Chapter 12:
DPOV
I was in dubio. I needed Rose with me tonight because there was no way she could spend the full moon in the concubine garden. But on the other hand, I was ready to explode. On more than one front.
I never indulged in those tendencies during the full moon, very conscious of my strength and the lack of control on those nights. I usually ran in the forest. And we would still be able to do that. I knew Rose loved it too. But being that close to Rose, without my inhibitions was not a good idea. And even if I could control myself. She has had a lot less time with her wolf out during the full moon and I wonder if she could control herself.
Although she spent an entire year controlling her wolf to the point of not letting her out, so maybe she isn't the problem here.
I decided to put off how I was going to handle the upcoming full moon and visit the other person in my life that meant something to me and often occupied my mind.
I knocked on her door and she opened it immediately. She first looked at my chest seeing as it was at eye height and then had to look up to see me. She hugged me the moment she saw it was me.
She motioned me inside of her small but homey room. Her room was in a barack near the fields. Not quite in the palace but not far off either. If I had the time I could visit her everyday.
"Dimka. Moy dorogoy" She greeted me in her native dialect she had passed down to me, but I had no real need in speaking here.
I laughed. I was always my mothers sweetheart no matter how old or tall I grew.
"Dobroye utro, mama" I returned.
"Come in, come in. It has been too long."
Yes it has. But with the raid against the Sorokin pack and the King on the verge of war with Abe it really hadn't been the time. Now things seemed to have calmed down.
My mother had a kettle on the stove for tea, but she knew I preferred coffee, so she prepared the french press. My mother hated coffee, but she always had some in her room so she could give me a cup. The gesture was so small, but it helped thaw some of the ice around my heart that had grown there at the Palace. It was one of the reasons I came here. She kept me human.
Once the drinks were made she handed me my cup and sat down on a seat opposite me.
"How have you been? Any news?"
The way she was asking, sent me on high alert. There was an accusation in her voice. And those shrewd eyes only a mother could have were looking at me over the rim off her cup.
I knew the fields weren't exempt from the gossip of the palace, and obviously my mother had heard a thing or two about me.
"No, not really. Since the arrival of the Southern pack, things have been quiet." If you don't count Abe planning a coup and me falling hopelessly for another alpha slave that is.
"Oh really, quiet? I find that hard to believe at the palace. There is always some sort of buzzing around." She wasn't wrong. She had been in the center of that buzzing for years, still knew the ins and outs of how court worked. It never seemed to change.
I shrugged.
"I hear there was this new concubine that was in great demand because of her beauty. But a high ranking General already claimed exclusivity before anyone could even look at her….Did you… look at her?"
She took a sip of her tea and I did the same with my coffee. She knew very well who had claimed exclusivity. I knew my mother didn't ever want to go back to the palace, but she did get a little lonely out here. So she kept up with all the gossip as best she could. She still had friends in the palace she would occasionally talk to.
"I even hear this… General has kept her during full moons and will again tonight?" She was looking me straight into the eyes without blinking and taking another sip, purposely making a slurping sound.
I leaned back into my chair, my own cup was empty and I had nothing to hide behind anymore.
"She is Alpha, mother."
Her curious gaze dropped as she put her cup down. It was replaced with a scowl and pity. For Rose, for me.
"She fought off a couple of my men when we took down Sorokin. I noticed her because she was protecting another slave. I made sure she got medical help after that she was placed at the concubine garden and my men thought I might enjoy her. I found out she was alpha and I am trying to help where I can. So every full moon she has to spend with me so they don't find out."
"That is not a lasting solution."
I knew that. But right now it was all I had, she needed time to be able to hide again. She needed time to get stronger, learn her way around the politics and the people here. Make allies with people who could help hide her. I know it won't be enough.
"I know, but I can't leave her to do this all by herself either."
She moved forward and placed a hand on my knee. "I know. You have always been very protective. I am sure you two will come up with a solution."
I was starting to think that joining Abe would be the only way. Although I trust him about as far as I could throw him, I had more faith in Abe than I did my father.
"Tell me about her. I have only heard rumors."
And so I did. I told her about my first meeting with Rose, about her dark wolf and about how vibrant she was and my mother listened. It was good to talk to somebody about her. I have a few people I would call friends, or at least friendly, but none I would trust with this, so it was nice to have someone I could talk to about Rose.
After another round of coffee and some other chitchap, I kissed her on the cheek and walked the distance back to the palace at a brisk pace. The sun would be setting soon. It was already low on the horizon. The moon wasn't out yet, but I could feel it as an itch underneath my skin. The full moon was just a couple hours away.
When I got back to my quarters Rose was already there. She was in the library and her wolf was in front of the fireplace. She had lit the fireplace and the small flames were dancing across the logs. The shimmering light was painting her wolf in a warm glow.
When she heard me enter she turned around. She was scratching at her arm, apparently feeling the same itch in her system as I did.
"Sorry, I saw there were logs to light the fireplace and I needed to do something. And my wolf was cold."
Her wolf had a fur coat. Granted, it wasn't as thick as mine but the wolf would have been protected, she shivered and I realized she must be cold too. Or maybe it was the full moon.
"It feels different, you know. At first the full moon filled me with dread and I spent the entire night in pain, fighting her. But now… It is like all my most inner thoughts are at the surface. The good the bad and … "
She trailed off, eyeing me, but I knew what she wanted to say.
"Do you feel like that?"
A flash of Rose writhing beneath me as I claimed her over and over again filled my head. I had a hard time taking control of my thoughts and my body.
"Yes."
She shook her head. "But you were so calm during the last full moon, how did you do it?" She cocked her head in question. She truly believed I had been in control.
It had been hell, her body pressed to mine. I had fought my body the entire night. But there had been one thing that made it barible. Something I knew didn't exist tonight.
"An Alpha's first job is to protect. Protects its pack and its people. My wolf sat by the door the whole night guarding and I did the same with you. It satisfied my alpha nature enough that it was bearable."
"So what do we do tonight?"
Again a flash of Rose riding on top of me, her body slamming into me again and again clouded my vision. I shook my head. "I thought we would run. That is usually how I cope with the full moon."
She seemed relieved and disappointed at the same time. Running would be a good outlet and it would keep prying eyes from seeing her. It also meant I could put some physical distance between us and our wolves. Because I had two people I had to reign in today. And neither one was really wanting to listen.
RPOV
Running would be nice. Nice and safe. Which was just as well. I didn't think he would change his mind about us on the full moon. I didn't even know what that would look like. Having sex for the first time would be daunting enough without being two alpha's on the full moon.
Yet I couldn't get the image of Dimitri's strong hands gripping my hips as he slammed into me over and over again from behind, me on all fours, out of my head.
"Right, Running sounds nice."
I wonder how much is the full moon and how much is us. I have never heard Lissa be so vocal about the effects of the full moon. Yes, she is a bit on edge, grumpier than normal, but I would have noticed if she was horny as hell. But maybe that was because we were alpha. Alpha's always were more affected during the full moon. 'Fight and Fuck' That is what alpha's did on the full moon. Or so I have been told.
"Do you ever spar during the full moon?" I asked Dimitri. "I imagine it would be a great way to let off some steam."
He just growled. Okay, I suppose not then.
"I used to, when there were people in the military still stronger than me. That didn't last long. My strength and the lack of control on the full moon is a bad idea in a fight."
I never thought about it that way. If Dimitri was already so strong, what would full-moon Dimitri look like?
We ate something and I grabbed a warmer vest but Dimitri placed his hand over mine and shook his head. "You won't be needing that, trust me."
His hand felt very warm to the touch, almost feverish. We would be out until the full moon was past its zenit deep into the night. I know he was meant for colder climates and I for warmer, but I think tonight he was right. I probably wouldn't need it.
Or he had an alternative reason for stopping me from putting on more clothes...Argh Rose focus. Don't think about the hunk of man beside you, don't think about the burn in your blood when he touches you. Just clam damn and run.
"Okay, I think it is time we run." before I explode.
Dimitri didn't say anything, he just nodded, growled and started to move to the door and to the forest. I called my wolf who had been by the fireplace trying very hard not to whimper for Dimitri's wolf to come out. But I think that would have been a disaster.
Once we made it to the woods in record time he unleashed his wolf. He sighed in relief. He must have been battling his own wolf as much as I was battling mine.
The moment both wolves were out, they gravitated to the other. Snarling and nipping and nuzzling. Suddenly Dimitri's wolf snapped, but not at me or my wolf but at Dimitri. He had undoubtedly called for him to stand down. He growled at him, but Dimitri held his gaze. His wolf gave in eventually and Dimitri mounted him.
"Come on. Let's run. First one to the lake."
And off he was. I swiftly climbed on and we set in our pursuit.
We must have ran for hours, our wolves were breathing hard and so were we, but we needed the exertion. The full moon was starting to climb in the sky, and it was driving our every move. I could match Dimitri at every turn. We jumped over streams and trees, rocks and hills. The streams that were too big to jump over we moved through the water, even if it was freezing. It was a welcome cooling down. Dimitri had been right. I didn't need warmer clothes. I needed to be free.
We finally made it to the lake. We must have run around it at least three times. But we had to drink something and so did our wolves.
I dismounted my wolf and she moved to the edge of the water to drink. I was beside her and cupped my hands to bring water to my mouth. I tried not to remember Dimitri and I were naked last time we were here. But it was futile. The full moon, the memory and weeks of pent up sexual frustration were getting the better of me. The ache in my lower abdomen grew with every second, I could feel my own wetness between my thighs. I was rubbing them together, needing some kind of friction or I would go insane.
Another hour and the full moon would be past it's highest point in the sky. From there it wouldn't be building anymore, it would reduce in intensity little by little. I think if I could make that I could make it through the night. But I wonder if I could. I was going insane. Everything inside of me told me to go to Dimitri, to touch him, to kiss him. To ride him all through the night. It didn't even feel like my own thoughts anymore.
I splashed some water on my face and ran my hands through my hair. Anything to give my idle limbs a task other than licking and squeezing every inch of Dimitri's body. I had been fighting the full moon for so long, and even now that my wolf was free and no one was around to see me, I still had to fight this gut-wrenching instinct to close the distance between us. It wasn't fair.
My wolf retracted into me. At the height of the full moon, we were truly one again. The wolf didn't exist as a separate entity. It was a compulsion that was hard to resist. But I also knew that now that we were in the same vicinity as Dimitri and his wolf, we had to reign in our wolves to be able to fully control them.
I saw Dimitri reluctantly do the same. His eyes began to glow once his wolf was inside. The beautiful gold was haunting me. They pierced through the night sky. There was enough light coming from the full moon so we could see, but it was dark enough so his eyes stood out in the darkness. I imagine so did mine. Not as bright gold as Dimitri's but with an inner luminescence that changed my near black eyes to a bright amber.
When his eyes locked with mine, there was only one thought in my head. That I had to have him. Resisting the compulsion to do just that I distance myself from him a bit more, but it could be a foot between us or a mile and still I would have gravitated towards him. There seemed to be an internal homing beacon with his name on it.
"I think I will have a run on my own, or swim to the other side of the lake." Or both, three times. That should distract me long enough. Physical activity seems to be the only thing to lessen the strain of the full moon.
"Rose, I don't think that is such a good idea, to go off on your...own."
Oh God, he was touching me. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving. He was touching me. In that moment there were no more thoughts, no more considerations why this might be a very bad idea, there was just that one voice in my head, telling me only Dimitri and I mattered.
His touch was a fever in my blood. He didn't let go and neither did I. I closed the distance never losing contact and I kissed him. He was startled at first, I could feel him resist, but the same full-moon induced haze I was in, it had him in its thralls too.
His hand went to my back, my hand on the nape of his neck. The kiss deepened. He was tasting every inch of my mouth. Letting his tongue explore with urgency. When I had to come up for air he moved to my neck, licking and sucking at the curve of my neck. When he nipped at the flesh, grazing it with his long canines, that also seemed to appear when our wolves were too close to the surface. I let out a cry of pleasure. He quickly licked and blew on it to take out the sting. It sent shivers right down to my core. He had to hold me up or I would have crumbled to the ground.
His hands were surprisingly gentle. He nuzzled my face and my neck. Putting his chin to my temple. The movement echoed the way our wolves had greeted each other. I returned the gesture. Somehow it felt right. It felt right to be in his arms. That primal part deep inside of me felt content with her mate.
He broke contact momentarily to take off his shirt. His muscles flexed and moved in a hypnotic dance to entice me. When his shirt was discarded my own was next. I was about to get it off, but Dimitri had other ideas. He simply placed his hands in the middle of my shirt and ripped the shirt in half. It exposed my breasts and he took me in hungrily.
How we ended up in the grass I didn't know. His mouth was on my breast, his leg in between mine allowing my core to find fiction on his leg. His erection was pressing into my abdomen. It was hard as steel underneath his trousers. His hands were moving from my hip to my shoulder and breasts and back again.
I needed him, I needed him like I never needed anyone. All thoughts about other people in this world were gone, if it was just him and me, we would be fine.
I knew that wasn't right. I had people that I loved that relied on me. But right now I couldn't even remember their names. I had a hard time remembering my name.
All I wanted was to join with Dimitri. I needed him close, closer. I wanted him inside of me. I grabbed the rim of his pants, unlacing the string at the front as he devoured my mouth with his.
When I moved my hand inside to touch his rigid velvet steel he pulled back.
The pain in his eyes was clear. It was torture for him to let me go, but his weight lifted off of me and he distaned himself form me anyway.
"Dimitri" I pleaded. I needed him, I needed him so much. This burning inside, only he could make me feel better. But the further he moved away from me, the more coherent thoughts returned to me.
I still felt the excruciating pull off the full moon. I still wanted him so bad. But that fever was down to a luke warm, the loss of contact making me more lucid.
"I can't Rose. Not tonight."
I shook my head. "But why? I need you, don't you see?" I was begging. I put on my torn shirt, but had to keep the two halves closed with my hands. I couldn't bear having him look at me like that and not do something about it.
He moved back, He laced his pants up but didn't put on his shirt. He turned around and dove into the lake. He moved further and further back.
"You stay on that side and I will stay here." A good a strategy as any. Touch seemed to exacerbate the issue.
"It will be over soon. We just have to make it past its zenith."
His eyes pierced the darkness. I just kept his gaze, not able to look away. He did the same to me for what felt like hours. But it was probably another hour or so, because I could feel the full moon dissipate just a little. That burning sensation lessened just a fraction. As if I had kept my hand on a hot stove the entire time and now I was allowed to finally pull it away. The burn still hurt but it did no further damage.
He let out his wolf and the glowing in his eyes stopped. I could hear a sigh of relief. Distancing ourselves from our primal urges should help.
He waved off his wolf and his wolf went running into the forest.
"Send yours off to hunt in the opposite direction. Killing prey will alleviate some of their stress and ours."
I let out my wolf with a command to hunt in the opposite direction. She growled, echoing my frustration. I wondered when Dimitri and I would be together, and it was a matter of when, not if, if our wolves would be together too. God even doggy sex was turning me on now. I put my face in the water to cool myself down. And for good measure I splashed some behind me to my wolf.
She growled at me, but I knew the sentiment had been appreciated.
My wolf was off moments later. I could feel my own heart rate increase as hers did. I opened up my senses completely, anything to distract me from my here and now, where there was a half naked Dimitri just a few strokes in the water away. I could feel the moment she killed a rabbit. Its warm blood filling my mouth. It should have grossed me out but it helped center me. After all the full moon brought out our most basic instinct, and although sex was surely one of them. Hunting food was higher on that ladder. You can survive without sex, you can't without food. The instinct to hunt was so ingrained into both of us, having that at least satiated meant I could breath. A moment later I hear Dimitri from the other end sigh in relief. No doubt his wolf had caught something too.
I had survived another full moon. The pain was different from the full moons where I had to keep my wolf inside. But I was still trapped and chained. How many more full moons, how many more meetings with Dimitri as his exclusive concubine without actually being his concubine. It was torture being with Dimitri without being with Dimitri. I didn't know if I could do it anymore. And I didn't know if he could do it anymore either.
"I am not going to break you know." It took him a few moments to understand what I was saying. He had come closer again, while we waited for our wolves to hunt. Whether it was conscious or not remained to be seen.
"That's not it." He said exasperated.
"Then, what? You don't find me attractive?"
He practically snorted at that one. When his gaze met mine his eye bore into my soul with its intensity. It seemed to burn me up from the inside out. "You're so beautiful it hurts."
The weight of his words hit me in the chest and I could barely breathe. I moved a little closer. I stood in front of him, mere inches apart. I said nothing but looked up at him questiongly. I didn't understand at all. All I knew is that the pain of his rejection was cutting deep in a heart I thought was dead for two years. He closed the last piece of distance between us and my body was flush against his. My chest brushing against his. The sensation meant I had to stifle a moan.
He brushed some hair behind my ear. He leaned down and I thought he was going to kiss me this time. But his next words broke my heart.
"If I let myself love you. If I let myself care. I won't survive if he takes you away from me."
