"Tamago!"
"Moyashi!"
The two lovebirds gazed into each other's eyes, which were glistening like finely polished diamonds.
Moyashi gazed at Tamago's broad, strapping shoulders, cherry blossom pink tinting her cheeks. How she longed to –
"Kakashi-senpai, that's just cheesy," Yamato said, closing the notebook.
Kakashi's own cheeks, the visible parts anyway, turned the same color as Moyashi's. "But – "
"No buts." Yamato handed the book back to Kakashi. "If you want people to read this, you'll have to do a lot of editing."
At these dreaded words, Kakashi wilted like a sunflower unable to bear the heat of the sun.
"Senpai, I know what's going through your head. Some ridiculous metaphor about sunflowers?"
Kakashi's one eye stared incredulously at Yamato, his silver hair standing on edge like a hedgehog's.
"Tenzo, h-how did you – "
"You have mentioned peonies, hydrangeas, roses, camellias, cherry blossoms, and other flowers several times in your..." Yamato shuddered, "spin-off of Jiraiya-sama's novels. It's gross, honestly."
"It's not gross!" Kakashi said, his eye lighting up with energy that he otherwise never displayed outside of battle. "Don't you understand, Tenzo?! They're my one true pairing! Or, as the younger fans call them, my OTP, winning first place in the annual All-Konoha Best Fictional Couples Survey. Tamago and Moyashi are the most beautiful, perfect, made-for-each other couple in Icha Icha! Their – "
"I don't care. Please don't show me your works ever again."
Yamato leaned back on the wooden bench that his senpai had cajoled him into making, covering his eyes to block out the sun and Kakashi's presumably devastated face.
He would not gaze at that soulful pout, at his senpai's expressions through that stupid mask, concealed yet inexplicably vibrant. He would not be cajoled into making wooden benches, or paying for Naruto's ramen after Rasen-Shuriken training, or reading senpai's awful, awful Icha Icha fanfiction.
"Tenzo," came Kakashi's voice. "Will you – "
"No."
Several awkward seconds passed.
Against his will, he peered through a gap between his fingers.
Kakashi's one eye met his pleadingly, glistening with unshed tears, just like a finely polished diamond.
Yamato froze in horror at the stray thought that flitted into his mind. Kakashi smiled angelically, scenting blood, and Yamato knew that he had lost.
He groaned, covering his eyes again.
This team with its stupid hyperactive blonde jinchuuriki and monstrously strong medic and socially awkward Anbu.
This stupid team with stupid Kakashi-senpai, feared throughout the nations for his Sharingan. Yet choosing to kill him with Icha Icha fanfiction.
Damn it, he was just one Wood Release user, just one ex-Anbu captain. Was being Orochimaru's test subject not enough? Were years of service as an elite ninja doing top-secret missions not enough? Was having his wallet and chakra bled dry by Naruto not enough? Was being used as a walking furniture store not enough?
Why did he have to suffer like this? Why? Why was he forced to sift through Kakashi-senpai's reams of godawful purple prose and overwrought flower descriptions about Tamago and Moyashi's beautiful, perfect, made-for-each other vomit-worthy love?
Yamato would have to ask Tsunade-sama for a pay raise. He at least needed to be given a good salary for this torment.
Yamato's head throbbed, not because Naruto had enough chakra for a hundred people, not because he was forced to chaperone Naruto for the remainder of his Rasen-Shuriken training, not even because he had to restrain Sakura from killing Sai just a few hours ago after a stray, unfortunately-timed comment that idiot had made about Sakura's broad forehead.
He ruthlessly crossed out a reference to Moyashi's sapphire orbs, hand spasming all the while.
Kakashi-senpai was a master of one thousand jutsu, supposedly a shoo-in for the post of Hokage after Tsunade-sama retired, son of the White Fang, mentored by none other than the Yondaime.
Kakashi-senpai was also a deranged Icha Icha fanboy, and he appeared to have taken descriptions of his students and enemies into account when describing the attributes of the characters in those novels.
Moyashi's sapphire orbs and Tamago's cherry blossom cheeks. The antagonist Wasabi's oily voice, which appeared disturbingly similar to Orochimaru's. Yamato did not know if that was actually in Jiraiya-sama's book, or if Kakashi-senpai had made it up.
He glanced at Kakashi-senpai, lounging leisurely on the wooden bench he'd pawned off Yamato, watching Naruto cut a waterfall in half without a care in the world. Leaving Yamato to do all the heavy-lifting.
Yamato absently ran a hand through his brown hair, now unruly due to how many times he'd clutched at it in distress at his newfound position as Kakashi-senpai's proofreader.
He slashed through another line describing Tamago's chiselled, aquiline features, the pen making deep indents, the ink bleeding over into the next few pages.
"Wow, thanks a bunch, Tenzo!" Kakashi-senpai beamed, his eye crinkling up, his upturned lips clearly visible through the fabric of his mask.
Yamato didn't smile back. His hands were tremulous as he gave the heavily annotated notebook back to Kakashi.
At least the fanfiction had been PG-13. He'd asked why Kakashi-senpai never wrote in any explicit scenes like in the novels, and had been rewarded with a deep, deep blush the color of cherry blossoms yet again.
That man and his magical ability to express far beyond the confines of his mask. Yamato's eyes started twitching along with his hands at the thought.
He was interrupted from the dark, spiraling abyss of his thoughts with a warm, gentle clap on the back of his shoulders. He looked up to meet Kakashi-senpai's kind eye-smile.
"Come on, let's go get some ramen, Tenzo," he said. "I'll pay this time."
Naruto cheered, fists pumping into the air. Yamato initially thought it was because he'd somehow heard about Kakashi-senpai's free ramen offer, but then the waterfall was split cleanly and the resulting displaced water swept him off his feet.
As he rose, spluttering, Kakashi-senpai waved cheerily at him, lovingly stroking the notebook containing his fanfiction.
He was completely dry.
Yamato's head throbbed with yet more intensity.
A/N: A few months ago, I had this plot bunny:
"I bet that Kakashi writes Icha Icha fanfiction and makes Yamato proofread, but even though he loves those books, he's way too shy to write anything above a T rating and it's all fluffy one-shots about his otp from the books.
And that one day, Guy somehow gets hold of the fics and reads them out loud.
Neji and Tenten are scarred for life. Lee doesn't get what's going on."
I've been writing so much NaruHina, and I've been feeling a bit burned-out, so I decided to write something else for a change and decided on turning this little plot bunny into a full-fledged two-shot. I've never written Yamato's POV before, so tell me what you think! Watch out for the next and final chapter! :)
