I have no words to say how much your comments are wonderful and inspiring. Thank you so much for your kindness, you all :) . I would like to post this quickly, so I'm not going to make shout-outs this time, but here's a chapter I enjoyed writing a lot. We're not really moving into the plot much, but I feel like following Varian's pace is the right thing to do at this point. So I'm taking the time we need for him to untangle (pun intented) those complex feelings. It wouldn't make sense to solve all the problems in the blink of an eye, would it ?

And for those who asked (Car45, Rain4evah), well, I am…. not done yet, rest assured !The plot will move on again later (you didn't honestly think that Varian would get his happy ending so easily ?) Enjoy !

Chapter 52

Every effort Arianna made to try and hold back her own tears proved to be useless in the end, as Varian's cries never seemed to quiet down. They were not as intense and raw as before, but she still could feel his slender frame shake with every sob and shattered breath, and it pained her to no end. After months of bottling up his feelings, the boy was finally giving in. It was for the best, she knew, that he could let go of the rage that was plaguing him, but her arms seemed powerless to prevent the young alchemist from falling apart.

Beyond exhausted, Varian put up no resistance when Phil took him inside on his back. They were all soaked with rain by then, but no one complained. Arianna followed quietly, her hand on Varian's back. Ruddiger's fur was dripping on the hallway carpet, leaving a trail behind him. His backed down ears clearly showed what he couldn't say with words : his sadness he felt for his human friend, and his yearning to see him smile again, if only just once.

Back inside Remyus' chambers, Phil lowered Varian carefully onto his bed and Arianna fumbled around for a towel and a dry shirt.

"Phil ?" she called out. "You may go and get changed. Please take the rest of the day off. We all need to rest," and she eyed the slumped who had already brought up his knees against his chest, "and I would like you to take your next shift first thing in the morning."

Phil turned around to look at her, impulsively wanting to protest, but he changed his mind. He had observed how the Queen knew her way when it came to Varian. Like she mentioned, the boy needed rest, and privacy, and quiet. His eyes were distant and unfocused, as if all his energy had been drained. Absentmindedly, Phil wondered what on Earth was keeping the boy awake.

"Yes, Your Majesty," he replied with a bow. "I will be standing at the door at dawn." He knelt next to the bed so he was at eye level with Varian. "I'll see you tomorrow, buddy. Try to rest tonight, okay ?". Varian nodded faintly, but his misty eyes didn't try to connect with him. Phil let out a sigh, patted the boy's knee and left. If he were to be honest, he knew he cared for the boy as much as he cared for his younger sisters, and to see him so broken was heart-wrenching for him.

Arianna unfolded the towel she found and gently removed the googles on the top of Varian's head before she proceeded with drying his thick hair. Then she peeled off his gloves and removed his wet shirt before wrapping him up in a soft blanket, providing a feeling of containment that grounded the boy. Her gestures were slow and tender, and she spoke softly during the whole process, patiently explaining what she was doing. Varian offered no more reaction than a rag doll.

When Arianna was done with the towel on Varian, she gave a quick wipe to Ruddiger before settling the raccoon on the bed, petting him a couple times to make sure he was comfortable. Then she sat down next to the boy.

"Varian, I know you're tired, but I would like you to eat something. Ethel should be here soon. If you feel warm enough now, we'll finish to get you changed and…"

She never completed that sentence, as Varian, still curled up into a ball, allowed himself to lean sideways and let his head rest against her, his eyes lost under his disheveled hair. A soft sniffle was all it took for her to know he was weeping silently, and her heart sank. He was the child in dire need of affection she definitely saw behind the angry boy, back in the lab. She had been genuinely scared of him, because she had seen in his eyes how determined he was, and she was sure that every threat he proclaimed, he would have done, hadn't he been stopped by Ruddiger and then Rapunzel.

But then, there was a moment he had reached out to physically touch her and the King in his act of sassiness – a bold thing to do under ordinary circumstances. Yet, as far as she observed during the days he had lost part of his memory, Varian was rather a shy person when it came to contact, but it seemed more due to a lack of habit than a lack of desire.

Now Varian wasn't trying to play a part. He had buried away his own personality for too long and couldn't keep the mask on anymore. His genuine craving for love and touch couldn't be denied.

Tenderly, Arianna wrapped her arms around him and pressed her chin on the top of his head. Even through the blanket and despite her still being wet from the rain, Varian could feel her warmth surrounding him, protecting him and he let more tears fall. He felt unable to speak, nor did he want to. His whole body felt weak, and he couldn't stop himself from shaking slightly. He buried his face in her neck and let her hold him, quietly wishing she would never let go.

"Shhh…it's all right, now. It's all right, honey. I've got you…", she whispered, wiping his tears with her slender fingers.

She knew words were futile compared to Varian's hopelessness, but she still tried to soothe him the best she could. With aggressiveness, anger and contempt out of the way, deep sorrow was now overwhelming the boy. He needed time to process that now and had every right to feel depressed. He could for sure use all the support he could get, and the Queen made a mental note that she would have to make sure there would be somebody with him at all times from now on.

As she hugged the fragile boy, Arianna reminded herself with a pang in her heart that she and the King were to travel to Epoisses the next day. That was really a bad time.

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Varian remained uncharacteristically quiet after his latest breakdown. He had completely changed at last, wearing only a long, dry shirt. His wet clothes were roughly folded on a chair nearby and the leather wrappings that served as his boots were sprawled on the floor. Arianna's hair and dress were still damp from the rain, but she insisted that they would work on his arms first. He had strained his muscles so much to break the clay pots earlier, she knew some stretching was required if he didn't want to be awfully sore in the morning.

She shifted to sit on the bed behind Varian and prompted him to lean back on her. She gently took his hands, crossed his arms on his chest and gradually pulled on them. Varian winced at the dull pain, but it was far from unbearable. He jerked a bit as a knock was heard from the door.

"May I come in, Your Majesty ?", came a familiar voice.

"Yes, please come in, Ethel", the Queen replied, not interrupting her task on Varian.

"Your Majesty, I have made – Aaaah !" she yelled, nearly dropping the tray she was holding. "Your hair, Your Majesty ! And your dress ! Why, you are completely soaked ! You are going to catch your death !", she exclaimed, forgetting she was talking to the Queen of Corona and not her granddaughter.

Arianna chuckled at her antics.

"You're right, Ethel. I will change in a minute."

Ethel gave a doubtful look, her mouth soon stretching into a fond smile. She knew that the Queen would always put the boy's needs before hers, and this motherly devotion was growing on her. Her own feelings for the teen were following the same pattern, her former grudges toward him (because of the transformation he performed on his raccoon that caused Elora to be plagued with nightmares) long gone.

"I hope you're hungry, Varian," she greeted him with a wink. "I have made my special soup for you."

"Oh.. um… thank you," he replied shyly, not sure yet how much his churned-up stomach would take and feeling stress rise in him already, should he not eat as much as was expected of him.

"All right, Varian, done," Arianna announced letting his arms rest by his sides and running her hands up and down to relax him completely. "Do you think you can manage the soup by yourself while Ethel helps me for a bit ?"

"Um, okay," he answered, eyeing the dressing screen in the corner. The Queen had slept in this room a couple of nights ago, and most of her things were still there. For some reason, the thought that she may not need to go to her royal chambers was… reassuring, but he kept that for himself.

Ethel causally shoved a bowl of steaming soup into the boy's hands and disappeared with the Queen behind the screen to help her with the lacing of her dress.

Varian stared at the bowl for a while, letting its warmth seep into his bare hands. It was smelling incredibly good and appealing, but he still couldn't bring himself to try it. He exhaled and closed his eyes. After his emotional outburst, he felt like a huge knot had been unwound inside him, but at the same time, he was still incredibly tense, barely allowing himself to breathe. He didn't want to admit it, but his clever mind knew exactly what it was.

His heart was troubled. In the Queen's embrace, he felt so good. She was soft and kind and patient, and it reminded him of something he knew. He was so young when his own mother died, so he wasn't sure if he knew by memory or if it was his imagination, but it felt like he had a mother again.

On the other hand… other memories came uninvited and were racing through his mind. He could see her relaxed features when she was out cold thanks to the compound he made so she wouldn't resist as he took her to his lab. The rough ties he used to bind her hands, then the cold metal chain around her ankle. The drop he intentionally poured on the rock next to her to turn it into amber… the huge claw of the automaton he was driving, crushing her ribs as she cried out in pain…

He felt sick in his stomach again, feeling utterly disgusted with himself. His hands tightened around the bowl and his bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. His surroundings seemed to fade and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard.

A soft patting on his thigh reminded him of the reality around. He blinked a few times, trying to get his vision clear. When did he start to cry again ?

Varian's eyes locked with Ruddiger's. The raccoon crooned softly, as if begging him to eat already. The boy's breath hitched a couple of times and he forced himself to put up a wan smile.

"I'm okay, Ruddiger. I'll… I'll eat in a moment, that's all," he told his furry friend under his breath.

He leaned back completely against the headboard, wishing he could fall asleep there and then and stop thinking or feeling anything at all.