Wow, thank you all for your support and nice comments ! Long (some very long ! :)), short, they've all brought me so much joy. !I'm glad that the last chapter, which was a challenge for me to put into words, had such an impact. I hope you will like what's next too (lots of fluff coming up!)
And really,I love to hear how the story and the character development can inspire people and make them want to think and / or discuss about the show.
So, thank you guys (TrickySK, Britt30, Sphia Rephic, Rain4evah, Totallynotvarian, arkham, paranoidspook, SakuraXXstrawberry, Car45, crystalcritter2007, EmJelenKoala, Megan Guess, Everyheroneedsavillain, and anybody I may have forgotten !)
Megan Guess, to answer your question, the best thing to do is to read again and let your imagination lead you !
Enjoy ! (and keep some tissues at hand) :)
Chapter 51
A low rumble echoed in the distance, a warning of a storm to come. The rain started to pour harder, but no one in the garden of the Corona castle thought of taking shelter. From his balcony up above, King Frederic looked down at the scene with sad eyes as he saw his wife and the young guard break into a run toward the broken form on the ground. With a deep sigh, he retreated into his room, a huge lump forming in his throat now he was facing the actual role he played in the child's misery.
Arianna was sharing gut-wrenching feelings of guilt too, albeit not for the same reasons. At that very moment, she hated herself for inflicting so much pain on the young alchemist It was like she had just rubbed salt in his wounds. Had this gone too far ? Pushing those thoughts at the back of her mind, she let her protective instincts take over, dropping on her knees in the forming puddles and fiercely throwing her arms around the skinny, shaking teen half a second before he collapsed on the soppy ground.
"I've got you... I've got you, Varian", she whispered softly in his ear while tightening her embrace as much as humanly possible without choking him.
"We… had a fight… about the rocks…", Varian sounded small and very young as he cried salty, hot tears, holding onto the Queen's arm for support but speaking as if to himself, "I know he didn't want me… to experiment … but I still did… behind his back…"
Patiently, Arianna let Varian tell his story. She listened, because she knew he needed to have someone listening. She rubbed soothing circles in his back but it was clear it would take time before the boy could even begin to calm down.
At a loss what to do, Ruddiger nudged his head repeatedly into Varian's ribs, but the boy didn't seem to acknowledge his touch any more than he did to the Queen's.
"B- b- but… they were destroying… our village… our home… I… I had to do something… I spilled the compound when he came in…. we argued… and…"
Feeing a pang stabbing her heart, Arianna squeezed her eyes shut, tears spilling underneath her long eyelashes.
"I know, Varian. It was an accident", she repeated. "It wasn't your fault, honey."
"It should have been me…". Varian was swaying back and forth nervously now, hooked on Arianna's arm and squeezing it. "It should have been me… he was stuck… and I was… so scared and… I didn't know what to do…", he whimpered as fresh tears sprang from his already red and swollen eyes, remembering too keenly the spike of panic that took hold on him at that moment.
"You were scared. Anybody would have been scared in that situation. I'm so sorry it happened to you, Varian", the Queen replied, picking on Varian's pace and starting to rock him gently.
Varian hiccupped and nodded weakly, his face wet with tears and rain alike, hot and cold drops running down his cheeks.
"It was… so cold… so cold…", he stammered uncontrollably through chattering teeth, shaking even more as if his body was reliving the bone-freezing cold. "I came back home… in the blizzard but then it was… so much… worse… I was cold… all over, and… my Dad… I was too late… he couldn't hear me… see me… or talk to me… anymore…"
A flash of light illuminated the sky, followed by the sound of thunder soon afterwards. Varian jolted at the loud and sudden sound, but his brain didn't seem to register what it was. All he could feel was that excruciating sensation of hollowness in his chest as he realized he was all alone in the big wide world. How could emptiness crush his heart with too much weight to bear ?
He was feeling sick in his stomach.
"I called and called… I cried for hours, but… he wouldn't move… my Dad was... right in front of me… but he was… gone…he was gone… because of me…", he wailed as he broke down completely and wept into her shoulder.
Arianna noticed that not even once did Varian mention what happened with Rapunzel (nor Cassandra for that matter, but she never knew about the Science Expo incident between them), but kept the thought to herself. She was starting to understand why. She had managed to bring down the walls around his heart, but now, it was defenceless, exposed and raw. Varian was finally letting go of all the bitterness, blame and anger towards Rapunzel or the Kingdom he harboured for months, and they now hit their true target : himself.
The clay pots had filled their role beyond her expectations and had pushed him to unleash his feelings. But Arianna hadn't expected the boy in her arms to go this far and… to hurt so much.
Somehow, she felt that Varian always knew the truth, but that the only way to keep his sanity was to let his mind blind itself.
Because for too long a time, no one would be there to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart if he let guilt and grief in. To the fourteen-year-old, that plainly felt like falling off a cliff without a parachute.
"Honey, listen," Arianna's voice was never softer, "I'm here, you are not alone. I'm sorry we haven't been there for you before, but you don't have to face this all by yourself anymore." She moved one hand to the back of his head, combing her fingers through his mop of hair, encouraging him to relax and lean on her completely. To not avail. Varian's twig-like body shook from spasms, dry heaving a few times as his stomach churned again.
"What… have I…done ?" Varian sobbed and hiccupped into her bodice, too overwhelmed to return her embrace, "I did this… I…I killed him… My Daddy… is gone… because of me… I didn't...listen to him… and now he's…"
Desperate beyond words, Varian buried his face into the crook of his arm, and his cries turned into screams as he let out on the verge of madness :
"I've screwed up again, big time. Dad ! I'm sorry ! I am a bad son ! Dad ! Dad ! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
"Shhhh… Varian… Easy now… breathe… please, Varian, you need to calm down," Arianna shushed, cringing at his harsh words toward himself and struggling to control the panic that was seizing her as she realized how much things were getting out of hand. Even Ruddiger took a few steps back, ears down, warbling in worry.
A large, gloved hand gently took hold of Varian's, and gave it a light squeeze before pulling it away, revealing the teen's reddened eyes. Unable to control his sobs, Varian looked up through blurred vision to meet Phil's gaze, his eyes sad but his mouth trying to put up a sympathetic smile.
"Hey, buddy, it's okay. It's okay, we're here for you, Varian. Let us help you, and….", his voice bore a brotherly, concerned tone. "…let yourself be saved."
Varian froze and dug his eyes into Phil's while his mind was trying to process his words. Something in those eyes convinced the young alchemist that he could trust the man kneeling next to him. That he could trust both of them.
The boy's still and confused expression abruptly changed as he cried fresh tears. His black gloves grabbed the Queen's dress in a tight grip. Completely ready to hug her back this time, Varian was literally holding her as onto dear life. Her embrace was soft and welcoming. It felt safe, and it was the only place where he could survive for now. He was sure he would have broken apart without her wrapping her arms around him, Phil's hand now reassuringly resting on his shoulder and Ruddiger finally nestled on his lap. For the first time, Varian realized how much he needed others and how much his lonely heart had been yearning for something as simple and yet as essential as human contact.
"I miss him, Your Majesty…", his voice was broken with exhaustion, but there was something different about it. Something warm had just blossomed, as for the first time, there was no fake coldness on his behalf. "I miss him so much… and my village too…I want to go home…."
"I know… I know, Varian. I'm so sorry", she replied, choking back a sob. "For everything."
Granted, Varian had cried more than once since he was in the palace. Out of rage, or fear, or panic. Every time, the hot, uncomfortable tears did little to ease the teenage boy's tortured mind in the end.
At long last, the ones he was shedding now as he was clinging desperately to Arianna were bringing what he sorely needed : relief.
A deep, shuddered sigh escaped his lips through sobs. The broken boy felt the arms around his frame hug him more fiercely than before. Slowly, Varian allowed himself to relax and go limp against her as she held him, whispering into his ear :
"You did so well today, Varian. Such a great job. I'm so proud of you."
Echoed by the distant thunder, the rain had just started to fall harder on the castle of Corona, washing many tears away.
