Tenten gazed into the abyss of Yamato's eyes and found the abyss staring back.

She winced. "I'm sorry, Captain Yamato. I understand that you're – "

"READY, MY RIVAL?"

"Yeah, yeah, let's get going."

She didn't even blink, blithely rolling her eyes and pushing on through the stupid contest. "Not – "

"ROCK."

The shadows under Yamato's eyes, if it was even possible, grew a hundred times more ominous.

"PAPER."

"Happy with this?"

Guy-sensei chose to yell "SCISSORS!" at that exact moment, and large cracks appeared within the wooden bench that Yamato had yet again been cajoled into making.

She sighed. This just wouldn't do. "Captain Yamato, I understand that you're...new to this – "

"I'm not new," he finally broke in, staring at Kakashi, and only Kakashi, as though his presence was the cause of intense pain. "I've known Kakashi-senpai for years. We were in the Anbu together."

That still didn't explain his anguished expression, though.

"So...you must be used to this!" She laughed weakly, trailing off when Yamato still wore a look not out of place on a dead, flopping fish.

"Their rivalry contests!" she said, forging on. "Rock-paper-scissors isn't too bad, actually. I've seen worse."

Yamato's eyebrows twitched.

"No, really, I've seen worse. I have." She elbowed her partner in suffering, who was wearing an identical dead fish expression. "Right, Neji? Remember that time when Guy-sensei – "

"I don't want to." Neji grimaced, second-hand embarrassment at the old memory radiating from him in waves.

Tenten turned to Yamato. "See, Captain? This..." She waved airily at Guy and Kakashi, now doing silly hip wiggles while playing rock-paper-scissors. "This is nothing. In fact, it's normal for them."

Yamato said nothing for a good long while. During these moments of silence, birds chirped cheerfully and Guy declared that he had won, because Kakashi wasn't allowed to use guns and say that they beat everything.

Finally: "I've seen things that no one should ever have to see."

His eyes were so dark and empty that Tenten was seriously worried.

Did something happen in the Anbu? Maybe Guy charged into their headquarters while Yamato was showering just to pester Kakashi with a new challenge? Maybe he had observed Kakashi in a green jumpsuit? Tenten knew that she wouldn't be able to unsee that for a while.

The truth was so, so much worse, as she and Neji would soon find out.


"Doujinshi? Why are we looking at this doujinshi?" Lee asked. "Guy-sensei, did Kakashi-sensei give this to you?"

Guy was not smiling as he usually did, nor did he shoot Lee a silly thumbs-up, as he also usually did.

He was frowning, giant eyebrows scrunched pensively. The blind spot at the back of Neji's neck tingled.

When his blind spot tingled, it was a sign that could mean anything from "enemy ninja are attacking" to "Guy-sensei is suggesting we climb cliffs with one foot" to "there's a black chili pepper in the curry rice that Lee made for us."

We need to leave fast, he mouthed at Tenten.

How? she mouthed back.

They were flanked by Kakashi and Guy at front, Lee at back, and Yamato standing at the doorway.

What was more, Kakashi was blushing and twiddling his thumbs together like he was Hinata. Guy had one arm wrapped comfortingly around his shoulders.

Neji did not know Yamato nearly as well as Kakashi and Guy, but he knew that expression on his face all too well. It was exactly the one Neji would wear when Guy was...

Up to something.

Alarm spiked up and down his arms, into his veins, into his bones.

"Students!" Guy bellowed. "After we completed our challenge, Kakashi confided to me a certain problem he has been facing."

He patted his rival on the back. "You see, Lee, that is indeed a doujinshi. After extensive editing from Yamato-san, Kakashi commissioned his new team member, Sai, to draw this."

Guy held up an artfully designed comic of two individuals holding hands and skipping through a meadow together. Neji could make out a title, but he decided not to read it. He suspected it would be better that way.

"That's amazing, Kakashi-sensei, Guy-sensei!" Lee turned big, starstruck eyes to Yamato's hollow, empty ones.

He didn't even flinch at what he saw there, and for that, Neji was truly worried.

"What kind of doujinshi is it?" Lee pressed on.

And then Neji heard words that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Why, it's Kakashi's Icha Icha fanfiction! We're going to act it out! My rival here wants to see how well his words translate into a live-action adaptation!"

It got worse.

"Neji, you can play Moyashi, Lee can play Tamago, Tenten can play Wasabi! I'll direct you by reading out loud."

Neji looked up in time to see Guy thump Kakashi loudly on the back again. To Neji's horror, Kakashi wasn't even pretending to be cool and aloof as usual. No. Kakashi was wearing a shy, pleased smile, clearly thrilled that his...fanfiction had gotten such a reception from Guy.

He exchanged a look with Tenten. She nodded grimly.


Twenty minutes later, Tenten was in the hospital, passed out due to a well-aimed tenketsu-sealing shoulder tap.

Thirty minutes later, Neji was in the hospital, passed out due to an emergency spice pill Tenten had saved for emergencies just like this.

Forty minutes later, Kakashi had developed a brand-new idea for his Icha Icha fanfiction, courtesy of Neji and Tenten's emergency pact.

Fifty minutes later, Lee had taken it upon himself to rehearse his lines anyway, even if his teammates had checked out.

In the next All-Konoha Best Fictional Couples Survey, Tamago and Moyashi won first place again. The bemused editor of the magazine received an artful comic of the two skipping through a meadow and doing various gross but entirely PG-13 activities together. He showed it to Jiraiya, who was thrilled and encouraged his loyal and devoted fan to keep them coming.

And one week later, Yamato found himself crossing out yet more references to sapphire orbs and cherry blossom cheeks, tearing out his hair so much that he got a bald spot.


A/N: Thanks for the support, WebSlinger12 and Princess Hinashi.

MikanYuzu - you inspired a lot of this chapter. :)

Don't worry about me, I have more NH planned for Sunshine Siblings Week later this month!