Thank you guys, for still sticking to this story, and special thanks for those you left the reviews and make my day (and it's a nice push for me to keep going !), you guys are A-ma-zing !
I don't use AO3 yet, but I've had that request before, so it's in my to-do pile... no promises yet, but I'll let you now if I start publishing there !
Have some fluff, for once ! Doesn't Tangleboi deserve it ten times over ? :)
CHAPTER 75
Several moments passed in a deafening silence in the small room, where Varian was still huddled up against the wooden headboard of his bed, his back turned away from the Queen. Even though she wasn't saying anything, he could feel her gaze on his nape. Why wouldn't she leave him alone for once ?
Little did he know that the woman was nowhere to leave him unattended after the confession he made earlier to hurt himself. In the state of semi-consciousness induced by Remyus' powerful poppy medicine, Varian himself had no clue he had let that slip off his tongue. But Arianna could think of nothing else and was determined to keep the boy safe thanks to her constant watch. That felt a much easier thing to do than bring up the topic.
Unaware of the real reason for the silence between them, Varian only knew he wasn't sure how he would react to one of the Queen's soothing endearments that used to warm up his heart. The memory of his reflection assessing that nobody actually cared and that they all were just pretending was still too vivid in his mind.
The dim light in the room told Varian that it was almost night time. When did he fall asleep again ? How many days had passed since he left the dungeon ? He had lost count. While darkness was closing in, the flickering glow from the fireplace seemed to bring a new atmosphere.
With nothing else to do, Varian started to focus on his beloved Ruddiger. The chubby raccoon felt warm and reassuringly heavy on his lap. Small, black eyes met blue eyes with concern. Using his teeth, the teen peeled off the leather glove from the hand that wasn't cuffed so he could feel the fur beneath his fingers. It was softer than Varian had ever realized before. Gradually, he started to calm down. The strong urge to cut faded away, not disappearing completely but that was a start.
When Arianna pulled up a chair to sit next to the bed, Varian didn't even stir, and a pang of worry showed on her face. From where she was, the boy's prostration was alarming, but she forced herself to keep her distance and speak in a quiet tone.
"How are you feeling, Varian ?" he heard as he heard two metal objects being put down on the bedside table – the bowl with the broth she was heated up, probably, and ?... a candle ?
Varian shrugged.
"…'m okay… I guess…". Boy, he hated to behave like that, but he couldn't help it.
"I'll need more details than that, Varian", she replied, no hint of annoyance in her voice, only softness or… tiredness ? "How's your head, your chest ? Any more fever ?"
Varian pondered for a moment, his back still towards her.
"My head hurts a little… and… my lungs are burning when I take deep breaths but it's not as bad as before. Not sure about the fever."
"Will you let me check your temperature, Varian ? And after that, I would like you to eat something before you go back to sleep."
Varian flinched. He didn't want to go back to sleep. Oh, he certainly was drained beyond words, no matter how many hours he had slept. But the mere thought of closing his eyes again sent shivers up his spine.
The boy said nothing and slowly started to move. If he did as she said, maybe she'll eventually leave.
"I'm not really hungr-", he admitted as he turned around but his words died on his tongue. In the quivering, yellowish light brought by a fat candle, the Queen's face looked… exhausted. Varian was shocked by the dark bangs under her eyes and her worn features. She was smiling at him, but it was a weary smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. It didn't help that her hair fell loosely around her face, the thick locks that were once secured at the back of her head messy and dishevelled. She had cast her gown and corset aside, and was wearing a simple nightgown, which was a very unusual attire for royalty unless in private chambers. Obviously, within the past few hours, decorum had gone out the window.
Varian's sudden expression of pained surprise startled Arianna.
"What's wrong, Varian ?" she tilted her head as she asked.
In response, the boy clenched his jaw, new feelings taking over. He felt sad, but not for feeling lost this time. He felt confused, but not because of his own emotions. He felt sorry, but not for himself.
Tears started to well up in his eyes as he stared at her, unable to look away if he had wanted to. How long had she gone without sleep or any form of rest for his sake ? Had she borne the worry, the concern, to the point of neglecting her own well-being ?
Leaving Ruddiger's fur, his right hand reached out, like he needed to use it to confirm what his eyes were seeing, and touched her cheek before she could register what was happening. She didn't falter, though, and let him feel her skin under his.
"….I'm sorry", he whispered.
Arianna's eyes opened wide at the unexpected apology but she quickly caught herself and smiled at him, leaning into his touch.
"Don't be, Varian. It's all right. You have nothing to blame yourself for."
Varian kept looking intensely at her, all doubts about her sincerity gone. Another familiar feeling gnawed at him again, making him bite his lip anew. Remorse.
Varian's eyes then became unfocused as he stared at nothing but his mind was racing. Deciding quickly, he turned his head and locked eyes with Ruddiger, determination on his face. A simple nod from the boy, almost imperceptible, and the raccoon darted away and out of the room.
"Wh… what happened ?" Arianna asked in confusion. 'What did you ask Ruddiger to do ?"
"Something I should have done a while ago, Your Majesty. And… I'm really sorry for all the trouble I've caused you. I'll eat up the broth, I'll do my best at least. And I'll rest some more. You shouldn't worry about me, I'm feeling a bit better than before now."
Arianna smiled, a genuine smile this time, mixed with relief. Unable to hold it back anymore, she flung her arms around his skinny frame. Tears were shed, from both sides, exhaustion as much as mutual fondness and happiness bringing them.
The two had barely pulled away from each other when the furry raccoon scurried back into the room, the cuff key in his mouth glistering in the candlelight.
