Chapter 6

DPOV

"Rose?" No response. "Rose?" I tried again. But she was so far into her own world that she didn't hear me. She also wasn't looking up from the corner in the bathroom. It wasn't until my wolf nudged her arm that she registered something.

She looked up and her eyes were amber instead of the dark brown they had been this morning. The inner glow startled me. It could only mean one thing. Her wolf was coming out. But she was fighting it. That was nearly impossible on the full moon. Certainly for an Alpha.

I got down to her level. She was now looking at me. I touched her hand as my wolf took up position beside her. He was too big to be in this bathroom like that. Even lying down next to her, he towered over her when she was balled up like that.

"Rose, you have to let her out. It will be alright. I am right here."

But she just shook her head. Tears were running down her face.

"I can't, you don't understand. I can't let her out."

She was petrified. I knew I wasn't going to win this battle. She couldn't understand rational thought right now. She was in survival mode. All I could do was make it easier and ride out this wave with her.

I picked her up in my arms and walked with her to the bed. I laid her down and pulled the blankets over her. I climbed in next to her and pulled her close. She wanted to curl up on herself again, but my body was in the way. So instead she gripped my shirt and buried her face in my chest. My wolf took position in front of the door. It was his way of guarding her.

I knew he had wanted to run during the full moon. But he would be awake the whole night protecting her, like he had done from the first moment he saw her.

I stayed up all night too. I held her and I reassured her everything would be alright. And whenever she pulsed, I would let out my own power, so people won't know it came from her.

The strain from the full moon helped in keeping me awake, but I wasn't restless and neither was my wolf. Because we had a purpose. The one purpose an alpha had so much power for. To protect his pack. And she was part of my pack even if it was just me and her.

When the full moon was over its zenit, it became a little easier. She stopped shaking and grimacing in pain. In the small hours of the night she finally fell asleep. But we stayed awake. Until I would hear her voice in the morning, I wouldn't rest.

The morning light coming through the window was a welcome sight. I relaxed a little. My hands had started to cramp from holding Rose tight all night. Her fingers had relaxed a little around the fabric of my shirt, but not by much. I brushed some of her hair from her face. She looked peaceful again. The agony had been clear on her face last night and it broke something inside of me.

Her tears had dried, but there were still salty streaks on her cheeks. But a bath would have to wait. I wanted answers.

It took her another hour or so to wake up. First she had snuggled in a little closer, oblivious to my demanding mood. But soon reality hit her and she pulled away from me. She wasn't looking at me as she was biting her lower lip.

"Thanks… for last night."

She sat up a bit more and I did the same. She turned away from me. She was looking at anything but me. She wasn't talking.

"Rose, what happened?"

She got up from the bed. We both had slept with our clothes on. She straightened out her clothes. "Is there any food?" She asked innocently.

My eyes darkened and I let out a little power.

"Okay, okay. I get it." She relented, putting her hands up in surrender.

I got up from the bed as well. I moved towards her like the predator I was.

"What happened last night? Was this your first time?"

She shook her head. "It has been getting worse. I knew if you hadn't been here, she would have come out."

I titled my head to the side. Her wolf was a part of her. "Why is it such a bad thing for her to come out?"

She threw up her hands. "It shouldn't be. It should be wonderful, like finally being whole."

I crossed my arms across my chest. I knew she needed a moment to collect her thoughts. I could see she was struggling where to start.

"I was sixteen when she first came out. But it wasn't like Lissa's where one full moon she just started to glow and had a cute wolf next to her."

She sat down on the bed. She was rubbing her arms as if she was cold, but the temperature was pleasant here.

"Sorokin had been waiting till I was sixteen to send me out as a concubine. Even he had standards, although I think he waited for me to fill out a bit more. And when I say concubine I don't mean like they have here. His whore slaves were considered worse than normal slaves. Were treated worse too. He had sent me off for the full moon to two beta's in his pack. Some sort of reward for something."

I suppressed a growl. Maybe I should have made that bastard suffer more. Had I misjudged Rose's fear the first night? I knew she had been apprehensive, but I attributed it to her inexperience, not a traumatizing experience.

"I was dropped in their room and the door was locked. I will never forget the hungry looks in their eyes. They wanted to devour me. I tried to fight them, but they were beta's. They had me pinned to the bed, one holding me down while the other started to undress me. Not that there was a lot to undress."

I don't think any of the betas in Sorokins were alive anymore either. But I would find out, I will hunt them down and I will make them pay.

"When the full moon hit its peak, something happened. The one holding me became weaker. I was able to move his hands. I felt my body rip apart and the next thing I knew the one that was about to climb on top of me was ripped from the bed. I saw a huge dark wolf drag him off. He let out his own wolf and it engaged her.

I was able to move away from the bed. I was fighting the other one now. Taking them down had felt so easy. My wolf had ripped the other wolf apart in a matter of seconds. I can still hear the yelp from that wolf as she ripped out his throat. Its owner died with him. I had taken down the other one. I had snapped his neck like it was a twig."

I felt relieved they hadn't been able to molest her. But I understand all too well what it is like to transform under such violent conditions. It was a baptism by blood you will never forget.

I closed the distance and touched her cheek. I wanted her to know I understood. I wasn't afraid of her. She did what she had to to survive.

"I stood there until Sorokin collected me the next morning. I had recalled my wolf. He could never see her. He could never know how powerful I had been."

She was alpha. That much was clear to me. If Sorokin had known he had an alpha female in his pack he would have killed her, or worse tried to control her.

Slave-born alpha's or betas were rare. Normally slaves bred with slaves, this normally didn't result in any strong bloodlines. Strength was hereditary. The exceptions were concubines. Concubines could conceive with powerful people, but even then it was rare for a child to exhibit their stronger parents attributes. I knew where my strength had come from, I wondered where hers had come from.

"I buried her so deep inside of me and I never let her out. I told Sorokin they had fought over me and one had killed the other and I had killed the second when his back was turned. He believed me and he hadn't sent me out again as a concubine. Because of me he had lost two loyal Beta's. I had to pay first."

Having to hide who you are. Having to hide you are alpha for over a year. I can't imagine what she had been through.

"Sorokin is dead. Why do you still fight her? You are at your limit Rose. A year of not letting your wolf out is crazy."

The tears started coming again. "I am scared. I have hidden her for so long. Last time she was out, we killed two people. I can't have that here. I can't be alpha here either. I can't be alpha anywhere."

I pulled her close. She wasn't wrong. There had never been an alpha concubine. It just wasn't done. There had never been a slave-born alpha female, like there hadn't been a slave-born alpha male. They hadn't known what to do with me. And they won't know what to do with her.

No, that wasn't true. There was one person who would want her. There was one person who would enjoy having an alpha concubine and I would never let that happen.

But she couldn't keep her wolf inside anymore either. She needed to learn how to control her.

RPOV

Dimitri had dragged me towards the woods this morning. I had protested but he had said he still had me for a couple more hours.

There wasn't a soul around and I think it was by design. I wasn't very happy about this.

After I had told him my deepest secret, one that Lissa didn't even know about, the cogs in his head had been turning. I couldn't deny the similarities in our situation. In a way we were the same. He had navigated this field before. Except they knew he was alpha. I don't think it was a good idea to broadcast that I was alpha. Maybe beta, but not alpha.

He kept pulling me further and further into the woods. If it had been anybody but him I would have protested. We were all alone. A fact both exhilarating and terrifying.

"I come out here during the full moon all the time. We are far out enough so no one will see us."

"To do what exactly?"

He just smiled at me. "To let out your wolf."

Those words terrified me. I knew he was right. I couldn't do another full moon. So I had to let her out. I had to control her, control my alpha energy. So I can hide again.

At least this time I wasn't alone.

"I don't know where to start. I never let her out by my own volition."

I felt so out of my depth. I had no idea how to get her out. She was buried so deep inside of me, I didn't even know if I could get her out without the pull of the full moon.

"She is part of you Rose, you have to stop thinking of her as separate from you. You two are one piece of the same whole."

That sounded like a whole lot of zen crap and wasn't very practical. I humphed and Dimitri understood I was more of a show-me kind of gal.

"The wolf represents the animal inside of us all, the primal part of our desires, of our violent instincts, of our need to belong to a pack. Our own physical body represents the mind. The one thing humans have over animals, the control over those primal urges. You have to be both at the same time. You have to unleash your primal instinct while still maintaining control. When I let out my wolf I imagine myself being separated into two. I imagine my wants and needs to flow into him. And he appears beside me."

He closed his eyes and I could see the magic tendrils form on his body. It seemed to originate from his center. The magic was gathering next to him and slowly his wolf was taking shape.

Once the wolf had completely materialized, Dimitri opened his eyes.

"I always keep control over him. He is part of me, not the other way around. He can go as far as I will allow him."

The wolf next to him growled. And Dimtri chuckled. "Even if he doesn't always agree with me. He still has his own personality, sort of. I don't dictate his every move. But there is always a link between us."

He made it look so easy. He was able to control a wolf the size of a horse. That was impressive.

"Now you try."

Easier said than done. She had been so close to the surface last night, but now, she was hidden again. I tried to think about how it had felt last night. But all I remember is pain.

I got frustrated and opened my eyes. "Urgh Nothing. I don't think this is working."

A smile I hadn't seen him wear yet crept on his face. It wasn't his smirk, it also wasn't his polite smile, this one was different. It was his panty dropping smile. His eyes darkened a bit and he moved towards me. He stopped mere inches from my face, our bodies barely touching.

"No, it will work. You just have to be reminded about some of your...primal instinct." Oh God, oh God. The way he said it sent shivers down my spine. He may not indulge in concubines but he knew how to get a woman worked up.

He played with my hair and let his hand wander down towards my back, his thumb was on my side and was dangerously close to the side of my breasts. My breath caught in my throat.

There was no way this man was nice but a bit serious in bed. How anyone had believed this was beyond me. He leaned in and moved his head next to mine just as he was closing the distance between our bodies. He was about to kiss my neck, but I couldn't let him, I was here to train and I needed to control my wolf.

"Okay, I think I got it." I nearly shouted at him. He chuckled and moved away from me.

And I did feel her now. I could practically hear her growl at Dimitri. The good growl not the aggressive growl. It was strange feeling her like that. I had tucked her away so far that I hadn't been able to feel her at all. I couldn't risk losing control.

"Now imagine her next to you." Dimitri said. "Imagine what she looks like, Imagine looking into her eyes."

I did as I was told. I know she had amber eyes, I had seen them projected onto me last night. I knew she had dark fur. But I couldn't really remember anything else. I was trying hard to remember what else she had looked like, but the memory of that night had centered around blood and not what color variations she had in her fur.

I felt a little tug and my breath was stolen from me for a moment. And then I didn't have to remember anymore, because I saw her standing next to me. Her fur wasn't all dark brown but it had some lighter bits around her ears and below her jaw. There were also some patches in her fur that looked a little lighter. She was beautiful. Her amber eyes took me in. She was growling, but she wasn't attacking me, so there is that. I just saw a lot of sorrow in her eyes.

The process had actually been rather easy. I still felt her with me, I still felt connected. She was just now a physical representation of what I felt on the inside.

It was so strange. I could feel the grass beneath her paws. I could feel the air coming into my lungs through her snout and I could smell the blood that was still on her teeth.

She was covered in blood. It was dripping to the ground and her entire front was covered.

I looked towards Dimitri confused. He was taking her in. First her size. I knew how big she was, but he hadn't. She wasn't quite as big as his wolf, but her eyes were on eye level with me, just like his wolf was with him. Except he had a good foot one me and so had his wolf.

He then noticed the blood and frowned as well. His wolf however didn't hesitate. He moved towards her and nudged her with his snout. It was an affectionate gesture. When she didn't show any signs of aggression towards him he started to lick her nose. Maybe to clean her off, maybe it was something else. But it was widely ineffective because she was covered.

"Did you feel her inside of you at all in the last year?" Dimitri asked.

I shook my head. "I had to bury her deep, I couldn't risk her coming out. It would have meant the death of us."

I had buried her so far down that any connection to me was gone. So when I bathed and washed the blood off it hadn't reached her. Did that mean other things hadn't reached her?

"What if she hasn't slept or eaten in that time either?" I was panicking. I was looking at her, but she didn't seem skinny or emaciated or even tired.

Dimitri placed a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think that is the case. I think she had been in stasis all this time, the only times she was bleeding through and coming out of it was during the full moon. It will take some time to integrate you two again."

So she had no idea how much time had passed? Or what had happened to me and Lissa in that time? Now that I had her with me again it did feel different, like a piece of my soul was back. I hadn't actually realized it was gone all this time.

"Come on, let's get her cleaned. There is a lake about a kilometer from here."

I groaned. I was tired, I hadn't really slept much and walking here had already tired me out. Walking another kilometer seemed like a lot.

But Dimitri just smiled. "I'll show you what I do most full moons. It is amazing and with a wolf her size, you could do it too. It would be a great way to connect again."

I had no idea what he was talking about. Connect how?, but then he mounted his wolf, like it was an actual horse. He gripped his fur with his hands at the base of his neck. He leaned forward, keeping his body flush with his wolf's. Then they started to run through the woods. I just stared at him. His wolf was fast, I couldn't even see them anymore. I started to panic again. He would come back right when he noticed I wasn't following? I had no idea how to get back to the palace from here.

But then my wolf pulled on my sleeve, she was whimpering and looking from me towards where we last saw Dimitri. "You want to go too? I don't know if you can carry me."

I swear she was rolling her eyes at me but that must have been my imagination. She nudged me again and I gave in, climbing on. I grabbed a fistfull of fur and leaned down towards her neck like I had seen Dimitri do. And she started running, it took her a few moments to get to a good speed but once she was fired up, it felt amazing. She made twists and turns like she knew exactly where to go.

I could smell something in the wind and we seemed to be following that scent. A moment later I realized it was Dimitri we smelled. His scent smells like fresh snow, fresh snow in a pine forest. The scent got stronger and stronger until I could see him standing in an opening in the woods. There was a field with wildflowers and a lake in the middle. The flowers smelled almost as good as he did.

He had dismounted his wolf and was leaning against it with his feet crossed waiting for us.

I stopped in front of him and dismounted myself. "That was crazy."

He just smiled. No one had ever mentioned riding his wolf before. It just wasn't done. Maybe because theirs weren't so large. But it was the most amazing feeling ever. I looked down into my wolf's eyes. "Thank you. That was amazing. You are amazing." Our heads touched and I knew we had made a small step in being one person again.