of her. His gaze was lost somewhere in the green behind her, and in it, the little girl saw what a heart that's been torn apart looked like.
Ethel had decided to stay a respectful distance away, Elora sat frozen on her spot and Varian was still in his daze. None of the children spoke. The sighing of the wind and the rustling of the leaves alone filled the silence, until Varian let out a choked sob.
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Arianna quickly changed Varian's bedsheets again, the task helping her to take time to think. It was hard to realize that the boy had just escaped death. The poison almost won the battle, and to call it a close call was an understatement. Even Remyus thought Varian was doomed. But the young alchemist definitely had more strength in him that met the eye, and an iron will.
Her mind started to wander as she was shaking the plump pillow, more roughly than needed. This was not about what the kid had done anymore. He had been a victim in many ways these past days, and the Queen was not going to take it.
It was time to pay a visit to a certain advisor.
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"I'm sorry."
…
It took Varian a few seconds to realize that Elora had spoken, like his ears were stuffed with cotton that didn't allow sounds to reach his brain easily. He jolted out of his trance, and his eyes focused on her at last.
"What?..."
"I'm sorry, Varian."
The teen was dumbfounded.
"You're sorry?… for… for what ?"
"For making you angry. I didn't mean to", she said timidly, her eyes filling with tears.
Varian felt like his whole body was melting. Actually, he wanted to disappear into the ground with shame.
"Oh, Elora, I…" he started, but found out he was unable to say more. He was shaking with fresh sobs and hid his face in the crook of his arm.
The little girl was puzzled. She didn't quite understand why Varian was so upset, and she didn't exactly get why he was so angry earlier either. She was a sweet, innocent child who knew nothing yet of loneliness and despair.
The only thing she knew was that she hated to see her friends cry. And despite what happened, she considered Varian as such in her heart.
She stood up and closed the distance between them. She took his other hand in hers and waited for him to look up.
Varian's muscles tensed under the little girl's touch, and he kept his eyes hidden as he burst out crying :
"There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Elora. It's me… it's all me… I… I don't know why I did that, and I'm… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. You… you didn't do anything wrong. I keep messing things up and I was so angry with myself. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"
The broken teen gave a start when he felt Elora sitting next to him on the grass, gently wrapping his free arm around her shoulders. He lowered his elbow to look at her in astonishment, tears still streaming down his face.
"It's okay, Varian. I just… don't want you to be sad anymore. You're my friend."
At these words, Varian completely lost it and hugged Elora tightly in his frail arms. He felt so vulnerable, he was unable to do anything but cry even harder. Yet, at the same time, he could feel deep within a sparkle that ignited and started to warm up his heart.
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Nigel lifted up his head when he heard footsteps approaching. He had been rotting in jail since his arrest with no news from the King about his fate.
So he was quite surprised to find out that the guard was escorting the Queen. The key was put into the lock, and the heavy door squeaked open.
"Your Majesty", Nigel respectfully bowed as she walked to him.
After a few seconds, as the Queen didn't utter a word, he slowly raised his head and looked at her.
Suddenly, Nigel saw stars and his cheek stung painfully. His head was forced on the side with the powerful strength of the hand of an angry Queen.
Nigel's eyes went wide open with the shock the slap triggered, but he stayed steady on his feet. He didn't move at all for another few seconds.
In front of him, the Queen's eyes darted daggers, literally, and her voice came out like it wasn't her own, blank and cold with deep rage.
"How could you..."
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Elora and Varian had been sitting under that tree for a good while, Ethel thought. But she could see from a distance that they were doing well and she knew they needed some time together. Although she wished she was a tiny mouse, so she could hear their conversation.
"You know, I've spoken to Ruddiger", Elora said, back to her very chatty self. "I'm not afraid of him anymore. And now I know he was the monster I saw, I don't think I will have these nightmares again."
"Really ? I'm glad to hear that. Elora, you are the bravest girl I've met."
The girl giggled, but shortly after, her face became serious again. "Are you very worried about Ruddiger ?"
Varian sighed. "He ran away when he saw me. I…" A pause to swallow the lump in his throat. "I never thought I would scare him away like that. He has always been there for me, and I… well, he deserves so much better than a friend like me", Varian concluded, his gaze forlorn once again.
"Nonsense !" Elora burst. "Do you think Ruddiger would have stayed with you all this time if he didn't think you were the best friend for him ?"
Varian closed his mouth. She had a point.
"But I yelled at him, Elora. I... I was so afraid I would harm him again, like when I transformed him into a monster and sent him to fight against the castle guards. I… I don't want him to be hurt. If he were hurt because of me, I think I… I just couldn't bear it."
"Mom and Grandma always say that everybody makes mistakes. It's all right as long as you say sorry, fix them and you make sure you don't do the same thing again", Elora explains, with a seriousness beyond her years.
But what if he doesn't listen to me ? Varian thought to himself, his old fear gnawing at him again.
