Are you in for more angst ? You've been warned…

This chapter (and the next, because I've been working on both) have been more complicated to write than I expected. I'm trying my best to show how much it is complicated in Varian's head, because… it is ! The whole situation is. There are his feelings of betrayal, the responsibilities he still has to face, the issues with his father (this will be for later, hehe…), and more. So sorry if you get the feeling that we are never getting out of this ! Healing is a slow process , and all the steps are planned in my head, but we will get there ! I promise ! (I'm having second thoughts every time I use these words now !)

Anyway...

Chapter 41

Arianna couldn't stop pacing the royal library, the nearest and quietest place in the castle Fredric could find. She felt irritated, frustrated and helpless. The boy was clearly distressed, and she failed to find a way to snap him out of his trance.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Darling. I know you only want him to feel better, but it's not an easy task. Especially with that boy." He chuckled. "Well, at least, I understand now why tending to Varian is your full time job.".

"It's not funny, Fredric", she snapped, unable to control her temper. "He's been in this castle for days now, and every time I think we're out of the woods, he gets overwhelmed by his dark thoughts again and clams up. I'm at the end of my rope, Fredric."

Her husband went serious again.

"Arianna, he was obviously shaken by a nightmare. After all that happened, who knows how bad his dreams are? Listen, even if it doesn't show yet, I'm sure everything you do for him is very helpful. He'll come to realize it, some day."

"There's something I'm missing… ", she countered, not really taking in his words. "It's like there are walls around his heart and I can't find the way in."

Facing her, Fredric put his hands on her shoulders to make her stop pacing.

"Look, it wouldn't be honest of me if I told you I totally understand and approve what you are trying to do. But I'm trusting you. After the battle of Old Corona, I told Rapunzel I would get him help and I intend to keep my word. Yet, I must admit I would be at a loss as to what to do with him. But you… you can do this, my love, because you have the heart of a mother, and I know you will never give up on a child in need." Arianna's eyebrows relaxed slightly as she looked up to meet his gaze.

"Thank you", she whispered with a grateful smile.

Feeling the tension loosening, Fredric's lips stretched into a lopsided grin as he added :

"Well, even though said child threatened the whole Kingdom and tried to kill you…"

"Fredric !"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Varian was wielding the putty knife with frantic gestures. His arms were sore from his efforts earlier, but that didn't stop him. On the contrary, the dull pain in his muscles was distracting him from the mental torture inside his head.

Apart from asking Remyus to let him get back to work, Varian had stubbornly refused to utter another word. He ate in silence, only taking the minimum of food required to convince the old physician to let him leave the room. He kept his lips pursed when Ruddiger came back with Elora after his walk, much to the little maid's dismay. Then he got ready and left in his, Phil and Hans in tow, since they were supposed to follow Varian everywhere he went.

And that was another thing that was getting under the young alchemist's skin.

He had been alone for weeks and weeks in his lab, with only a raccoon and a Dad frozen in amber for company, and now, he couldn't get a moment's privacy. There were people around him day and night and wasn't used to it.

Yet, Varian wasn't looking forward to being on his own again. Irritating as it was, his keepers' physical presence was reassuring somehow. Or was it the loneliness that was unbearably scary ?

He still hated them, all these people around him. Where were they, when it was dark and cold and that there was no one with him ?

Varian didn't notice when his strokes had become swats, breaking pieces of the wall around the crack as he did so.

"Put your head into it, will you !"

The sharp, cold voice of the new guard startled Varian out of his thoughts. He nearly lost his grip on the ladder. Hans went on.

"We're trying to have that wall fixed, not broken further. Pay attention or mark my words, I will make you do it all over again."

Varian clenched his jaw and kept his thoughts to himself. He didn't like how that guard just talked to him one bit, but he was still so angry at everything and everyone that he kept refusing any form of communication.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, scoundrel ! Get down at once !" Hans boomed with a forceful voice.

"Hans, take it easy, will you ? You told him off, I'm sure he got your point. Leave him alone", Phil stepped in, trying to keep everybody's temper in check.

"Quiet, Phil ! I'll teach that kid some respect !" Hans stomped until he was standing next to the ladder and waited with scornful eyes for the teenager to get down.

Varian looked down. Met Hans' stare.

Then he turned around and got back to work, not bothering to reply.

He suddenly felt he was yanked off the ladder by his free arm, lost his balance and tumbled down onto the carpet, landing ungracefully on all fours.

"Now," said Hans coldly, crushing Varian's left hand under his boot, "you're going to stay on your knees and apologize to me. Then you will get back to work and won't stop until you're done."

Varian's head was spinning but he lifted his chin to look at Hans. The man's face was white with rage and a shiver ran up the teenager's spine.

Phil reached out and firmly grabbed Hans' upper arm. "That's enough, Hans !", he said between clenched teeth.

"You'd better let me go, Phil", replied Hans, pulling away and shifting his weight on his other leg in the process. Varian was able to free his hand, scrambled back and stood up again, his expression blank for a second.

The two guards were still holding their grip on each other when Varian grabbed the ladder and, with a howl of rage, flung the ladder off the wall, with the bucket full of joint compound still attached to it. The mixture sprawled everywhere around the hallway, carpet and walls. The clatter resonated far in the hallway.

The King and the Queen, on her way to check on Varian, appeared round the corner. Fredric saw the mess and the kid he just heard yell next to it, put two and two together, and lost it before any explanations could be given.

"What is the meaning of this ?", the King boomed, not asking a real question. "Varian ! Go to your room this instant !"

Varian rolled his eyes.

"Oh ! Oh, am I grounded now, Your Majesty ?". Phil's eyes went wide, shocked by the kid's sass. This attitude was definitely bound to get on the King's nerves. "Oh, wait !" he went on. "I'm your prisoner anyway, so I'm kind of grounded already, am I not ?", he said bitterly.

Arianna couldn't help but feel exasperated by her husband's lack of tact and impressed by the boy's clever sarcasm at the same time, but she quickly caught herself.

"I'm sure there is an explanation, Fredric, and I think we should hear Varian about that matter", she stated calmly. "Varian ?"

Said boy kept his defiant look on his face, hands clenched into fists. Suddenly squeezing his eyes shut and grinding his teeth, he turned his heels and ran away in the direction of his room.

Arianna ran after him before she could think.

Phil and Hans, remembering that their duty was to be watching Varian at all times, dropped their quarrel and made it to catch up.

Fredric stayed there stunned, admiring, not for the first time, his wife for not giving up, no matter how complicated things were.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Out of breath, Varian stomped into his room first, the Queen on his heels. She could feel all the bottled up anger rising again in the boy, and she might as well be standing next to a volcano about to erupt.

"This is useless ! All of this !", Varian shouted, tugging his hair in frustration. "No matter what I do, I'll always be the bad guy, the beast to be locked away."

"Varian, honey… I know that you are upset and the King may not have…."

"No !", the young alchemist burst. "No, you don't know anything ! All of you, this is all your fault ! You made me become what I've become ! And you know what ? I don't care if I'm the bad guy ! I don't have any regrets, because I did what I had to do to save my father !"

His voice was wavering, his hands were shaking. There was a crack in the wall inside his heart as he was lashing out. He knew what was behind it, what was threatening to show. No, no. It was all Rapunzel's doing. She was pretending – yes, pretending – to be his good friend, like everyone else, and how could he have been stupid enough to believe it ? They all abandoned him in his greatest need. And then, they never cared about him when he was alone and shunned by his own village. And the King didn't bother to come to Old Corona until he made the Queen his prisoner.

So why couldn't they just get off his case, walk away and leave him alone ? Why would they care now if he was unhappy ?

Oh, there is a reason why they wouldn't leave him alone. He is a bad guy now. Much too dangerous to be free. That's what people would say about him long before those events anyway. Maybe… maybe they were right. And they will never change their minds about him. It was too late.

Trembling, he sucked in a deep breath.

"Look into my eyes, Your Majesty", pure venom and bitterness in his voice, "You are always acting like you want to help me, but tell me something, if you can : are my actions -kidnapping you, attempting to freeze you in amber and crushing you to death with my automaton – completely forgotten? And forgiven ? Are they ?"