Aperson, this story isn't over yet ! Now, everyone, I know this is the longest I've gone without updating and I'm sorry but life has kept me away for a while. Things are slowly getting better/calmer. So here I am and it's good to be back. Hope you still want to read the story !
Thanks for your reviews that always encourage me with keeping on ! You guys are awesome ! Please share your thoughts - no limitations, and I love to hear from you !
CHAPTER 70
Varian's body sank into Arianna's embrace as consciousness left him at last. As he went completely limp, the tension in him creeped out only to make its way into the arms holding him, like a lurking shadow. It quickly spread through the Queen's whole body and clutched at her heart with greedy claws, silently, mercilessly. She sat completely stiff and stunned, except for the fresh tears building up behind her eyes.
She held Varian tighter with shaking arms, trying to gather her thoughts after the revelation that felt like a punch in her stomach. A million questions popped up in her head, her heart torn between disbelief and sadness.
"How…? Why… ?" she stammered, her lower lip quivering. "Why would he… ?" She would never have imagined this, much less understand it, as much as she tried. She knew Varian had gone through a lot, that no one could tell if his father was alive or if he could be saved, that the boy blamed himself, that he had trouble believing he was worth loving and all, but he had been in the castle for a few weeks now and she had done everything in her power to show him that he wasn't alone or to teach him to trust again and, each and every day. She had no idea he could still feel so miserable that he would come to such a thing. She had failed to see his inner distress. She had failed him.
A wrinkled hand gently took hold of her upper arm.
"Your Majesty," Remyus spoke softly, "it's been a night. We should let him rest now. He'll be fine, he just needs to sl –"
"He'll be FINE ?", she interrupted with a broken voice that surprised even her. "Oh, yes, sure he will, Remyus, after all, you just had to sedate him so he could go to sleep. He feels so unsafe he's shackled his own wrist to the bed. And he just confessed he tried to…to…"
She couldn't bring herself to go on, and she cradled him even tighter, burying her face in his mop of hair and refusing to let go. Concerned, Ruddiger crooned sadly and stood on his hinder legs to wipe the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks.
"Your Majesty, you have to keep faith in him," the physician said calmly. "I told you before, he needs time to recover from all he's been through. A lot of time - and a lot of love. Also…", he went on, guessing her fear. "I can assure you he wants to live."
"How can you be so sure, Remyus ?", she asked, hating herself for not understanding Varian's motives with that glass chip.
"It's complicated, Your Majesty. You see, when the pain inside is too much to bear, well for some people, physical pain… can be seen as a way of getting some control back, or of feeling something else. Granted, it's not the best response and it's only temporary, but it's probably the only answer he could find, not with the intend to end his life, but with the intend to survive."
Remyus paused to let his words sink in before he went on.
"After all, he accepted your embrace, Your Majesty. For me, it shows he hasn't given up yet. He wants to live.", he repeated with a wan smile.
"But…", she whispered, doubt still creeping into her heart. "But what if it's not enough, Remyus ?" She turned to face him and looked into his eyes, searching desperately for an answer. "What if all the love we can give is still not enough for him ?"
Remyus sighed.
"I agree, Your Majesty," he conceded sorely, "there's only so much each of us can do. But what would have come of him, without the support he's been given here so far ?"
Arianna was lost in her thoughts for a minute. Varian's words came back to her and rang in her head.
I knew you'd come back for me. This is the only thing I could hold on to, down there.
Her vision blurred with fresh tears than she couldn't stop, Arianna placed a kiss on the boy's forehead. It felt much too warm with fever and it was damp with sweat, but she didn't care. One of her tears fell and rolled on his flushed cheek as she pulled away, lying him down gently on the bed. She wiped his face before minding hers, murmuring soft words to him even if she knew he couldn't hear her in his drug-induced sleep.
"You'll get there, Varian. No matter what it takes, no matter what I have to do… believe me, you will pull through, sweetheart. Just… just hang in there. Please."
A cold shiver wracked her body, as she came to a realization : there was only one thing she knew would truly help him through, and she couldn't make up for it. As long as the village leader would remain frozen in his transparent tomb, Varian would never be able to heal from his grief and guilt and move on. In short, Varian would eventually have to get the answers he needed to free his father from the amber, for the best or for the worst.
She had known this all along, but it felt more real now : the boy couldn't stay in the castle in her care forever. That thought pierced Arianna's heart like an arrow. Letting him go would be her ultimate act of love towards Varian, but for her, it meant another agonizing, soul-ripping separation with a child she never knew she needed so much.
Hands shaking, she grabbed the rag on the nightstand and dipped it in the bowl of cold water, wrung it and unfolded it across his feverish forehead. She made it big enough to also cover his tired eyes, the coolness helping with the tingling and the redness in them.
"Allow me, Your Majesty", Remyus said softly as he came to stand behind her to unlace her dress and corset. Beyond exhaustion, Arianna waited patiently until the tight embrace of the fabric loosened its grip around her. Releasing a deep breath she didn't know she was holding, she let the ragged gown fall down to the floor with a soft rustle. She politely and mechanically thanked Remyus and stepped out of the heap of silk and velvet and sequins. She felt like she could fall asleep before she could even lay down onto the bed next to Varian's.
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In the town underneath the beautiful castle of Corona, a young man was trying to sleep, but he just couldn't. True, he had managed to doze off in the cell, although it wouldn't be his best night ever, and there was daylight too. So he tried to convince himself that those were the reasons why he couldn't get a wink. Anything was better than letting in the frustration of having been shut away by the Queen and forced apart from Varian.
No, really, it wouldn't be easy for Phil to catch up on his lack of proper sleep.
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A few hours after she fell asleep, Arianna felt somebody touch her shoulder and shake it gently. She drifted in and out of sleep, and finally opened her confused eyes to meet the physician tired gaze.
"Remyus ?", she asked, still in a daze. "What is it ? Has the King come back yet ?"
And suddenly, remembering all at once, she gasped and turned her head to catch a glimpse of Varian. Her breathing hitched.
Said boy was still lying in his bed with the wet rag on his head, but she could hear him wheezing as he was breathing with difficulty. His eyes were closed, and his mouth open like he was trying to get as much air as possible.
Alarmed, she scrambled out of bed and laid the back of her hand on his cheek, his burning cheek. The fever had clearly gotten worse. The raspy cough that followed did little to ease her concerns.
"Oh no… Varian…". She whipped around. "What can I do to help, Remyus ?" she inquired.
But the old man hung his head, eyes searching, until he found the courage to look at her again.
"Your Majesty, I'm sorry. I didn't wake you up so you could tend to him. I have examined him, and he clearly shows the symptoms of pneumonia."
Arianna took an audible, sharp inhale. She didn't need to hear the words that would come next, she didn't want to. But she already knew.
"My Queen,", Remyus added solemnly, "according to the protocol of Corona, and for your own safety, I must ask you to leave this room immediately."
