Busy holiday times, but I'm happy I was able to add a new chapter before the end of the year ! The last day of 2018 is also my birthday, and it's a way to celelebrate !
Enjoy, and thank you to all of you who follow up this story with enthusiasm !
Chapter 44
The morning sun cast a pleasant light over the soft cushions spread out on the library's window sill where Varian was sitting.
It was very unusual for the boy to have a very extensive treaty about alchemy on his lap and not actually read it with eager eyes. Instead, he was gazing thoughtfully out the window, his mind on the previous day's events.
After the Queen found him in tears while he was drawing his nightmare with rage, Varian had felt a weight come off his chest. Sharing his vision helped him put it back to its right place – merely a vision, a dream, and somehow a warning of who he may become if he let anger and hatred rule his heart.
He didn't want to feel that way anymore. He was tired of being alone against the world. He felt like that day, when he was much, much younger and got stuck in the swamps outside the village. He was sinking and panicking, calling for his Dad repeatedly and trying to step out of the mud frantically. But the more he would struggle, the deeper he would go. Only when his father told him to calm down and stop fighting was he able to think clearly and grasp the staff Quirin held for him to be pulled out.
But Dad wasn't here this time. Dad was still frozen in a giant amber rock that erupted because of Varian's compound, in an attempt to understand and get rid of the black rocks.
Varian was hating himself for that. A self-loathing that has been his companion since that day and that he had concealed so far with hatred for the world.
Was could be the way out this time ? Should he grab the staff that was held out to him and trust this second chance the Queen was talking about ? Should he let go of his resentment against the Kingdom, against Rapunzel and forgive them ?
What was there to forgive anyway ? A rational part of him knew that Rapunzel had no choice that day. She had been caught in unexpected events and couldn't keep her promise. Did he have the right to blame her for not foreseeing that, even if it hurt him more than he could say ?
What was there left for him ? Only to accept the pain he had been feeling ? Accept what felt like betrayal and abandonment and not spread pain further by hurting people ? Making Rapunzel suffer like he did wouldn't bring his father back anyway, he could see that now.
"Varian ?"
It took the teen a few seconds to jog his mind out of his daydream.
"Huh ? Oh, what is it Elora ?" he asked, looking back at her.
The little girl had put aside the fairytale book she was reading.
"Look at Ruddiger, he's been restless for a while. I think I'll take him outside before he has an accident."
"Oh ?... Oh, yes, of course. Thank you, Elora."
It had become a routine between the three of them. Since Varian was still technically a prisoner, it was easier to have Elora take care of Ruddiger whenever he needed to go outside. Phil and Alden, the guards who were responsible for Varian during the day, were grateful for that and let the girl and the raccoon slip out of the library.
Varian had been allowed to spend the morning in the library as a treat after he cleaned up the mess he did the day before by hurling the ladder after the Hans incident and then finished to fill up the crack in the wall. The Queen also added that she wanted him so have some time off before the afternoon, although she didn't mention any task or chore she may have planned for him.
Did it have something to do with the Moon Festival of Epoisses on the following day, he wondered ? The Queen had told him first thing in the morning that she would have to leave for 24 hours at least, as one of her many royal duties, and that Festival was one she couldn't put off. She had spoken with her calm, queen-like voice, but Varian had seen the unspoken sadness in her eyes. As much as he could rationally understand her reasons and her uneasiness, another part of his brain was screaming at yet another excruciating feeling of abandonment as unbidden memories came back like a dark plague.
His twirling thoughts made him feel suddenly homesick, more than ever before. Oh it wasn't like he had never shed tears for missing his home and his father before. But he never allowed himself to complain to anyone in the castle, feeling he had no right to do so after what happened. But it was tearing his heart each and every minute he had to spend away from home.
Varian's gloved hands clenched into fists. His gaze hardened, like that day in his lab when he found his father completely covered with amber. No more tears, no more sadness, no more thinking. Enough of this mess and this waste of time. He had to go out and run to his Dad.
Now.
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"So let me get this straight, Your Majesty, " said the Captain, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You want me to talk to the boy, but I'm not allowed to mention the attack on Old Corona."
"That's right, Captain."
"Nor my daughter."
"Captain… I know I'm asking a lot from you, but what happened between Cassandra and Varian… well that's for them to fix."
"He tried to kill her", the man retorted, barely containing his anger.
Arianna sighed.
"We're walking on eggshells, Captain. I know he made bad choices but think of what he's gone through. What he's still going through. He accepted to repair the material damage caused by his automaton in the castle which is a progress in itself. Now he has to be ready to make up for hurting you and half of your guards when he sent his transformed raccoon to attack us. The… murder attempts…." She closed her eyes as she remembered the tight grip of the metal hand around her ribs, "will have to wait."
The Captain locked his jaw and swallowed hard.
"Captain, I understand that you want to protect your daughter above all. You know I do. But she is a grown woman now. And she can fend for herself", she added with a soft smile.
"That's for sure,", he relented. "It's just… it's so hard for me because I was lying here in the castle, powerless while she could have been killed. Your Majesty, I know he's just a kid and that he has suffered a lot but… that doesn't make it right."
"No, it doesn't. That's why we must help him, show him the way so he can acknowledge his mistakes and make it right. When he's ready, he will find the words to talk to your daughter. She's probably still struggling with her feelings about that night too, and she has the right to face him. The rest – whether she wants to forgive him or not- is up to her. Trust me, it's important that we let them sort this out by themselves. For both of them."
The Captain looked away, his hands behind his back. After warring with himself, he straightened and looked at his Queen. "All right, Your Majesty. I'll follow your lead."
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Varian knew he didn't have much time. Elora would be back with Ruddiger soon.
He felt a pang in his chest as he thought of his furry friend he had to leave behind. He quickly brushed it away, confident that Elora would take care of him. He couldn't afford to dwell on those kind of feelings if he wanted to escape.
The library was on the second floor, which was quite a long way from the ground as each storey in the castle was preposterously high. But there was no escaping through the door because of Phil and Alden.
The window would have to do.
He silently opened the latch before closing the book he had on his lap and stood up, pretending to go and put it away to get a new one.
Hiding behind the shelves, he peeked at the guards when smaller books allowed him to do so. They were bored, to say the truth, and were chatting while checking regularly on Varian.
Said boy put down the heavy book and quickly went back to the window, silently praying that the guards would assume he would take some time browsing the shelves. Opening the window slowly, just enough for his lanky body to slip out, he stepped unsteadily on the cornice, leaning flat against the wall and trying not to look down. He wasn't really afraid of heights, but he had nothing to hold onto, and the cornice was quite narrow. A last speck of rationality made him curse himself for not thinking how unprepared he was and how reckless and stupid this decision was.
But not enough to make him turn back. Not with his Dad at the end of the path.
Have a nice 31st of December all, and see you next year ! (yes, I'm afraid I'm leaving Varian on the cornice until 2019… *evil grin*)
