Hi ! I'll post this quickly as it's quite late and I should be off to bed ! A new dawn for Varian...
Chapter 54
Dawn.
Beautiful, ever-changing, eerie, inspiring dawn. So many ways to describe it.
Phil could only think of two words.
Too early.
Not wait. Three words.
Way too early.
Outside Remyus' chambers, the young guard yawned hard for the tenth time, leaning on his halberd for support and wishing he could go back to bed. True, the Queen allowed him to be off-duty quite early the day before, but he spent most of the night chatting with Alden. The older guard was still recovering from his injury on his arm after the library incident, but it was healing well, thanks to Remyus' expert hands. But of course, that wasn't what kept the two guards awake late at night.
They both had come to genuinely care for Varian, but watching and protecting him wasn't always an easy task. His mood could be unpredictable, as much as his actions. Proof of that was that the aforementioned incident was a close call, and that was an understatement. They also kept the truth from the Queen, and Phil wasn't comfortable with that. Of course, she was kind and trusting and forgiving… but what if this broke her trust toward Varian ? Or on the contrary, what if she let her guard down and the boy hurt himself again, or escaped, because she had been unaware of the crazy ideas Varian could come up with at any time ?
Worse still, what if the King found out ? He probably wouldn't be as understanding and he may send the kid back to the dungeon, calling out the pretense of his own safety. Phil was sure it would do more harm than good, especially after he got beaten up by the Stabbington brothers when he was there. And being the one who let Nigel in to carry on that sick plan of his, Phil couldn't let this happen to Varian.
Alden and he would be also sacked, that was for sure. Not that it would be worse than the weight of guilt, but Phil needed the financial support he could provide his family with. As a father of five (Phil and his four step-sisters), his father could barely make it, although he and his wife worked hard each and every day at the bakery.
Phil closed his eyes, yearning for a few seconds of makeshift sleep. The loud snores that came from Remyus on the other side of the door didn't help.
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Further from Phil, in the back chamber, Varian was tossing and turning in his bed. After smashing clay pots and crying so much, exhaustion took its toll on the teen's body and mind, and the first part of his night went by in a deep, dreamless sleep for him. But before dawn, his skinny frame started to become restless, his face twitching and frowning as he rolled his head from side to side. A few moans that may have been words escaped his lips, making Ruddiger's ears perk up. Drowsy with sleep, the raccoon stretched before climbing on Varian's chest to gently pat his cheeks. On the verge of waking, Varian protested unconsciously. A soft chittering sound helped him out of sleep and he slowly opened his eyes.
"Ruddiger ?" he croaked in a rasping voice as he felt, more than saw, the worried critter under his bare fingers. His mind was still clouded with blurry memories of weird dreams he just had. At least, for once, nothing that Varian would call nightmares. "What is it ?"
He flung his hand onto his mouth, suddenly putting two and two together and remembering that he may not be alone in the room. Settling Ruddiger next to him, he sat up in bed, gently pulled the curtains slightly open to get a little bit of the sunrise light and squinted his eyes, trying to pierce the darkness.
He saw her gracious form lying on the bed next to his and he released a breath he didn't know he was holding. She was there. The Queen did spend the night in his room. He had awoken and she was there, just like she promised.
Eyes stinging, Varian suddenly felt the urge to go to her, kiss her hand and thank her just for staying by his side. He knew she was sleeping, but he at least had to come closer to her. He flung his skinny legs over the edge and jumped down. He winced as metal clattering could be heard as his left foot connected with something cold and hard. Arianna moaned softly in her sleep, stretched a little and relaxed again. Her lids remained sealed shut.
Varian kept the awkward statue position he froze into for a few seconds before allowing himself to exhale in relief and check what made that noise. Keeling down, his eyes starting to adjust to darkness, he felt a shiver run up his spine when he recognized the object under the bed.
Phil's cuffs were still there, a painful reminder of his "stroll" on the cornice. Varian's brows furrowed. If the cuffs were untouched, then maybe…
The teen carefully tiptoed around the Queen's bed, followed by a puzzled raccoon. Bingo. Pushed away against the wall, the purple glass shards from the carafe he broke were still lying there as if waiting for him to come back. Varian picked one up between his fingers and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment, letting its smooth surface glisten in the swelling light as he gently moved it back and forth.
He didn't feel the same urge as earlier, the need to use it on himself. In the eerie silence of the room, except for Arianna's soft and steady breathing, Varian was struggling to understand how he felt. Not as anxious and angry as before, that was for sure, but something else was tugging at his heart. Was it… confusion ? sadness ? fear ? He wasn't sure. After having released his rage on the clay pots (despite the Queen's care, his sore arms would remind him of it for a while), what now ?
After a while, Varian's head shot up, a new kind of energy making its ways through his head. His eyes held a stance Ruddiger hadn't seen in months, the one that told him when his human friend's brain was at work and that he would soon come up with a new idea of his.
Varian's spirit was reeling indeed.
I need to find something hard and sharp to work on the glass. I will need a couple of ingredients to make that compound, it won't be easy because I'll be watched all the time, but maybe… oh, yeah, yeah, that could work.
Abruptly, Varian whipped around to get his clothes, got dressed within seconds and left his night shirt on the bed in a heap. Once his gloves were on, he carefully slid the piece of glass in his apron pocket. He was about to head for the door when he stopped in his tracks, went back to get his journal, ripped a page and quickly wrote a note. He left the piece of paper on his bed and, motioning Ruddiger to follow him, walked out the door.
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As the main door of Remyus' chambers squeaked open, Phil nearly jumped out of his boots, ripped away from his half-sleep. He held out his halberd menacingly, aiming at the person behind him.
"Oh Varian, it's you," he exhaled as he realized it was the young alchemist, "why, you just scared me ! Never do that again, I almost skewered you !"
"Quiet," Varian hushed him in a whisper, "Remuys is snoring loudly, but he might wake up if he hears you !". The teen let Ruddiger out before slowly closing the door behind him, successfully avoiding any further creaking.
"Okay, Phil, I need you to take me to the garden, let's go", said the teenager casually, already making his way down the hall."
"Wait, what ?" Phil answered in disbelief, making no effort to lower his voice, "uh, excuse me, what do you think you are doing ?"
"Shshhh,", Varian hissed between gritted teeth, "I'm still a prisoner, remember ? So I can't be left without supervision, that's why you have to come with me."
"No, no, that's not what I meant, Varian. What makes you think you can give orders ? What about the Queen ? She'll be looking for you", Phil said sternly. "And what do you intend to do in the garden at dawn ?"
Varian barely concealed his impatience.
"Look, I left a note for her, and I just want to go and clean my mess up from yesterday. With the storm we had last night, I'm pretty sure no servants were sent out there. I have to clear the pots myself, that's why I have to go before anybody else does it, now the rain has stopped."
Phil looked at Varian intensely for a moment, as if seeing him for the first time. He couldn't help but feel admiration for the resilience and persistence he saw in such a young boy.
"Listen, Varian, I get what you want to do, and I'm with you on this."
"I can sense a "but" coming", Varian said, rolling his eyes.
"But, "Phil went on, ignoring the hint of sarcasm, "you're not going anywhere with that empty stomach of yours. Ethel told me you didn't eat much last night. So here's the deal : we head for the kitchens, grab something for you to eat and then you can go and pick up the pieces of clay the day away of you want."
"I'm fine", the teen replied coldly. "I can eat later. Besides, I'm not exactly supposed to roam by the kitchens." He looked away, slightly embarrassed but trying to get away with it with a smile. "They didn't appreciate my truth serum cookies so much last time. I'm sure the King wouldn't be happy if he knew", he added, pretty much satisfied with his last point.
Phil lifted his hand and rested his chin on it, pretending he was thinking hard.
"Mmm… yes, sure, you're right, that would be unfortunate."
Still, the young guard extended his arm and grabbed the boy's wrist, heading for the kitchens in long strides that almost forced Varian to run along.
"Hey ! What are you doing ?" Varian exclaimed, outraged.
"I wouldn't like getting in trouble with the King," Phil retorted calmly. "But if I let you work yourself out before breakfast, the Queen will have my head. And I'd rather choose the King over her any day." He turned around to face Varian and blinked with a lopsided grin.
"What ? Are you… are you kidding me ? I said I'm not hungry !"
Phil didn't even slow down his pace.
"I'm not buying that, Varian. You're all skin and bones and you need to get proper meals".
"The Queen, Ethel, and now you ?" Varian scoffed. "Are you all going to be on my case when it comes to food now ?"
Phil stopped right where he was and spun around, digging his eyes into Varian's.
"Yes. We are. And we will, until we are sure you're all right. Deal with it."
Varian said nothing, taken aback by Phil's determination. His defensive instincts taking over again, he glared at him with his icy blue eyes, not really wanting to hear the kindness in his words.
Phil sighed and let go of Varian's arm. He wasn't as good as the Queen when it came to communicate with an unstable teenager.
She had to be a Saint for being so patient with him.
"Look, Varian if you don't want to go for yourself, at least, let's go for Ruddiger. The little fellow could use a piece of bread or an apple."
Varian scoffed again.
"Nah, he's fine. He knows how to grab his food, don't you worry about him"
"Oh come on, Varian, when was the last time you…"
Phil trailed off, his mind coming to a stop in sudden realization. He remained silent for a few seconds, debating with himself. When he spoke, his voice sounded blank but firm.
"Pick him up."
"What ?"
"You heard me Varian, just do it."
"I don't get it. He can walk." He rolled his eyes. "Fine ! If that makes us go outside faster…"
Varian went to Ruddiger, bent his knees and scooped up the raccoon in his arms, bracing himself slightly in anticipation for the weight to lift, because his muscles, stiff as they were, felt like noodles.
When the teen lifted his companion from the floor, he came up faster than intended and had to back up one of his feet to keep his balance. Then he froze, head down, his eyes hidden behind his bangs, Ruddiger held tightly in his arms.
Phil watched him in silence and took a couple of steps closer when he saw his skinny frame was starting to shake.
"Varian…. I'm sorry…."
A tear rolled down Varian's cheek and fell on Ruddiger's fur.
"I…. I had no idea…" he muttered. "I had no idea he had lost so much weight. W..why . How ?"
Phil laid a hand on Varian's shoulder.
"We tried to feed him, Varian. Elora, Ethel, even Remyus and the Queen would bring him some food regularly, but he would hardly eat. I… I guess he was too worried about you, Varian. You weren't feeling well, and because the two of you are so close, he started to feel bad too."
Varian hugged Ruddiger against his chest, his breathing now erratic.
"I… I was so wrapped up in my own problems, I never saw, I never felt…" The distraught teen buried his face in the soft fur and cried. "I'm sorry, Ruddiger. I'm so, so sorry…"
Ruddiger answered with a few chittering sounds, butting his head against Varian as if to say :
"You know you're such a rockskull, sometimes, but I'm here. I'm not leaving you, no matter what."
