Sorry about the glitch earlier ! Hope it's fixed !
Hello, my dears, I know this one took forever to be up, but those are busy times (we're moving), and also, great news ! I was very lucky and won a giveaway from bookishdiplodocus (editor/writer)on tumblr, and they gave me feedback on my writing (chapter 50, if you want to know). It really enlightened me, and I can't thank them enough for their help. I tried to address my weaknesses, and it's probably still not perfect, but I did my best and really thought about my writing and how it enhances/impairs the emotions I want to share in the story. I'm not going to say in detail what we talked about (yet), please just let me know how you feel at the end of this chapter or if you noticed anything !
alejg made an awesome piece of art for the beginning of the story ! Please check out their beautiful work on deviantart : (remove the spaces) : / / w w w . popular-all-time/?q=He+needs+me+by+mycove
In this chapter, as well as the last ones, Arianna's gown is quite important. If you like, please go and check rain4evah-art's design on tumblr ! They made a stunning job on that ! (and it helps to understand the story)
I also have added / will add soon my art on mycove-art on tumblr
Sietha, I forgot to ask you, could you please send me a link of the website where you will translate the story ? I would love to have a look !
Now, all of you, take a deep breath, this chapter is a bit longer than usual and... oh well you'll see !
CHAPTER 68
Varian got lost.
He got lost when, ironically, he experienced the most completely tunnelled vision of his life. Whilst he was left alone, with an amber tomb and his guilt for company, one thought and one thought only would keep him going, like he was walking on a very narrow bridge surrounded by fog. In those times, he would even barely acknowledge the last living being that still stuck with him, his loyal raccoon. The boy knew he was there, would pet him from time to time, but rarely made eye contact anymore. He wouldn't think of his friend's needs, nor even his own. He had no idea how much he needed that company, and never tried to reflect on that. One thought. One goal. One way to go, one direction on that bridge. Nothing more.
He could do nothing more, he could think of nothing else than save his father.
It didn't matter what it would take. It didn't matter what he would have to become. It didn't matter who he would blame, or hurt. There was no space on the bridge to move on the side, or turn back. No other path.
So he took that path, the only one he could see. And somehow, somewhere, he got lost.
Now… he was back on that bridge, there was still fog everywhere. It was heavy and thick. His vision was more restricted than ever. All his mind could connect with were snippets and scraps.
Remyus' room, again. The Queen and the Captain arguing. Someone – can't tell who – mentioning the cell. They're planning to send me back there. No… Why is it so hard to breathe, suddenly ?
A flash. A memory. I've been shackled to this bed before. I would be safe here, if only I could… The library. Phil's handcuffs. Under the bed.
Get off the bed. Find the handcuffs. Lock one around my wrist, the other one to the bed, quickly, before they can do something. See ? You're not taking me down there. I can't, I know I'll die if I let you.
The key. They can't have it. Don't trust them. None of them. Look what happened.
My heart is beating too fast, I can feel it banging in my chest, I'm sweating.
Ruddiger. Take the key for me, hide it, don't let them catch you. Go. Go, please. My eyes are stinging. I can't find my voice. I can barely breathe.
Ruddiger is getting away. You clever boy. Don't let them have that key…
I'm shivering. I'm cold. I.. I think I'll pass out.
With unimaginable effort, Varian hauled himself up back on the bed. It wasn't an easy task because of the chain that now binded his left wrist to the frame. His free hand grabbed the piece of velvet that once belonged to the Queen's beautiful gown and he wrapped it back around his shoulders. Then he just sat there, tears beading at the corners of his reddened eyes and every muscle in his rickety body strained to its limit.
Varian was slowly coming back to himself but his thoughts kept skipping in and out of his foggy brain. In the background, he could hear Remyus, the Captain and the Queen still arguing nervously. He was unable to catch a sentence, a concept, a word. Everything was so blurry. He only registered the tired frames, the hands wiping exhausted faces and the deep frowns. The stress in their voices, too. The Captain and Remyus were on edge, that was for sure, but the Queen was… hysterical and her eyes were wet. His stomach twitched as he downright assumed he was responsible for her tears.
"You can't possibly let him shackle himself to…"
"I will, Your Majesty, if that's what he needs right now to calm down. That's the only thing that matters now."
"I have to agree with Remyus, Your Majesty. We want him under lock and key until he can be interrogated, and since the dungeon doesn't sound like a good idea right now, this looks like a fair solution after all."
"Fair ? How can you call this fair ?! He's trusting a handcuff over us !"
"This is not about us, Your Majesty. Nor is it about you. He has made his choice. Give him time, Your Majesty and let him rest. I'm begging you, for his sake."
"No ! I refuse to allow this ! We'll just get the funnel so he takes that medicine and -"
In the midst of their voices, Varian struggled to picture in his mind what happened during the past hours, but his brain refused to let him access that information. He knew he was awake, but it was like his head was empty and that was terrifying. His whole body started to shake again, his gaze unfocused and eyes moving rapidly as he struggled to quell the rising panic. He started to hyperventilate, whimpering despite himself.
"You're not thinking clearly, Your Majesty," Remyus snapped at the Queen. "Are you even listening to yourself ? Now, I know what's best for my patient, and I'm going to do my job, whether you like it or not. And you should go and get some sleep."
The exhausted boy gulped at the anger in the old man's voice and watched as he turned away from the Queen and the Captain to grab the vial containing the white poppy syrup on the nightstand.
"Varian," Remyus said, his voice much calmer and softer, "listen to me now. You win. You can keep the chain. But you must rest, now." And with that, he uncorked the vial and held it out to Varian.
"Swallow it up, son, and then, I'll give you some water to wash it down."
The tone didn't leave much room for argument, but Varian was almost grateful for it. His head was pounding. He was sure his fever was rising, and he couldn't think anymore. He just did as he was told, longing to be able to close his eyes and sleep. He felt a strong, reassuring hand connect with his back as he drank, just in time to silently coax him to ignore the horrible and acrid taste of the syrup. Remyus whispered a few words of praise and quickly replaced the empty vial by a cup full of fresh water. The first gulp was a blessing, not only to get rid of the awful feeling on his tongue, but also because it made him realize how thirsty he actually was. The coolness down his throat was more soothing than ever. He drank greedily from the cup, one, two, three times, until Remyus stopped him.
"That's enough for now, Varian", he explained. "Now, it will take a few minutes for the syrup to become effective. Would you like to eat something ?"
Varian shook his head. He couldn't relax enough to eat something and keep it down, and he knew it.
"Very well", he heard the physician say simply as his hand pressed on his chest to gently lay him down, the other one supporting his upper back and nape at the same time.
Remyus briefly considered taking off the makeshift shawl, but the boy was clinging onto it as for dear life. He was also very much aware that Varian still hadn't uttered a word since he came back, but decided against pressing him in any way. That could wait.
"I'll go and get a rag and more water to help with your fever," he added, hoping to earn at least a focused look from the boy but the steely blue eyes remained lost in their own world. With a sigh he couldn't withhold, he left the room without a word for the Queen and the Captain.
"So….," the Captain ventured after an awkward silence, "Your Majesty, I believe the boy's in good hands now. There's nothing more we can do."
"Yes, Captain", Arianna replied like she was reading a written speech, "you may leave. Go get some rest."
"Thank you. "He bowed and made his leave, looking with concern over his shoulder one last time. "And... with all due respect, Your Majesty, I think you should do the same."
Arianna stayed where she was after the Captain left, standing in the doorway, her hazy eyes vaguely gazing into the room where Varian laid. She felt bad for overreacting earlier but was especially devastated over Varian's state. The way things unfolded left her with the awful feeling that she had failed the boy, again. And as a result, he didn't go to her for safety and comfort, but chose to use the handcuffs instead and even trusted a raccoon over her to keep the key away. All her efforts, all the progress he made so far, gone to waste, just like that. She couldn't bear that thought that tore her heart like a blade in her heart.
Feeling as tattered inside as her torn gown, she let her shoulders slump even further and let out a shuddered breath, deeply discouraged and unspeakably tired.
Something caught Arianna's eye on the floor. A small, chubby furball was stealthily trying to tiptoe past her. Ruddiger was back, and the key wasn't in his mouth anymore. His ears flopped back down when he met eyes with her and he crawled backwards, cautiously hiding under the nearest table to wait for her reaction.
The Queen looked pensively at the raccoon for a moment, her face unreadable. Then, very much like she did in Epoisses to get Emma's pet mouse to trust her, she knelt down and spoke softly :
"Don't be afraid, little fellow, you're not in trouble. You're here for Varian, aren't you ?"
Ruddiger's ears perked up, as he listened to her soothing voice. Tentatively, he stepped out from under the table and Arianna picked him up.
"Let's go then", she whispered, ignoring the frustration she knew would come for her. Because as much as she was craving to hold the boy close, she couldn't force him as long as he wasn't ready to be touched.
Varian was still lying awake on his bed. His eyes were closing of their own accord with exhaustion, but still he refused to let himself be engulfed by darkness. The boy was a trembling wreck, since the accumulated stress was receding very slowly, and his body was too tired to handle it. The sedative in his system couldn't become effective soon enough.
He jerked a bit when he felt something weighty and warm against his side. He blinked his tired eyes several times, until the image became clearer. He felt indescribable joy as he took in the familiar, chubby face of Ruddiger. He choked out a cry, a relieved smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he petted the raccoon's head.
Arianna, who had to lean over the boy to gently set down the raccoon across the bed (there wasn't much space on Varian's left side, since that was where the handcuff was), faintly smiled too. Confident that Ruddiger's presence would be most helpful for Varian to relax and go to sleep, she turned around to quietly leave the two of them alone.
But she suddenly stopped when she felt that her right long sleeve, the only one remaining after that rough night, was stuck and was holding her back. She whipped around and immediately froze in stupor, her eyes wide.
Varian had come to a sitting position, and he was clutching onto her dress, the velvet fabric that was trailing on the bed two seconds ago bunched hard in his free hand. He was holding his head down, his eyes hidden under long, messy bangs.
"You… you came back for me…" he stuttered under his breath.
