If like me you are confined at the moment, you know how important it is to keep dreaming and hoping. I'm grateful for the world of TTS that brings us together. I hope you'll have a good time reading this, we all could use a hug (well, for the moment, with social distancing, that will be for our beloved characters).

Thanks for your comments and reactions ! You readers are the best !

CHAPTER 84

How so much strength could be contained in such a small, skinny body was a mystery for which Alden has no clue for. That arm of his that had been injured during the library incident was now almost fully healed, with only a fading welt still testifying it ever happened. But as he was dragged by the boy, along with Phil, to Remyus' chambers, he felt that not even his full capacities would be able to match such determination.

The boy definitely had something in mind, and the older guard watched this new energy with awe. So far, he had seen Varian either injured, sick, or in a low mood and now he couldn't ignore the spark igniting his gaze and speeding up his steps.

Phil, however, wasn't in the mindset to dwell on this. After being banned from the castle for a few days, he somehow hoped, as much as he dreaded, a heart-to-heart conversation with the boy, or eye contact at least. Was he angry at him ? Was it the reason why he seemed to ignore him ? But then why would he take hold of his wrist ? Was it just that Varian was in a hurry to get to his room and that he knew perfectly that he could only do so with guards in his tracks ?

Before Phil knew it, they were in front of the sick room and Varian let go of them at last, actively searching for something.

"Okay, they should be in here… I'm sure I saw them before… I hope they didn't… Oh, and I will need some tools, like…some sort of a crimper, maybe a hammer and chisel… and sandpaper, different kinds. A piece of wood to lay it on…", the boy listed, more to himself than to them, frantically checking every shelf, looking under every piece of furniture.

"Varian, slow down, will you ?", Alden interfered in his frenzied monologue, "why would you need all this ?

"I'm gonna make something for the Queen and… gah !", he exclaimed, obviously frustrated as he kept looking everywhere, "I will also need a couple of compounds – ah, there they are !"

Varian got to his feet, lifting up proudly a burlap bag for the two men to see. He gave it a shake and a tuneful tinkling rose from it.

"Oh, I'm so glad they didn't dispose of them," the boy breathed out in relief, already turning around to empty the bag on the table. The multitude of broken glass pieces spread on the rough wood, their sweet purple color glistening in the light.

Varian suddenly stopped and gazed at them, thoughtfully. Before him laid the remnants of a jar he once tossed against the wall, during an anger outburst of his. His memory continued to wander and he saw himself as he picked one of those, ready to purposely run it across his skin. His hand moved on his scratched arm without him realizing it. Under his shirt and glove, he could now feel his skin throbbing in sync with his pulse. There was a dull pain he had almost forgotten about, a persistent reminder that was neither stinging nor burning, or maybe both. And with that came feelings that were threatening to come back to the surface, again.

Behind him, Alden decided it was time to give a good shoulder nudge to Phil, motioning him to go to the kid. The young man had been uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn so far.

Hesitantly, Phil stepped forward and laid his hand on the boy's shoulder, giving it a gentle, grounding squeeze.

Varian was pulled out his thoughts and blinked his eyes a few times, not entirely ready to turn away from this silent war with himself but he turned his head nonetheless. His bewildered blue eyes met Phil's concerned gaze.

"You okay, kid ?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he quickly replied, awkwardly clearing his throat. When did it become so dry ?

"So, um…" Phil stammered, not sure where to begin, "so I've heard that the Queen is currently sick when I came back this morning. How…how is she ?"

"Well, she's… not great at the moment…unfortunately…", Varian replied, searching for his words and spending a lot of energy to fight off the pang of guilt that flooded back over him.

"Is that why you want to make something for her ?"

"Oh, yes, yes because I'm sure she's going to make it", the boy certified, "she's strong, and I must keep hoping, no matter what." He realized the last part was more for himself as he said it, so he turned his back to Phil and Alden again and closed his mouth, his last words hanging in the air and making his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Hey, I'm sure she'll be ok," Phil said softly as he picked up on the boy's distress. "To be honest, I was… I was so mad at her for sending me away from the castle. Away from you. But I know she only wanted to help you, she was freaking out and that situation was such a big mess-"

"What ? Did she… dismiss you ?" Varian asked, eyes popping out in disbelief. "Why ? Why didn't she let me know ? Ok, I was out of it most of the time, but she could have… someone should have told me, at least once I was back on my feet !" Irritation welled up again in his heart so quickly it surprised him. To make it worse, he felt downright angry at himself, for not enquiring about Phil's whereabouts after he recovered.

"Wait, what do you mean, out of it ?", Alden asked, confused. "I stayed home for a few days too, due to my arm injury, so…. did we miss something ?"

Emotions clashed at once in Varian's head and the blood in his veins was on fire.

"How do you think the Queen got pneumonia ?" he shouted, more bluntly than he intended. "Because I was sick after I was in the dungeon, thanks to that… that bastard," he yelled, refusing to say the name of the sadistic man who left him all night, dripping with the water he had dumped on him, in a cold moldy cell, "and yet she stayed ! She stayed !", he repeated, his voice on a higher pitch with every word. His hands clenched into fists at his side and they started to shake.

"She stayed… to take care of me… and I… I couldn't even watch over her properly for a few hours, and now, she… she's….". Varian was whimpering through gritted teeth now. He looked awful, fatigue on his features standing out as he fought not to cry.

All his efforts crumbled as he felt Phil's arms around his trembling frame. He let the man pull him into a tight embrace as he burst out sobbing, finally allowing himself to fall apart.

"I didn't know… I'm sorry, Varian… it's not your fault, you know that ?" he whispered in his ear. Alden silently made his way to the both of them and started to rub circles on Varian's back. It was heartbreaking for him to see the boy in so much pain. Phil reached the nearby chair, gently pulling Varian along so he could sit on his lap.

It took a long while for Varian to calm down. He had held back his tears for far too long, and now he couldn't believe how he had lived with that weight on his chest. He cried and cried and it seemed like it would never end.

Eventually, little by little, his sobs quieted, but he was still a nervous, shaking mess. Phil didn't let go and gently placed a hand on the back of the boy's head, waiting for the fragile frame to relax a bit.

"You know what ? I can't believe the King came to my house and he didn't say a word about your pneumonia," he ventured when only a few sniffles could be heard.

Varian gave a weak chuckle, but it was a chuckle nonetheless.

"He kept secrets from you ? Now that's surprising…", he ironized, his voice raw but the sass clear in his tone.

Phil couldn't help a soft laugh out of his throat and that small relief helped him gather enough courage to talk.

"Varian, I'm sorry about what happened with Hans. He managed to sway my certainties for a moment, and I… I never should have doubted you."

"I never should have doubted you either. I know you'd never turned your back on me."

"He certainly didn't and bravely stood up for you," Alden asserted. "That even earned him a night behind the bars !"

"Cut it out, Alden, it doesn't matter," Phil quickly replied.

"What ?"

"Nothing."

"No, really, what is he saying, Phil ?"

"Alden… why don't you tell Varian about your epic ride across the woods all the way to the Epoisses Duchy ? I'm sure he would love to hear it !"

"You did want, Alden ?"

"Who, me ? Nothing !"

"Ugh ! Come on, guys !"

The conversation ended with Phil affectionately ruffling Varian's hair and Alden laughing heartily at the whole thing. For a blessed moment, Varian was smiling and laughing with them, leaving his worries behind, and that was more than the three of them had expected.

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"All right, so, about this project of yours… are you going to fill us in ?" Phil suggested, lightness finally back in his voice.

Varian's head shot up, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Well, well, whatever that project is, no one is going to fill in anyone without a proper breakfast !"

The trio turned their heads all at once as Ethel chimed in with a tray for Varian. The boy made a face, frustration on his features. Now his project would have to wait, before it even started ! The old servant came over to the table, frowned a bit as she tried to figure out where she could leave the tray with the mess of glass chips and grudgingly added :

"Then again, if I can trust that you'll eat the whole thing while instructing those two, that's fine with me. But just for this time."

Upon hearing those words, Varian leaned his upper body forward on the table, using both hands to push himself up and place a kiss on the old maid's fat cheek. Before she could register what just happened, the boy had already sat down and started to help himself with the warm bread roll while starting to passionately ramble about his dear project at the same time.

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