a/n: Another chapter (unbeta-ed yet again, and no, I haven't broken up with my beta and bestie Callieskye, just that times are stressful and we decided to do what works best for us. She'll get to these at whatever pace it works best for her and I'll keep posting because- I stress-write and this helps me with my anxieties!)
Chapter 24: Adamant
The silence of the room was stifling. Harry stood at the same spot Ron had occupied a while ago, watching unseeingly at the dying embers in the fireplace until Arthur spoke, aloud, and yet, almost to himself.
"Ron still loves Hermione."
As he turned with a snap, Harry found Arthur observing him intently.
"Why is he doing this?"
Harry shrugged a little, groaning softly to himself. "I don't know," he lied looking away, and for the hundredth time perhaps, cursed himself for the promise he had made.
"I just don't understand why-" began Molly, before being overcome by emotions and sniffed into a kerchief, "-Hermione…" she managed to choke out before pausing again to wipe the corner of her eyes and sniff loudly. "He is the Malfoy boy!" she exclaimed at last, teary, looking around the room helplessly. "How will we tell Jane?" she inquired of Arthur and Tom. Both senior men, Harry observed, looked grim.
"Talk to her, Harry," Angie suggested as she pulled out her wand, conjured a goblet, filled it with water and hurried her way towards her mother-in-law. "Hermione isn't thinking straight," she added, rubbing Molly's back gently. "Maybe she'll listen to you?"
"I doubt," he replied and raked his fingers through his hair frustratedly. But he had to give it another try...
"You all are just making her more defensive. Doubt she'll see any reason this way," George commented at last as he poured himself a shot of firewhiskey before he addressed Harry directly. "You know how stubborn she can really be," he paused, "Only one person can alter her decision, Harry, and we all know who that is..." he trailed off as he took a sip.
"Ginny, can you check on Hermione?" Harry Accioed his jacket, catching it effortlessly as it flew into his hands from the back of the couch. "Now!" he told his wife as he pulled it on and adjusted his collar hurriedly.
"Yeah, of course" she replied leaving the couch and grabbing her own robes, "And you-"
"Where else do you think?" he muttered drily. He looked around at the room once before rushing outside the door.
…...
The loud shattering of glass greeted him no sooner he Apparated inside the familiar living room. Harry jogged up to the kitchen to find Ron pulling out a new bottle of Fire Whiskey while the broken remains of its predecessor glinted all over the kitchen floor.
"Breaking bottles and drinking yourself to your grave- that's your solution?" he asked before muttering a silent Reparo, knowing well that Ron wouldn't bother to clean up or even care if he hurt himself. For a few mesmerising seconds the scattered pieces of glass zoomed-in together to form an empty bottle that sat precariously on the countertop. Harry adjusted it slightly before he walked up to the table and grabbed a chair for himself. Ron, who hadn't even bothered to pour the liquor into a glass and was drinking straight from the bottle, chugged an unhealthy amount and dropped the bottle on the table with a loud thud and wiped his lips on the back of his sleeve. Harry noticed that Ron had finished half the contents already.
"Stop it," he grumbled and watched as Ron reclined himself on the chair and gave him a bitter smile, his fingers playing on the bottle.
"Stopped long ago, mate," he replied, his voice sad but not slurry.
"What do you think you are gaining out of this?!" Harry spat. Anger and frustration were giving rise to a headache now.
"Gaining?! Who, me?" Ron scoffed bitterly and took another long swig, smacked his lips and began, "In case you haven't noticed, Harry, I've long since stopped gaining anything," he added matter of factly. "I just keep losing now- and I seem to be fucking good at it," he added as he placed the bottle roughly on the table and continued to stare at it. "Bloody fucking good at losing- yeah," he muttered a little later and drank some more.
Harry pulled off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose before jamming his spectacles back again. Ron had already brought the bottle back to his lips when Harry snatched it away. "Either you tell her or I will," he threatened quietly.
"You'll do no such thing!" Ron roared, as he leaned ahead, looking frighteningly angry and irreparably broken. "You fucking promised me, Harry!"
"DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled back, throwing his arms in the air before he banged his fists on the table. "I'm sick and tired of this now, Ron! Sometimes I feel you guys are doing it on purpose. You're just hellbent on hurting each other! And why?! Both of you are equally miserable without the other! Everyone can see that! Except for the two of you, of course! And only because you guys are too-fucking-stubborn for your own good."
Ron glared at him for a long time before he grabbed back bottle again. "You tell her and I swear you won't be able to track me this time," he replied, " Ever," he added, looking broken but dead serious as he met Harry's eyes. "And...I'd rather die than hurt her again. I just want her to be happy," he added softly before taking another gulp.
Harry scoffed and looked away and pinched the bridge of his nose again. Ron took the chance to drink some more. "You know what? You both are mental! Absolutely. Fucking. Mental." Harry huffed at last. "And Malfoy? You think she'll be happy with him?"
"It's her life and it's her decision."
"You know this will be a trainwreck. Talk to her Ron. I know she'll listen to you!"
Ron took a while to respond. "I am a bloody nobody," he replied, shrugging. "Stop fooling yourself, mate. It's over between us. What I say matters nothing to her."
"Of course," scoffed Harry, "That's why she ran away when you stood up for her, didn't she? Don't you realise she wanted you to intervene, you idiot?!"
Ron chose to ignore Harry's words. He simply pushed himself off his seat, peeled off his jacket, threw it roughly at a chair, and walked out of the kitchen.
….
The tap on the door was sharp. Shocked, she dropped the photograph and wiped her eyes hastily.
"Please, Draco, not now," she choked out, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve and picked up the picture again. The edges had frayed and paper had aged into a dull yellow colour, but the much younger version of Ron still smiled at her the way she remembered.
Not just the photograph, the love had faded too, she reminded herself miserably.
As the door clicked open, she let out a groan, hurriedly stuffing the picture inside a diary and pushing it under her pillow. "Dra- "
"It's me,"
Hermione didn't bother to reply knowing that the Ginny wouldn't take 'no' for an answer anyway. Ginny pushed the door shut and walked up fast to take her place on the bed.
"I don't feel like talking, Gin." Hermione sniffed and looked away. "Moreover, I don't think your view has changed much in the last half an hour."
Ginny blew out softly through her mouth, pushed herself back against the headrest and folded her legs under her.
"Who are you trying to fool, Hermione?" she asked. "Us, Malfoy-" she paused and Hermione couldn't resist looking up, "Ron or yourself?" Ginny finished.
Hermione exhaled and let out a soft derisive laugh, "Not ready to look beyond your prejudices, are you, Gin?"
Ginny groaned and looked upwards dramatically before pulling Hermione's hands in hers, "Alright, fair point," she agreed, "But even if I keep aside the fact that you're engaged to-" she paused and swore softly under her breath, "-him, don't you realise this is a bad idea? Honestly, it doesn't even matter who the guy is! You're clearly not over Ron!" she exclaimed and Hermione pulled her hands out of her friend's grasp and looked away resolutely.
"You really want me to keep waiting for Ron?" she asked softly, "Despite knowing that he doesn't wish to be with me anymore?" she choked and wiped off an angry tear with the back of her hand.
"Well, that's debatable," Ginny replied and Hermione snapped around, furious. Ginny, she noticed, was clearly awaiting an outburst.
"You too are siding with him now?!" she exclaimed, hurt.
"No! Absolutely not! My brother is a git!" Ginny added hurriedly, "I'm just siding with what I can clearly see you want. Look-"
"I CAN'T keep going back to Ron and allow him to push me away every time, Ginny!" she cried. "And I am just tired-"
"I'm not asking you to go back to him," Ginny insisted, "I'm just saying don't rush into decisions you'll probably regret!" She paused and seemed to be fighting an inner battle before she spoke. "I met him- Malfoy- outside and he looked really worried about you but Hermione…and I agree, I might be prejudiced," she added hurriedly before Hermione could interrupt. "I can't find it in me to trust him. He is Draco Malfoy after all! Even if we looked beyond his past-," she grimaced and continued, "-there is nothing similar between the two of you! You couldn't be more different in ideologies if you tried! And we all are worried!"
"I'm not rushing into anything," Hermione exclaimed even as a part of her twisted disturbingly at the prospect of walking down the aisle towards Draco. "I've known him for years now," she added, trying to convince both her friend and herself.
Ginny rubbed her thumbs gently on the back of Hermione's knuckles, and it was such a 'Ron thing' to do that Hermione found herself struggling to hold back her tears.
"You know," Ginny began slowly, "I reckon- and I know Harry feels the same- we are sorry we weren't there for you more after Ron left."
Hermione bit her lower lip and forced a smile as she met Ginny's eyes. "Don't be so hard on yourself," she managed, patting the younger woman softly on the cheek, "It was a hard time for everyone."
"At least think about it, yeah?" Ginny pleaded softly before she let out a mirthless chuckle. "I can't believe I am saying this but- you're not exactly being fair to Malfoy either."
"I don't have a choice," replied Hermione haltingly. "Mum isn't keeping well, Gin, and I don't want to live with another regret. I have enough anyway," she added with a bitter chuckle.
"But you heard your dad-"
"I did," she agreed solemnly, "-but what they want- what I know Molly and Arthur want too- is impossible."
Ginny nodded grimly. "I get it, but Hermione... Do you really think introducing Draco Malfoy as the prospective son-in-law is a great solution?"
Hermione looked away, "I need to do this and at least there is someone…"
"Please tell me you realise how messed up that sounds?"
Hermione ignored it and tried harder to push the growing guilt away.
"Moreover, you know Magical marriages are different," Ginny continued. "They bind your magic together. Are you ready to link yourself to him - to his ancestral magic- forever?!"
Hermione chuckled. "Now you are making this up, Gin. I've never heard of such a thing,"
"No, I am not!" she insisted.
"Ginerva Weasley!"
"Okay, don't pull a mum on me!" she scoffed. "Alright, yeah, Muriel told Mum, y'know the last time we met her before my wedding. Was blabbering something about blood-ties running in the family and being all interlinked and affecting marriages... Some crap about our children having a chance of turning out to be squibs because of the Dursleys. Loads of shite really. By that logic, our kids also have a chance of turning out like her and that's an equally scary proposition!"
"That's basic genetics and you're crazy," Hermione laughed despite herself and patted Ginny's hand lovingly. As the careless laughter morphed into a sad smile, she looked away to hide her tears. The pang in her chest grew again as did the regret. She had really hoped to have Ginny as a sister, the Weasleys as her own family... "I'm getting married to Draco, Gin," she insisted quietly. "That's exactly what Ron wants me to do anyway."
…...
She was well aware when the night melted into the horizon and the new day began; she hadn't slept a wink. With the new day dawned the realisation that every passing hour would only take her further away from him.
She lay on the bed, curled under her blanket as she watched the sunray seep in through the window. The light hurt her tired eyes but Hermione lacked the will to even lift her wand and shut the blinds.
The wet spot on the pillow had grown with the night. She had exhausted her tears sometime in the early hours of the morning; only a dull ache remained, one that throbbed inside and promised to stay there as long as she lived. Perhaps it was a culmination of all the dreams that had shattered and all the regret that remained...
For someone who planned every detail of her life, for once, Hermione had no clue where her life was headed. The long night had blurred the lines between want and need, right and wrong, and between duty and desire.
Despite what she had told Ginny, Hermione knew she still wished she could start all over again, roll back a few years of her life. All the pain she'd have to relive would be worth it if only there was some way she could turn back time, do a few things differently. Even if she started from the point Ron had broken up with her, she thought miserably and did not meet Draco nor promised him things that her heart wanted with another.
She sniffed and turned, pulling her blanket closer as she curled in its embrace, craving for warmth from a source she knew wasn't hers.
She had made a promise to Draco and she couldn't go back on her word, and yet...
She closed her eyes briefly remembering the morning Ron had come down. If only hurt and pride hadn't held her back, she reckoned miserably. If only-
"No!" she cried into the empty room as she sat up. It wasn't pride, she told herself fiercely, it was what Ron deserved. "I'm doing the right thing," she muttered to herself. "He- He doesn't care," she went on and swiped off an angry tear. "I can live without him." Hermione sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve before finding the diary that lay on the edge of the bed, a corner of the photograph peeking out of it.
With her resolve weakening, she grabbed and flipped it open to find the picture again. She choked back on a sob, realising that she was losing the fight again. As her finger traced over his face she could almost hear him again.
"I know it's too early, Hermione, I know we're too young... and yet, I want you to have it if you will... because for me, it will always be you. Only you."
A single tear rolled down and fell on the picture.
She had believed him that day and why wouldn't she? She had been in love with him for as long as she could remember.
The year on the run had only solidified her faith in them. She could still hear Ron's screams as Bellatrix tortured her, clearly remember the pain in his eyes when she regained consciousness after their escape from the Manor. It had seemed as if each curse that had touched her body had shattered his soul on the way...
How was it even possible for this man to walk away from her? How could he leave her broken and not turn back? How could her Ron ever leave his Hermione?
The sixteen-year-old Ron met her eyes and grinned that adorable lopsided grin again as he raked his finger through his hair and Hermione pulled the picture to her bosom and broke down again. Perhaps she had never known Ron at all, misread all the signs because how much her heart desired...
Despite her better judgement, she had succumbed to the weakness again. Watching Ron sit resolutely in the courtroom, facing a life sentence to safeguard Astoria's honour had broken her resolve. Unbeknown she had begun to hope again -perhaps he was the same Ron she knew, perhaps he still loved her the way he claimed he did back in another lifetime, perhaps there had been a reason behind his leaving after all...
She laughed aloud bitterly as her eyes pooled over again.
Ron had proved he didn't care anymore. He didn't want her back. Perhaps he had simply fallen out of love. That explained why it was so easy for him to keep his promise and stay away.
And despite everything, she still craved to hold on to him and cry, wishing to Run into his arms to overcome the pain he caused. Why did she still love him so much knowing well that it was all over?
All she had wanted was for him to protest her decision once. But he didn't...
She wiped her tears and sniffed and placed the photograph back in the diary.
If Ron rather preferred she married Draco than tell her he still cared, maybe he didn't care enough anymore…
At least, she'd fulfil her Mum's dreams of seeing her daughter wed, she decided. She'd have to figure out a way to make peace with what life had in store for her and somehow make up to Draco for being emotionally unfaithful.
Her conscience scoffed at the last thought, sounding eerily like Ginny.
…..
a/n: I know some of you are probably getting frustrated with the pace but I always mentioned that this is a sloooooow burn. I have a story to tell and Ron and Hermione have to travel that distance to find each other. If it is any relief (or tease, I don't really know) there is a very smutty chapter that I have already written. I can't post that yet, so I wrote another fic 'Drenched' as a prelude (or teaser, I don't know what to call it really).
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for following, loving and reviewing this story. Can't tell you how much I love reading your reviews and hearing your thoughts about it. The new job is going great so far! It's crazy hectic, giving me loads of chance to learn and absolutely amazing! Love you guys!
