EPILOGUE: THE OCEAN OF STARS
Cal was looking upon a bright lamp overhead. He closed his eyes tightly, tears streaming down the sides of his face for the pain of looking at it for too long, not used to the brightness, since he didn't need to use his eyes for...how long now? It could have just been days, weeks, or months. He had to concentrate a little bit, then realized he was seeing again.
He closed one eye and then the other, disbelief at the restoration of his sight. It was only his right eye that worked, but that was more than enough for him to wonder how it was possible. Questions raced his mind, the who, the when, the how, and the why.
He groaned and looked to his right. He seemed to be in a medical facility, and he was the only patient in the room. Tubes were hooked in many places of his body, connecting him to machines checking for his vitals. An oxygen mask was strapped on his face, limiting his head mobility a little. At the far side of the room, a medical droid was looking over x-ray sheets of his bones, particularly his legs. Lastly, Cere Junda stood nearby, with her arms crossed, greeting him with a smile. "Welcome back."
"Cere!" Cal catapulted to an upwards sitting position. It had just only been more than a year since he last saw his Jedi mentor, but it felt like decades. "What..."
Cere moved forward and placed a hand on the bed. Up close, Cal was getting better details of his old friend. She wore a traditional Jedi attire of the travel-friendly type, without the flowy kind that reached their ankles. She had also grown out her hair, now in neat cornrows tied up in a braid behind her. She looked healthier than the last time Cal had seen her. "I know you have a lot of questions, and we'll take it easy because believe it, there's a lot."
From this position, Cal had a chance to look at himself properly. Prosthetic legs have been installed to replace his non-existent real ones. It was all metal up until above his knees but below his upper thighs. He dug through the medical gown he wore to inspect his body. There was no hole in his stomach. The black lightsaber wound inflicted on him by the Emperor's right hand a long time ago had started healing properly.
He brushed his hair with his hands, and a few dead strands got tangled around his fingers. Perhaps it was the trick of the light, but it was blonder than he would remember his hair originally was. There were just so many more questions it was rendering him speechless.
"An old Republic ship sent a distress signal quite a while ago, specifically to the Mantis," Cere began, seeming to read his mind through his bewildered eyes. "There was only one person who knew the code of the ship, so Greez and I investigated. It was a lot of back-and-forths since you never sat still in one system for a while, but we were able to track you down into the unknown regions where the ship was last seen before its distress signal went out, and found both of you almost dead." She lowered her voice. "You've just gone to a dangerous and ancient Sith world, Cal. We could not get into the stratosphere until there was an opening for us."
Cal stared. A Sith world? It would make a lot of sense, given the gravity of the Dark side over the land. Perhaps just as much as there were many worlds full of those who want to maintain a balance between the Light and the Darkness, there would be more hidden worlds with secrets of the Sith.
However, their journey was not contextualized in the Jedi-Sith paradigm at all. There was a lot of catching up to do between them, especially with everything Cal had learned and the many things he needed to do. He placed a hand on his heart, remembering the gift of the Whill within him. Cal mustered up some energy to ask the burning question that ached at the back of his head. "Where's Merrin? And BD-1?"
Cere's smile slowly dropped, and Cal's heart beat faster in anxiety.
"BD-1 is currently being repaired by the droid division team here," Cere said. "But Merrin, she... hasn't woken up yet. She's been in a coma since we found you a few weeks ago."
"Few weeks?" Cal made a motion of trying to get up from bed. He attempted to swing his prosthetic legs to the edge of the bed, but he couldn't even flex his toes. It felt like his legs were there, but at the same time, he couldn't feel them, like phantom limbs.
Cere put her hands up and gently pushed him back to bed. "You need to take it easy. You will see each other in due time when both of you are well enough." She glanced at his current predicament. "And to do that, you will need a lot of work and physiotherapy."
"I wasn't supposed to come back, Cere," Cal said, thinking about the last time he was conscious. He had fallen into the deepest depths of the Force and was destined to be trapped there, to merge with it. "I was...gone. I was with the Force. I was supposed to."
Cere raised an eyebrow. Cal could tell she wasn't following his train of thought, but her look communicated intrigue and curiosity, with hints of worry.
Cal searched through his heart, piecing together the likely events that would have led him here, back into the material world, back to seeing his old friends. "Merrin...saved me. She saved me from...disappearing, saved us from dying on that planet. But...how?"
"I think there are a lot of more things we would need catching up on, Cal," Cere said, smiling somberly. "I better grab myself a seat."
Alderaan was a safe world for the growing Rebel Alliance against the Empire. On paper, the planet was still represented officially in the Galactic Senate. The presence of Imperial troops was minimal, but a lot of the rebel operations were also minimal, trying to mask the facade of neutrality. There were covert rebel troops within the common people, and most of the high-ranking commanders of the Alliance were its own politicians. Which politicians and representatives he didn't know, as Cal was not afforded the privilege of that knowledge, for security reasons.
It was an open secret among the rebel officials that Cere was a Jedi. She sat in many of the executive meetings held in the palace and made a few off-world trips during the time Cal was there. Just as he didn't know who the rebel leaders were, it was for the best they also didn't know that he was a Jedi.
The secret of his identity only deepened through the changes in his appearance. His ginger hair had been shocked blond, a result of his time in the cosmic Force. Only the roots remained red, a reminder of his true hair colour before. His left eye was cloudy. There was no deformity on his face, but there were a lot of scars, most of them covered in bacta patches. He came out of the Force, essentially brought back from the dead, but not in one piece.
Cal's recovery was not a smooth road. In his time in Alderaan, he was mostly confined into its medical bases for many good reasons. He was still a Jedi, and he was more careful of showing his abilities around here. He didn't want any seeker droids or hidden spyware devices to report back to Inquisitors. And he needed to learn how to walk again. It was not as easy as replacing a hand and reconnecting his severed nerves. The nerves that connected his spinal cord and his old legs needed to be reignited again, through daily physiotherapy. It was especially crucial for him to build his core muscles' strength, to relearn the distribution of his weight on his new legs. His exercises for the first week had largely been just walking from one end of his room to the other. Once he showed significant improvement, the distance of walking exercises would grow larger, and they would begin balancing exercises like standing on his toes and leg-lifting.
It took quite a while for Cal to get used to his new prosthetics, but after a month he accepted them as part of himself. As if it was a reward for his efforts, he walked from one side of the medical facility to the other, where Merrin currently recovered.
"I'm glad you're feeling better, kid." Greez greeted Cal at the door to Merrin's room. He had an unfriendly face, but a small smile changed that. He gestured towards the high-rise chair beside an occupied bed. "Have a seat, son."
Merrin slept, unmoving. Lines and tubes connected from machines to various parts of the body, including a small translucent tube in her mouth. Her white hair was untied and dishevelled underneath her head, having not been brushed for more than a month. There were no signs that she had recently stirred in her sleep.
"Dathomirian blood and plasma are hard to find, so they went with all the human stuff, which is the best substitute they could find for her," Greez said, looking at the blood pack that hang on the drip-feed stand. The Rebel Alliance always had the habit of making do, it was at the core of their beliefs. "Not a lot of Zabraks are fighting for the resistance, just so you know."
Cal propped himself up on the seat. It was made for species as short as like Greez to see patients at their level, and so it made Cal's initial view of Merrin a little taller and farther than normal. He reached down and adjusted the chair's height, but it didn't go as low as he would like.
"I don't have kids, and I probably never will, but she's like a daughter to me," Greez grumbled, crossing all his arms to hide the fact he opened up about his softness to Merrin. "A rather dangerous and...unpredictable daughter."
Cal took her hand gently, ran his thumb on the lightsaber scar on her palm. Her skin was chilly to touch. "She's been good?"
"No health complications, whatsoever. Vitals have been good. Except, well, she's not waking up." Greez stood beside him. He said, more quietly, "I'm no mind-reader...but I think she's glad you're here."
Cal nodded and leaned as close as he could to Merrin. "Hey. I'm here now," he whispered. "Sorry I took so long. I'm doing okay."
The corner of Merrin's lip twitch. Greez's eyes widened. Cal continued to speak quietly, intimately as he could. "I didn't want to promise to you that I'll be back. I didn't know if I was strong enough. But you kept yours. You finished what I've started, and you didn't leave my side. You're amazing for doing that. Now, I won't leave yours. I promise."
The twitch had turned into a faint smile. Cal smiled in return. He didn't want to set his expectations up, kept thinking it was more likely a coincidence than it was his voice calling her back. She did not stir from her deep sleep, but hope was on the horizon.
Almost every day, Cal would visit Merrin and tell her stories, whether it was from his past, Jedi legends, or Coruscanti wives tales when he was growing up with other Padawans in the temple. If they were alone, he would say sweet nothings or things in his heart he had been wanting to tell her for a long time.
The crew of the Stinger Mantis, both new and old, would have entire conversations in that room. Cere didn't hire or find anyone new after Cal and Merrin, so the makeup was still her and Greez, it was just the four of them.
"If you will commit to fighting for the Rebel Alliance, then you can sit in these meetings," Cere said, one day when they were in the room. Cal sat across the bed, facing Greez. At some point, the former finally had the appropriate chair for himself.
Cal scratched his blond head. This was another thing about himself he was still getting used to. "Do you think there's enough Jedi already in it? I figured one Jedi ally be great in the Rebellion, but it also would bring a lot of trouble too. Especially with the Inquisitors around."
Cere had a knowing smile. Clearly, there was something Cere knew but Cal didn't. "There's always a need for new fighters, but they're also filtering out possible moles through some ideological commitment. Although a few of them are very soft towards Jedis..." She looked up and down at Cal. "Perhaps former Jedi, in this case."
Cal blushed. "I...haven't really made that commitment yet. To officially leave the Order, I mean." He paused. "I guess you could say just the Jedi practice. It's...all I have."
"But you have more than just who you are," Cere said. "You have gone where very few have ventured, and acquired knowledge of the Zeffo so ancient not even Cordova himself had done when he was alive. You are essentially continuing my Master's work, if I may say so myself."
She beamed proudly, and Cal felt a little meek. "In any case, I can get in contact with Saw Gerrera to vouch for you. I'm sure your good deeds in Kashyyyk won't go unnoticed even after two years. You can go find the last living Zeffos, or you can stay with us. You have a choice."
A technician opened the door to their room, and alongside with him was a repaired BD-1, returning to the crew. His legs have been replaced, just like Cal, as well as other components that were not recovered from the planet. BD-1 bounded in joy seeing so many familiar and loving faces. He sprinted towards Cal, who crouched down and greeted his droid friend with open arms. "So glad to see you, buddy!" He lifted him up. "I hope they got everything up there correct. I'll run a diagnostics with you later."
The same technician bowed to them slightly. "Master Junda, you've been requested to appear to the High Council of Alderaan."
Cere began walking towards the door. "I wonder what Bail wants," she murmured under her breath. "I will be back."
The door closed. BD-1 jumped on Merrin's bed and buzzed a series of questions, his new lens zooming back and forth focusing on her face. Cal placed a hand on top of the droid's head. "She'll wake up soon. I think she's happy to see you."
In the quiet, Cal mulled over the next steps. Once he was fully recovered, and if Merrin woke up, perhaps together they could decide what to do going forward. He placed the hand in his chest. He knew in his heart what the answer was.
There was a general meeting held in one of the underground bunkers of the planet, and this was open to all rebel forces living in Alderaan. Cere was invited of course. There was a reluctance for Cal to be invited, but he had expressed interest in sitting in the meeting. Bail Organa, a senator and the husband of the Queen of Alderaan, made him swear an oath of secrecy. Nothing was to leave the room they would in, not even the names of the people. Everyone would be using codenames, and these codenames were not to come out. BD-1 and any other droids would not be allowed to come inside.
Both Jedi stood at the very back of the bunker room, watching the meeting unfold as they discussed political and organizational matters. Cal was now beginning to understand what Cere meant by "ideological commitment". Revisionism was prevalent across the empire. The history books mandated by the Empire's educational program across its allied and controlled regions had vilified many of the Empire's opponents, especially the Jedi Order and anyone associated or sympathetic towards it. It was part of the Rebel Alliance's program to provide education and information towards its rebels, from a new recruit to even the highest-ranking officer. Education such as the history and political turmoil of the Clone Wars and what happened that led to the downfall of the Republic, the Delegation of 2000, the foundation of the Rebellion and the true nature of the Jedi Order without the Empire's revisionism. The Alliance's education program was facilitated by the Queen of Alderaan herself, who was formerly the Minister of Education on the planet. She acted covertly and was not present in the room, but her report was read out loud by her husband.
Cal was embroidered into the organizational intrigue of Rebel planning when someone tapped his shoulder in the dark. A security officer guarding the meeting walked up next to his ear. "Your droid wants to speak with you outside."
Once Cal had been led out (and locked out), BD-1 jumped enthusiastically, a series of beeps and boops exhaled from his little body.
"She's awake?" Cal breathed.
BD-1 shrilled positively and began sprinting down, assumed to be heading towards the direction where their friend was. Cal followed his droid buddy closely. Flushed with the news, his strength seemed to be regaining with each step he bounded, and he ran without any problems with his prosthetics. He climbed out of the bunker and back into the city. They went into the medical bay adjacent to the Palace and found Merrin's room, but she was nowhere to be found.
"What...?" Cal panted heavily, leaning towards the door frame and looking at the empty bed. the tubes and wires hung limply from the machines, meaning Merrin left rather unceremoniously and didn't notify anyone where she went. "Where...?"
BD-1 spent no time mulling around and began his search for their friend, possibly to the next likely location she may have walked out for. After regaining a few breaths, Cal followed suit.
They found themselves into one of the hangar bays closer to the Palace. It was one of those local ports that served smaller ships for local trade routes and deliveries among other regions in the planet and local migration and movement, as opposed to incoming interplanetary landings from outer space. The Stinger Mantis was docked at the far side of the zone. It had recently got a new paint job, which made it a little unrecognizable at first until he recognized the shape and the modifications Greez had put in it.
Greez himself was talking to a woman in front of the ship, with two of his hands holding hers in a reassuring gesture. She was barefoot and wearing white, but a red silk robe was cloaked over her shoulders. Greez saw Cal and BD-1 heading towards them and he pointed at them, telling something to the woman. The woman looked in the direction and her eyes widened. Her white hair had reached down to almost past her shoulders. Her gray tattoos were unique on her pale face.
Merrin walked slowly towards the approaching party, but Cal sped up and in a second she was in his arms, holding her tightly, almost tackling her, almost lifting her from her feet. He buried his face on her shoulder.
"Thank you," he whispered, with each word carrying the weight of his debt to her. Tears pooled onto his eyes. "Thank you."
Merrin's arms tightened around him, placing her cheek on his shoulder. Her body shook, emotions travelling through her muscles as she bit back a sob. "I promised you."
After being discharged from the main medical bay, the crew stayed in one of Alderaan's inns on the mountains, serving as an out-patient clinic dedicated to specifically treating Rebel soldiers secretly. Cal and Merrin's doctors would regularly check on them, and a representative of the Rebel Alliance would still find their way to ask for Cere's presence in either a meeting or a mission. One day, the inn had received a visit from the Queen of Alderaan and her young daughter, Leia, meeting outer world tourists unsuspecting of the Rebel activity in the building, and the injured fighters in the war. The meeting between the Queen and the Mantis crew was brief. Each person got a handshake and a smile, a few pleasantries have been exchanged. The young princess shook their hands and did not say a word but her eyes were wide and wise.
In the evening of the same day, Cal and Merrin finally settled down by themselves and took the time alone to catch up. "What do you mean you can't use your magick anymore?" Cal said, growing distressed at the news just sprung up by his companion.
Merrin sat on the bed of their room. Their room together, which was something that Cal was still getting used to thinking about. "My connection to the Force has been severed, Cal. It had taken all of my power to bring you back to me. It was a price to pay, an eye for an eye." She said more quietly, "A life for a life, if the Force wanted to be fair."
She placed her hands on her lap like she was holding something invisible on top of her palms. It was normally where her talisman would be, now gone, broken, and turned to dust in Ixigul. He was lucky to still have his lightsaber at his side. A remnant of his past to forge the future ahead of him. And Merrin had nothing for herself anymore, not even the power she learned, fostered, and strengthened throughout the years.
"Can you get it back?" Cal wondered. He repaired his connection to the Force. It was not impossible, it was just difficult.
"Perhaps," Merrin said. "But I know that my power is still within me. I have my sisters at my side, even when I do not feel them anymore. They are always with me, and they will always guide me." Her small smile widened. A smile with no regrets. "And I have you here, with me."
Cal would normally feel really honoured and grateful for someone to give up their Force powers to save his life. But Merrin didn't understand-or she knew and just didn't want to acknowledge it-that she could have been the most powerful Nightsister in the galaxy right now. And all of this power was locked behind a veil in the Force.
It was probably better for her to live without the Force than it was to exchange places, a life for a life. Ultimately, Cal still felt bad at the circumstances they were in, and the sacrifices they made. He would feel bad about it, but he knew he needed to let go and make peace with this. "I'll help you repair your connection to the Force," he said assertively. "Even if it means that I need to be a bridge to it."
Merrin's smile widened. "Thank you, Cal."
Silently, he went to the balcony and looked at the evening sky, thinking to himself. Merrin followed him and stood by his side. Even with one seeing eye, the night sky of Alderaan was so clear that it was easy to mistake himself as being out in space. Perhaps it was just in this particular location so far away from the main population and the lack of planetary pollution could Cal see the stars so well.
Merrin placed her head on his shoulder. Her hair tickled some parts of his neck. "We are quite at the crossroads, my love." Cal's heart skipped a beat at the mention of such endearment. "Where shall we go next?"
"I was wondering if you will make that decision for me," Cal almost snorted. "I'm just...so tired."
"I know." She gently placed a hand on his arm. "But time never tires, and never stops for us. We have to choose, one way or another."
Cal didn't want to run away. He didn't want to hide. A dark shadow clouded the galaxy, and it was in his belief to bring balance back by joining the fight in the Rebel Alliance. But he didn't want Merrin's sacrifice to be in vain. He didn't want the knowledge of the Whills to go to waste, the knowledge he risked both their lives for. To flinging themselves to the edge of the universe because of an echo by ancients, as Merrin said to him a long time ago...
They stood in silence for a long time. They swayed together lightly as they thought within themselves, a small dance of comfort emerging from the language of the love they would learn together.
"I think...we should go," Cal said slowly, placing a hand on his heart. "We should finish what we've started, Merrin. To go where the Zeffo have gone, after the fall. And I just know where they are."
Merrin nodded. She turned to Cal and held his face with both of her hands. Her eyes gleamed with wonder, an ocean of stars reflecting unto them from the skies. Beauty unparalleled, taking Cal's breath away in that moment. Despite the loss of her powers, despite the suffering they had gone through, this moment was everything to him. "Then let us go together."
