Oooh it's been a long time, and I can't thank you guys enough for your amazing, loving messages of support. I do love writing, and sometimes, getting a sudden reminder of WHY I do it (for you !) just makes my day. Thank you thank you for being still here ! You're all fantastic !
And we've had 9 episodes in season 3 ! I especially loved "Be very afraid", as you probably can guess. Also, Varian's redemption in episode 1, though a bit rushed (compared to my standards !), was nicely done.
I'd love to expand, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning for London aaaaaand... I'm going to see Jeremy Jordan in concert on Sunday night ! I'm so excited !
So I just wanted to pop in, give you guys a new chapter and let you know I'm still here and not done yet !
CHAPTER 73
Varian opened his eyes and blinked several times to take in the surroundings he couldn't recognize. Where was he just before ? He couldn't remember. The place was dark and empty except for a faint glimmer of light in the distance.
Not knowing what else to do, Varian started to walk. He noticed that the floor under his feet was hard, but his footsteps wouldn't make any sound.
As he got closer to the speck of light, all he could see was a large mirror, taller than himself and lavishly decorated. He searched for the source of light that reflected on the cold, hard surface, but found none. Only his reflection greeted him with a lopsided smile.
Except that Varian wasn't smiling at all.
His reflection was staring at him with mischievous eyes and the sassy look that, he, Varian, had constantly on his face, not so long ago, especially when he trapped the King and Rapunzel in the goo of his invention, and forced the Princess to let him use her hair to free his father.
Confused, Varian stared back, mouth open but the words were stuck in his throat.
"Surprised ?" the reflection asked teasingly.
"Who… who are you ?" Varian managed.
The reflection roared with laughter.
"I am you," it grinned."Don't be afraid. I came here to comfort you."
"Wh…what do you mean ?" the boy stammered.
"Oh, I know you feel lost. All those people who never understood you, who never cared. They are the guilty, all of them, and now they're blaming you for nearly taking down their kingdom. They're so afraid of you, because you are so much smarter. You could overthrow this kingdom with ease and they hate you for it."
'No… no", Varian stumbled upon his words as he tried to gather his thoughts, "no, it's not like that. I… I did terrible things, I know that, but they don't hate…. no, they're trying to help me. They know I've never wanted all this to happen…"
"Oh but you did," the reflection slurred. "Don't you remember ? You meant every single thing that you said and did. Even when you stole the flower, you were so jealous of Rapunzel that you wanted to take everything away from her, namely her father's trust and love. You've been wanting to hurt them all along. How couldn't they hate you for that ?"
"You… you don't know anything !" he screamed, his hands over his ears. "Just… just be quiet !"
The voice wouldn't stop and Varian started to panic. It wasn't coming from the reflection, it was actually in his head and there was no escape from it.
"You deserve what's happening to you," the reflection jeered.
"NO ! No ! Stop ! The Queen, she… she cares for me, I know she does !"
"She's only pretending. Can't you see she only seeks to have full control over you, so you don't try to destroy them again ? In time, by making you believe they're your friends, they will use you for your knowledge and intelligence. And you won't even notice that you became their good, obedient little plaything."
"Shut up ! You're lying ! you're lying !". Varian was crying desperately now, more to himself than to the reflection, squeezing his eyes shut and letting fat tears roll down his cheeks.
"No one believes in you, Varian. I know it's painful, but you have to face it. Who could ever, really ? You shame even your own father."
"SHUT UP !" Varian screamed at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, his body wasn't his to control anymore, and he felt himself lunge forward in rage and smash the mirror with his both hands clenched into fists.
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It took a moment for Phil to regain his composure and get some control back on his dropped jaw. The King ? in his house ? Those were two things he never thought he'd see together. It just didn't make sense. Awkwardly, he stood up from his bed, dusted himself off a couple of times -like that would be enough to straighten his wrinkled clothes and unkempt hair – and put one knee on the ground, his head down.
"Your Majesty…"
"Good morning, Phil", the King greeted, his voice as solemn as if this was an official court session. The large man stepped inside, doing his best to conceal the twitch on his nose as a not-so-pleasant smell reached his nostrils. He fought the urge to open the window and the shutters to get some proper light and especially fresh air.
"I came here because I need to hear your version regarding what happened between Varian and Hans. Can you tell me about it ?"
The young guard knew by experience that since the King had started the conversation, he was allowed to stand, but he chose to stay down, on knee against the dusty flooring of his bedroom. He did his best to ignore the lump in his throat, fighting against a weird feeling he couldn't understand, a lurking guilt that ate at him even though he wasn't the one who hurt the boy. The shameful remorse of having been so powerless to protect Varian made his stomach lurch in an almost permanent fashion. The harshness of the Queen when she sent him off finished to convince him that he deserved to be shut out by her. And by Varian.
He sighed.
"I… I'm not sure how the argument started, Sire", he began, looking away, "but I'll tell you what I know."
He steadied himself with a deep breath, fully aware that the King wouldn't leave him alone until he knew why that fight ended up with him and Varian in two cells, and leaving the Queen upset enough to send the loyal guard away from the castle and the boy.
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It wasn't the first time Varian had nightmares since he was in the castle. They were one of the reasons why a bed had been set up next to Varian's for the Queen to use.
So, finding Varian crying and thrashing in his sleep was nothing new to Arianna. Every time it happened, she would hold him close and whisper soft words to calm him down and lull him back to sleep. Sometimes it would work straight away, sometimes it required more time and additional strokes in his hair. In the aftermath, he would never have the strength, or maybe the will, to tell what scared him so much, even after the night. Arianna had noticed more than once how his jaw locked and his gaze intensified when she would ask him to open up to her, as if he was terrified of something he refused to call by name. But at least, she would always manage to soothe his nerves enough for him to get more rest.
This time though, the fever were making the effects of the nightmares on Varian so much worse. The raw screams, the tension on his face that would contort his features, the way a sudden rush of sweat would drench him in no time. The impossibility to snap him out of his trance. No matter how soft the words, how comforting the caresses, nothing would bring him back to reality and thus, to some sort of relief.
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"Phil, lad…" Frederic ventured after the guard finished to report the events of that night. "I'm sure the Queen isn't as mad at you as you imagine."
"Maybe you're right, Your Majesty, but…". He hesitated. "But… to be honest, it's not the glare of the Queen that haunts me the most. It's… Varian's."
"What do you mean ?"
"For a split second, he… he looked at me, straight in the eyes, and he was staring at me with such…hard, cold eyes. You see, I doubted him for a moment, and he saw that." Phil let out a defeated sigh before adding under his breath : "He hates me."
Despite having been trained from an early age not to let himself be overrun by his emotions, Frederic's heart sank as the despair in the young man's body language and voice was clear and painful to see. If only he could talk to the Queen straight away, he would make this right. If only Varian wasn't badly sick with pneumonia…
The King suddenly felt very tempted to tell Phil about Varian's medical condition. The wait would be more acceptable, because of the contagion hazard. That would give enough time for the Queen to cool off, and Phil to get back to his old self.
He opened his mouth, still searching for a way to report the latest news with tact, but then decided against it. There was no need to worry the young lad about something he couldn't help. He wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere near Varian by Remyus, let alone the Queen anyway.
Yet the thought of keeping secrets sent another pang to his heart, as he remembered where secrets had gotten him into so far… the rocks spreading over the kingdom… the anger of Rapunzel when she found out he had lied to her… the boy losing everything after his father got encased in amber, his wife and daughter in danger…
Torn between two choices, between past and present, Frederic's hands clenched into fists of their own accord. Not for the first time, he wished that he didn't have to fit those royal shoes that implied so many responsibilities.
