THESE ARE STRANGE TIMES. Not only are we all confined at home (because, yes, folks, STAY AT HOME, THIS ISN'T A DRILL) but I also found the time to write that freaking chapter. Ok, truth be told, I started on the chapter sometime before it all went south, but the re-write (and additional 1k, you can say thank you to my Beta Laurel) happened during the confinement.
I hope you'll like the chapter. It's lighter and less angsty than the ones before (there's still some angst, 'cause that's how I roll) and there's also... something that's back (or rather, that has no back. Mouhaha, I'm too funny). Anyway, it's 2 am, I'm back in France for the confinement at my parents' and I'm not in my right mind. Also, I haven't gone out in 2 weeks. EVERYTHING IS FINE.
Laurel is my beta that I love and admire and I wish I could say that to her every day. You're a star 3
ENJOY!
Chapter 17
A week later:
He wakes up, startled. JARVIS' monitors sense the sudden change in the room and the darkness lifts as the windows show the dim lights of early morning. For a moment, Tony is confused and isn't sure where he is. The low volume of JARVIS' voice helps him get back to reality.
"Good morning sir, it's 5:12 am and the sun will rise in approximately 24 minutes and 9 seconds. Miss Potts is currently in her second REM cycle and judging by her breathing pattern, she should awaken in approximately 1 hour and 3 minutes."
He looks to his right and sees Pepper, fast asleep next to him. She is on her side, facing him, her hand next to his shoulder. He wants to reach for her but thinks better of it. She needs her rest, he thinks. Spearheading a foundation and being in a relationship with him are tiring enough. That and the trauma of… well. That and the trauma.
Since his return to California, and the moment he and Pepper shared in the workshop, he's been struggling with the physical part of their relationship. Tony cannot exactly explain what is holding him back, except maybe an irrational fear of ruining their bond by jumping into things too quickly and messing up, once again, when he's barely got her back. Yinsen's words haunt him. That and his pattern of self-destruction coupled with the ordeal he went through… He just wants to make sure Pepper knows what she's getting into with him. And holding off sex with her – as strange as it sounds – is his own way of protecting her from further damage.
Emotionally speaking, they're closer than they've ever been. They've barely been apart this past week and he always makes sure he knows where she is when he can't see her. He'd attempted a half-joke of her getting an implant so he could track her but she'd shut that down pretty quickly. So, for now, he lets her take care of him while he takes care of her
He doesn't leave the bed after waking up, even when JARVIS tries to coax him out of bed with the promise of freshly delivered donuts that Happy had picked up from Dream Donut Truck. He just stays there, watching Pepper breathe. He also wakes up every night just to make sure she is there, alive and well, rather than thousands of miles away, out of his sight and unsure of her fate. Tony knows he'll never forgive himself for putting her in danger like that. Whatever happens between them, good or bad, he'll spend the rest of his life trying to atone for his sins. Starting by finding whoever is responsible for their capture. And making them pay.
XXX
When Pepper wakes up, someone is holding her hand. Instinctively, she rolls closer to the body next to her, seeking its warmth and the comfort it brings. Before going to bed with Tony, Pepper had never been much of a cuddler. But then she'd never experienced waking up next to him. And surprisingly enough, for someone who has been the poster boy for intimacy issues for most of his adult life, Tony Stark is amazing at cuddling. He kisses her forehead as she loops her arm around his torso.
"Good morning sleepyhead." He says. His voice isn't rough from sleep so she gathers he's been awake for quite some time. Her lips find the crook of his neck and she kisses it. She delights in the shudders that ripple through him.
"Barely awake and already pushing all the right buttons, Potts. I knew you had your mind in the gutter but I didn't think it was to that extent."
She laughs against his shoulder, her eyes still closed.
"Like you're an innocent yourself," she replies.
He laughs at that and she uses his distraction to hook her leg over his hip and rolls over him. He immediately puts his hand on her ass as she straddles him.
"Good morning," she finally says.
"Hi, there. Have I told you how particularly beautiful you look in the morning?"
From anyone else, the comment would have been sarcastic. From him, it's just a simple truth that he needs to share with her.
"You might have told me that before, once or twice," she says like he hasn't told her every morning since they've started sharing a bed. He smiles and it aches a little, in the corner of her heart, because they could have had that so long ago, if she hadn't been blind and stubborn and if he hadn't been insecure and brazen.
She feels his hand slowly stroking her and desire starts to pool between her legs. She can feel him harden below her and she thinks that maybe it's time for them to stop being shy about their obvious desire to be with the other. But Tony has been uncharacteristically shy (well, as shy as Tony can ever be) and Pepper doesn't know why. She doesn't think it's because of the arc reactor, they've talked about it at lengths and he's let her touch his chest on several occasions now and never even flinched. She's certain it isn't because he doesn't trust her - she's painfully aware that she's probably the person he trusts the most in the world right now – but she wonders if he feels lesser than he used to be since the ordeal. It would make sense, as it is something she's been through as well, but Tony has been tight-lipped on the subject.
All she can do for now is show him how much she wants him without overwhelming him. It's a fine balance she's only started to get the hang of. But Tony is nothing if not a master at evading tricky emotional situations and really, it's not like she's a stellar example of dealing with her own trauma. Soon, he stops stroking her before gently rolling her back onto the bed. He quickly kisses her on the lips as he takes her hand and leads her out of the bed and, she knows, away from temptation.
One step at a time, she thinks. One step at a time.
XXX
Routine, her therapist said, is the best way to get through a trauma. Pepper, for once, agrees wholeheartedly. She starts to work again ten days after Tony's return. At first, she does it from home. Well, from Tony's home. He has an office on the second floor he's never used and when she asks him if she can use it, he kisses her on the cheek before saying:
"What's mine is yours."
She absolutely does not blush.
Tony, in the meantime, goes back to the workshop. He's working on something new but doesn't talk about it. Pepper isn't too worried. He'll share his work with her when he's ready.
Their new normal has a touch of fragility to it. Despite their mutual relief of having found the other again, there's a hidden desperation of not wanting to let go. She catches Tony looking at her when he thinks she's not looking and she knows he has a live feed of her working in the office when he's in the garage. From anyone else and under any other circumstances, she probably would have minded. But she knows he doesn't do it to spy on her, or because he feels possessive of her. It's just his way to deal with the aftermath of their abduction. Pepper allows it for the moment. She'll put a stop to it once she feels ready to go back to work at the Foundation. And she would be lying if she said her staying at the mansion had nothing to do with keeping an eye on Tony. She's just less Orwellian about it.
She does leave the house from time to time. Tony sometimes comes with her but mostly, he only insists she takes Happy with her, which suits her just fine. She'd formed a bond with the former prize-winning boxer when Tony disappeared and she's learned to appreciate his quiet presence and relaxed sense of humor. Tony's total confidence in him doesn't hurt either. She goes to meet Aurelia a few times. They have lunch together at one of their favorite restaurants occasionally and Pepper goes to the Aurelia's for tea. At first, Aurelia skirts around the topic of Tony and Pepper living together and keeps their conversations around work or Aurelia's family. Pepper appreciates her friend's discretion and she broaches the subject herself when she starts to feel out of her depth with Tony's semi-shyness.
"Darling, these things take time. He's probably as lost as you are." Aurelia tells her. "As long as you show him you're here for him, he'll find his way back to you."
"I know. I just feel so powerless. He's lost something in Afghanistan he'll probably never recover. And I don't know where to go from there."
Aurelia takes her hand. "Pepper, you don't need to know where you're going. That's always been your best quality and your worse fault, that need to control everything, to know before jumping. Control is great in the workplace. But relationships, especially with someone like Tony and even more so after what happened to both of you, they need to evolve organically. Trust yourself a little more. Trust Tony as well. And give it time. Time, my darling, is a great healer."
Pepper doesn't ask if time has helped Aurelia since Andrew's passing. It has and it hasn't. Some things never fully heal. They just leave a scar that you learn to live with. Pepper squeezes Aurelia's hand. Love, too, is a great healer.
XXX
Pepper decides it's time to go back to the office at the Foundation. It will only be a few days a week at first, but it'll be a step in the right direction. That's what Tony tells himself. That's what his therapist tells him. That's what Pepper tells him. He just needs to believe it.
When Pepper announces it at dinner, three weeks since he came back to California, he tries not to react. He watches Pepper watching him trying not to react.
"This is a good thing, Tony." She tells him. He's not certain who she is trying to convince. Both of them, he presumes.
"I know it's a good thing. It's a great thing. The Foundation needs you. I'm sure they're completely lost without you." It's only half of a lie which doesn't make him feel any better.
Pepper smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm still coming back here at the end of the day, Tony. However, I might need to swing by my place after work tomorrow night. I can't keep wearing the same clothes if I'm going back to work."
He relaxes a little. "See, that's the great thing about working here. You could forego wearing anything and no one would ever say anything about it. Least of all me. Whaddya say?"
She laughs. "That's not really an option I'm willing to consider, Tony. And we need to talk about that live feed of yours in the study."
"Do we?" He gets up and takes both their empty plates to the kitchen. Pepper isn't far behind him.
"Tony, please."
He puts the plates in the sink. Pepper puts her arms around him from behind. He turns around and takes her in his arms as well.
"You could stay here. You could resign from the Foundation and be here all the time. Or we could just run away to an island and ignore the rest of the world. There's no need for us to ever be apart again."
She takes his face in her hands.
"There is a need, Tony. For both our sanities. I love work. You do too. We're not really the early retirement type." She puts her finger on his mouth when she sees him about to say something she knows won't be helpful. "But. Once we're back a semi-normal place, I am willing to reconsider the idea of going to an island, just the two of us. For a little while. And with minimal clothing."
That shuts him up immediately and Pepper sees him picturing him and her with very little clothing on a deserted island. Compromise is always a great way to get what both parties want. In the boardroom and at home.
"You're devious, Potts. I love it and I'm totally going to make you bikinis that dissolve in the water."
She laughs. "That sounds like a waste of fabric, Tony. Maybe I should just forego the swimwear."
He looks at her with that devilish smile.
"Deal."
She strokes his lips with her thumb. He catches it and sucks on it. They lock eyes together and Pepper thinks he's going to crack and give in to her but he takes a step back instead.
"Gotta make sure Dum-E and U haven't made a mess downstairs. Wanna watch a movie later?"
Pepper knows a tactical avoidance when she sees one. It's been almost a month now and maybe she should change strategies if they're going to spend less time together. Although she hasn't yet identified why he's keeping her at arm's length, she knows he wants her. Now she just needs to make him crave her so he'll give in to her. Maybe once he's realized nothing bad is going to happen after they have sex, things will finally go back to the way they were between them. Or at least put them back on track.
"Actually, I was going to take a shower. You could join me if you want."
He looks like he's lost in the headlights for a moment but recovers quickly. "Already took one earlier." He kisses her on the cheek. "See ya later." Then, proceeds not to run as he goes back to the safety of the workshop. When he gets there, he counts that as a win.
XXX
The next morning, Pepper keeps her word and gets ready to leave the mansion to go to work. But not before she parades herself in front of Tony in the bathroom, wearing only lingerie and high heels, asking him if he's seen her other earring.
Tony looks at her in the mirror, toothpaste falling off his mouth, and shakes his head.
"Well, I'll have to do without, then. Thanks anyway."
She kisses the back of his neck and pinches his ass before exiting the bathroom. He totally did not squeak.
Twenty minutes later, he's walking her to the door while trying not to show his fear of letting her go. He's also still picturing her in that skimpy little black number she had on in the bathroom earlier. That and the "fuck me" heels she's still wearing. His hesitation must have shown because he's taken aback when he finds himself pinned against the wall near the main entrance, being kissed in a way that leaves him breathless after a few minutes.
His mind is still hazy when she says:
"I'll see you tonight, handsome." She winks then leaves.
An hour later, she sends him a picture of her legs on the desk with a caption saying: "Hard at work on my new desk, thinking of you. Maybe you should swing by later this evening and we could christen it. Pepper xoxo"
And just like that, he knows it's war. He smiles.
Bring it on.
XXX
The next few days are filled with pictures of Pepper, sexy innuendos and intense kissing sessions all over the mansion. Tony still keeps a certain distance from Pepper, but mostly because it amuses him to see her try to seduce him rather than any fear he might have. Actually, he's less and less frightened to ruin things between them. If Pepper's little game has shown him one thing, it's that she's not one to back down easily. And her confidence is contagious.
So far, she's woken him up in the middle of the night, sucking and nibbling on his earlobe and stroking his chest (Hello, new erogenous areas), went into the shower with him a couple of times (that he left almost immediately, at great personal cost) and worked on the couch in his workshop, wearing ridiculously tiny shorts and a tight t-shirt, while not wearing a bra. He even cut himself with a piece of paper that day. A piece of paper.
Basically, he spent the last week with a perpetual hard-on. It's been… less than ideal. But he's competitive by nature and he wants to see how long it will take for Pepper to just walk naked in the workshop one day and traumatize the bots while she has her wicked way with him. He's had this dream twice already. He's hoping for a third time tonight.
Meanwhile, Pepper is starting to run out of ideas. She can see he's caught on with her game and is watching every single one of her moves with great interest as he doesn't even bother to hide his hard-ons from her. At this point, she knows he's more than willing and he's just trying to make her lose it completely and jump him. But she's competitive as well. It also has the advantage to take her mind off of things to play that game with him. And she's got one last card to play.
XXX
Pepper is at work, probably planning her next move, when Obadiah swings by. Tony's 99% certain he's got at least one spy at the Foundation because his coming to ask him about the arc reactor technology on a day Pepper is conveniently back at the office is definitely not a coincidence. Tony humors him nonetheless when he doesn't call him out on it.
Since he's been back, Obadiah has come by only a couple of times to see how Tony is doing and to assure him everything is being handled at SI. Of course, Tony still attends some meetings via video conference and signs off on a few things here and there, but Obie had told him to rest and take it easy. Obie also told Tony he was fully cooperating with SHIELD and was personally handling the internal investigation into the SI weapons shipment to the Middle East.
"We haven't found anything yet, Tony. But I won't rest until we find the bastards who sold those weapons behind our backs."
He taps Tony on the shoulder.
"But you must understand that since your little stunt at that press conference, Stark Industries is in disarray. And the shareholders aren't pleased at all. They've been threatening to have you removed from the board. They're trying to lock you out of the company, Tony. It's very serious. I'm doing everything I can to stop them but you're not making it easy."
Tony only half listens to him, looking at the holograms in front of him which are showing SI stocks and the latest financial news articles about the company. Tony knows the situation isn't ideal, but it's not dire yet. He dismisses the pages in front of him with a flick of his hand and brings back the exploded view of the hot rod's engine.
Obadiah continues: "Tony. Tony, my boy. You need to reconsider your position on the closure of the weapons department."
"Not happening, Obie." He tells him.
"Then, at least…" he moves closer to him. "At least, show them something new. Something I can feed them to keep them from closing the doors of your own company on you." He taps on Tony's chest, over the arc reactor. "Something like that."
Tony finally looks at him. "I've already told you, Obie. This is not for sale. It's too dangerous. And until we've found who sold those weapons to those guys, it's not even worth considering."
He sees Obadiah's patience getting away from him. But the older man is a skilled negotiator and hides it behind his good humor.
"Very well, we'll revisit it another day. How's Pepper? Still the perfect woman none of us mere mortals deserve?"
Tony feels the sting of an insult somewhere in the question but dismisses it immediately.
"Pretty much, yeah."
Obadiah smiles. "Good, good. You deserve happiness, Tony. I'm so glad you've found her. She's a spectacular girl. Are you bringing her to the Firefighter's Benefit next week?"
Tony had completely forgotten about that. "Huh. Not sure I'm gonna go. But she might. To represent the Foundation. We'll see."
Obie nods. "Of course, of course. You do as you feel is best, Tony. I'll be there to represent SI in any case."
He leaves ten minutes later, with the promise of coming back soon to tell him about the recent developments with the board. Tony feels the tension evaporate as soon as his father's friend leaves.
"Stop slacking, J. Time to get back to work."
"Right away, sir."
Mark II comes back into view. Now, how much firepower can he put into the suit?
XXX
The day of the Firefighter's Benefit, Pepper sends Tony a text, telling him she won't be able to swing by the mansion before heading to the Disney Concert Hall. One of her meetings ran an hour longer than anticipated and she just has time to eat something on the go before getting ready and leaving her apartment again. Tony calls her a few minutes later:
"Everything alright, Pep?"
She sighs. "Not really. A few government officials have been trying to get in contact with me at the Foundation and I didn't have the time to get back to them. So they've invited themselves for a meeting in two days. They seem to know something we don't."
"I'll try and find out what's going on. I'm sure JARVIS can look into it. Isn't that right, J?"
"Of course, Sir. I'm sure SHIELD won't mind if we hack into their military-encrypted files." Pepper hears in the background.
"Hear that? We'll get to the bottom of it, Potts. Now, how about you ditch the party and come home? We could have a drink. Or three."
Pepper smiles. "You know I can't. I'll come home directly after I've talked to everyone I need to talk to. Promise. Or you could come and join me. I do believe you're on the guest list."
"Maybe. I need to finish something here. I'll text you."
"All right. See you later, Tony."
"Later, Potts."
XXX
They're about to pull up to the Concert Hall when she sends him a picture. If that doesn't make him decide to come, she's not sure what will.
XXX
An hour later, she's talking to the CEO of some pharmaceutical company when she feels a hand on her lower back. She turns her head and Tony's in a tux, standing right next to her.
"Sorry to interrupt," he says to the other man without meaning a word of it, "I need my head of Foundation for a quick chat. She'll be back soon."
With that, he takes her hand and leads her to the elevator and hits the parking button before kissing her.
"You are a very bad woman, Ms. Potts." He says in between kisses.
She giggles. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."
"Wearing that dress and then sending me a picture of your underwear in your purse? I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."
"For a man who prides himself on never following the rules, that's a bit rich, Tony." The elevator doors open and he leads her to his sports car. He crowds her against the passenger door.
"I'd take you right here and right now but I really want you to wear that dress again. Do you know how many times I've dreamt about having you with that dress on since I saw you in it that night at the Foundation?"
She bits his lower lip. "About as many times as I've dreamt about it, I'd say. Why do you think I wore it again?"
He does something incredibly lewd with his tongue before opening the car door for her. She gets in before he closes the door again and gets into the car himself.
The ride home is going to be long.
XXX
It's a testament to his will that he doesn't stop to ravish her on the side of the road. Or that he doesn't go over the speed limit. Fortunately, there isn't much traffic at this time of the evening and they get to the highway pretty quickly.
He does put his hand on her thigh every time he can, with his hand getting higher and higher on her leg. In retaliation, Pepper doesn't touch him once. Instead, she tells him all the ways she's thought about them being together.
In the end, he just parks the car in the workshop, helps her out of her seat and props her up on one of the worktables after clearing it off in one movement.
Their coupling clearly comes from a place of desperation but Pepper couldn't care less. In the back of her mind, she recalls that day on the yacht, but this feels different. Yes, they've been hurt. Yes, they don't want to be separated from the other. But this time, it's something they're doing together instead of in spite of the other. She's not going anywhere and even though he still won't talk about his feelings, he doesn't do anything to hide them from her.
He doesn't take his tuxedo off and she stays in her dress. He only rides up her dress, pleased to see that she really forewent her underwear before taking himself out. He pushes himself into her and they both cry with relief. He stops an instant, kissing her again.
"You're driving me mad, Potts. You know that? I've been at your mercy since the first time I've met you. I can't live without you. Never leave me again."
"I won't. I promise I won't. I'm yours, Tony."
He rides into her again and he doesn't stop anymore. Her legs and arms are around him the whole time he's inside her. They start off strong but tenderness slowly replaces frenzy, as if the madness that took them both was slowly ebbing away to let their true feelings shine through again. He rocks inside of her as her fingers lovingly stroke his neck and scalp. She feels his lips on her neck, kissing and sucking. He's going to leave marks on her but she can't fault him from being possessive at the moment.
His hands stroke her exposed back and she never wants out of his embrace. Surely, it's folly to ever want to leave him. Her climax is climbing to new heights as he grabs her hips to bring her closer to him. He comes first but she doesn't mind. She's quite happy to leave it at that for today, but Tony is nothing if not thorough and slowly lays her down on the worktable and gets to work between her thighs. Clearly, he isn't bothered by his own secretions mixed with hers. If anything, Pepper thinks he's taking his sweet time and being downright filthy with her. She comes hard. Completely crashes down with her legs over his shoulders and they both tremble with it.
Her heart is still beating wildly against her ribcage when he takes her hands and brings her back in a sitting position.
His chin and beard are wet when he kisses her. His tongue strokes the roof of her mouth. She loves it. If Pepper wasn't completely out of it, she'd try to coax him with an encore. But she's still weak with pleasure and Tony takes her in his arms to carry her to their bedroom. Because it is theirs now. That's what he tells her in the darkness of the room, his face buried in her neck. "Ours. Yours. Not anyone else's."
Pepper falls asleep, safe with the knowledge of her heart belonging next to his, below the humming of his arc reactor.
REVIEWS ARE LOVE
TADAAAA, what did I tell ya? Was the dress back or not? (I'm hilarious)
Also, I don't where you all are at the moment, but I want you to know that I think of y'all all the time and I hope you're all safe. Please, for the sake of the people at risk, for the sake of people who work in healthcare, but also for all the key workers out there (cleaners, shop workers, delivery people and all those that I forget), only go out when it's absolutely necessary. Help your neighbors if you can, wash your hands and keep a minimum distance of 1 meter. And if you think you're infected, self-isolate.
I know this is hard. I'm super anxious all the time myself but I cut back from watching the news every day and I talk to my friends and family as often as I can and it seriously helps. And there are also people on the internet that you can talk to if you need to. I'm one of them if you need some reassurance or just a silly joke.
Keep safe and healthy 3
