I'm so hyped by the mid-season ! It's been a ride, and I'm not going to expand on it here, because I already do it enough on tumblr... But it's given me fuel for more Varian feelings. I mean, "Nothing left to lose" is a gem, and I'm certainly inspired by it.
Seems clear that this story will not be over before the Series finale, so... if you're happy to stick with me even after it ends, you are more than welcome ! Thank you for your reactions and general support, it means the world and I hope I can still give you a nice read that brightens your day.
CHAPTER 78
The game started, getting quite intense after only a few moves as tension built up between the two opponents. Frederic had a solid experience of chess, but Varian was cunning and a quick thinker. Not a word passed between them, and their concentration was solely focused on the challenge at hand.
Ethel came in, a sweet smell lingering in the air about her. Varian didn't have to look at the steaming cup to know she was finally treating him with hot chocolate (for which he had been asking over and over, but the maid would only get him broth and soup and stew so far, claiming he had to recover first).
"Well,", Frederic started, absentmindedly scratching his beard, "aren't you going to get that beverage of yours? It smells incredibly good, doesn't it ?". His mouth drew a half-smile as he finished, but his eyes never left the board.
Varian gritted his teeth.
"And give you a chance to win by carelessness on my part ?", the teen replied, his eyes equally scanning the game, determined not to let his guard down. "That's not an option, Your Majesty."
They both heard Ethel sigh and not so gently put down the tray on the table, muttering to herself. The hot chocolate would have to wait, that was crystal clear. She removed the saucer from under the cup and put it on the top instead. With luck, it will still be warm when the boy would come for it.
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Remyus soaked the rag again before wringing it to remove the excess of water. With worry plain on his face, he dabbed the Queen's forehand once more but nothing seemed able to bring that fever down.
Arianna had been delirious for the past couple of hours, neither sleeping nor awake, calling out for Rapunzel and Varian as if they were in great danger just because she wasn't near them. Remyus managed to calm her down only slightly by speaking soft words and bringing water to her lips before she could sink into oblivion once more.
The old physician sighed. His Queen was already so weak, and pneumonia had not reached its peak yet.
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No one could deny that Varian was a reckless, stubborn boy at times. But Frederic, although older and technically more mature, could prove himself to be just as reckless and stubborn.
"I mean, that hot chocolate over there is probably very sweet and very… chocolatey," he slurred, trying to override the young alchemist's trail of thoughts – or get on his nerves, whatever would come first. "You should go take a sip. I won't cheat, you know."
Varian merely shook his head, his hand rubbing his chin as his thoughts spread wildly in his mind like the branches of a tree. One idea led to two or three more, each of them leading to more paths…. So many possibilities… and Varian wouldn't let a single one go unexplored.
"You sure know how it's done," the King continued, obviously referring to the game, "I've rarely met such a valuable opponent."
If temptation didn't work, maybe flattery could do the job after all. But Varian remained silent, as he studied his next move. Just when the older man thought he would get nothing from the kid, Varian finally spoke, his body not even shifting.
"My Dad taught me," he said in a surprisingly casual way.
Frederic gasped and didn't dare release his breath. He had been secretly hoping for a chance to bring up the sensitive topic, yet dreading it at the same time. He looked up and gazed at this unique and complex child in front of him who kept his head bowed but discreetly tensed all the muscles of his body.
Frederic let out a compassionate sigh.
"He taught you well."
Varian swallowed a lump at the back of his throat. Truth was, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk about his father or not. He had hardly ever spoken of him with the Queen, only when he felt desperate and cried his heart out, the pain inside too much to bear. So why talk about him with the King ?
Varian kept his lips pursed, his eyes still on the game, but now he was more pretending to ponder than actually calculating his moves.
"Varian…", the King almost added "son", a habit of his that started with Eugene every time he had something important to share with the young man, but decided against it. He wasn't sure how Varian would take it.
"Look, I want you to know I am truly sorry that your father is…" Oh, Lord, why were words so hard to find ? How should he say it ?
"… is not here at the moment," he finished tentatively while Varian finally stirred, his hand reaching for his knight and placing it to a new square, outright threatening his opponent's queen. The boy finally looked up, a unexpectedly smug grin on his face.
The King frowned, but he didn't know himself if it was for the move against his queen (of all pieces, it had to be his queen !), Varian's outright nerve… or the fact that his reaction was so bold. Mentioning his Dad did not make it falter, nor hesitate one bit. Not that Frederic was still set on making him lose his concentration actually. The older man felt frustration rising within him as he was at a loss at how to communicate with the teen.
For a lack of a better idea, the King of Corona put his head back into the game and carefully studied his options. Now was not the time to lose his queen.
After long seconds, Frederic plucked the valuable piece between two fingers, moving it away from the knight and closer to where Varian's king stood, protected only by a bishop and a rook he had left.
Varian all but responded quickly by organizing his defence.
"I don't need your pity," he pointed out coldly as he did so.
"It's not pity, my boy, it's…"
"Shame ? Guilt ? That would be a first."
"Varian !', Ethel interjected, shocked with his sarcastic tone. "Hold your tongue !"
"No, Ethel," the King replied with a soothing gesture of his hand. "I want to hear what he has to say."
"Uh, really ?", the teen scoffed. "What are you now, my therapist ? Funny though, how you wouldn't care much about what I had to say, not so long ago. Or are you at last starting to be the King you should be, Your Majesty ?" Varian emphasized mockingly the title, of course.
"Don't listen to him, Your Highness," interrupted a trembling Ethel, as she ran to Varian. "He's… still sick, yes, very sick." She laid a hand under the black bangs to touch the boy's forehead, pretending she could feel him burning up. "He's still running a fever, a very, very high fever. Better put him back to bed, poor kid has overdone himself once again…"
"Hey, get away from me," Varian yelled, not at all happy l with her interfering. "My fever is down, I know it, I'm fine." He thrashed to get free of her hold. "I'm not done with him yet."
Frederic pinched the bridge of his nose. He tried to calm himself and not throw oil on the fire, but the teen wasn't making it easy this time again.
"Ethel, let him go. Please. I'll take it from here", he decided.
Ethel turned around with wide eyes, then slowly released her grip on Varian's skinny arms and left.
"Varian, why does it always have to come to this ?", Frederic asked, and he couldn't help his tone to sound weary. For some reason, connecting with Quirin's son seemed as easy as breathing with Arianna, and the hardest thing in the world every time he tried.
And just to prove him right, his question was met by a moody crossing of arms and a judgemental frown. He sighed.
"Do you remember that day when we talked together outside, by the swing ?"
Varian's eyebrows lifted a little with curiosity he couldn't help. He reluctantly replied, looking away.
"Yeah, that was the day you told me my father didn't lie to you about the situation in Old Corona, that the harvest was merely a code between the two of you."
"That's right. And you said you would think about how you feel about that. Now tell me, and I expect honesty here : do you still blame me, Varian ?"
The boy hugged himself with one arm, a sure sign he was nervous. Blaming the King meant blaming his father too. He averted his eyes as if the corner of the table was suddenly very interesting.
"I don't think I'm…as mad as before, but… I don't know, why are you asking this ?" he blurted out with frustration.
For once, the King was keeping a very controlled demeanour, and that irritated Varian to no end.
"You're still mad at me, Varian. I would like you to tell me why."
"I don't believe you ! You want me to spell it out for you, is that what you're saying ?"
"Actually, yes. I do, Varian. So start talking. I'm all ears", the King replied quietly as he added one of his bishop to the attack on Varian's king.
Said boy retreated into his shell again, back into his mutism. Did he really have to explain why he was mad ? That he was tired of secrets and lies ? That they made him very uncomfortable, insecure, helpless, and angry ? More angry to himself than others. After all, if he was shut out, there was probably a reason. He was not good enough. He had never been, no matter how hard he had tried. How he hated feeling so worthless. How he saw that nobody listened to him nor saw him for who he was, and how it made him sad and mad, deep inside. How he hated himself.
Tears were threatening to spill, so he blinked a few times, hoping that would chase them away, but two uninvited fat drops rolled down his cheeks. Varian drew in a shuddering breath and moved his knight again.
Frederic decided not to prod him any further. The boy would open up when he would be ready to do so.
"Varian, I'm sorry for whatever happened with Hans and landed you in the dungeon again. It was our job to keep you safe in your father's place and we failed you. You have many people here who worry about you and care for you. "
Frederic took his queen in his hand one last time.
"You see, Varian, you are strong, and tough, but you still have much to learn. Now, I know this may be a lot to ask, but you should try to rely on the adults and friends around you sometimes."
Varian looked up, trying to make sense of the words he was hearing, and blue eyes met blue eyes.
"And you've been through a lot. We are aware of that and we'll be patient with you, as long as it takes."
Varian's eyes were shining with fresh tears that kept coming and he sealed his mouth shut for fear of breaking down completely.
"Checkmate."
"What ?", Varian exclaimed, caught by surprise, his attention back to the game. Indeed, the King's last move had been fateful for him. The bearded man stood up from his chair, leaving the board as it was on the table.
"Thank you for your time, Varian. It has been quite interesting."
He turned to make his leave, then added over his shoulder :
"Arianna asked for you. And Remyus confirmed it's safe for you to go to her room."
Varian couldn't believe his ears. Was the King really trusting him with his dear wife ? He quickly wiped his face with his sleeve, his nose sniffing a bit and his heart full of expectations.
"Take good care of her," Frederic whispered, so the boy couldn't hear the quiver in his voice. "Please."
