The nightmare takes its toll on Varian's sanity… Thank you for your wonderful, passionate reviews ! If you haven't yet, feel free to leave a comment !

Chapter 40

"The Duke of Epoisses ?" Arianna repeated her husband's last words with a look of disbelief in her eyes.

"Did you forget, Darling ? Their annual festival of the Moon is in three days and we are expected there. It has been planned for months."

"Oh, that's right. I know… I know, but…" Her eyes were unfocused, darting to and fro, a proof of her turmoil inside. She couldn't say it. She couldn't speak out the words from her heart. The truth was that she couldn't bear the thought of leaving Varian when he was barely starting to recover. "Their festival takes place at night. We would have to…"

"Stay overnight, indeed", answered the King in a very calm voice. "The Kingdom of Epoisses is only a few hours' ride from here. We will be back before you know it. Before he knows it", he added with a soft smile, taking his wife's hands in his again. "He'll be fine, Arianna."

"You are probably right, it's just… I'm so afraid he will feel abandoned again. He's still fragile, love. You have no idea how torn he is."

"And he is a big boy too. I'm sure that if you explain to him that this is your royal duty and that you are not abandoning him, he will understand. Darling, he can survive two days without you."

Arianna relented reluctantly. She knew that the relationships between their kingdom and the one of Epoisses were a bit strained, and that the festival of the Moon was an opportunity to strengthen the bond they couldn't afford to waste.

But she also had started a long process that would lead, hopefully, to Varian's recovery. Start small by fixing a simple wall and work the way up until he is able to acknowledge his responsibilities. He wasn't the only one to have made mistakes though. But he had to be ready to listen to everybody else's version of the story, without being blinded by spite and rage.

Only then will he finally be able to trust again and move on.

Not for the first time, the Queen of Corona glanced down upon Varian's small frame. He was still sleeping, although his closed eyelids twitched with involuntary movements. His fingertips were stirring slightly and his mouth seemed to mumble silent words. He must be dreaming, she thought.

Varian wasn't even sure his heart was beating any more. His blood felt like ice, the air in his lungs was gone. He found out he couldn't see Rapunzel and the King next to the bed any longer. The whole room was actually filled with fog, a thicker and darker fog than the one he created.

He didn't know if he was walking on a sturdy floor or black clouds but he didn't care. Guts wrenched in fear, he took a few steps like a zombie. His bottom lip was trembling as he sucked a shaggy breath.

"No… no, no. Please no… it's… it's not my fault, Your Majesty. They made me do it. I… I never wanted this. Never ! Please talk to me. Open your eyes. Please…"

He didn't know when his tears had started to fall. He felt shattered inside, guilt pooling in his stomach as he got closer. He couldn't think. He could see that she was lying there – old and dead – and yet, there was nothing he wanted more than for her to smile at him again and take him in her arms once more.

Varian's unspoken words turned into moans.

"Your Majesty… please look at me. I'm here. No… no… Your Majesty…"

The white corpse in front of him didn't respond, of course. Varian could feel the pieces of his heart break down further and it was like a real physical pain. The Queen had to wait for Rapunzel, her baby girl, for eighteen long years. And then… then she had to wait during the rest of her life for her daughter and husband to wake up and come back to her. She had waited in vain though, and for a very long time. Enough time for her skin to wrinkle and her hair to turn white. And it was because of him, he knew it. But he couldn't say it out loud, even to her dead body.

He clenched his fists. Suddenly bursting with pain and anger, he threw himself on the floor (and it hurt his knees even though fog was the only thing he could see) and banged his fists on the bed.

Moans turned into inarticulate sounds.

"You have to wake up. What would the Kingdom be without you ? What about Rapunzel ? What about me ?"

The tears were streaming down his face and wet the bedsheets.

The sounds turned into screams, prompting Hans and Phil to open the door and join the King and the Queen inside the bedroom.

"NO ! No, it can't be ! This is not what I wanted ! Do you hear me ? I didn't want this !"

He reached out his trembling hand, desperate to shake her and see her react somehow.

His gloved hand covered her hand. He could feel how stiff and cold she was.

He pressed harder and shook her.

The resistance under his palm suddenly gave way. In a split second, there was no more hand. From the square neckline swelled a cloud of dust. Worse even, the Queen's peaceful face vanished in a mist made of a multitude of specks shimmering in the dark.

She was gone. Her whole body had turned into dust under his touch. The dress she was wearing stayed still for a second before collapsing flat on the bed.

Varian's face was white, his mouth wide open in an expression of pure horror. And then he let out a scream that was too loud even of his own ears, his voice not sounding like his own, raw and torn with utter despair.

Varian shot up into a sitting position with a long piercing scream. His eyes darted around but couldn't focus. He was panting and sweating profusely. His face was wet with tears.

It took him a few seconds to realize that the King and the Queen were beside him, looking at him with concern in their eyes.

"Varian ?... you.. you were thrashing in your sleep. We tried to wake you up, but…" The Queen had an almost apologetic tone. "Honey, are you all right ?"

Fredric frowned slightly at the tender way his wife addressed Varian, but he said nothing.

"It's over now, calm down. Why, you look like you've seen a ghost", she murmured.

Varian didn't respond to the irony of her words, his mind trapped within his body. He was trembling from head to toe. All he could think of was the dead corpse of the Queen turning into dust. His eyes met the Queen's, almost by accident given their erratic movements, but he ripped his gaze away for fear she might become the vision of his nightmare in the blink of an eye.

Arianna reached out and touched his hand to ground him. But Varian's reaction was to pull away like he had just been burnt, eyes wide in fear. The touch, the dust. No.

Arianna flinched at Varian's expression. It was the one of a scared, wild animal. She repressed the urge to close the distance between them and hug him, not wanting to frighten him more than he already was. In the end, Fredric was the one to make a reasonable decision.

"Guards ! Get Remyus, quickly !" he commanded, startling them. Phil was confused and worried, unable to understand what was going on. Hans was itching to reply that a good slap would probably be the best solution to make the boy stop his tantrum, but he knew better than arguing with the King himself. The two men darted off after a respectful nod and Fredric came closer to his wife, his hands reassuringly on her shoulders.

"He's in shock, Arianna. He needs medical attention." But his wife was unable to listen to him.

"Varian…" the Queen tried again, bending over the trembling boy.

"No…", he whispered. "No ! Don't touch me ! Get away from me !". His voice rapidly came out louder and higher in pitch. Desperate to make the Queen back up, Varian grabbed the closest thing he could find – a purple glass carafe to keep water for him and with the unexpected energy of a cornered beast, threw it against the opposite wall. It brushed Arianna's cheek, and her hair flew with the draught. The carafe met the stone wall and broke into pieces with a loud clank that was echoed by said pieces falling on the floor like a waterfall.

Arianna hadn't moved an inch and kept staring at him. She buried the shock of Varian's violence deep inside her, even though it made her heart race, waiting for his next reaction.

Fredric was boiling with anger – the boy was dangerous indeed – but he had learned to trust his wife when it came to Varian. She knew what she was doing. At least he hoped so.

"Are you done ?" she snapped to Varian. "See, I'm not backing up, Varian. I told you before, I'm here to help you and I'm not going anywhere."

Varian was speechless, panting with the effort and the rage boiling inside.

"It was a nightmare, Varian", she added more softly. "Just a nightmare. It's not real."

Varian let out a heart-wrenching cry.

No, no, he thought, holding his head in his hands. She doesn't understand. It doesn't matter that it was a dream. Things may have been different in reality, but I still wanted to kill her. I tried to kill her.

The thought was gnawing at him from inside. He knew he did that terrible choice, but the worst part was that he really meant it. He really meant to kill the Queen and Cassandra back then with his automaton. It sounded crazy, but at that particular moment, it was like he had no other option in order to…. make it right ? feel better ? Suddenly he wasn't so sure.

"Your Majesties ! I came as fast as I…" Remyus was out of breath from running but the reason why he trailed off was the whole ordeal in Varian's room.

"May I ask you to leave us for a moment, Your Majesties ?" asked the old physician, knowing that the best way to stop this was to give the boy some air.

Arianna looked at Remyus in disbelief, but Fredric forced reason upon her. "Darling, we should listen to Remyus and let him work. I trust he can help."

Unsure, Arianna turned around to meet her husband's eyes and saw a confident smile on his face.

"All right", she exhaled. "I… I think I need a minute too." This was hard for her, incredibly hard and Fredric could feel it. She wanted to be there for Varian so badly, but sometimes, filling those shoes was beyond her reach just because she was getting too much involved.

When he was left alone with his patient, Remyus first grabbed the broom and started to gingerly sweep the shards away.

"Please lie down, Varian. I will check your pulse in a minute", he instructed in a casual voice like nothing happened.

Remyus' steady voice seemed to ground the boy. His eyes were still looking wild, but his breathing eased a little bit. His fingers fumbled for the bedsheet and ruffled the soft fabric nervously. The boy didn't lie down but brought his knees up to his chin, curling into a tight ball and staring at nothing. He was biting his lower lip so hard it hurt.

After letting the kid come back to his senses on his own, Remyus came closer and sat down next to the bed.

"All right, Varian. You should try to relax now. Take 5 deep breaths, in and out. Count them in your head. Come on", he coaxed.

Varian complied without a fight. He hated to feel so tense, he somehow always was nervous on a regular basis, but right now he really felt he was going crazy. He started breathing, trying to get as much air as he could in his scrawny body.

When he was done, he felt slightly better. Still too anxious to speak, but better. Remyus laid his fingers on Varian's wrist and checked his pulse.

"It's a little fast, but that was to be expected. Now, would you like to tell me about your dream ?"

Varian flinched and kept his mouth shut. He seemed lost in his thoughts for a while, but he was the one to break the silence in the end.

"I.. I think I should get back to work, now. The joint compound I applied this morning must be dry by now", he said simply.

Remyus frowned slightly, then decided not to push the boy.

"Fine, Varian. But not before you eat and drink something."

Varian nodded feebly, thankful that he was, for the time being, able to keep the intricate mess of his emotions inside his lurching stomach.

Note : The King and the Queen are supposed to attend a festival in Epoisses. I named this imaginary kingdom after a lovely French village, famous for its castle and especially its strong and quite smelly cheese…