Okay, so this chapter is like the start of a tentpole part in the story. It's been in my head for a very long time, and I'm glad I made it till that point !

Everything Varian is going through -anger, rejecting others, not eating or self-harm thoughts- are the expression of bottled-up feelings we will explore soon. His reactions, while not always healthy or helping long-term, are his way to cope (or not cope) with his traumas for now.

And I apologize for people who would have liked Nigel or Hans or Varian being turned to animals, that is not where I want to go with that story (sorry cristalcritter). I have plans for these characters, so bear with me, and even it's might not be what you expect, I hope you will like what you will find.

Chapter 48

"Are you ready, Varian ?"

It didn't matter how gentle her tone was, Varian tensed at her question. Ready would be a strong word. Back then in his lab, when he had her in his control and that his scheme was unfolding accordingly with his plan, he thought he was ready. Now he knew he actually wasn't, and that it was already the case long before he even sent his first automaton to the castle as a diversion. He wasn't ready to go rogue and betray the royal family he once revered. He wasn't ready to be on his own for weeks, for months. He wasn't ready to lose his father to a giant block of amber.

So whatever would come next, the boy knew he wasn't ready. Neither physically nor emotionally. But he had to keep going.

He chose to avoid mentioning that he hardly ate his lunch, his stomach still churned after his foolish and dangerous attempt to escape. And after that, he did try to relax, but sleep wouldn't come and all he could do was stare at the ceiling, one gloved hand under his head and the other petting Ruddiger absentmindedly. Trying to contain his feelings and keeping his breath under control was an effort in itself as mixed emotions once again warred inside.

So he opted for a simple nod and put on his leather apron before following the Queen of Corona to whatever new task that she had set for him. Ruddiger crooned and scurried after them, Phil on their heels. Alden had been allowed to rest, due to his injury.

Without a word, Arianna led him to the back doors leading to the garden. Varian had come to like that place. He never felt very comfortable within the castle walls, where everything was too big, too tall, too shiny. The garden was peaceful, the trees welcoming and the scents of nature reminded him of Old Corona. He was still a prisoner, but there, he could almost feel like he was free.

When the Queen swung the doors open, Varian's eyes squinted because of the brightness. It was mid-afternoon and the sun had already started its downward course to the West, blinding the people stepping out of the castle's backyard. A few clouds had started to gather here and there, but for the moment, the garden's colors were enhanced by the beauty of the sunlight.

Once Varian's eyes got accustomed to the light, the boy gasped. Something had changed. In front of him stood more pieces of clayware than he had ever seen. They were literally everywhere in sight – on the grass, on the balustrade, some hanging from the beams… they could be seen as far as the gazebo was – dozens of them.

"What… what are these ?" he stammered as he took in the different sizes and shapes. Some looked very regular and made by expert hands, others were awkward and askew.

"These," the Queen said in a very serious tone, "are here for you, Varian."

"Okay… please don't tell me you're asking for my opinion about your decoration choices," he managed, more to himself than to her.

"No," she chuckled. "I will explain, but first, you are going to need this."

And with that she handed out a small object that Varian immediately recognized, although he hadn't seen them since his arrest : his goggles. They were reflecting the sunlight and had apparently been cleaned.

Warily, he took them from the Queen and put them to their usual place on the top of his head. It was a nice feeling to have them again. It was hard to describe, but they were such a part of him that he now realized how much he had missed them.

"So… I guess you want me to paint them… all of them ?" he ventured as he looked around but he only got more confused as he couldn't see the appropriate tools anywhere.

"Not exactly, Varian", Arianna said mysteriously as she slipped on another pair of goggles for herself. They were quite different from Varian's ones, shaped like ovals with a thin silver frame. "You see, everyone in town gave a hand in making these. Of course, the potter was first in line, but so many people decided to help. As you can see, it was a first try for many of them !"

She pointed to some of the smallest pieces. His curiosity taking the best of him, Phil came to take a closer look.

"These look like they were made by children," he joked. But then he gasped as he read the makers' names engraved on the side. "Mariette ? Lison ! Oh and this one was made by Andrée ! Even the youngest, Colette tried to do… her best, I guess," he added with a face as he saw the heap of clay that was probably meant to be a pot.

"What are you talking about ?" Varian interjected, starting to feel frustrated, "who are they ?"

"They're my sisters !" he replied excitedly. "Why, my half-sisters to be precise. You see, my father is the baker in town. He and his wife work a lot, from dawn to dusk, so they play outside most of the time. You may have seen them on the plaza. Four red-haired little girls ?"

Varian, who lived in more Corona and didn't come to the New Corona that often, just shook his head.

Arianna decided it was time to focus. "Phil, I am thrilled that your sisters participated, and I am grateful to them. This is not about what their work pieces look like anyway. Like I said, Varian, they all are here for you."

Varian turned back to meet Phil's eyes, hoping to get a clue. All that the guard's expression showed was that he was as confused as the teenager was.

When Varian looked at the Queen again, she was holding a thin, long metal bar in her hands. Varian couldn't help but step back in surprise and uncertainty.

"Now listen, Varian," she said softly. "This is important. I would like you to imagine that every piece of clay here represents a moment of your life that makes you feel upset, angry, or sad. Choose one, look at it and say out loud what is inside. It can be anything you want. And when you are ready, I want you to smash it with this metal bar."

Varian was watching her with round eyes. He did his best to control his hands that had started to shake. He had expected some kind of community service, like when he fixed the wall his automaton broke, not an introspection in his deepest feelings.

"I will start," she added as she lowered her goggles to protect her eyes, exhaling sharply. "This pottery," and she pointed to a very low and plump piece, "is the moment my only child was stolen and taken away in the night."

Her grip tightened on the bar.

"A night that lasted eighteen long years. I was the one supposed to hold her and help her grow. I was the one who should have seen her first smile, heard her first words, support her for her first steps."

Arianna's expression changed. Her eyes squinted into slits. Her jaw tight, she seemed to have forgotten the guard, boy and raccoon who were watching and barely dared to breathe.

"That woman who took her from me… she didn't have the right to do that. She stole so much more than a baby from her mother, she stole all those moments that we will never get back. Even if I'm grateful that my daughter is back and okay, I… I can't bear the thought that she got to share all that with her, while all I had… was an…empty… nursery !"

CRACK !

Arianna all but yelled her last words, as she swung the metal bar and smashed the pottery into pieces.

It seemed time had stopped. After the shattering of the pottery, silence came. Even the leaves had stopped their rustling noise, as if waiting, just like Varian, Phil and Ruddiger, for the Queen to catch her breath and the heavy heaves of her chest to stop.

She stayed still for a moment, her back turned to them, until she ripped the goggles off her head and quickly wiped her eyes with her wrist. A couple of deep breaths and she was back to her royal self. Years of practice helped.

She took a few steps forward and handed to metal bar to Varian.

"Your turn, now," she said, looking deeply in his blue eyes.