AN: Thanks everyone who's reviewed, I tried to respond to everyone, if I missed anyone its just because I have SO much going on right now. This takes place in the same timeframe as "The Witch". So where's the cheerleading tryouts? Simple, they saved all of the cheerleaders at the Harvest, no deaths mean no tryouts. Is Amy's mom still hanging out in her body….to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite author's….dum te dum….

Anyway, enjoy!

Xander was glad to be out of the hospital, his parents never even came to see him and he doubted they even were aware that he was there. Buffy had told him that her mother had tried to get either one of them down there to sign consent to treat him and then she finally just forged his mother's told the nurse that his mother had just stopped by to sign it and left. He was angry, that it was necessary for Joyce to do that.

Worse were the looks of sympathy Buffy gave him and he remembered the first time she heard details of what his home life was like. She didn't make a big deal out of it but the first movie night they'd had with him at home she'd confided in him that she wanted to break both of Tony's legs. Xander had been touched by her concern, but told her that it was ok, he would survive his parents.

Buffy's anger in that memory was tame compared to what it was in the here and now.

"How could they? You were unconscious! You could've been dying for all they knew and nothing! Did they even know you had spent the night in the hospital?" she was saying as they walked to school, his arm in a sling.

"Buffy, it's ok. I've made my peace with how they are a long time ago," Xander said.

"It's not right. You deserve better. In fact you should move out. You're twenty six, you shouldn't be living with them anyway at your age," she said.

Xander laughed, "Twenty-five actually, Yeah, somehow I doubt I'll be convincing the rest of the world that. Besides, I don't have a job, I have little money and where would I stay?" Xander asked the enraged Slayer.

"Mom's got a spare room…." she said softly.

"Tempting, but not a good idea, besides that's Dawn's room," Xander said.

"Fine..rain on my parade," she said and pouted.

He stopped and faced her, putting his good hand on her shoulder and said. "I appreciate that you care, Buffy. I really do, but I survived them once I can do it again."

"But you shouldn't have too," she muttered as they went into the school.


They arrived in the Library and Giles was busy checking in books. He looked up and nodded in greeting as Buffy started her morning training kata. Xander longed to join her but with a bum shoulder there was no way he could. His other way of relaxing when he was in a quiet mood was also out of the question until he was healed.

He had to content himself with watching Buffy, which actually had a lot going for it as an alternative. He smiled at just how well things were going then checked himself. He'd know something had been bugging him since the Harvest and now he realized what it was. It was going too well, and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He frowned and stood up.

"Giles, could I have a word with you in private?" Xander asked.

"Don't mind me, you can ask him about the Order of Diangle in front of me. Get my sister here and such," she said as she continued her routine.

"The Order of what and I didn't know Buffy had a sister," Giles said flustered.

"I accidently spilled some beans on the way to Buffy's house the other night about her sister who isn't here yet," Xander said throwing a glare in Buffy's direction who looked innocent.

"You seem to miss her and I think it'd be nice to have a sister," she said, way too perky.

"Just remember that when you complain about her swiping Mr. Gordo," Xander said.

"What are you two on about?" Giles asked.

Xander sighed and laid out Dawn's history for Giles and finished with, "Any questions?"

"And you said the order of Diagon?" Giles asked.

"Yeah, they aren't a large order and seem to be pretty obscure and they guard the Key," Xander said.

"Do you think they'll be willing to do what you are asking?" Giles asked.

"I honestly don't know, I don't even know if they can or if this was a contingency plan they triggered when Glory found them, or if they actually DID do it sooner. With the implanted memories it is hard to tell. All I know is they haven't done it yet 'cause she's not around," Xander said.

"For a spell to be as powerful as you're suggesting you are probably right about it being a contingency plan waiting for the trigger, which means once the Monks decide to do it, it would be done fairly quickly. How old did you say she was during the Glory incident?"

"Fourteen," Xander answered.

"You should be aware that there is a possibility that if they activate it now she'll be fourteen now instead of ten," Giles said.

"You think that is a possibility?" Xander asked.

"I think it likely, actually. With a spell this large it almost has to be already prepared and keyed to seeking out the currently active Slayer," Giles said.

"Guess that's why you are Watcher man and I'm a schlub," Xander said, with a grin.

"You shouldn't sell yourself short, Xander," Giles said.

"Thanks...ok...so I've got something to think about then, cause if she comes into existence at fourteen no matter WHEN it's triggered, that would change our relationship considerably," Xander said.

"It might, you were six years older than she was in the original history now its possible that you'd only be two years older than her," Giles said.

"Which would mean what?" Buffy asked.

"If she were only two year younger than me in the original history I might have dated her," Xander said.

Buffy squeaked, "What?"

Xander smiled, "Don't worry Buffy, you are aware I exist in the here and now, it makes a difference, a huge difference. However Giles I still need to talk to you in private, please," Xander said then followed Giles into his office.


Giles closed the door to his office and asked, "What is on your mind?"

"Blinds first, she can read lips," Xander said and was rewarded with a pout from Buffy and he just blew her a kiss as Giles closed the blinds.

"So, what is on your mind?" Giles asked.

"This is too easy," Xander said.

"What is too easy?" Giles asked.

"Buffy, she's crazy about me, I don't think she's ready for a lot, but she wants to date me," Xander said.

"You seem to think this is a problem, I thought you were here to ensure a romantic relationship occured between yourself and Buffy," Giles said.

"That's what Azriel said, but it just seems TOO easy. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I spent NINE years loving that girl, Giles. Not ONCE in those nine years did she show any interest in me like that. At least not when she was in her right mind," Xander said thinking about the love spell that went bad and the cursed beer.

"Ah...and now that she's taken an interest in you because of your situation you're afraid that something is going to happen?" Giles asked.

"Remember the part that Az thinks that LUCIFER himself orchestrated the Xander Buffy train wreck of romance the first time?" Xander said.

"Yes and from the sound of what you told me he had to rely on your own decisions to make that happen. Not that he didn't place tempting alternatives in front of both of you, but in the end you bit," Giles said.

Xander sighed, and nodded, "That...that actually makes me feel better. Which leaves me with the other problem."

"The difference in your mental ages?" Giles asked.

"Yeah, I'm twenty-five years old, Giles. Buffy is sixteen. If I saw a guy my age sniffing around Dawn at sixteen…" Xander trailed off.

"Xander, I'd be worried about this if you weren't concerned about it. The fact that you are concerned about it tells me that you're intentions toward Buffy are entirely honorable that you do indeed care for her deeply and I actually believe you are in love with her," Giles said putting a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Thanks, G man. I needed to hear that. I just don't want to hurt her," Xander said.

"Then don't, make her happy," Giles said.

"Is it really that simple?" Xander asked.

"I think it can be. I understand your concerns and I have been trying to research Lucifer, but I doubt he's going to do anything overtly, as that would attract attention from the Heavenly Host," Giles said.

"Ok...and if he does Buffy can just kick his ass, he can't be any tougher than Glory," Xander said.

"That is the spirit, now go out there and kiss her, just don't let me see it," Giles said with a small smile.

Xander laughed and left his office.


Xander came back out to the library proper, where Buffy was just finishing up her routine she looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back and walked over to her.

"So, what did you and my Watcher talk about?" Buffy asked.

"I'll tell you about it someday, but not yet, but I feel better, that's all that matters," Xander said.

"Feel better?" Buffy asked looking at his arm.

"Not that, this," he said and leaned down to kiss her and she smiled leaned up only to have both of them jump as Willow and Jesse came in with a loud, "Hi, guys!"

"You two have just impeccable timing, you know that?" Xander said.

"Did we interrupt something?" Willow asked then saw how close they were, "Oh we DID interrupt something...so sorry! Jesse we need to go,"

"Why?" Jesse asked.

"Cause we...interrupted...them," Willow said.

"What?" Jesse said.

"Xander and Buffy…." Willow said.

"It's ok, Wills, relax. I have something I need your opinion on anyway," Xander said, ignoring Buffy's meep.

"I'm sorry Buffy," Willow said.

"It's ok, Willow. It IS a public place after all," Buffy said falling into best friend role.

"What do you want to talk about?" Jesse asked.

"Dawn," Xander said.

"What about dawn? I know it's good for crispy vampires, is something happening at dawn, or...did something happen at dawn? Did…." Willow got immediately flustered.

"Willow, calm down. Dawn is a person," Xander said.

"Who is she, bro?" Jesse asked.

"Buffy's sister," Xander said.

"You have a sister? Has she been staying with your dad? Is this a parent trap thing?" Willow said babbling.

"Well, that's a new take on it," Buffy said with a grin.

"When do we get to meet her, how old is she?" Willow continued.

"She'll need air sooner or later," Jesse said. with a grin.

"Dawn doesn't exist yet, Willow," Xander said.

"Oh….so your mom is….oh wow...I bet you're excited!" Willow said.

Xander started laughing and couldn't stop. He ended up having to sit down, he was laughing so hard.

"What is so funny?" Willow asked, confused.

"You're just the third person to make that assumption, or a variation of it," Buffy said with a grin as Xander's laughter started to infect her.

"So she's adopting?" Jesse asked sending Xander out of his chair and onto the floor.

"Is he ok?" Willow asked concerned.

"As long as he didn't hit his shoulder," Buffy deadpanned.

"So, if she's not adopting and not pregnant, how are you getting a sister?" Willow asked.

"Cause I'm the Slayer and I needed to protect her," Buffy said, sobering as Xander regained control and stood up again. They then told their two friends about Dawn and Giles' theories.

"So, if the monks do the spell now she might be four years older than in Xander's memories?" Willow asked.

"Yes, which will change the relationship I remember having with her. I like that relationship and don't want it to change, but at the same time having her older when Glory shows up might be a good thing," Xander said.

"Are you planning on telling her, when she arrives?" Willow asked.

"Yes, we don't have a right to keep it from her and last time trying didn't go so well. If she's fourteen. If she's ten...it might be better to wait a bit," Xander said.

"I haven't met her yet and I feel sorry for her," Jesse said leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah, it took her awhile to accept the idea," Xander said, leaving out the worst parts of the story. His friends didn't need to know the tragic end of it, especially Buffy.

"Yes but this time we'll know what is going on and can talk to her about it," Buffy said.

"Maybe," Jesse said.

"What do you mean maybe?" Willow asked.

"He means that since the spell affects memories you may not remember this conversation," Giles said, speaking up and surprising the group. "Sorry you were doing a very good job of discussing it, I didn't feel as if I had anything to add."

"And if our memories are affected…" Willow said.

"Right, I don't know how it's going to affect me at all. I have two sets of memories of the past nine years, one set from the first time and the ones I'm building now I don't know what this spell will do about it. I do know that when we learned the truth the memories didn't go away or seem any less real," Xander said.

"Quite right," Giles said, as the warning bell rang. "We aren't going to make any decisions now anyway, and there is one other person that needs to be involved in this anyway," Giles said.

"I'll call her at lunch and tell her to meet us here after school," Buffy said.


Buffy and Xander were the first ones to arrive after school and Xander looked a little lost on what to do.

"What's the matter?" Buffy asked, hugging him from behind. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the contact.

"Just used to katas at the end of the day, but with my arm the way it is, won't be doing those for a while and I also can't unwind the other way either," he said sighing.

"The other way?" she said her tone suggestive.

"Yeah. its only been a week but I'm missing it," he said, oblivious to what she was thinking.

"Anything I can help with," she asked, sounding serious.

"Not unless you have a supply of wood and a lathe," he said.

"Wood?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah...what did you think I was talking about?" Xander said looking confused then his eyes shot open as he realized what Buffy was thinking and turned to face her and stammered,. "Oh...Buffy…"

"It's ok," she said, sounding a little disappointed.

"Nothing would make me happier than to make love with you, Buffy. When the time is right for both of us," Xander said seriously.

"I am willing, but you're right, I'm not ready yet. Thank you for being a gentleman," Buffy said.

"Always," he said and kissed her hands and she shivered more than she did during the almost kiss earlier.

"So, you do woodworking?" she asked, changing the subject much to Xander's relief.

"Yeah, I'm a master carpenter by trade," he said, sounding proud.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

"I wouldn't have mentioned it as a way to unwind if I didn't," he said with a smile.

"Good, that makes buying you presents easy," she said with a smile.

He chuckled and said, "I suppose that's true, until I have every tool ever made, that is."

"How long have you done it?" she asked.

"Five years, I'm not actually employed in the industry right now helping with the mini-Slayers, though with thirty-five super-powered girls living under the same roof the toolbelt has not gotten rusty," he says.

"That could be taken the wrong way, you realize that, right," she said with a mischievous smirk.

He winced and spoke before engaging his internal censor, "Channeling Faith, there Buff."

"Who's Faith?" Buffy asked.

"A sister Slayer," he said.

"So she's called when we do the activation thingy?" she asked.

"You don't want to hear this right now, please?" Xander asked, closing his eyes, he was glad that this memory still didn't bring tears to his eyes but the pain was still there, along with the relief...and the anger.

"What's wrong?" she asked. She was getting quite good at reading his moods in just the week she'd known him.

"I promise that I will tell you EVERYTHING about the past nine years as I remember it, before we do anything with each other we can't take back, but I'm not ready to yet, partially 'cause the ending is a bit too fresh and raw right now," he said, his face pleading.

"You said that last week, this has to be some story, I can see the pain of it on your face," she said.

"That obvious?"" Xander asked.

"Yeah, it is," Buffy said as Jesse and Willow entered.

"We haven't interrupted any smoochies this time have we?" Willow asked.

"Unfortunately no, just talking about wood and the future," Buffy said.

"And there wasn't even one kiss during that discussion?" Jesse asked.

"Mind out of the gutter, Jesse," Xander said.

"Oh come on, leave me an opening like that?" Jesse said sitting down.

Xander shuddered, "Whoa...bad image there."

"What?"

"Just thinking about what your and Faith's love child would be like...not good," Xander said sending Buffy into peals of laughter.

"Who's Faith?" Jesse asked.

"Slayer I know in the future, has a dirty mind," Xander said.

"Can't wait to meet her," Jesse said.

"Jesse!" Willow said.

"What...oh...no, new slayer...oh god, Buffy I'm sorry," Jesse said, frowning.

"It's ok, Jesse, remember Buffy was alive and kicking ass when I got sent back," Xander said.

"Right, right...still...I'm sorry," he said, and Buffy smiled.

"It's ok, Jesse," Buffy said.

"It's just that, I'm going to be the closest thing you have to a brother-in-law and I'd HATE for the next thirty Thanksgivings to be awkward," he continued, almost matching Willow on babbling.

"Keep going, bro and it will be," Xander said with a smirk as Buffy turned almost lobster red.

"Wow, Buffy, I haven't seen you that color since you lost your swimsuit bottoms in the kiddie pool when you were eight," Joyce's voice said with a smile in it causing Buffy to go redder.

"Now that had to be adorable," Xander said grinning.

"Excuse me while I find a rock to hide under until I'm thirty!" Buffy said letting her head hit the table.

"Jesse, why don't you fetch Giles out of his office and tell him that the meeting has started and it's relatively safe," Xander said, then turned to Joyce. "How much has Buffy told you?"

"Not much, I was busy, just that this was about Dawn," Joyce said sitting next to her daughter who was regaining a more human coloring.

"Quite right, now let me explain, no that will take too long, let me sum up where we are," Xander said and waited...and waited. "No Princess Bride fans in the room?"

"You always refused to watch it when I wanted to rent it," Willow said, looking at him like he had grown two heads.

"Thought it was a chick flick," Jesse said.

"Never got around to it," Buffy said.

"Ok...after meeting emergency movie night! I am soooo glad I hadn't told you as you wish yet," he said to Buffy.

"Huh?" she said.

"After the movie, first business," Xander said noting that Joyce was smiling, obviously glad that Buffy had made good friends, especially with her extracurricular activities. He then launched into a summary of what had been discussed earlier.

"So you don't know how old Dawn will be when these monks trigger the spell?" Joyce asked.

"We don't know enough about how it works unfortunately. The bottom line is they WILL do this. Glory will be coming in the next four years, so they will be send her to us. The only question we have is do we try to convince them to do this now?" Xander said.

"From what you've said the first time you went through this, she found out and didn't take it well," Joyce said.

"That would be an understatement," Xander said.

"What did she do?" Buffy asked.

"Do you REALLY want to hear this, Buffy?" Xander asked.

"It's sweet that you want to spare me pain, Xander, but I think we need to know how she reacted the first time so we can plan how to deal with it," she said.

He nodded, "Ok, so of course when the spell was first cast we weren't aware anything was different. She had always been there, everyone knew her, had a relationship with her and there was no indication that anything was wrong," Xander began.

"So how did we find out about her?" Jesse asked.

Xander sighed...looked at Joyce and then at Buffy, seeming torn. It was impossible to tell this part without revealing Joyces health concerns he came over to Buffy and took her hand as he continued, "You had been warned that you would be attacked through your family. Your mother had started having severe headaches and you thought that was the form of the attack. Giles told you about a ritual that reveals truth in hopes of finding what was happening to your mother," Xander paused as Buffy gasped, he squeezed her hands and continued. "The spell worked and you saw through the spell. You thought that Dawn was the cause of your mothers headaches and confronted her about it, and then left to get answers. You had a lead that led you to a warehouse where you found one of monks that had created Dawn and he told you what she was. You and Giles decided not to tell anyone about her status as the Key figuring the fewer people who knew the better," Xander said and took a breath, and Buffy squeezes his hands offering support.

"We all found out later and as you were afraid we started acting weird around Dawn, things came to an head on your birthday. She gave you a custom Dawn special frame of a picture of the two of you at the beach. You were dumbstruck by the thoughtfulness of the gift and she took it wrong because we were all acting weird around her. She ran off to her room and did what fourteen year olds do when they are hurt and confused, she sulked, the active kind of sulking I mean. She snuck out of the house and went to the Magic Box where Giles had his notes about the key. Dawn found the book and read it and when you found her she was at the house having cut herself pretty badly," Xander said and paused again.

"Oh my God," Buffy said, tears glistening in her eyes.

Joyce was just staring at Xander, her mouth slightly open.

"The poor thing," Willow said.

"Yeah...then Dawn overheard you and Joyce talking and burned her diaries and ran off again. She somehow ended up at the hospital, Glory found her, you fought, Willow and Tara zapped her with a teleport spell and the day was saved. Needless to say we aren't doing it that way this time."

"I...should have told her, and I didn't and...what kind of sister am I?" Buffy said.

"One that loves her sister very much, you were doing what you thought was best, Buff. You took a beating for her from a HELLGOD for her and protected her with everything you had. Besides, we aren't doing it that way now," he said taking her in a one armed hug as she nodded.

"Something I for one am extremely grateful for," Joyce said, her voice thick with emotion and Buffy went to her mother and gave her a hug.

"Sounds like you had some rough times there, buddy," Jesse said, his voice flat.

"Worth it for my girls," Xander said.

"Who's Tara?" Willow asked.

"Oopps, spoilers," Xander said as Buffy and her mother finished comforting each other.

"So...we don't know exactly what is going to happen when they do the spell, right?" Buffy asked.

"No, and without more information about it we can't really speculate and magic is more Willow's thing anyway. Every spell I ever tried kinda went plooy," Xander said.

"And that is the me from nine years in the future, I didn't know I had any talent in magic," Willow said.

"Yeah...just be careful with it, please? It can be addictive and dangerous," Xander said.

"Ok…" she said.

Xander considered telling her that black hair and veins wasn't a good look for her, but decided against it, she didn't need to know about that and it would lead to even more uncomfortable personal questions and he'd spilled enough beans as it was.

"Her age would depend greatly on the type of spell it is, there is a possibility that the spell has been ready for ten years and she is as old as the spell is," Giles said, " Or that it was set at a specific age for her to appear as. Has she had any problems with being the Key?"

"None, as I told Buffy before the Harvest, she's nineteen now and has just been assigned a Slayer. All of us couldn't be prouder of her. She's quite a young woman."

"Does she have a boyfriend?" Buffy asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"No, you tend to scare them off, Buffy," Xander deadpanned picking up on what Buffy was attempting and everyone chuckled, needing the laughter.

"It seems to me that if these monks are going to be sending us Dawn anyway, there is no reason to put it off," Joyce said after the laughter died down.

"I agree," Buffy said nodding.

"Willow?" Xander asked.

"If Mrs. Summers and Buffy are on board so am I," Willow said.

"Jesse?" Xander asked.

"Seems like I'd be outvoted if I disagreed, but I don't. She might as well be here now," Jesse said.

"Giles?" Xander asked.

"They will be doing this anyway whether we want them to or not, from what you've said she isn't a threat, just an unfortunate innocent caught up in the supernatural, I have no problems with having them do it now."

"As for me, I've listened to all of this and it's a big decision. I'd LIKE Dawn's input on this as it's her life we're talking about, but that isn't an option. What I do know is I love her, she's family to me and that is important so yeah, if they will let's have them do it," Xander said.


Xander was walking home after their impromptu movie night, Buffy had been intent on walking with him even as he tried to beg off at Willow's house.

"No, you're hurt and you haven't had a chance to get into your definition of shape yet," Buffy protested.

"I'm not winning this one am I?" he asked.

"Nope," she said sweetly, laying her head on his good shoulder.

"Ah well, I get to spend more time with you, so any injury to my male ego is salved," he said.

"Do you think you could make a perfectly balanced stake?" she asked.

"If I had a lathe it would be easy, I used to make them for you all the time, in fact I daresay you kept losing them just so I would have too," he teased.

"Maybe I just needed to know I was special with all of the girls running around, tempting you?" she said.

"It wasn't like that. I'm sure a few of the girls nursed a crush on me, but there was NO fraternization," he said.

"Because of me?" she asked.

"You're fishing," he said.

"Can you blame me?"

"Not really, in fact you've been taking my reluctance to talk about it surprisingly well," he said.

"I wouldn't be, if I couldn't see the pain in your eyes, whatever happened to you it had to suck," she said, stroking his cheek.

"My own doing," he said smiling at her.

"I'm amazed how much happier you look when I'm touching you," Buffy said.

"It's a comfort," he said as they arrived.

"So we're here," Buffy said as the sound of shouting leaked out of the house.

"You sure you don't want to stay at my house?" she asked.

He sighed and was really considering taking her up on her offer, after all her living room couch was QUITE comfortable. "It's tempting, but I want to stay on your mother's good side."

"Coward," she teased.

"Not really, just strategic thinking," he said and took her hand.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" she said.

"Yeah, you going to do a quick patrol on your way home?" he asked.

"Probably, I don't sleep well if I don't kill something before bed," she joked.

He laughed and said, "Just call me when you get home."

She smiled and said, "As you wish."

Xander smiled remembering the movie, he leaned down to kiss her when a thought suddenly hit him. It had been there the whole time niggling then exploded into being that shocked him.

"You ok?" she asked as he stopped moving in for a kiss.

"We have a trip to make," he said quickly, Buffy pouting.

"And this is more important that smoochies?" she asked.

"Huh? Oh...I'm so sorry, the moment has been perfect twice today and it's been ruined by business both times. I would kiss you right now but I want our first kiss to be perfect and it wouldn't be now," he said.

"Awwww….that was sweet...almost makes up for interrupting yourself. So what was so earth shattering that it broke my spell?"

"The Scythe. It has to be at the Vineyard just waiting," Xander said.

"The what?"

"It's a weapon, you'll understand when you have it, but we have to go to the Vineyard. Tomorrow's Saturday...ok, I have to stay at your house, it'll save time," Xander said.

"Not that I'm not ecstatic about that, but what is so special about this scythe?" Buffy asked.

"Your mother is going to have to drive cause I don't have my license yet. It's an hour away by car," Xander said, thinking fast, not having heard Buffy's question.

"Xander!" she said.

"What?" he asked.

"You were rambling at near Willow speed," she said.

"I was? It's a wonder I didn't pull something," he quipped and she laughed.

"Come on, sweetie, let's go home," she said taking his hand.


"I don't know what you're problem is. My room is perfectly comfortable. Much more comfortable than the couch," she said.

"Therein lies the problem, you'd be tempted, I'd be tempted and it's too soon," he said.

"I hate it when you are right," she said pouting.

"So couch for me," he said.

"Can I at least tuck you in?" she asked.

"As you wish," he said smiling at her returning her previous statement.

"I'm glad you made us watch that movie," she said, looking up at him.

"It's a good one," he said.

"So how did you end up watching it?" she asked.

"Dawn actually, she was sick one night and your mother was out of town and you had to patrol and she got movie pick," he said.

"You watched Dawn for me and Mom?" she asked.

"All the time," he said and frowned when her lips started to tremble. "What's wrong?"

"How did I end up with someone like you in my life?" she asked.

"I keep asking myself the same question Buffy," he said and the pair walked in silence for a while then found themselves on Buffy's front steps.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"That I'm the luckiest bastard on the planet to have you in my life," he said.

She smiled and said, "I think I'm the lucky one. I've only known you a week but it feels like a lifetime."

He started to lean down to kiss her, she smiled at him and put her arms around him and reached up to his lips. He licked his lips as he closed the distance, then the porch light came on and Joyce opened the door.

"Buffy, Xander?" Joyce asked.

"Hello, Mrs. Summers," Xander said chuckling and shaking his head. Buffy just looked annoyed at her mother.

"You couldn't have waited thirty more seconds?" Buffy asked.

"Sorry dear, not ready to be a grandmother yet," Joyce said sweetly, as Xander blushed and Buffy's mouth dropped down far enough to impress a bass.

"Mother!" Buffy said once she got control over her mouth.

"What are you doing here, I thought Buffy was walking you home?" Joyce asked Xander ignoring her daughter.

"She did, Mrs. Summers," Xander said not knowing the best way to approach this.

"It was a bad night over there, Mom. His parents were fighting and it was loud and I just couldn't let him stay there," she said causing Joyce's face to soften.

"I'm sorry, Xander," Joyce said, looking at him sympathetically.

"I'm used to it, and that isn't the reason I let Buffy drag me back here, I thought about something from the future and we need to go get it," Xander said.

"Go get it?" Joyce asked, letting them come in.

"Yeah, you'll see what I'm talking about tomorrow, we need a lift," he said sheepishly.

"I have to be at the gallery tomorrow, kids," she said.

"It's really important," he said.

"Do you know how to drive?" she asked.

"Of course I do, I just don't have my license in the here and now," Xander said.

"This probably isn't very smart of me, but drop me off at the gallery and you and Buffy can go in the Jeep," she said.

"No...I can't, if something happened," Xander said.

She smiled, and said, "Ok, nice to know that you can convince yourself to follow Buffy's lead on staying over while making it seem like your idea. Couch."

Xander blushed as he realized she was right about his true motivations and said, "Yes, Ma'am."

"Buffy go get some spare sheets for Xander, I'm going to bed," Joyce said and went upstairs followed by Buffy.

"Great...way to be impulsive, Xander," he said to himself as he sat on the couch. Buffy came back down shortly with the sheets.


Later that night Xander woke up screaming. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was then he became aware of arms around him and he smelled her scent and relaxed immediately.

"You ok?" Buffy asked.

"Just a bad dream," he said, rubbing his forehead and she hugged him.

"We do this a lot, don't we?" she asked.

"It goes both ways, it's a wonder I don't have more nightmares with the life I've lived," he said letting her hold him. Over the years he'd gotten used to comforting and being comforted by Buffy when nightmares hit. It was the reason he had a door installed between their rooms. Of course Faith and the mini slayers had their own theories. He chuckled at the memory.

"You're laughing," she said as she held him.

"Just a memory," he said.

"Care to share?" she asked.

"Spoilers," he said.

"You going to be ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, get some sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow," he said.

"Ok, sweet dreams, Xander," she said.

"You too Buffy," he said and laid back down.


The next morning Xander awoke more refreshed than he had since he got sent back, even considering the nightmare. He didn't remember any details of it except that it was a bad one. At least he didn't have to contend with Slayer dreams. He remembered a couple of nights that all of the girls at the school had the same Slayer dream, that was a night of very little sleep and much teasing as he'd been woken up by Buffy and had gone into her room and was holding her when Faith had burst in on them.

"That smells wonderful, Mrs. Summers," Xander said as the smell of breakfast rousing him.

"Good morning Xander. Does Buffy cook you breakfast in the future?" she asked.

"No, we have a kitchen staff at the school," Xander said.

"School?" Joyce asked.

"For Slayers. We try to keep the girls that have good homes with their parents, but there's too many that come from bad backgrounds and need a safe environment. We provide that as well as proper schooling. Willow and Robin set up the curriculum," Xander said, not feeling that THIS information was overly sensitive and it was hard not to talk about any of it.

"Who's Robin?" she asked.

"He's going to be the Principal of the high school, he's also the son of a Slayer," Xander said.

"Slayers can have children?" Joyce asked.

"Yes, they can. They're people, though because of the nature of their lives it was a rare occurrence. Robin's mother is the only one I'm aware of that was able to survive a pregnancy and I'm not sure how. I know her Watcher had to be a tremendous help,"

"Morning!" Buffy said as she came into the kitchen she gave Xander a peck on the cheek and he smiled at her.

"Morning Buff," he said taking her hand.

"So the vineyard this morning?" she asked.

"Yes, we'll have to get Giles to drive us since your mother needs to be at the Gallery," Xander replied.

"So what is at this vineyard? You weren't very clear about that last night," Joyce said as she poured orange juice.

"A weapon, for Buffy," Xander said.

"A weapon?" Joyce asked.

"Specially forged for the Slayer. It's perfection when killing vampires, in her hands at least. I hate the thing, almost put my eye out with it," he said.

Buffy chuckled at the story, "Well that will teach you not to play with a girl's toys."

"Purely business. You were hoping I might figure out how it was made, but it's metal and magic which are two things I suck at," he said.

"And you stuck to making stakes?" she asked.

"Yup," Xander said. "Of course the thing is beautiful, it's as much a piece of art as a weapon."

"Now you've got my curiosity up," Joyce said.

"You could come with us," he said.

"Don't tempt me," Joyce said.

"Let me call Giles, though it would be faster to walk than ride in his car," Buffy said.

"What's wrong with the BMW? Sure it's got some age on it…."Xander started and trailed off at the looks Buffy and Joyce were giving him. He smiled and said, "He hasn't gotten the BMW yet, I take it."

"Giles gets a BMW?" Buffy asked.

"Convertible, sweet, sweet ride," Xander said.

"I love you, that gives me MONTHS of teasing material," Buffy said hugging him tightly.

"Buffy...hugs are great, especially from you, but air!" Xander said gasping.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly as Joyce shook her head in amusement.


The ride to the vineyard was pleasant enough, even though Xander had been force by his shoulder to take the front seat leaving Buffy alone in the backseat, much to Giles's relief. Of course knowing what he knew about why Xander was here had giving him plenty of images that he wished he could scrub out of his mind.

The best part was when he started absently singing Beer for my Horses by Toby Keith with Willie Nelson. He'd always liked the song and it was catchy and he and Buffy tended to sing it together when they had been in silly moods. Faith had used it as yet more proof they were sleeping together. He'd admit it was a cute thing they did, but never thought it meant anything. Of course now he wondered if they had been falling in love in those months before he'd been shot.

"What is that Xand?" Buffy asked as he started the second verse.

He didn't answer because for some reason when he started singing this song he just couldn't be interrupted and even Giles seemed impressed by his singing and by the time he'd finished Buffy was openly laughing at the lyrics

"You know this song Buffy...we sing….it hasn't been written yet!" Xander said slapping his forehead.

"We sing together?" she asked.

"Yeah, you love this song. Of course you always said it was because Toby Keith is and I quote, "Such a Hottie". Personally I think it was Willie that has you all hot and bothered," Xander said with a grin.

"Willie?" she asked.

"Yes, Willie Nelson," Xander said.

"EWWWW! He's like older than Giles! Ewwwww!"

"Thank you for making me feel ready for shuffleboard and blue hair ladies," the Watcher groused.

"Teach me!" Buffy said ignoring her Watcher.

"You want to learn the song?" Xander said.

"Yes, it's fun," she said grinning.

"Ok," Xander said and by the time they reached the vineyard all three of them were singing it all the way through, even though Xander had to convince Giles to open up his pipes.


The jovial mood of the trip up was doused when they arrived at the Vineyard. Xander had far too many dark memories of the place and it showed when they arrived. The place had been abandoned for years even in the here and now and it was actually creepier than when Caleb and the First were using it as their love pad.

Buffy immediately picked up on Xander's mood changed and took his hand.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Bad memories," he said, squeezing her hand taking comfort in her touch.

"Tell me?" she asked.

"No, it's not going to happen now and there's no reason to talk about it, let's get what we came for," he said but she held him back.

"Please, it's causing you pain, Xander. Let me help," she said.

"Pot," he said pointing at her, then at himself, "Kettle. You're calling us black, Buffy."

"Huh?"

"You want me to open up about what's bothering me when you are the WORST about bottling things up," he said.

"Xander, may I have a word?" Giles said, and looked at Buffy, "Alone."

Xander nodded and reluctantly let go of Buffy's hand and followed Giles away. Once they reached a place where Slayer hearing couldn't reach Giles said, "She's going keep pressing, how much are you willing to tell her?"

"I wasn't planning on telling her we're meant to have two kids who save the world, if that's what you are talking about," Xander said.

"While I respect your decision on that I must admit I'm a bit curious as to why. It could be argued that she has a right to know and if she were to find out she may be angry that you kept it from her which would be counterproductive," Giles said.

"I want to know she loves ME, Giles. I want to know that she is with me because she WANTS to be not out of some sense of duty or obligation. I've loved her for nine years and been in lust with her once and actually in love with her twice. This is my dream come true and I don't want to have ANY doubts about our relationship," he said.

Giles put a hand on the younger man's good shoulder, "You are a very impressive young man, Xander. Buffy could do a LOT worse than you. You just need to trust yourself."

"You think I should tell her?" Xander asked.

"Not yet, she's only known you a week, but I think you should consider telling her before the inevitable happens," Giles said.

"I'll think about it. I just want Buffy to be happy and I hate that part of myself that's been doing backflips of joy at the news that we have to have children together," Xander said.

"I wouldn't read too much into that reaction, Xander. It's perfectly natural," Giles said.

"She's probably getting curious and a curious Buffy isn't a safe Buffy," Xander said.

They walked back to her and she wasn't exactly happy about being left out of the conversation.

"You seem better," she said, sounding hurt.

"A little bit, but ancillary issues to what you were asking about," Xander said taking her hand again.

"Oh, so what has you wigging here?" Buffy pressed.

"You really don't want to hear this story," he said, closing his eyes and remembering how much the events here still ate at her nine years up time.

"You keep telling me that, do you think you're a better judge of what I want than I am?" she asked.

"No, not at all. Its just… I can't ask your opinion if this is a memory you want, even second person. Once you know it you know it and ….I don't want you to regret anything I ever say to you," Xander said.

"We aren't married, or even really dating yet, but I seem to remember that wedding vows say something about better or worse. If we are ever to get there we better practice that bit," Buffy said.

Xander blinked at this, "Buffy?"

She shook her head, "Not what I mean, what I'm saying is that I need to know the darkness in you as well as the light. Otherwise I can't love you, not as completely as you deserve."

Xander nodded and said, "We lost a fight here." He paused and mulled that over a second then continued, " Correction, we got our asses handed to us here."

"What happened?"

"We were fighting the First Evil and it had a preacher working for it for the physical stuff it couldn't do. He gave you a message at one point that he had something of yours here. In hindsight it was obviously a trap. I never knew if you thought it was or not. If you did you seemed to have Obi-Wan's attitude toward traps," he paused at her look of confusion and smiled slightly. "Star Wars, in the prequels Obi-Wan reveals that his policy on traps is to spring them."

"Oh...sorry it's easy to forget that you have nine years of cultural baggage in your head," she said and motioned for him to continue.

He continued telling how they assaulted the Vineyard and how the Bringers and Caleb were waiting. He went through the battle, like he was giving an after action report. Even after two years the details were fresh enough. He watched her face crumple as he told her how Caleb killed Dianne and Molly. He hugged her.

"How old were they?" she asked.

"Molly was fourteen, Dianne was fifteen," he said his voice soft.

"I killed them," she said taking on the guilt her future self bore everyday.

"No...Caleb killed them. And they aren't dead, Molly and Dianne are alive and well in the here and now.

"This is why you didn't want to tell me?" she asked as he held her, she hadn't learned to wear the mask of leadership yet, now she was just a girl, scared of the future and the responsibility.

"Partly, there's more, it's not worse but it is more personal. That night was the second worse night of my life," he said, she wanted the truth and now that he was talking he couldn't give her nothing less than the unvarnished, raw truth.

"Oh, god...Xander. There's WORSE than this?" she asked.

"First place is a five way tie actually, and no, not talking about them today," Xander said.

"I'm so….so sorry that I dragged you in this," she said as tears flowed.

"Buffy, no...you didn't drag me anyplace I didn't want to go. Yeah there have some really dark days, but there are also the good times and I wouldn't have had those without the rest," he said.

"If my future self doesn't tell you how much she loves you everyday I'm so kicking her ass," Buffy said.

"Do you want to hear the rest of this?" Xander asked.

"Yes, I asked for it. Tell me."

"It became obvious pretty quick that Caleb was just going to kill us all if we didn't bug out, so the order was given, and we started pulling back when Caleb caught me," he paused as Buffy gasped then continued, "He called me the One Who Sees and then said he should do something about that and put his thumb into my left eye, gouging it out. Faith knocked him back and carried me out of there," he said and she broke down at his story of future pain.

"Where was I?" she asked, finally.

"Doing your job, getting the girls out of there," he said.

"You must've hated me," she said.

"No I could never hate you. You made a bad call; it happens. Just ask Custer about the Little Bighorn. You can never be all knowing when going to war and that is what that year was war with the biggest baddest bad...thing we've ever faced and you know what, Buffy?"

"What?" she asked, tears still flowing.

"You kicked its ass," he said bringing a chuckle to the crying Slayers lips.

"Let's go get this thing so you don't have to lose an eye over it, ok?" she said.

"I have to say I'm wholly in favor of this plan."


They walked down the stairs to the natural caves under the winery. Xander didn't know exactly where it was only that Buffy had said that it had been underground. Both Xander and Buffy had been quiet since he told her the story. Giles was just behind them still stunned by Xander's revelations and the fact he didn't blame Buffy, it was extraordinary and spoke up and said so.

"No it's not, anyone would've done the same," Xander replied to the Watcher.

"No, Xander, they wouldn't. Most people even after having an encounter with the supernatural just go back to sleep, however uneasy it might be. You chose at your current physical age to not ignore it. That says something about you, something extraordinary," Giles said.

"Sorry G-Man, I ain't a hero. I was horny and wanted to impress Buffy," he said knowing full well she was right there.

"Hey! You make it sound like I ignored you," she said.

"I don't know if it was because you made a promise to Willow or I just wasn't as well put together or not Buffy, but yeah, high school was kinda dry in the Buffy-thinks-I'm-a-guy category," Xander said.

"I was a fool," she said taking his hand.

"No, I was safe. The slayer in you needs a hint of danger to get you thinking about someone like that," Xander said.

"You think so?" she asked.

"I know so, Buffy. We've talked about this uptime. Without that she's not interested and it colors your emotions. Not that you aren't able to get past it, but for you to take notice of a guy he's got to have a little darkness in him," Xander said, unknowingly having paraphrased Spike from a few years up time.

"That...makes me sound...shallow," she said sounding disappointed in herself.

"No more than the rest of the human race. We all have our things that push our buttons that way. All of mine just happen to come in a nice compact Slayer package," Xander said, and grinned when Giles coughed and started cleaning his glasses.

"We should hurry," he said.

"Sorry, G-man," Xander said clasping Giles' shoulder.

"I'm not," Buffy said grinning at her Watcher's discomfort.

They continued walking and soon came into a large chamber. Inside on a rock was the Scythe. Xander couldn't help but stare at it, but his reaction was one of disinterest compared to Buffy's.

"Its...its...Xander...its…" she stammered as she stared at it.

"I know, go on. Take it, its yours," he said, patting her back reassuringly.

She walked up to the weapon and touched it reverently. Then she grasped it and pulled it free from the stone . She smiled as she held it and came over to Xander and hugged him.

"Thank you," she said.

"It's yours Buffy, I just knew where it was," Xander said.

"Yes, but you had to face some personal demons for this and you did it for me," Buffy said.

"There's a lot of people who would've done this if they had the knowledge," he said.

"Yes, but none of them had to come to a place where they lost people and an eye. You are the bravest man I've ever known," she said, hugging him tightly. Xander put his arms around her and felt like such a fake, this was easy, sure there were bad memories here, but there were bad memories all over Sunnydale.

"I'm really not, Buffy. I'm just doing what I think is right," he said.

"I think you sell yourself short, Xander, but we really should be going. I don't know about either of you, but my breakfast has abandoned me," Giles said, and the three of them left with the Scythe.


He was quiet on the ride back, the old doubts coming back and the wondering if this was fair to her. To deny her the choice of who to be with, since, without Angel he had no real competition for her attention. Then, as ridiculous as it was to think about, was the difference in their ages now. He would never look at Dawn the way he was looking at Buffy now and there was less of a difference in their ages than between him and present day Buffy. Which was another thing bugging him, if a guy his age had been sniffing one of the sixteen year old Slayers, Xander would've had a fit.

Giles trusted him though, so that had to count for something, but he was new to all of this himself. He obviously cared about Buffy, but the parental love Xander had come to associate with the Watcher wasn't there yet, it was building that was true but not to the point that Xander was used to and that caused him doubt. Would the Giles of nine years in the future see this the way his younger self was?

Then there was Buffy herself. In so many ways she was already a grown-up. The mini-Slayers he knew were getting to have childhoods because there was this huge support system in place to allow it. Buffy….she had Giles and the rest of the Scoobies and not much in the way of funding much less back up.

Great, now I'm getting angry at the Council, Xander thought. But it still pissed him off. That stupid test the way they act all imperious and expect her to toe the line. She was the reason they existed and they acted like every little thing they did for her was some kind of gift. He hadn't told her about test, he'd only warned Giles not to do it and he didn't think he would. She needed to know. Her only contacts so far with the Council had been Merrick and Giles, both who actively looked out for her well being, which meant she didn't realize what a viper's nest the old Council really was. He sighed. The First had really done them a favor by destroying it. There was war on the horizon, Xander could see it, it'd been a long time since he'd been soilder boy but that experience still colored a lot of how he saw things. He knew the Council wouldn't let Buffy do things her way, but they were patient and would just wait until the inevitable happened, but after they awoke all the potentials there would be war and it would be without quarter if he knew the Council. Controlling those girls would be WAY too important to the Council for it to be any other way.

He then fell fingers on his shoulders and he closed his eyes at Buffy's touch taking comfort from it. He felt her lean forward.

"I'm sorry," she said, her breath warm against his ear.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Buff," he said and patted her hand.

"You're tense, it was that bad?" she asked.

It took Xander to realize what she was talking about, and he closed his eyes and decided that he'd give her the truth on this, in spite of who was with them.

"It's not the Vineyard. It's what is coming," he said.

"From your memories?" she asked.

"No, just something I'm seeing on the horizon, after we activate all of the Potentials. Willow isn't ready to do it yet and won't be for years yet, but soldier guy is seeing war when we do," Xander said, not censoring himself.

"Soldier guy?" Buffy asked.

"Long story and I'll tell it when GIles isn't driving, but I'm seeing a major problem coming from the Council," he said.

"Why, aren't they the good guys?" Buffy asked.

"Giles is, Merrick was, but as a whole the Watcher's Council is an organization of self-important pompous windbags and that is me being nice. Travers has a lot to do with that as he has a way overdeveloped sense of his own importance in the scheme of things. I'm a nobody and I did more the first week you were here to defend the world that he's ever done," Xander said.

"Really?" Buffy asked.

"Really, there's a stupid barbaric test that the Council has performed on the Slayer on her eighteenth birthday where the Slayer is stripped of her powers and locked in a maze with a vampire," Xander said ignoring Giles' gasp of shock at Xander revealing this to her.

"I'm sorry Giles, but she needs to know that the Council is NOT her friend, not like we are," Xander then continued, "They wanted to perform the test on you, and it almost got you and your mother killed. Giles was fired because he didn't play along," Xander said, leaving out what really happened.

"My god Giles….I know you haven't done it yet...but thank you for trying to protect me," Buffy said and Xander knew she would've hugged the Watcher if he hadn't been driving. Giles stammered a bit and Xander spoke up.

"He loves you Buffy, you're the daughter he's never had and he couldn't bear to see you hurt," Xander said and turned a bit to look at her and saw tears in her eyes. "Not that he'd ever crack that stiff British upper lip long enough to actually admit it verbally."

Buffy chuckled at that and said, "How'd I get so lucky to have two wonderful men in my life?"

"You're you," Xander said and smiled.


"So that's it?" Jesse asked looking at the Scythe.

"Yup," Xander said as both Willow and Jesse stared at it in awe.

"It's beautiful," Willow said, tracing a finger along its spine.

"It's amazing how it feels when I hold it," Buffy said smiling at Xander.

"Shame you can't use it for everyday patrolling, even Sunnydale cops would raise an eyebrow at it," Xander said.

"Xander does have a point," Giles said as they sat in Buffy's living room.

"Yeah, it isn't exactly easy to hide," Buffy agreed. She set the weapon down and went over to Xander and started rubbing his shoulders.

Xander closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch. He was still tense from this morning, more from his realizations than the memories, but he expected to have some nightmares tonight.

"Why is Xander so tense?" Willow asked, concern coloring her voice.

Buffy waited on Xander and he appreciated her deferring to him on this, but he just nodded and said, "Tell them everything, they deserve to know, especially what we discussed in the car,"

He listened as Buffy related the story he'd told her and knew she was on the verge of tears and watched his two best friends become pale at the description of the fight at the Vineyard and by the time Buffy was finished Willow was hugging him tight and Jesse was next to him.

In fact it was getting to be a bit much and Xander said, "Guys I really appreciate how much you care, but it was two years ago, besides, two perfectly good eyes in my head."

"And they are going to stay right there, they're too nice to stare into, I don't care how dashing an eye patch makes you look," Buffy said kissing him on the forehead.

"Yes, Ma'am," Xander said.

"You've got it bad, man…" Jesse said shaking his head.

"You think my being in favor of keeping both eyeballs in my skull is a sign of me being whipped?" Xander asked with a grin.

"No, not at all, but the look on your face when you just said, 'Yes, Ma'am' does," Jesse teased.

"Would you have liked it better if I called her dear?" Xander asked.

"Would've been more honest," Jesse said.

Xander laughed as Buffy blushed at Jesse's teasing.

Giles started cleaning his glasses and Xander chuckled...these were the times that getting shot and seeing Buffy grieve over his body was worth it. He thought about that, and wondered if Buffy deserved to know about that part of his story. There was risk and he'd been convinced that not telling her was the best way to go, and obviously there was no way he could tell her all of it, not yet. Damn it, it seemed the easier things got the harder they became.

"Jesse, can I have a word a minute," Xander asked.

"Of course, bro," Jesse said.

"Excuse me, I need some guy time," Xander said as he stood and led Jesse through the kitchen and to the back and frowned when the hinges squeaked, he'd fixed that years….damnit.

"Since when do you need guy time?" Jesse asked.

"Since I spent nine years surrounded by beautiful women," Xander said.

"You gotta tell me about this," Jesse said.

"That's why I brought you out here, you know how and why I'm here, so I've got a question, should I tell Buffy?"

Jesse frowned, and said, "You've gotten deep on me, man. You've told me your reasons for NOT telling her, but at the same time I think she needs to know," Jessie said.

"Yeah, but that means telling her EVERYTHING," Xander said.

"I'm not sure I follow, you gave Giles a pretty bare bones explanation and you're talking about a nine year relationship with a girl. You've seen her at her best and her worst, hell, you've probably seen her naked in more ways than one," Jesse said.

Xander looked down and started blushing, and Jesse said, "NO WAY! You have!"

"Jesse, focus, man," Xander said.

"Was she your….first?" Jesse asked.

"Jesse! A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell and I only wish," Xander said.

"Now this has me curious," Jesse said.

"What are you, twelve?" Xander asked.

"No, worse, I'm sixteen," Jesse deadpanned.

Xander rubbed his face and knowing Jesse wouldn't drop this he said, "It was Faith."

"Faith?" Jesse said stunned.

"Yeah...I kinda save her life, she was grateful, horny and left me outside of her door in my boxers. So not how I pictured my first time. Oh dear god…." Xander said and sat down as his legs couldn't support him under the weight of THIS revelation.

"What?" Jesse said looking concerned.

"Faith, she's in Boston right now being abused by a string of bad boyfriends of her mother," Xander said closing his eyes.

"So she's going to be called as a Slayer and wind up here right?" Jesse said.

"Jesse you don't understand, for her to wind up here...she watched her Watcher be raped and ripped in half by a really nasty vampire. Diane had been like a mother to her and that's IF she gets called, for that to happen, Buffy and Kendra have to die first. I know what happened to both of them. Buffy's temporary death I think is unavoidable, but Kendra's its not going to happen the same way now, and I don't want to get into the business of letting one friend die just so I can help another," Xander said.

"So don't help them both," Jesse said, putting a hand on Xander's shoulders.

"So I should go to Boston, hope I find her and tell her what?" Xander asked.

"When you put it that way...man...I'm so glad I'm not you," Jesse said.

"The girls are waiting, we better head back in."


When they came back in Buffy saw the look on his face and came running and took him into a hug. "More bad memories?"

"No, just the crushing weight of despair cause I just realized I might not be able to save everyone I love," Xander said, too down to keep up his mask.

Buffy looked at him and said, "We'll do everything to save everyone, baby."

He chuckled, and stroked her hair, and she said, "What?"

"That's the first time you've called me that," he said, not expanding on the fact that he meant ever.

"It feels right," she said.

"Just remember, you've only known me a week, Buffy. We need to take this slow," Xander said, not really wanting to follow his own advice and wondering just how well Buffy could follow it. He knew more about Slayer psychology than anyone currently alive and knew that they tended to not be on the same schedule as the rest of the world, because of their notoriously short life spans. He knew Buffy would be around in almost ten years, but she didn't.

"I hate slow," Buffy said.

"You always have," he said and sighed and said, "Sorry to be a downer guys, I'm still processing the implications of what this all means."


Xander was anxious to get his arm out of the sling, he had all of this nervous energy that he couldn't burn off at all, much less in his preferred activities, but he was out of action for at least three more weeks, and the rehab exercises just weren't enough, so he was out walking by himself. It was still daylight, so it was reasonably safe. He really wished he could jog, but if he was able to do that he'd be able to do other things to burn off his excess energy. Not to mention get himself back into fighting trim.

He found himself walking by Willow's house and it had been a while since he'd seen her by himself and felt a little guilty about that. He went up to the front door and knocked and waited. She soon answered.

"Xander!" Willow said sounding surprised.

"Hey, Wills," Xander said, smiling at one of his oldest friends.

"Come on in," she said and Xander winced.

"Sorry, it's hard to remember not to actually invite someone in," she said, sheepishly.

"You'll get used to it. How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm ok, it's not easy watching you with Buffy, but she really cares about you and she tries not to talk about you when we hang out, it's sweet," she said as she sat on the couch in the living room.

"That's Buffy, when she's not stressing over an apocalypse anyway," Xander said.

"We go through a lot of those?" Willow asked.

"Let's see...we just stopped one with the Harvest, Buffy is going to kill the Master, but I don't really count that as it's really more of a clean up job from the Harvest, then there was the Judge, then one that isn't going to happen cause I've already taken steps to ensure it doesn't, the Sisters of Jhe, the Mayor, Adam, Glory and the First, so that's seven and that's all before we left Sunnydale," Xander said.

"Seven, apocalypses or is that Apocalypi?" Willow asked.

"A friend once asked what does it say about our lives that we need to know what the plural of apocalypse is," Xander said with a smile.

"How's your shoulder?" she asked.

"Hurts, but I'll live. Not the first time I've dislocated it," he paused, "Or rather it IS with this body. Don't recommend time travel. It's confusing."

She laughed and hugged him, then she jumped back, "Sorry…"

"Willow, Buffy won't get jealous over us hugging. You're my best friend I WILL NOT go through life without Willow hugs, is that clear?"

She smiled a small sad smile and asked, "Am I happy in the future?"

The question surprised him for a few seconds, "Yeah, I think you are. It's not all peaches and cream, but the last time I saw you up time you were happy."

"Good," she said.

"Though you could use a shot of confidence," he said.

"Huh?" she asked.

"You are just too quiet, Willow. We may not be meant to be but you're still my best friend and I want you to be happy more often than you aren't. There's two things I want you to do, please," Xander said.

"What?" Willow asked.,

"Start taking self defense, Judo is good, in fact I have a black belt in it so I can teach you and Jesse," Xander said, smiling as the idea popped into his head. This would allow him to maintain a connection with Willow and it would really help her, too.

"Judo?" Willow asked skeptically.

"Best martial art for a normal human fighting vampires. It focuses on using an opponent's strength against them, so it doesn't require a lot of strength," Xander said.

"Ok, I guess we can try it," she said still sounding unsure.

"Good, the next thing I want you to do is talk to Miss Calendar about helping you with your magic. You will be a very powerful Wicca someday, but in my memories you never really had anyone to teach you until you got into some really dark stuff. I don't want to see that happen to you again and I think if you had someone to teach you you'd not only be a better Wicca but you'll be safer," Xander said.

"Why Miss Calendar?" she said.

"She's a technopagan, more important, unlike Giles she has practical experience with magic," Xander said.

"Oh…" Willow said and blinked when Xander suddenly swore.

"I need to talk to her, she might decide to head off to LA now," Xander said, in way of explanation.

"Why?" Willow asked and Xander winced.

"She was here to watch Angel," he said.

"Who's Angel?"

"Vampire with a soul. Champion of the Powers That Screw Us," Xander said.

"Bitter much?" Willow asked.

"Just tired of everyone that is supposed to be on our side being assholes," he said.

"Oh, so what does he have to do with Miss Calendar?" she asked.

"She's a member of the gypsy clan that cursed Angel and that curse has a loophole, if he has a moment of true happiness his soul gets repo'd leaving only the Vampire," Xander said and berated himself for all of the information he was letting out. It wasn't easy when talking to people that in his mind ALREADY knew what he was talking about.

"Ok…" Willow said, not understanding.

"She was sent here to keep an eye on him to ensure that his soul didn't fly the coop," Xander said.

"Is it safe to assume that the first time you did this that's what happened?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, cost Miss Calendar her life too," he said and sighed, "At least GIles won't have to go through that."

"Huh...you mean, GIles and Miss Calendar?" Willow asked.

"Yeah those crazy kids," Xander said with a grin.

"Wow…" Willow said.

"You CANNOT say anything, not until it becomes obvious," he said.

"Ok," she said.

"I better go now if I'm going to get home before dark," he said.

"Ok, have a good night, Xander," she said and hugged him again.

"You too, Wills."


Xander arrived at his house to find his parents drunk and passed out. He shook his head and made an ice pack for his shoulder and went to his room. He stuck the ice pack under the sling strap and did his homework, since it was coming so easy to him this time he figured he might as well do better than the D average he had the first time around. It took a couple of hours to do that. Then the phone rang and he answered the extension in his room.

"Hey," Buffy's voice came over the phone and Xander looked at the clock and frowned.

"Hey, Buffy, what's up?" he asked.

"I missed you," she said and he smiled.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, I also talked to Willow and wanted to tell you that your idea is a good one," she said.

"She didn't seem too sold on it," Xander said, relaxing.

"It's a great idea," she said, and Xander felt uncomfortable again.

"Can I asked you a favor?" Xander asked, pinching the bridge of his nose wondering why he just couldn't relax and enjoy loving her.

"Anything," she said.

"I want to demonstrate what I know. Obviously it'll be after my shoulder is healed but I think them seeing me throw the Slayer around the mat might help convince them that it'll work," Xander said.

"You sound awfully sure of yourself, mister," she said, her tone playful.

"That is because I have every reason to be, missy," he said, the banter feeling right, even through his doubts. It was familiar.

"And how often do you throw me around the mat?" she asked.

"About half the time, we're well matched, when I'm using Judo. With your current lack of experience though…" he trailed off with a smile.

"Xander Harris, is that a challenge?" she said. Yeah...he knew the way to a Slayer's heart, shame it took him nine years to figure it out.

"It's a useful demonstration for the mini-Slayers, especially when we get a new girl," he said, part of him glad that he could talk about this with her as it made him more comfortable.

"So I take it easy on you?" she asked.

"Not on your life, I made you swear that you go all out during those demos, otherwise they wouldn't have the impact they need to have," Xander said.

"Really?" she asked, sounding dubious.

"Yeah, really. It's about half of the time that you win those matches, but you ALWAYS have to work for it," Xander said.

"Which is what you want them to see, right?" she asked.

"Right, you'd be surprised how many of them we get that are just a little bit on the cocky side," Xander said.

"No, can't imagine that at all, so do you ever throw them around the mat?" she asked.

"That's part two of the demonstration, for some reason there's always one or two that think you ARE taking it easy on me," he said and she laughed and his heart warmed to the sound. He'd always loved her laugh.

"That's good to hear," he said.

"What is?"

"You, laughing," he said and was suddenly glad they were talking over the phone.

"Really?" she asked.

"I love your laugh, it's...I don't know how to describe it but it always makes me feel good to hear it," he said.

"Awwww…..you're sweet," she said to him and then he heard Joyce say something in the background.

"I have to go, it's time to patrol," she said sounding like she really didn't want to go.

"I know. Je t'amie," he said unconsciously using a habit he'd gotten into with her after his stint in Africa.

"Xander was that French?" she asked.

"Ummm...yeah, it was," Xander said.

"And did you just say what I thought you said?" she asked.

"Depends on what you think I just said," he said.

"I think you just told me you love me," she said.

"Then you'd be right," he said.

"Where did you learn French?" she asked.

"If I get into the answer for that Buffy, you'll never get to your patrol," he said.

"Ok, je t'amie yourself," she said softly.

"Goodnight, Buffy, call me when you get back please," he said.

"Ok," she said and disconnected.


Xander spent Sunday coming up with a training schedule. First was spears, his African girls really did sell him on spears, at least in the hands of normal humans. The reach and extra leverage was way too useful and he wasn't going to get into easy reach of another vampire if he could help it. He didn't know why he didn't think about it earlier but he didn't and paid the price. He couldn't afford that. The last thing he needed was to get himself or someone else killed because he was cocky. The downside to spears is that they weren't concealable, and like the Scythe weren't practical for routine patrol. However patrols should be more recon anyway. He scribbled down notes and scratched out ideas and thought.

He was starting to get stiff when Buffy called.

"Hello," Xander said answering the phone.

"What are you doing, sweetie?" Buffy said apparently trying on terms of endearment for him.

"Better now that I'm talking to you," he said and thought he could hear her smile through the phone.

"That's good what are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Working on a training program for Jesse and Willow," Xander said.

"Is that such a good idea?" she asked.

"Oh no you don't, don't even think about it," Xander said.

"I worry about them, this isn't their responsibility. You once you train yourself back up can take care of yourself, they can't," Buffy said.

"Sorry Buffy, but joining this fight is their choice, just like it was mine. They will be involved just by being your friends and I'll be damned if they don't know how to defend themselves," Xander said.

"I just don't want them to get hurt," Buffy said.

"Great, we agree on that, we just have different ideas on how to accomplish that," Xander said.

"But what if they get overconfident?" she asked.

"Then I'll be kicking it right out of their asses," Xander said with feeling.

"Wow…" Buffy breathed.

"That got you turned on?" Xander asked.

"A little…" Buffy said sounding sheepish.

Xander sighed, and said, "You've got to trust me on this Buff. I'm a fully trained Watcher that means I know how to train people and get the most out of them without getting them killed."

"You're a Watcher?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, new council needed them cause the First did a bang up job of getting rid of the old guard," Xander said.

"The ones you don't trust," Buffy said.

"Yeah, if it wasn't the same as murder I'd just let the First off them, but there was so much lost when the Council's headquarters was bombed," Xander said.

"That's still years away though, so can we wait to worry about it?" she asked and she sounded painfully young and a twinge of guilt flowed through Buffy.

"I love you, Buffy," he said in response.

"Je t'amie," she said and after a pause she continued, "So where did you learn French?"

"Africa," he said, his voice dark.

"What were you doing in Africa?" Buffy asked.

"Looking for newly activated Slayers," Xander said his mood darkening as it always did when he thought of Africa.

"Bad memories?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I was only there two years but...it's not important," he said not wanting to talk about it.

"What is it like?" Buffy asked.

Xander sighed and knew that she wasn't going to just leave it alone, "Have you ever seen Apocalypse Now?"

"No," she answered.

"That is the closest you can come to understanding what Africa was like for me, now can we please talk about something else?" Xander pleaded.

"Sure, Xander," she said and he could hear her heart breaking for him in her voice.

"Thank you," Xander said.

"So Willow tells me Giles and Miss Calendar?" Buffy asked.

Xander laughed, "I knew she would tell you, I just hope she keeps quiet around them."

"She thinks it's cute...in an ewww-old-people-making-out kind of way," Buffy said and they continued talking.


The next day at school Xander went into the library and found Giles there. He went over to the Watcher and asked, "Any luck in finding the monks?"

"I actually have found them. They are a small order true but not especially secretive about their existence. However when I told them about the Key their leader I think fainted. They said they would need to discuss it before actually doing it. They seemed concerned about the subjects of the spell being in the know before it is cast," Giles said.

"That doesn't sound good, it HAS to happen, Giles. Glory can't get her hands on the Key and Dawn has a right to her life," Xander said.

"You're passion about the subject is commendable, but we can't force them to do it, Xander," Giles said putting a hand on Xander's shoulder.

"You're right, but...I feel so helpless, I have friends out there right now going through hell and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it," Xander said.

"What do you mean?" Giles asked.

"Faith, she's a Slayer, called on May 12th, 1998," Xander said.

"I thought you said-" Giles began before Xander cut him off.

"I know what I said and it's the truth," Xander said.

"Then how?" Giles asked confused.

"Long story, G-Man," Xander said sighing and told him of Buffy's first death and the calling of Kendra and how Drusilla killed her. "Those events will NOT play out the same way now."

"And where is Faith right now?" Giles asked.

"Boston living the high life as the kid of a strung out single mother and there's not a damn thing I can do about it," Xander said, wiping his face.

"Who was her Watcher?"

"Diane...never got a last name out of Faith, she doesn't like to talk about her. It's painful for her," Xander said.

"There's only one Diane I know of in the Council and she wouldn't be cruel to any girl under her care," GIles said.

"Oh, I know that she's a good one, Giles. That's WHY it's painful for Faith. She watched a vampire rape and rip her in half before coming to Sunnydale," Xander said.

"The poor child," Giles said.

"Yeah then she gets here and we treat her like shit until she teamed up with the Mayor," Xander said.

"Why would that be a bad thing?" Giles asked.

"One of many bad things coming that I don't take proactive action on for a host of reasons, the top being that assassination is frowned on in America," Xander said darkly.

"So we'll end up fighting City Hall," Giles said.

"Don't worry, who ever said you can't fight City Hall never met Buffy," Xander said and enjoyed a much needed laugh with the older man.

"I'm not sure what we can do to help Faith, especially since she may never be called now," Giles said after their laughter ended.

"A part of me hates myself for thinking it, but Slayers lives are short and Kendra is a Council Slayer, she was with her Watcher for years before she was Called, she doesn't have the support that Buffy has but I don't want Kendra to die just so we have a second chance with Faith," Xander said.

"I do not envy you your situation," GIles said kindly.

"Azriel warned me that it wouldn't be easy," Xander said as the warning bell rang. "Thanks for listening to the insanity my life is."

"Anytime," Giles said.


Xander joined Buffy Willow and Jesse for lunch. Buffy pulled out a chair next to her and Xander sat between her and Jesse and took a bite out of his….mystery meat and grimaced.

"Are they TRYING to kill us?" he complained.

"This from the guy that won't let any twinkie survive his notice?" Willow asked.

"Do not diss the twinkie. The twinkie is a bite of heaven in a convenient twin wrapped package, this," he said indicating the lunch before him, "is the excrement of a Blilosh demon."

"Surely it isn't that bad," Jessie said.

"Says the man that has brought liver cheese to lunch everyday since kindergarten." Xander said as Buffy smiled at the exchange between the friends.

"Liver cheese is man food," Jesse said solemnly.

"Just so long as you believe that, bro," Xander said smiling at his friend.

"So, any word on my sister?" Buffy asked.

"Giles found the monks, but they need to discuss the matter," Xander said poking at the mystery meat.

"What's to discuss?" Willow asked.

"Apparently they are concerned about what our foreknowledge will do to the spell, which could be bad," Xander said.

"How bad?" Buffy asked.

"Bad enough that they can't do it which means that Glory will get the Key in its non-human form, use it in the most fumble fingers way possible and destroy the world," Xander said darkly, his good mood fading.

"That bad?" Buffy asked.

"Possible, but I don't think its going to be. He wouldn't have sent me back if it was going to make things worse," Xander said again forgetting to censor himself. His comfort with his friends was making that difficult.

"Who?" Buffy asked sounding excited at the prospect of getting more information about her...what were they? Xander wasn't sure.

"Not important, but he's on our side," Xander said.

"Nice to know we've got backup," Buffy said.

"Don't expect much more than a rah rah from the sidelines, Buff," Xander said.

"Oh…" Buffy said and frowned. Then the bell rang and the friends went off to class.


"...so that's what I propose, once I get my arm back," Xander said after he outlined his plan to train them. Buffy looked uncomfortable at the thought of her friends involved at that level.

"You seem to have a solid plan on how to go about this, but I have to say I have my doubts," Giles said.

"What kind, G-Man?" Xander asked.

"They are children, Xander," he said.

"Hey! Sitting right here," Willow said indignant.

"So am I," Xander said.

"You are a twenty five year old trapped in a sixteen year old body, you are hardly a child," Giles said.

"Point, but the first time around I was right where Jesse and Willow are now and I remember just wanting to help, I also remember you and Buffy not being able to stop us. All I'm suggesting is some training to keep the injuries down. LIke it or not we're the heirs of the Council and the more experience we have the better it will be for the girls that will be called," he said.

"You do make a compelling case, Xander, but first you need to heal as you've stated," Giles said.

"You sure you are up to this?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy, just before I came back we had thirty-four girls with us, all from troubled backgrounds and all of them Slayers, yes I can handle training my best friends," he sounded annoyed.

"Sorry," she said.

"So would Dawn be in this training?" Jesse asked.

"Depends on how old she is, if she's ten just basics, if she's fourteen I don't see any reason she shouldn't be included in the full monty," Xander said.

"WHAT?" Buffy shouted.

"Buffy, Dawn is as much a part of this as you are," he said.

"No...I'm supposed to be protecting her, remember?" Buffy said and Xander was surprised at just how much she'd taken to the idea of Dawn.

"Yeah, and you can't be everywhere Buffy. She got into PLENTY of trouble the first time around and not just because of Glory," Xander said.

"Like how?" she asked.

"Well there was the Halloween she almost got changed because her date turned out to be a vampire," Xander said.

"What?!" Buffy shreiked.

"Yeah...that was about your reaction when it happened," he said.

"What else?"

"She did her freshman year at the new Sunnydale High, built by yours truly right on this site. In fact we're standing where the Principal's office will be," Xander said, "Her FIRST day she ran into a ghost with a bad attitude. She survived all of that and more because of two things," he said, his voice intense.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"First she's naturally intelligent and resourceful and second was you. Your example," he said.

"But…" Buffy began and trailed off.

"It isn't your job to raise her Buffy, but you CAN help her by making sure she has the skills your mother CAN'T teach her. Besides, she'll love it. She adores you and the ONE thing she wanted more than anything was to be able to spend more time with you," Xander said.

"How do you do that?" she asked as Jesse and Willow stared in shock.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Rip me a new one and make me feel special at the same time?" she asked.

"Lots of practice," he said with a small smile and was surprised when a familiar voice called out.

"Hi guys! Whatcha doing?"

"How'd you get here so fast?" Buffy asked the newcomer.

"Janice's mom dropped me off."

"Well stay out from underfoot, Dawn," Buffy said.

AN: So how old should Dawn be? Ten or fourteen?