I'm back ! I love this discussion that's been going on about Varian's possible (or not) adoption. In the case of this particular story, I have something in mind about that matter already, and I don't want to spoil anything, but like L, I'd say that it couldn't happen in the situation we have, because of Frederic. Not because he's the King, not because of what happened between him and Varian, but simply because Varian would never accept to have a surrogate father, key word being "father". It would mean he is remplacing his Dad and it would symbolically "kill" Quirin, or at least implies that Varian goes along with the idea that he doesn't have his father anymore. And Varian being Varian, he would blatantly refuse that idea. That's my opinion, and I'm happy to listen to other ideas !
Also, there is no canon age for Elora. She is younger than Varian, I imagine her being around 9. Um, yet, I'm not shipping them as anything else as good friends or maybe a brother/sister relationship. Having a younger person to care for is essential for Varian's growth. He has Ruddiger, but most of the time, it's more Ruddiger who protects Varian rather than the other way around ! And, I said this on tumblr, but Varian is absolutely not ready yet for a romantic relationship whatsoever, not even with Cassandra. Again, just my opinion.
Without further ado…
Chapter 33
The more he was thinking of it, the more anxious Varian got about Ruddiger. He couldn't find a reason why the raccoon would come back. He couldn't find a reason why anybody would stick by him again.
Yet Elora was here, right next to him. He never meant to harm her directly, so the fact that she forgave him somehow made sense in his wrecked mind. It was an entirely different matter with Ruddiger. And, come to think of it, with Cassandra, with Rapunzel. With the Queen.
He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. No, no, he shouldn't reason like that. These people, they…they deserved it. He had no choice. He had to do whatever it took to get a chance to free his father.
It wasn't his fault. None of this was.
He tried to put Cassandra, Rapunzel and the Queen at the back of his mind. But it was hard, because only excruciating guilt towards Ruddiger remained.
Of course, he had to turn it into a monster. It was essential to his plan. But the major difference was that Ruddiger did nothing to bring this upon himself, except hanging out with him, the science weirdo nobody wants to hang out with.
So how could he hope that Ruddiger would forgive him ?
"Varian ? You're shaking", Elora asked. "Are you cold ?"
Varian froze in surprise. He hadn't realized that he was shivering uncontrollably.
"Um… a little bit", he lied, fully aware that extreme stress was causing his shallow, shuddering breaths and knots in his stomach. "I should go for a walk. I… I think I need a minute", he added.
Elora looked at her friend with her big, round eyes, and decided :
"Okay. I'll be up the hill with Grandma."
Varian felt a wave of relief flood over him.
"Thank you."
Elora stood up and ran to meet Ethel who was still waiting by the wheelchair. The little girl's steps seemed much lighter than before, her feet barely touching the ground.
The boy watched her leave, wishing for a moment that he could still be as carefree as her. He knew it would never happen again.
He abruptly scrambled up to his feet, or rather his all four, limbs quivering and head dizzy. He barely had time to hide behind the steady chestnut tree as his stomach started to heave. One hand on the trunk, the other one on the ground, Varian threw up the little amount of food he had taken earlier. He stayed there on his knees, spasms continuing to wreck his small frame, this time caused by more sobs. Tears started to leave his closed eyelids and slide down his nose. He felt disgusted by himself, sick to his stomach with what he'd done.
"Ruddiger… Ruddiger…" were the only words he could articulate under his breath.
In a sudden surge of energy, he stood up and staggered into the think bushes where the raccoon disappeared earlier. Branches and thorns scraped his skinny, exposed legs and hands but he didn't seem to register the pain.
"Ruddiger !" he shouted with a louder voice. "Please come back ! I'm sorry ! Please...Ruddiger, I'm so sorry…"
His voice was hoarse with so much crying in one day, but that didn't stop him. Only when his last bit of strength left him did he sink to the ground. Or was it the last flicker of hope ?
Ruddiger was nowhere to be found. Too weak to stand and go on searching, Varian let out his frustration by punching the ground repeatedly with his bare hands.
"Why ?" he cried. "Why did I do that ? What is wrong with me ?"
After a while, tired of hitting the grass below him, he sat back on his heels and hid his face in his hands, shedding hot, uncomfortable tears.
He felt a soft touch on his knee. Elora, probably. Oh no, he thought. He didn't want her to see him cry again. He forced himself to stop sobbing and wiped his face with the back of his hand.
"I'm okay… I'm okay, Elora, I just…"
He paused as he opened his eyes. Through his vision blurry with tears, he couldn't distinguish the pastel colors of the little girl. In front of him there was a small, grey and black bundle of fur, its black front paws still resting on his knee.
Varian fell silent. He used his other arm to wipe his eyes again.
Ruddiger was there, looking at him with worried eyes, a concerned croon escaping his throat. Ruddiger was there, but Varian couldn't believe it.
Raccoon and boy stared at each other as if they were meeting for the first time. No one dared to move for fear it might break the spell of that moment.
Ruddiger tilted his head sideways, crooning again and looking at his friend expectantly.
I'm here. I'm here with you. I don't know what you are going to do now, but I'm okay with staying here anyway and finding out.
"Oh, Ruddiger…" Varian whispered. Then, all doubts gone, he wrapped his arms around the raccoon and pulled him into the most precious hug ever between them. More tears came, flowing freely and bringing relief this time. Ruddiger snuggled into Varian's shoulder, taking in the boy's scent he knew so well and that he had missed so much.
Varian whispered more words of regret, shame, relief, gratefulness, all at the same time, for his raccoon alone. Things that sprang directly from his broken heart, things he never said to anyone and that flew away with the wind. The two friends could have stayed like this for hours, just basking in the joy of the moment and the warm feeling of their friendship being whole again.
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Arianna was walking up the stairs to get back to her room, focused on her thoughts more than on the steps. She didn't really know why she went to talk to Nigel, and it troubled her usually composed mind.
Right then it seemed she only did it because she needed to release her anger. But what solution, what new perspective did it bring ? Absolutely none. It was wrong that she somehow wanted to carry out justice herself and she knew it. Come to think of it, there wasn't much difference between what she did, even if it was just a slap, and what Nigel did. And what Varian even did back then, when he felt ignored and shunned by everyone.
As much as she hated to admit it, she was itching to see Nigel pay for what he did to Varian. And somehow, it made her understand why her husband was so reluctant to give Varian some slack. He too, must have been itching to see the boy pay for putting his wife and daughter in danger.
She herself wasn't sure where she stood anymore. Varian did very bad things when his rage blinded him, most of them she couldn't approve, but part of his anger she could relate too. But occasionally, nightmares about that night would come and plague the few hours of sleep she was trying to get when she was too tired to look after Varian, and it was hard for her to forget what she felt like at that moment.
When she reached her quarters at last, she closed the door behind her and took a few steps to stand in the middle of the huge bedroom. The high ceiling above her made her feel smaller than it ever did. She clenched her fists and let out a long cry of frustration. Last time it happened, it was when Willow burst into her life again, only to awkwardly steal the mother-daughter time she was finally getting with Rapunzel and looking very much forward to.
The last words she said to Nigel were ringing in her ears.
"You should know that the reason why your sentenced hasn't been carried out yet is that the King and I discussed and came to the conclusion that Varian has the right to understand your motives and to confront you during your trial."
She walked to the window, shuffling her feet with weariness and gazed out the window. Beyond the pavilion and down the hill, she could see Ethel rolling the wheelchair behind Varian and Elora helping him to sit down on it before spreading the blanket on his lap. An excited small animal hopped around the chair before jumping onto the boy's shoulders. He's bringing them both home, she thought with immense relief. Well done, Varian. I'm so proud of you.
