AN: Hey guys! Long time no post! Hope you don't hate me for the long wait. I have been really busy the past two plus years. Got married, she has a kid, so I've been working lots to pay bills. In fact I'm a bit in the dog house with my wife for finishing this. Seems she thinks that since I have to get up a five in the morning I should be in bed. Alas I needed to get this done lest my head explode.

Ubique - Haven't stopped it as you can see, just can't predict when the next chapter will be up. Glad you enjoy it though.

FFF2324- Judgement call on Dawn's age, I've already explained my thoughts on the spell itself and I decided it would be fun to play with Dawn at age 10 as opposed to older.

Bluesky- She hasn't been pregnant long, the zygote hasn't even implanted up to the point you've read so its coming, there just hasn't been time yet.

Darkcloud- I think I've found an approach that will keep me from having to reformat it when I upload the story.

Cyn- Here you are! I did get in trouble with my wife getting it up, so hope you enjoy it! (seriously it was about to break my skull open but my wife isn't a writer so she doesn't understand)

Unicorn - I'm not sure if you are correct about the term Padawan being known among Star Wars fans in 1996 or not. I'm a pretty big SW fan and even played the West End Games Roleplaying Game in the nineties and don't remember ever seeing the term. Furthermore he used it with Buffy, if memory serves Willow and Jesse never heard it.
Second, on the GED that is just Xander's opinion of it and he's far from perfect. :)

Maud- I've made a choice to keep Xander being my only POV character. I like the challenge of not bouncing around. If I had done this in first person I don't think the lack of another POV would bug you as much, but I'm just not comfortable writing that way. On wanting more story, I assume you mean more action and less of Buffy and Xander's relationship. Sorry, there will be action this chapter but I really needed to deal with the emotional stuff too. Can't promise there won't be more sappiness in the future but there will be action. It is the Buffyverse after all. As far as Buffy becoming a supporting character, I wasn't aware there was a rule that the main character in a fandom had to remain so in a fanfic. This is Xander's story, we've seen Buffy's story so yeah, she kinda is in this story, sorry if that bugs you.
On the Ben is Glory/Glory is Ben thing I haven't decided.

BlueEyed- Glad you are enjoying it.

BigFan- Sorry I made you and everyone else wait so long

Sinful- I disagree with Buffy, first, in this story I've obviously chucked the comics. I don't know what Joss was thinking when he wrote them but I've read Fanfiction's I liked better. On the point of Buffy sleeping with Satsu, that's like saying I like liver if I seemed to enjoy it when I was on the verge of starving. The comics make it clear Buffy was in desperate need for a tumble in the sheets so she experimented, that in and of itself doesn't make her bi, just like eating and enjoying liver when you are starving makes you a liver lover. In willows case I kinda agree, but in later seasons she seems to have decided she's not going back to boys, but the jury's still out. Still glad you are enjoying the story.

Tpes- Fluffy is going to happen. I had to deal with those issues and unlike the series I don't feel like I have to have a major fight every chapter/episode. This chapter turns up the action a bit though.

Grd- You'll probably need to to do that again. :)

WBH- So true.

Now on to the story!

***
Story Start ***

Xander smiled as the little girl ran toward him. It was a shame Buffy was working with Kendra and Faith. She loved watching her play.

"Daddy! Daddy! Watch me!" the blonde haired girl shouted with a grin that mirrored her father's lopsided grin as she climbed the slide.

"I see you sweetheart!" Xander called back, enjoying the peace. There really weren't enough days like this, he thought as she slide down the slide.

"She sure takes after both sides," a unwelcome, familiar voice said.

"You shouldn't be here, I still have three weeks left," Xander said conversationally.

"You wound me, I was just passing through and saw this sickeningly adorable moment and just HAD to stop by," Lucifer said.

"Go please, and add an extra month to the time you need to leave me alone since you can't seem to keep your word..oh...wait...you are constitutionally incapable of keeping your word," Xander said drily.

"She really is adorable, I bet you're proud of her," Lucifer said, ignoring Xander.

"We aren't pals and you're still here," Xander said his voice still mild.

"Fine...I'll just gather what I came for and go, you'd think the whole of the heavenly host could watch ONE little girl. Alas she has you and the Slayer for parents, therefore she's doomed to being slippery."

Xander realized quickly and with rising horror what was about to happen, he moved to tackle the Prince of Lies but found himself chained to the park bench. He screamed soundlessly as Lucifer went over to his daughter and picked her up and she immediately began crying.

"Daddy! Daddy! Help me! Daddy!" she screamed through her tears.

Lucifer turned with the precious bundle in his arms and said, "It's really a shame she didn't know better than to get into her body as soon as she found you and Buffy. Be seeing you!"

The fallen Angel then disappeared in a cloud of sulphurous smoke. Xander suddenly found himself free and began running he soon realized he was screaming.

"Celia! Celia! Bring her back you black hearted bastard! Celia!"

"Celia!" Xander screamed again this time sitting up in bed drenched in sweat, Buffy starting to stir next to him.

"Xander? What's wrong?" she said sleepily.

"Get up Buffy, we're about to have company unless I miss my guess. I just hope...PRAY that I'm wrong,"

"Huh? Who's Celia?" Buffy asked.

"Our daughter, and I'm afraid Lucifer has her...or rather her soul," Xander said, sounding terrified even to himself.

"What?!" Buffy exclaimed bounding out of their bed and throwing on a robe as Xander put on a t-shirt, and they both went downstairs to find Azrael along with whom Xander assumed was another Angel. Both members of the Heavenly Host looked distraught.

"What happened?" both Xander and Buffy said at the same time.

"Sit, the explanation won't take long, but the planning on what to do about it might," Azrael said, solemnly. They sat as Joyce and Dawn came down the stairs.

"What were you screaming about Xander?" Joyce asked.

"Just living the nightmare, Mrs. S," Xander said sounding weary.

"Who are these people?" Joyce asked.

"Mrs. S, Azrael, Angel of Death, and a friend, and his companion who hasn't been introduced yet," Xander said, indicating the angels.

" Forgive me, this is Gabriel, Joyce," Azrael said introducing the other angel.

"Gabriel?" Joyce said.

"Neat! Angels in the living room! Wait until I ...don't tell Janice," Dawn wilted under the glare of the grown-ups. "I never get to tell her any of the cool stuff."

"They aren't here on a social visit Dawn," Buffy said.

"Yes, now get back to bed young lady, you have school in the morning," Joyce gently chided.

"Ok, ok…" the dejected ten year old said as she shuffled back up the stairs mumbling to herself. Once she was back upstairs, Joyce took a seat on the couch next to Buffy while Xander still stood. He was furious...no he wasn't furious...he was murderous. He was going to kill that bastard if it took his whole life to do it.

"What happened? What Xander said was pretty scary and with you two here...it isn't helping," Buffy said as Xander paced.

"We were bringing her soul so implantation could occur, it's normally a milk run, but not this time. We knew he might try something, but what we didn't count on was her getting away from the fight," Gabriel said, he voice despondent. "I'm so sorry, Buffy."

"We need details," Xander said, fighting to keep his anger focused on the real enemy. He could tell Buffy was doing the same a little bit more successfully.

"He sent a couple of thousand demons after us, we defended her and after the fight she'd run off. Poor thing, must've been scared to death," Gabriel said.

"She didn't seem that way in my dream," Xander said.

"What was your dream?" Azrael asked

"We were at the park and she was playing, seemed to be about four maybe five. She was having fun and I was enjoying watching her play. Then Lucifer showed up and tried to chat, then he took her," Xander said, his voice low.

"Oh...baby," Buffy said and came over to him and gave him a hug.

"Then you woke up?" Joyce asked.

"Pretty much," Xander said rubbing his face.

"Ok...so he's trying to escalate this," Azrael said looking thoughtful.

"Why?" Buffy asked.

"Why what, Buffy?" Azrael asked.

"Why is he messing with our family?" the Slayer asked, and Xander started rubbing her shoulders.

"Beyond that your family stopped him from ending everything?" Gabriel asked.

"Yes, why is he trying to end it, it's not like he gets anything for it, does he?" Xander asked.

"He wins the war. The war didn't end when Michael and Christ cast him and his followers out of Heaven. It was a terrible time fighting my brothers. Civil wars are never any fun, especially angelic ones," Gabriel said.

"So Paradise Lost actually happened?" Joyce asked.

"In the gross, yes. Milton didn't get many details right though," Azrael answered.

"What caused the war?" Buffy asked.

"Lucifer thinking he knew better than God, that and a misunderstanding he had," Gabriel replied.

"What was the misunderstanding?" Xander asked.

"That the Angels would be given dominion over the Earth, as you know that was given to Humanity. It made him furious that such a perfect creation would be given over to animals as he called humans. He didn't understand what the truth was," Azrael said, sighing at the end.

"Which is?" Joyce asked.

"Mortals are the heirs of God, someday each of your souls will be as he is-able to make your own creations and so on," Gabriel said.

"So he's basically trying to smash everything because he's petty and jealous?" Buffy asked.

"In essence, yes," Azrael replied.

Xander sighed, "He's the one that let the demons onto the Earth, isn't he?"

"Yes, though he couldn't do it on his own, he did have to have help," Gabriel said.

"Lemme guess, it involves an apple," Joyce said.

"Literary license. The truth is a bit more complicated," Azrael said.

"So what is the truth?" Buffy asked.

"As you know from Genesis there were two trees in the Garden, which was kinda like a playpen for who you call Adam and Eve, the first humans with mature souls. God initially denied them permission to eat from the Tree of Knowledge not because of any punishment, but because the tree's fruit, for lack of a better word, wasn't ripe yet," Gabriel said.

"But Lucifer convinced Eve to eat it anyway," Xander said.

"It wasn't her fault, she was young, and really didn't know any better, but the fruit gave her knowledge, but not the wisdom the ripe fruit would have," Azrael said.

Buffy pinched her nose, "He convinced her to cast a spell to let the demons in, right?"

"Yes, but we weren't able to do anything for the same reason we're limited now, we don't want the collateral damage. I assume you are familiar with Revelations?" Gabriel asked.

"Yes," Joyce said wincing.

"That is what would happen if full scale war broke out, it hasn't gotten bad enough to do that," Azrael said.

"So Revelations isn't a prophecy it's more of a Civil Defense manual on what to do in case of Apocalypse?" Xander asked.

"Essentially yes," Gabriel replied.

"Ok...that's the background, now how do we get my daughter into my womb where she's in for at least a nine-month grounding?" Buffy asked.

"That is easier said than done, but she's lucky to have the Slayer and the White Knight as parents cause you stand a good chance of pulling it off," Azrael said.

"How do we pull this off?" Xander asked.

Azrael and Gabriel explained their plan and Joyce paled at the description of what her daughter and son-in-law had to do to get her granddaughter's soul back.

"Are you both willing to do this?" Joyce asked.

"We don't have any choice, Mrs. S. She's our little girl," Xander said as Buffy leaned her head on his shoulder.

"You'd do the same for Dawn or me Mom, if you had the ability and opportunity," Buffy said.

"What time is it?" Xander asked.

"3:30," Joyce said in response.

"We better get what sleep we can then, I don't think the next few days will afford us much chance," Buffy said.

"Agreed," Xander said.

"We'll meet you at the school first thing in the morning," Azrael said.

"Just after sunrise," Xander agreed then he and Buffy went back to their room, neither got very much sleep in the remaining two and half hours of the night.

***
Scene Break ***

Xander yawned as he sat in the Library, Jesse was rubbing his eyes and yawned also. He was the first to arrive after Xander and Buffy. Giles entered and while he looked fully put together Xander could see the worry in his eyes. Xander reached for a donut and began to eat it as Willow shuffled into the Scoobies' Sanctum Sanctorum, the redhead was followed by Tara and her mother, who was carrying the Scythe. The three of them didn't look all that happy at having been awoken so early on a Saturday. Owen made the group complete and also had more donuts.

"Oh...didn't know you'd already got them," he said.

"It's fine, Owen. More sugar will be a good thing this morning," Xander reassured him.

"So who died?" Jesse asked, and Xander figured he'd noted the glum on his and Buffy's faces.

"It's not the baby is it?" Willow asked, her voice fearful.

"Not yet, Wills," Buffy asked and Willow nodded looking relieved.

"What do you mean, not yet?" Samantha asked, seeming to be more awake than the rest of the Scoobies.

Xander told them of his dream and the Angels' visit, by the time he was done everyone was awake and worried.

"So you have to GO TO HELL because Lucifer kidnapped Celia's soul?" Jesse asked.

"Pretty much," Xander said.

"Whoa.." Jesse said.

"And just to make things interesting, we have to get her into her body before a week's up or…" Buffy started but tears kept her from finishing. Xander hugged her.

"It's not going to happen, babe."

"Dear God, Buffy. This is terrible," Tara said and both her and Willow took her out of Xander's embrace into a three-way hug.

"What I want to know is how you're going to accomplish this," Giles put in.

"With a lot of audacity, luck and essence of Angel," Xander told the Watcher.

"I see we're late," Azrael said as the two angels appeared.

"I TOLD you breakfast at Denny's would take too long," Gabriel chastised the other Angel.

"It took just enough time for Xander and Buffy to get everyone up to speed," Azrael said.

"Just finished," Xander said yawning.

"Xander...I know you've met before, but its the freaking Angel of Death! And Gabriel Messenger of the Lord…" Giles said in awe.

Xander looked at the normally unflappable Watcher and said, "Since they aren't much on social visits, I'd rather they not be here." He then looked over at the angels and said, "No offense."

"None taken, and truly understandable," Azrael said.

"Are you sure you aren't acting just out of anger?" Giles asked.

"Damn skippy I'm acting out of anger Giles. I want the bastard on a spit on a slow turn over a very hot flame for what he's done," Xander said.

"And it wasn't before?" Samantha asked mildly.

"No...not really. It really was kinda abstract, business. He kept people from being born true, but emotionally it feels different than actively trying to kill them, and he's actively trying to murder Celia before she even has a chance to live," Xander said.

"It's made Lucifer's interference in our lives...real, and I'm pissed about it. He wants a war? He's got one. No one messes with my family," Buffy added.

"Shall we get started then? We don't have a lot of time," Azrael said.

"Yes," Buffy and Xander said in unison.

"If the circumstances were different that would've earned an awww," Jesse said.

"Hold down the fort, my friend," Xander said to him and the bumped fists.

Buffy took the Scythe from Samantha and hugged her.

"Good luck," Samantha said.

"Thank you."

"Ready?" Azrael asked.

"So..do we have to hit bricks until a giant mushroom pops up?" Xander quipped.

"Not...exactly." Azrael said as he and Gabriel positioned themselves in front of Buffy and Xander. Then the two angels cupped the newlyweds cheeks and kissed both full on the mouth. Buffy and Xander began to glow slightly as the Angel's glow seemed to fade. Then the angels broke off the kisses.

"Hmmm...ok...not what I was expecting…" Xander said, then kissed Buffy.

"What was that for?" Buffy asked.

"Just making sure I'm still straight. Good news, I am," Xander said.

***
Scene break ***

Buffy, Xander and the other Scoobies soon found themselves in the basement of the school. Xander using his memory of rebuilding the school to lead them to the right spot, he was carrying a pickaxe.

"This it?" Buffy asked.

"Are you sure we can open it?" Xander asked.

"With part of our graces in you just a few drops of your blood should be enough to do it," Gabriel said. "Oh, wait," he dug something out of his pocket, handing it to Xander. "You'll need these as well."

Then Azrael stepped forward and handed Xander a scroll, "This is a map of the Underworld. Celia's soul will be marked on it.

Xander looked quickly at what Gabriel handed him, pocketed it and stuck the scroll in his back pocket. He then swung the pick ax at the floor and kept digging with Buffy switching off with him.

"I wish you'd just let me do this?"

"You'll be doing most of the fighting down there, I don't want you exhausted from manual labor," Xander said as he finished up breaking up the concrete revealing the dirt beneath. He then began digging with a shovel. It took several hours and after an hour the other Scoobies took over the digging.

"You need your strength too, Xander, we're not going so we can afford to be achy and sore," Willow said to the expectant parents.

"Can you protect them and everyone if this goes south?" Xander asked Azrael as he watched his friends dig.

"Not a single Turok-Han will get out, you have my word," Azrael said softly.

"Good, I want a world to come back to," Xander said as Willow's shovel hit metal.

The seal was quickly uncovered and the Scoobies looked at it in equal measures of awe and horror.

"The actual Hellmouth…" Giles breathed.

"Yeah...place gives me the creeps. Last time I saw it I was having a very bad date until Buffy saved me from it," Xander said.

"If it was here it must've been bad," Buffy said.

"Yeah, being bled over that thing doesn't make me much want a second date, and here I am about to do it to myself for my daughter," Xander said, his tone hard.

"You're going to be a great dad. Let's get our little girl," Buffy said and sliced her hand on the Scythe then handed the weapon to Xander who did the same. They let the blood flow down to the seal and it opened.

"Shall we go get our daughter back?" Xander asked Buffy.

"We shall and give Lucifer a solid kick in the balls on the way out," Buffy said and with that the Slayer and White Knight jumped into the Hellmouth.

***
Scene Break ***

"I'm not seeing any of the Tookie-Rans down here," Buffy said as they reached the tunnel that led to the cavern.

"They may not be here yet," Xander said as they walked.

"I hope they aren't around at all," Buffy said.

"Wouldn't hurt my feelings a bit," Xander said.

They walked in silence. Xander found himself wishing he could've brought a weapon with him, but once they got to the true underworld, any weapons he brought would've aged to useless in seconds. Only the Scythe's magic protected it from a similar fate.

They stepped out of the tunnel into the cavern the final battle against the First would take place in. It was surprisingly well lit from the fires everywhere.

"This is where the final fight against the First happens?" Buffy asked.

"It matches your description pretty well...except for that," Xander said pointing to a statue.

The two of them walked over to it and Buffy gasped. "It's...it's me. Xander why is there a statue of me down here?"

"Uh...I don't think it is you, Buff. I think it's the First evil," Xander said.

"The First Evil looks like me?" Buffy asked in horror.

"No...it looks like whatever it wants to, the only rules it has is it can only appear as someone who's died."

"And I had died at the time of this battle, but why is this here?" Buffy asked.

"That I'm not sure, unless the gem that Spike wore actually KILLED it," Xander speculated.

"Shouldn't that be impossible?"

"I thought it would be, but if that was the case, it means the First died in every moment it existed in….we'll have to research it when we get back; the implications are giving me a headache and I haven't thought of them all yet," Xander said and shook his head. They left the disturbing effigy behind and continued deeper into Hell.

***
Scene Break ***

"I'm surprised we haven't been attacked yet," Buffy said.

"Az said this was more like a subway system between universes, which is why bad things like that lovecraftian nightmare that lives under the Library comes out when idiots try to open the damn thing," Xander said.

"Lovecraftian?" Buffy asked.

"Oh..sorry forgot you haven't seen Fluffy yet," Xander said.

"Fluffy?" Buffy asked dubiously.

"Gotta call it something, and I'm NOT calling it what it looks like," Xander said as they squeezed through a narrow spot.

"So why did you call it lovecraftian?" Buffy asked.

"Cause only H.P's twisted imagination could come up with it. You've never read H.P Lovecraft's books have you?" Xander asked.

"No...should I?" Buffy asked.

"Not unless you want to, he takes after the Tolkien school of writing, meaning yes, it's technically English, but virtually unreadable," Xander said.

"What are they about?" Buffy asked.

"Basic plot is man finds Forbidden Knowledge, something that Man Must Not Know. This is made perfectly plain by the numerous warnings on the tome but guy pays no attention and releases an Elder God that either kills him or drives him insane. The main Elder God of Lovecraftian Mythos is Cthulu. Has tentacles where he face should be and Fluffy has lots and lots of tentacles," Xander said.

"Remind me never to let anyone open it in the library," Buffy shuddered. The two of them walked on in companionable silence for a while then Buffy asked, "So, would it be possible for us to make Giles look that way again?"

"It's possible. Though the image of Giles sputtering when Az told him that Leprechauns had existed is going to provide me laughter throughout my life," Xander said smiling at the conversation that had taken place while they had been digging up the Hellmouth.

"Yeah, the only thing that would've made it better would've been if he'd been drinking something when Az told him," Buffy said grinning at the memory.

They continued on in silence until they started hearing running water. "We must be getting close," Xander said.

"Good the sooner Celia is where she belongs the happier I'll be," Buffy said.

They soon came to a large cavern and saw a large river flowing through it. The cavern was humid and wisps of fog swirled around their feet. Ahead from the tunnel they had just exited was a small dock made of bone. There was a horn hanging from a post at the start of the dock. Xander swallowed as they approached the dock.

Buffy took the horn and blew into it and a mournful howl came out of the horn. "How long do you think he'll take?"

"I have no idea, kinda my first trip through the underworld here," Xander said causing Buffy to swat him lightly in the chest. "Wow...tough room."

"But you love me anyway," Buffy said sweetly as the telltale sound of the ferry approaching came from the gloom. The ferry looked like it had seen better days, but the interior looked dry at least. The ferryman himself was a picture right out of a horror film. His eyes glowed red which was the only facial feature Xander could see. He was dressed in black robes that looked like they seen better days. It didn't take long for the ferry's pilot to dock the boat and once done he held out a skeletal hand. Xander pulled out two silver coins out of his pocket and gave them to the ferryman and he motioned them onto the ferry. It wobbled a little as they got in and sat down.

"It's been a long time since breathers took my ferry. What brings you to the underworld anyway, kids?" the ferryman asked.

"Our daughter was taken by Lucifer. Azrael told us this is where he lives...for lack of a better term," Xander said.

"Lucifer...Terrible boss, you know he won't let me take a single break even though it's been dead down here ever since the Boss's kid finished the super highway to heaven. I've had to pee for nearly 2000 years," the ferryman said to the grimaces of Buffy and Xander.

"You...uh...can hold it that long?" Buffy asked making a face.

"Not an easy trick, let me tell you missy. I've had to grow myself ten new bladders just to do it. You kids want to see'em?" the ferryman asked.

"Uh...no thanks," Xander said.

"Ah well, your loss. They'd be the most interesting thing you'd see on the trip," the ferryman said then started belching out "It's a Small World After All" and Xander and Buffy winced and were grateful when they saw the far dock come into view from the gloom. The ferryman docked the ferry. Xander and Buffy got out and started walking away.

"Hey kids!" he called after them.

"Yes?" Buffy asked.

"If you have time, could you do me a itsy bitsy favor and bust my old boss out of Tartarus for me? I'd really appreciate it. I'm about needing to grow myself a eleventh bladder and Hades always used the soft whips," the Ferryman said

"We'll see what we can do," Xander said as they walked off from the ferryman.

They walked for a few minutes in silence, holding hands, then Buffy spoke, "What do you think? Az said there'd be allies down here."

"I don't know, my greek mythology is a bit rusty, but Hades in the Disney's Hercules was a bit of a bastard," Xander said.

"Disney is doing a movie about Hercules?" Buffy said.

Xander moaned, and sighed, "It's not out yet, is it?"

"Afraid not, hon," Buffy said sounding amused at his disappointment.

"Let's do it, he's gotta be pissed off at Lucifer, which means that he should provide a distraction at least," Xander said.

***
Scene break ***

They soon arrived at the Pit of Tartarus, they could see several of the larger tortures going on in there, they moved closer passing by a huge skeleton that was chained to a nearby wall. It seemed to be a dog of some type, but it had three heads.

"Wow...that thing must've been something when it was alive," Buffy said looking at the skeleton.

"Something familiar about it. Ashley was doing a report on Greek myths and was really getting into it the week before I was shot. Everytime she saw me she would start babbling about it, now I wish I had paid closer attention," Xander said.

"Report on Greek myths? How old was she?"

"She was turning 13 on March 8th. Birthdays are really big deals," Xander said his eyes distant.

"You'll see them all again," Buffy said taking his hand.

"Of course I will. I miss them though , but missing them is a small price to pay for being with you," Xander said with a smile. Then arrived at the edge of the pit and heard a loud echo.

"You BASTARDS! Leave her alone!" the voice roared.

"Whoa...sounds like Lucifer is inventive with torture," Xander said as the echo sounded again.

"Persephone! I'll get you out of that somehow!" the voice said.

"Persephone?" Buffy asked looking at her husband.

"Gah….I know Ash mentioned her...she was having Twilight eyes when she was talking about it," Xander said, closing his eyes and air banging his head.

"Twilight eyes?" Buffy asked.

"It's what we took to calling the look the Mini-Slayers got when discussing Edward Cullen," Xander nearly spat the name.

"The sparkling vampire, right?" Buffy asked.

"Yup," Xander said popping his p. "Whoa...just realized something. We haven't ran across a single full-blooded demon."

"Full-blooded demon, what is THAT?"

"What exists on Earth now are all half breeds or something more diluted," Xander said.

"Half-breeds? What are full-blooded demons like?" Buffy asked.

"Like half-breeds…only the size of semi trucks," Xander said.

"Do I want to hear the story of this?" Buffy asked.

"Yes….but it can wait a while," Xander said.

"So you seem surprised by this, any reason you forgot to mention it?" Buffy asked.

"I just didn't think of it, but it was missing and just now clicked. Makes me wonder where they are at though," Xander said.

"You are starting to sound like Giles, babe," Buffy commented as they watched for patterns in the Pit.

"I AM a Watcher, Buff. Just on Mini-Slayer duty instead of having one Slayer to watch," Xander replied.

"You are?" Buffy asked then looked thoughtful. "Of course you are..there probably not many of the old council left and Giles would need help."

Xander smiled at her when the echoing voice sounded again.

"Each of you will feel ten thousand times the pain you inflict on her, this, I, Hades swear!" the voice said.

"Ok...guess we know he's down there," Xander said.

"Let's see if we can get a closer look," Buffy said and they moved deeper into the Pit.

***
Scene Break ***

Buffy and Xander came to the last rock large to cover them in the Pit. The air smelled strongly of sulphur this close to Tartarus. Xander looked at the demons in the Pit of Tartarus and made a mental count. He grimaced as he finished.

"Not good?" Buffy asked.

"No. I'm counting at least fifty Fyarl demons out there and they seem to be led by those two Rexwall demons," Xander said finding himself really wishing for a weapon.

"What can they do?" Buffy asked.

"The Fyral's are dumb as rocks, but strong. Nothing really special about them except strength. The Rexwall demons are smarter and grow knives in their forearms that they are very accurate at throwing," Xander said.

"How many can they grow?"

"The most I've seen is three in a fight, but that's because they are usually dead by then," Xander said.

"So effectively unlimited, lovely," Buffy said sighing. "So who's our guy or god or whatever?"

"He seems pretty chatty so I think we'll just have to wait until he bellows again," Xander said.

"LUCIFER! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SUFFER!" The voice bellowed again.

"Right on cue," Xander said drily.

"I'll take it, now what's the plan?" Buffy asked.

"The only one I have is you distract the guards and I go after Hades then we come running to help," Xander said.

"It's simple, I'll give you that," Buffy said.

"Yeah, about it's only virtue, but we are on the clock and don't have much in the way of back up or resources," Xander said.

"Just hurry," Buffy said, kissing his cheek and darting off screaming, "Hey boys! Want a chance at a Slayer?"

The results were immediate if a bit predictable. All the Fyarl demons charged Buffy and Xander had to fight his instinct to help her. He didn't dare look at her as he made his way to Hades.

"Who are you?" the Lord of the Underworld asked.

"My name's Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you," Xander quipped.

"A mortal, rescuing me? Will wonders never cease, but please, help my wife first," Hades asked.

"How are you two held here?" Xander asked.

"The crystals. Destroy them and our powers will return and we can free ourselves," Hades said.

"Ok..how hard can that be? I'm great at breaking things," Xander said to himself.

He went to the crystal nearest Persephone and reached out to it only to be knocked down by a pulse of power. It stung. A lot. His entire body was pins and needles and he moaned.

"Ok...not quite that easy," he muttered. He then looked at the ground to see if he could find a rock or something to throw at the crystal. He found a roughly baseball sized one on the ground and threw it at the crystal with a technique that would've embarrassed Bartolo Colon, but got the job done. The crystal shattered and Xander grimaced as he realized that the Angels' best pitcher was now playing for Cleveland and shuddered. Xander reached Persephone as she collapsed from the spire she'd been held to. Her eyes fluttered a bit then she stood on her own power.

"My sweet, darling dufus of a husband, had to get me out first," she said and reached out with her hand and the second crystal shattered freeing Hades.

Hades slumped to the ground and then rose, "Of course, my darling. You're always first in everything," he said and bent down to kiss Persephone.

"Later, dear, we have thanks to give first," Persephone said turning to Xander.

"Of course, where are my manners?" Hades said.

"I'd guess black and blue from what Lucifer was doing to you two," Xander said.

"I like you. You remind me of my nephew. What is your name, young man, and please keep in mind I HAVE seen Star Wars," Hades said eliciting a laugh from Xander.

"We'll talk after we help MY wife who is providing us a...never mind," Xander said as he turned to face where Buffy was to find her holding a Fyral demon and using it as a club on the others, the two Rexwall demons were already dead, their knives sticking out of their heads. "My name's Xander,"

"Should we help her?" Persephone asked.

"I'll give her ten minutes. I haven't seen her have this much fun in a long time, I'd let her play longer, but we are on a schedule," Xander said as the body of a Fyral demon went flying through the air and landed at their feet. Xander noticed she'd sheathed the Scythe onto her back.

"Is she an Amazon?" Hades asked.

"Better, she's Buffy, the Vampire Slayer," Xander said with no small amount of pride in his voice. "And my wife."

"Vampire Slayer, huh? She's impressive, even for that pedigree," Hades said as Buffy crashed two heads together with a joyful grin on her face.

"We have a bit of a boost courtesy of a couple of Angels," Xander said, modestly.

"I can see that, you'd be dead if something wasn't helping you out, but still she's more than most Slayers. More than even Nikki Wood," Hades replied as Buffy took the number of Fyarl's down to a dozen. The demons weren't very well organized, but they WERE Fyarls.

"You know Nikki?" Xander asked.

"She comes down here to work out; we talk in between torture sessions," Hades said.

"Why didn't she free you?" Xander asked then the spectators had to dodge as another Fyarl demon flew their way after Buffy threw it causing Xander to shout out, "Careful babe!"

"Sorry, honey!" Buffy called back as three of the Fyarls charged at once, she did a backflip over one of them and all three collided knocking them out.

"Only a living mortal was able to, since she's dead, she wasn't able to do anything. As I understand it she even had words about it with the Boss and just couldn't accept that it would be alright," Hades said as Buffy broke off the horns of one of the demons and drove them into the creature's ears. The other Fyarls finally decided that discretion would be the better part of valor and started trying to escape the Slayer, only she wasn't letting them.

"Guess Robin came by his stubbornness naturally then," Xander said as Buffy caught two of the escaping demons by the scruffs of their necks.

"You know her boy?" Hades asked.

"I will, I suppose you know what happened," Xander said.

"We've heard, you're very brave to do this for her," Persephone said.

"I couldn't NOT do it, and not be the man I want to be," Xander said.

"Yup, very much like Hercules. You two would get along great," Hades said.

"Depending on which of the myths is accurate, don't take to kindly to wife beating," Xander said.

"All lies, Hercules is the gentlest soul you'll ever meet, but he'd never let an innocent suffer needlessly. In fact, we'll need help with Lucifer, if you have time we could stop by the Elysian Fields and see if he'd like to come, you'll need a weapon anyway," Hades said as Buffy finished off the last of the demons and started over to the god, goddess and her husband.

"Where would I be able to find a weapon down here?"

"There is always Valhalla, how much time do you have left?" Hades asked.

"We've been down here about twelve hours and Az said we had seven days," Xander said as Buffy arrived at the group.

They hugged and Buffy said, "Thanks for not jumping in on that, that was a nice warm up."

"Lucifer will be tougher, so if we go to Valhalla you'd have hundreds of Viking warriors waiting to join you in battle," Hades said.

"No, we need to keep this quiet. Ideally we get Celia out without even seeing Lucifer at all, that won't happen if we come with an army and there is no telling what he might do to her if we made that much noise," Xander said.

"Then the Elysian Fields it is, Hercules will help you and we'll figure out a way to get you a weapon," Hades said.

"I'll go free Evander, stay safe, husband," Persephone said, kissing Hades.

"You too, wife," Hades replied and the two parted ways. "Now shall we go?"

Hades looked at the skeletal remains of Cerberus. "My poor friend, I bet you gave as good as you got, but your rest is now over." Hades raised his hands and bright rays came from them and the giant skeleton rose up then flesh rebuilt on the bones and after about five minutes Cerberus stood before them in his former glory.

"Perk of being god of the dead?" Buffy asked.

"Of course, no shoebox burials for Cerberus," Hades said as the large three headed beast approached the Lord of the Underworld and knelt before his Master. Hades stroked the beasts head then the most absurd thing happened. The massive three headed dog rolled over onto its back its three tongues hanging out and it was looking at Hades expectantly. Hades grinned and grew to giagntic proportions and began rubbing the three headed dogs belly.

"Who's a good boy! Good dog!" Hades said as Buffy and Xander looked at each other.

"Ok, he loves his dog," Xander said nonchalantly.

"Cerberus is just a big puppy? Somehow I don't think that would impress Mr. Hawthorne," Buffy said as the pair started giggling watching Hades play a bit with the dog.

"Ok, my friend, time to go back to work, my mortal rescuers are on a schedule," Hades said as he resumed a more human size and Cerberus actually whimpered. "I'll be back to play with you some more later, you big baby, now you've got a job to do, go on," Hades said and the large beast whimpered once more then took his place guarding the gates. "That's a good dog."

"He's well-trained," Xander said.

"Thank you, but he's still a big baby. If I let him, he'd have me out here all the time roughhousing," Hades said, sounding like there were times that he wished he could do just that.

"The two purest loves in the world are that of a child and a dog," Xander said.

"Truth," Hades agreed.

"What about cats?" Buffy asked.

"Cats are self-involved creatures that use humans as a convenient food source. You'll note that no one ever has a guard cat or a sheepcat. That is because the only work we can get them to do is what they'd do naturally which is kill and eat rodents. Dogs will be your friend through thick and thin and will mourn your passing. Cats will just eat your dead carcass," Xander said.

"Wow honey...much with the feline hate there," Buffy said.

"You married a dog person, Buffy, through and through," Xander said.

"You want to get a dog?" Buffy asked.

"Haven't really thought about it much, D-Tony never even considered getting me one," Xander said.

"Creep. We'll go to the pound when we get back," Buffy said.

"Think we ought to check with your mother first, don't you think?" Xander said.

"Sure, of course," she said and Xander knew from her tone that she wasn't going to take no for an answer on this. It was nice of her. but Xander would've prefered to wait until they were on solid financial footing.

They crossed the gates into the Fields and gasped as the beauty of them greeted them. The green fields, the comfortable cool breeze the sunshine...it was just perfect. It was just the place you never wanted to leave.

"Careful, this place can entrance you," Hades said.

"I can see why," Xander said as they resumed walking. They soon came to what Buffy and Xander would call a mid-sized hut. There was a large man in brown pants, boots and a yellow tunic. His hair was shoulder length and his eyes were a bright, intense blue and the smile on his face shown in them.

"Wow...he really does look like Kevin Sorbo," Buffy said.

"Just your brain putting something familiar in place of the demigod my nephew is-mortals usually can't comprehend the truth, so your minds only interpret a small portion of the actual truth into something manageable. Quite an amazing ability, actually," Hades said and started approaching the Greek hero. Buffy and Xander followed a step behind the Lord of the Underworld. Three kids were playing in the yard and they soon caught sight of Hades.

"Uncle Hades!" three voices screamed nearly as one and the three grandchildren of Zeus came barreling at the God of Death in what would've been a scary blitz if performed by NFL linemen. Their father looked up from his work and his content smile turned into a full grin as he saw his uncle.

"Hades! Welcome!" Hercules said, his voice jovial.

"Hercules, it is good to see you again," Hades said as the kids did their best to bring down Hades. He ignored the kids in the stoic way only a god could.

"Aeson, Klonus, Ilea, get off your uncle," Hercules said good naturedly, shooing the children into the hut, where they promptly turned around and were trying to see around him.

"Are they mortal?" one of the kids whispered loud enough for everyone else to hear. "It's been a long time since we've seen Uncle Hades, did they rescue him?" asked another, and "Where's Auntie Persephone?" asked the third, fairly well all at once.

"Everything will be revealed in its proper time if you will be quiet and let it," Hercules reminded them.

"Yes, Father," Aeson said as the other two remained quiet.

"So, you're free again, I guess these two had something to do with it?" Hercules asked.

"Yes, they are here to save their daughter's soul. It seems the Heavenly Host couldn't keep track of her," Hades said.

"Any idea where she is? The Underworld is a BIG place," Hercules said.

"In fact we know exactly where she is," Xander said reaching into his back pocket pulling out the scroll and held it up with a bit of a flourish.

"Let's go in where we can spread that on a table," Hercules said and the four of them went into the house.

Buffy, Hades, Hercules and Xander went inside, and Deianira poured drinks and set out some type of sweet roll. Xander looked at the pastry tray and at Buffy and grinned.

"You just became an honorary Scoobie, knowing to bring donuts," Xander said to her as Deianira looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"You bring the strangest people home, Hercules," she said with a smirk.

"People who need help, sweetheart," Hercules said as he kissed his wife.

"Yes, and they are on a schedule, so if we could get started please?" Hades said, sitting at the table.

Xander unrolled the scroll Az had given him. It looked like solid gold when it was unrolled and on it was a full map of the Underworld. One spot had a light hovering over it. The four of them skimmed over the map.

"So I'm guessing the glowy bit is our wayward child?" Buffy asked.

"Yup, so where is she?" Xander asked looking up at Hades.

"That is my throne room, he spends a considerable amount of time there," Hades said.

"We need to take him by surprise," Xander said taking one of the sweet rolls.

"You thinking what I am, Hades?" Hercules asked.

"Yeah...won't be easy, but he won't expect it," Hades said sipping his drink.

"Ok...so what is the plan?" Xander asked.

"The Fields of Apocalypse," Hades said.

"Why don't I think there will be fluffy bunnies there?" Buffy asked.

"Cause there won't be, babe," Xander said.

"So since no bunnies, what can we expect?" Buffy asked.

"Your worst nightmares. The Fields of Apocalypse are where all the ways the mortal world can end are kept until one gets unleashed. It's basically a weapons locker should the end of the mortal world become necessary. One of my jobs was to ensure the wrong entities didn't get in control of them," Hades answered.

"Seems like you failed in that," Buffy said.

"Not completely, Lucifer having access is bad, don't get me wrong, but like mortal nuclear missiles, the horrors of the Fields can't be unleashed by one being, it takes two and one has to be a living mortal," Hades explained.

"So what's to stop him from getting someone who doesn't know what will happen from doing it?" Xander asked.

"The mortal has to be fully aware of what he's doing, then the protections go down and the most likely horror gets unleashed unto the Earth," Hades said.

"So he has to find someone that actively wants the world to end before he can pull the pin on these?" Buffy asked.

"Effectively yes," Hades said.

"So we're safe?" Buffy asked.

"Never underestimate the evil in some people's hearts, and don't think you can rest on your laurels, Slayer, you are one of the protections against the world ending," Hades said.

"Knew it was too good to be true," Buffy said and Xander squeezed her shoulder.

"There are few of the Fields we can safely enter," Hades continued. "Here we want to avoid, that is the Gamma Ray Burst Apocalypse, and this is Nuclear War," Hades said.

"Both sound bad, in fact the ones that are near certain death are probably uncountable, where do we have a better than 75% chance of short term survival?" Xander asked looking over the map.

"Probably this one, but keep in mind that it's STILL an Apocalypse," Hercules said pointing at the map.

"Yellowstone? Isn't that a national park?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, but it's also a supervolcano that might possibly erupt sometime in the next ten thousand years and when it does...well it'd be a bad day," Xander said. "Technically it's overdue anyway."

"Why is it that everything that is supposed to be good always have a sinister side?" Buffy pouted.

"I don't know sweetheart, but we just do what we always do," Xander said.

"What's that?"

"Kick its ass," Xander said winning a smile from his wife.

Hades cleared his throat, interrupting their moment. "We have a long way to travel, and not much time. We have to get here, while I could teleport us easily enough, he'd sense it and know where we were,"

"That sounds like a bad idea," Buffy said.

"That would be an understatement," Hercules said.

"So we walk, let's go,," Xander said and headed out of the house after taking a sword off of Hercules's wall.

It was a full day's walk to get to the Fields of Apocalypse. Xander's eyes were drawn to several sights as they entered, the first could only be described as a sea of lava, near that was was a large asteroid smashing into the ground over and over again, at first he thought he was seeing possible ends for the world then he caught a Tyrannosaur silhouetted against the flash and he looked at Hades in puzzlement.

"You expected the Fields just to have future Apocalypses?" Hades asked.

"You kinda implied it," Xander said still watching the various forms of carnage. "Besides how can that be an Apocalypse? Earth is still there and kicking."

"The dinosaurs would disagree with you," Hercules said.

"They didn't die out," Xander protested.

"Yes, but being the best known of southern comfort foods isn't exactly what T. Rex had in mind for its descendants," Hades said.

"Comfort food?" Buffy asked.

"Fried chicken," Hercules said.

"Birds are related to dinosaurs?" Buffy asked.

"Yup, sweetie, every Thanksgiving we are eating a dinosaur," Xander said.

Buffy pondered this then said, "Dawn's going to love this factoid."

Xander chuckled and nodded and then turned to Hades and asked, "What now?"
Hades pondered for a moment, then said, "That way, the portal is there, then we dial into the field we want. The terrain is rough, but any other way is rougher still, and I know that we have a clear path as it stands right now."

"That can change?" Xander asked with trepidation.

"The Fields of Apocalypse have their own rules, and while they respond to the dreams and imaginations of all living creatures, they are not quick to change unless a mass of creatures start having the same fears. Your movies have made the Fields much more malleable, though most of the sillier ones die out fairly quickly."

"Sillier ones?"

"Oh, the first big flash Apocalypse was in 1938-Now, we had been finding small ones before that, but usually the alien ones die out due to lack of belief in actual aliens."

"Are there aliens?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, yes, of course there are. We don't interact with them much, of course, because they are so far away, but they exist. I have met a few of the alien deities, they tend toward the strange end of things as far as human perception goes."

"What is there like a all-deity council every so often?" Xander asked.

"Every millennium or so. Other beings do not track time in the same way as we do, so it is done by stellar movement, and it can be difficult to translate into years."

"You missed your last meeting, didn't you?" Buffy asked.

"We did, but it's not unusual for one to miss one of these. It's a great gathering, to be sure, but it's not required, so, if we don't go, we don't go. However, I believe that I will be attending the next one with my beautiful wife at my side so that I can show her off again." Hades said with no small amount of self-satisfaction.

Xander chuckled under his breath and headed off toward the mountain that they were supposed to be climbing.

* * *
Scene break * * *

They reached the top and Xander looked at the portal and then back to Hades with a raised eyebrow. "Really?" Xander asked, bemused.

"It's your mind, Mr. Harris," Hades said.

"Yes, but you definitely influenced it with the dialing reference," Xander complained as he stood before a giant ring with a pedestal in front of it, there were symbols on the pedestal that matched the symbols on the ring. "What's the address?"

"Xander?" Buffy asked.

"It's the Stargate, Andrew would be having a geekasm seeing this," Xander said.

"Stargate?" Buffy asked.

"The show is on Showtime right now, and since your Mom doesn't have premium cable we can't watch it, if it has aired yet. We can rent the movie though, it isn't as good as the series, but the series had ten years to build a universe. Basically in the show the Stargate acted as an intergalactic telephone, only instead of just making calls it could send you to other worlds in the universe. I could go on all day about it, but we really don't have time for that," Xander said.

"In that case if you'll allow me?" Hades said and stepped up to the DHD and began dialing. The gate spun and locked in each chevron then what Xander and many fans lovingly called the sideways flush occured.

"Wow. That is impressive," Buffy said.

"Wait until we go into it," Xander said with a grin and led the way as Buffy unsheathed the Scythe. The newlyweds entered the shimmering event horizon together followed by Hades and Hercules.

* * *
Scene break * * *

They came out in a dim environment. Ash was falling out of the sky and it was as much as six inches deep in places. Lightning flashed in the sky accompanied with thunder. Streetlights flickered through the falling ash, and the smell of smoke and sulphur hung in the air. It was cold.

"Well, this looks like an Apocalypse," Buffy said as she looked over the scene.

"Yup, smells like one too," Xander agreed he then turned to Hades. "Where to now?"

"Northeast, the gate out of here and to the throne room is there," Hades said as he started out with Buffy and Xander following the mythic figures.

"I've done a lot in my life, never thought I'd meet Hades and Hercules," Xander said as they walked.

"Just last year I was a bubble headed cheerleader, now I'm walking through hell to get my unborn daughter back," Buffy said sighing.

"Sorry, I keep forgetting this is still so new for you," Xander said.

"Do you miss the me from the future?" Buffy asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Xander asked.

"You know so much about...well everything. It is a bit intimidating," she said.

"Giles knows way more than I do," Xander said.

"Maybe in book knowledge, but he...you've...I don't know how to say this, I'm just in awe that you love me. I don't doubt that you do, you can't fake the look you get in your eyes when you look at me, but why me? I'm not special," Buffy said.

"Not special? Buffy, I'm the one of this pairing that isn't special, no powers, no years of learning about demons and magic, just a whole bunch of years fixing your window and running screaming. You have a strength that amazes me, you haven't done it yet, but you are the one that carries all of us, especially...oaff!" Xander said, interrupted by being tripped by something, he looked down and screamed like a girl.

Half of a body was pulling itself up through the ash using Xander's leg for leverage and half decayed jaws snapped in anticipation of a meal then he saw a flash of crimson and the upper half of the snapping jaws went flying.

"You ok Xander?" Buffy asked helping him up.

"Yeah, thanks, Buff. Hades, why are there ZOMBIES here?" Xander asked.

"I blame you humans...particularly George Romero. When "Night of the Living Dead" came out, I thought 'fine, a flash Apocalypse,' but you humans had to embrace it to the point that it became a full-fledged one," Hades said looking annoyed at the remains of the zombie that had tripped Xander. "And there are even rumors that it's started eating at some of the minor barriers."

"That sounds really bad."

"It is and it isn't. When they escape through the minor barriers, they seek easy prey: schizophrenics, artists, psychopaths, demons, I could go on all day. On the other hand, escapes through the minor barriers relieves pressure on the major ones."

"So, it's like a mini-apocalypse."

"Yes, sort of. It is like a semi-intelligent dust mote, and it will seek someone to latch onto. Most people's mental fortitude is too great for such a task, so it seeks out the weakest among you, as well as those with some of the Sight."

"So, artsy-types do more zombie movies and stuff because there is a full-fledged zombie apocalypse sitting here?"

Hates looked somber. "In a nutshell."

Xander nodded then heard moans echoing off the walls of the abandoned buildings.

"Is that what I think it is?" Buffy asked bringing up the Scythe.

"Probably, and swords aren't ideal against the undead," Xander said.

"Dealt with many zombies in the future?" Buffy asked.

"A few, but nothing like this…" Xander said, his voice fading as they saw the mass of undead flesh shambling to them, moaning.

"That is not good," Hercules said.

"We need firepower, is there a gun store or armory nearby?" Xander asked.

"I watched this Apocalypse when it first happened, I think the military was overrun at the interchange of Sunset and the Pacific Coast Highway, there might be something there we can use," Hades said.

"So how do we get through them?" Buffy asked.

"With these," Xander said digging out what Azrael had given him. He tossed the objects toward the zombie mob and the three objects landed on the ground and glowed, the three objects split into threes three times then skeletons rose from them forming a phalanx.

"Dragon's Teeth?" Hercules asked.

"Yup, recognized them when he gave them to me," Xander said.

"I thought you didn't want an army, Xander," Buffy said watching the skeletons open up a gap in the zombie horde that the foursome went to.

"Not one of Vikings, babe, too undisciplined," Xander said then smirked at his wife. "Besides once we get where we are going I put this one back in my pocket, if I can retrieve them."

"Ok...makes sense," Buffy nodded as the phalanx of skeletons slowly moved them through the zombies. It took hours but they made it to the other side of the horde.

"And I thought the Bronze's mosh pit was bad," Xander said.

"Zombies crowd together better than Tokyo residents, they don't need pushed," Hades commented.

They walked down Sunset while the phalanx kept the zombies behind them corralled. Hades went to the front and lead them to where the military was overrun. It took hours but soon they were hearing the ocean. The foursome looked where America's finest had been overrun by animated corpses. It looked clear of any undead activity.

"Why did the horde stop?" Buffy asked when the group realized that they weren't being followed anymore.

"This apocalypse is based on movies, Slayer," Hades answered.

"Meaning?" Buffy asked.

"Meaning that things may not always make sense. Much like a typical zombie movie," Hades replied.

"Wish I had a pair of binoculars, but it looks like a good bit of equipment is still down there. Whether it's fit or not is another story," Xander said interrupting the discussion.

"Only one way to know," Buffy said and started walking. Xander shrugged and followed her with Hercules and Hades trailing. They reached the interchange and saw the mess left from the battle. Xander examined the gear and shook his head.

"None of it is any good, which doesn't make sense, an M-16 can take more punishment than any human body can dish out and all of these look like they were run over by a tank," Xander said then looked out to the beach and looked thoughtful. "You didn't say this was an amphibious operation, Hades."

"It's been a while and I have been tortured you know," Hades said.

"Well there is a landing craft there, let's see if it's got any goodies," Xander said.

"I didn't know we had hovercraft, sweetheart," Buffy said as they went onboard the LCAC.

"Yup, the Marines get some cool toys," Xander said squeezing between two containers and then said, "Whoa…"

"What did you find?" Hades asked Xander.

"I found us a humvee," Xander said in awe.

"Toy?" Buffy asked.

"Toy," Xander agreed and had to stop himself from pinching himself.

"Careful, this apocalypse is based off of movies, which means it'll probably break down on us at dramatically appropriate moment," Hades said.

"Meaning?" Buffy asked as Xander got in the driver's side.

"Meaning the moment we need speed the engine will stop working, or the instant we need firepower, the machine gun will jam. Or everyone's favorite we get a flat tire in the middle of a horde," Hercules said.

"That doesn't sound good," Buffy said getting into the machine gun turret and checking it out as a professional relying on her innate skill with weapons.

"No, but while it works it'll be faster than walking and we need to make up time," Xander said and started the humvee. "Gas and keys, looks like a full tank too."

"Let's go then," Buffy said.

***
Scene break ***

After two hours driving they'd covered as much ground as they would've in twelve hours walking even having to go around some zombie hordes or roads blocked with vehicles. They could see the Stargate and of course it was surrounded by zombies.

"Think your dragon's teeth can open a way through that?" Hades asked Xander.

Xander nodded and tossed the dragon's teeth down. The skeletons sprang from the ground as before and opened a path to the DHD. The foursome made their way down to the Stargate and Hades started dialing.

"Why do I think this is too easy?" Xander asked.

"Because it is. I fear Lucifer knows we are coming and has set a trap for us," Hades said.

"He took the soul of our child, Hades, of course he knows we are coming," Xander said.

"Fair point," the God of the Dead said, "But that still begs the question of what to do."

"Simple, spring the trap. Whatever it is I doubt it's lethal," Xander said.

"Why not, babe?" Buffy asked.

"Cause last time he killed me he let Heaven do something rather drastic. I don't think that he wants to risk giving them another freebie," Xander said.

"Makes sense," Buffy said hope brightening her face.

"Unless the fact that you ARE here in his domain invalidates that," Hades said.

"You are just a big glittering ball of joy, you know that Hades?" Xander said as the hopeful look on his wife's face wilted.

"I am the God of the Dead, it's not a job full of sparkly puppies and lolipops," Hades responded.

"Anyway, we have to move forward and see what Hades has planned for us," Xander said.

"True enough I just hope its not sticky, Deidrea hates cleaning sticky stuff out of my clothes," Hercules said.

"Big guy is right, we have to move forward dial it up Hades," Buffy said and Hades went to the DHD. The Stargate opened and they stepped through it.

On the other side was a grand hallway with a shiny marble floor. Torches as bright as hundred watt bulbs lined the hallway.

"So what's the plan here?" Hercules asked.

"We distract Lucifer while Buffy gets Celia and runs," Xander said.

"No way, I'm not leaving you to fight him by yourself," Buffy said.

"Buffy, you have to survive, if you don't Celia dies with you and all of this is pointless," Xander said.

"But I'm the Slayer, I'm supposed to be fighting," Buffy protested.

"I get that, sweetheart, but in this case you have to stay alive for our daughter, that means you need to fight your instincts and run as fast as you can with her. Remember where her body is right now," Xander said gently.

"You keep yourself alive, Xander Harris, I expect you to be on that ferryman's boat," Buffy said.

"We'll keep him alive. Hercules is already dead and I'm still a god," Hades said.

"I'll hold you to that, now let's go get our little girl."

***
Scene Break ***

The foursome entered the throne room. Lucifer was seated on the throne and Celia was in a cage next to him. He watched the foursome approach.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Lucifer asked his tone light.

"You know full well what you can do you bastard, you can give us our daughter back," Buffy snarled.

"But you were so careless with her, I think she's much better off with me," Lucifer said.

"If I might interject on the pre fight smack talk, I am curious why you took the soul of the unborn child. You can't corrupt her or do anything to her and if the zygote dies her soul goes right back to heaven. What do you get out of this?" Hades asked.

"You always were a smart one Hades. In and of itself it might seem wasted effort. You're right of course. I can't do ANYTHING to her, but as bait she works perfectly fine."

"You wanted us down here, why?" Xander asked.

"Simple, I couldn't mess with you any other way, Xander. It was a golden opportunity and I was NOT going to let it slide," Lucifer said.

"You endangered her just to MESS with me?" Xander roared in rage. He pulled the sword he had picked up at Hercules's house and drew it from its scabbard as he charged the fallen Archangel. Lucifer stood from the throne a wicked grin on his face, he also drew a sword, seemingly from nowhere, and met Xander's charge. Their swords clanged loudly and Xander was pushed to his knees. The Prince of Lies drove Xander lower and sweat beaded on Xander's forehead. He closed his eyes with effort trying to rise, then the pressure was suddenly off of him and he stumbled forward as he sprang up. His eyes opened and Xander saw Lucifer hit the ceiling of the throne room in an almost cartoonish way. He stole a quick glance at Celia's cage and was relieved to see Buffy breaking the lock with the Scythe.

The ground shook as Lucifer landed on the floor, kneeling. The marble floor was cracked by his impact and Xander saw Hades coming up from behind Lucifer. Xander let out a warcry and charged Lucifer, distracting Lucifer for the split second Hades needed to pound the back of the fallen angel's head with a large mace that appeared in his hand. The strike caused Lucifer to face plant into the floor and Xander moved to drive his sword into the fallen's back. Xander put all of his might into driving the sword into Lucifer but hit only stone. The tip of the sword slipped on the marble floor and it was Xander's turn to plant his face on the floor.

Xander started to rise only to have his face kicked and he went flying. He hit high on the wall over the throne and stayed there for a brief time, long enough to see that Buffy had Celia and was carrying her and running for the exit as fast as possible. He then fell from the wall and landed in the throne. He shook his head and leapt off the throne to see Hades and Hercules gaining the upper hand, barely. He checked where his sword had landed and dashed over to it and slide low. He scooped up the blade and changed directions heading towards Lucifer who had been knocked back down by Hades while Hercules was in midair and about to land on his back. Xander turned the blade to the floor once again in both hands and sliding to a stop just as Hercules landed on the devil's back drove the sword deep into the fallen angel's shoulder.

Lucifer screamed in pain and Xander let go of the blade and said, "Its over, you've lost!"

Lucifer's scream faded and he laughed spitting out blood and two teeth. He turned his head to Xander and spit a bloody mass into Xander's face. "You've won what amounts to a bar fight, mortal. The war is still on."

Xander wiped his face off with his hand and said, "Maybe, but I still won." Then the White Knight walked to the exit of the throne room. Then paused and turned toward Hades. "I trust you two can deal with him now?"

"I can exile him now, thank you Xander, you have done Hades a great service. I owe you a Boon," Hades said.

"Good to know the God of the Dead owes me a favor," Xander said tiredly.

"I will send you to Charon, good journey Xander Harris."

***
Scene Break ***

Buffy and Xander climbed out of the Hellmouth with Buffy still carrying the now glowing image of Celia. They were greeted by the sounds of snoring and found Giles, Jesse and Willow asleep. They moved to wake up Giles when Azrael and Gabriel came down to the basement.

"You were successful," Azrael said.

"Yes, however once you take your mojo back I'll probably be sore for a week solid," Xander said.

"We'll heal your injuries," Gabriel said.

"Appreciate that," Xander said as the angels kissed them again, taking back their power. Azrael then snapped his fingers and the glowing image of Celia vanished and Giles, Willow and Jesse woke up.

"You're back!" Willow said running to them. "The baby?"

"Safe and sound and in for a nine month grounding," Buffy said her voice tired.

"Where's Owen?" Xander asked.

"He's with Billy at the hospital, we've had a bit of an adventure ourselves," Jesse said.

"Nightmares?" Xander asked.

"Yup, but once Willow figured out it was Billy causing them the angels were able to stop them," Jesse said.

"Good, now we are truly beat so we are going home for some sleep," Buffy said.

"We'll see you tomorrow, then," GIles said.

***
Scene Break ***

A voice sighed and Lucifer looked up. "Oh...it's you."

"You've really gotten yourself messed up, brother," the other said.

"Yeah, I know, Josh...why are you here?" Lucifer asked.

"You know why I'm here," Josh said.

"Of course to offer me Dad's forgiveness and welcome me back to the fold," Lucifer said.

"It's yours for the taking, Lucifer. It always has been," Josh said.

"Yeah, I know, except that I don't want it," Lucifer said.

"No, you don't want to face the pain of admitting you were wrong, which I can help with," Josh said.

"You think you can save me like your pet humans? It's going to take more than getting nailed to a cross for me, brother," Lucifer said, putting his contempt for the other into the last word.

"I won't stop trying," Josh said.

"Why?"

"Because there is still good in you, deep down you hate what you've become," Josh said.

"Newsflash, Josh. I'm not Vader and you aren't Luke Skywalker," Lucifer said.

"You won't even let me help with your wounds?" Josh asked.

"Go home Josh. I don't need your or Dad's forgiveness," Lucifer said.

"Yes you do, you made a mistake, it happens. It can still be fixed," Josh said.

"I don't want to fix it. I'm having too much fun," Lucifer spat.

"Sure you are," Josh said sighing.

"Go away."

"Fine, I know I'm not going to convince you this time, but you will accept someday," Josh said and disappeared.

"Good riddance."

In Sunnydale Xander woke up and said, "Whoa.".