Do you like emotional rollercoasters, guys ? Cause I certainly do !
Here's a chapter that's a bit longer than usual to thank you for your patience !
CHAPTER 86
Panicked voices, concerned tones from afar. The sensation of floating, the impossibility to understand where he was. That was all that Varian knew at first, until he was able to open his eyes.
"Look, he's coming around !"
"Varian, can you hear me ?"
"Back up everyone, give him so air"
The light was too bright, the voices too loud. Above, the face leaning on him was too close, much too close.
And it was the King's.
Varian instinctively wanted to pull away, but his body wouldn't obey him and his strained efforts resulted in nothing more than some useless squirming.
"Easy, now, son", Frederic said calmly as he rose to his feet, his arms holding Varian's small frame bridal-style a bit tighter and more secured.
Varian immediately stopped thrashing at those words and he blinked several times, his eyes unfocused as his mind tried to catch up. He remembered falling backwards before everything turned black. He remembered running as fast as he could, his heart bursting with joy, and… but… why did he run to the King like that ? Why did he even barge in here ?
The King was his enemy. The one who was supposed to protect the kingdom and his people, yet he kept the black rocks a secret, he sent his guards to retrieve the scroll, he let that rumor spread, letting everyone believe he attacked the princess, he was the reason why he'd been alone and alienated for months… And no doubt the King was hating him, for encouraging the Princess to steal the flower, for kidnapping the Queen, for nearly killing his family…
And yet…
And yet, now there he was, in an embrace he didn't expect, hearing words he never imagined would come from that man. Slowly, silently, Varian allowed himself to relax and lean into the touch. His ear was pressed to the King's chest and he could feel his heartbeat, which was a little fast but still so reassuring, just as the large arms wrapped protectively around him.
Varian closed his eyes. He couldn't move anymore, and he didn't want to. All he could do was wonder if, maybe, one day, he'll finally be held like this in his father's arms. If he'll hear him call him "son" in such a soft tone. If he'll be able to feel his warmth and hear his heartbeat too.
"Thank you, Varian," Frederic said softly, gratitude in his voice. "Thank you so much." The boy in his arms gave an almost imperceptible nod, letting himself drift off to sleep, touched beyond words to be called by his name.
No one in the room dared do a single move or say a word. Phil and Alden were standing there, watching the scene with wide eyes. The younger couldn't help but feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He hadn't realized how much the boy had over-worked himself, and yet, even though he surely could have collapsed as soon as he knew that the Queen would live, he ran straight to the King, but there was in fact no King, no ruler, no secrets or lies, no grudges. There was only a man, a husband, who had been worried sick for days, at least as much as Varian had been. And now there was the same joy, the same happiness in their hearts.
A soft, yet stern clearing of throat ended the moment. Behind the King, the Captain tilted his head towards the boy, and Alden was quick to react.
"Your Majesty, allow me," he said, coming over and spreading his arms to take Varian.
The King glanced at the boy's still form and his moustache couldn't conceal a small but fond smile.
"Thank you, Soldier. I'm sure the Queen will understand if I put the lad to bed first. It's the least I can do."
Alden opened his mouth but no words came. Then he let his arms down, understanding in his eyes, and bowed. He had never been prouder to call the man his King.
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Despite Phil's concern that Frederic would enter the sick room and spot the project that Varian was working on, the older man insisted to lay the half-conscious boy down on his bed himself in order avoid unnecessary rousing (although Phil suspected there was more to it and he knew he was right when the King tucked him up too). Luckily, Frederic was also quite impatient to go to his wife, confident that the raccoon, overjoyed to have his friend back, would make sure that he would be warm enough by snuggling close to him.
"I'll leave him to your care, now," the King said as he turned to leave the room. Realizing that the two guards had been watching him with smug smiles on their faces, he cleared his throat awkwardly before regaining his composure. "Keep an eye on him", he commanded, even though he knew it wasn't necessary.
"Of course, Your Majesty," Alden replied as seriously as he could manage. "Thank you."
Once the King was gone, Phil plopped himself down on the chair, letting out a breath of relief.
"My, the kid knows how to keep us on our toes !"
"That's for sure," Alden chuckled, glancing at Varian lying still in bed. "And I'm still hungry. What do you say if I go find Ethel so she can get us something ?"
"I say, what are you waiting for ?" Phil laughed and gently elbowed Alden's side. "I'm starving ! You can go, I'll watch him."
"Ok. What about him by the way ? It's way past lunchtime and he's obviously gonna skip it."
"Then maybe get some food for him to have after his nap. Thanks, Alden."
Alone at last, Phil ran a hand over his face, letting his own relief for the Queen sink in. That was good news indeed.
"Phil ?"
The young guard snapped his eyes open at the feeble voice calling his name.
"Hey, Varian ? you're not sleeping, bud ?" he said, standing up and coming over to Varian.
"Not really, I…." the boy trailed off, and that was when Phil noticed the tears pooling in the sapphire eyes. Varian's face suddenly crumpled as he squeezed his eyes closed, letting the tears fall down his temples. The boy quickly turned away to lie on his side, facing the wall.
"Hey, hey, what is it, Varian ?" he asked with concern as he laid his hand on his shoulder.
"I…I'm so glad she's ok…", he stuttered, tears in his voice.
"Yeah… yeah, me too, kid. She'll be fine, now." Phil said nothing more, waiting for the boy to speak.
"Do you… do you think he will ?"
"What ? Who ?"
"My Dad… do you think he'll be fine too ? That I'll find him again ?"
"Varian…". More than anything, Phil wanted to reassure his young friend and tell him that everything would be all right for his father and for him. But he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't promise that his father would be freed, and that he would be safe and sound. The amber he was encased in seemed indestructible, and there was no way to tell if the leader of Old Corona was still alive or not. Also, Varian had committed treason and several other crimes for which he had been arrested, and for which he will have to answer. What would happen next for the boy, Phil had no idea. The veil of a gloomy future made the young guard bite his inner cheek, searching for the right words.
"Forget it." Varian said out of the blue before he had time to reply. "Happy endings… are not for people like me, I guess."
"What ? Varian, what are you saying ?", Phil gave the teen's shoulder a light squeeze, repressing the urge to get mad him altogether for saying such things.
"I'm such a bad person…" he murmured, but Phil heard it all the same.
"Varian…", he called out firmly.
"You don't understand !", Varian yelled as he swung around to look at him with tear-filled eyes, causing Phil to retrieve his hand as though he had been burned and Ruddiger to hop to the safety of the bottom of the bed. "Happiness is not for me ! Never has been and never will be ! Even now, right now, I should be so happy because the Queen will make it, but I'm not ! I'm not, because all I can think of is that they're getting their happy ending, again, and I'll never will ! I can't help but envy them so much !" Despite having fainted moments before, Varian spat the words with so much energy and so much self-hatred that Phil was speechless. "Can't you see this is all my fault ? Why would I get something good in my life ?"
Varian fell silent, partly because he was out of breath, partly because sobs were wracking his frame and he honestly couldn't control his body anymore.
Phil waited for a few seconds, letting the cries go out and observing with concern the boy who had brought his fists to his eyes.
"Are you done, now ?" he said after a short while. It came so abruptly that it made Varian peek from under his hands, his chest still shook by hiccups.
"Uh ?"
"Ok, my turn, Varian. Look, you took care of the Queen as much as you could and now she's feeling better. You helped Remyus day after day and thanks to the both of you, she's come through. And when she woke up, you were genuinely happy, I have no doubt about that. You ran to the King, out of pure care and generosity. How can you say you're a bad person ? I'm not letting you wallow in such nonsense, Varian."
"Because… because I'm a criminal and everyone turned their backs on me."
"Varian, stop it ! Hey, listen…" Phil's voice softened a little, not wanting to upset the teen further. "You've been through a lot, Varian. Sure, you had a few poor choices…"
"A few ?..." Varian replied, wiping his face with his glove, a faint smile on his tear-stained face.
"Ok, maybe more than a few", Phil conceded jokingly. "My point is, so much has happened since then. And look at all the good you've done here ! Elora loves you, Ethel too, though she will try not to show it, Alden and I missed you so much during our days off…"
"Looks like you need more vacation, you should see the bags under your eyes," Varian teased.
"Yeah, I wonder why…", Phil said, ruffling Varian's hair. "tell me now, are you hungry ?"
"Not really…. I'm… pretty tired…"
"That's fine, Varian. You need your rest," Phil countered, while coaxing Ruddiger to resume his place next to Varian.
"M'kay… But, um… Phil ?"
"Yes ?"
Varian turned on his other side, now fully facing Phil and stretching out a slightly shaking hand.
"Will you… will you stay with me until I go to sleep ? I… I know it sounds stupid, but I just don't want to be alone, right now. Please ?"
Phil clasped their hands together in a reassuring grip.
"Sure will. I'm here to stay."
"Thank you…" Varian mumbled, his eyes already closed. Phil could have sworn that the boy had gone to sleep almost instantly. He gently brushed back the lock that had fallen over his eyes.
"I'll be there, Varian…. Anytime you'll need a friend."
*Insert : "Anytime you need a friend" by Alan Menken, sung by Adam Jacob (I don't own the song)
watch?v=9pKLElB-3SE
