Jasper

"What do you mean she had a bit of a breakdown?" Emmett accuses, arriving a short time later.

"She's fine, just had to let out some anger."

Alice scoffs. "ItIt was a bit more than that, but she is fine." I glare at her. I hadn't wanted to give Emmett the full story; the last thing Bella needs is to feel embarrassed and worried that we are talking about her.

Emmett eyes me up. "Just tell me anything I need to know, kay?" I nod, assuring them both that I won't keep anything unnecessary. "I'd better get back to Rosie if Bella ain't up. She's being more reasonable and starting to understand, but it's hard. She's happy for us to stay a while which I wasn't expecting. I'll be back later, can you let me know when?"

"Sure, say hi to her from us," I say, and Alice nods her agreement.

Emmett reluctantly leaves.

"Did you mean it earlier?" Alice asks me when he's out of hearing range. I send her a small amount of confusion. "When you said you'd tell Bella about your past. It's not something you usually volunteer."

"Yes, if she wants to know, I'll tell her. It's not exactly a secret, and to be honest, I'm amazed she was around us so much and never found out."

She opens her mouth as though to say something and then closes it, thinking hard. "You've never said it quite like that before, either. I mean, I knew, but to hear you say it, I just… it's not still like, that is it?"

I know what she's talking about. When I was in that position, I was never able to verbalize it, preferring to show it through my gift. Since having left that dark place I haven't felt the need to tell her so explicitly.

Alice is nervous, I can feel it. From her face I know that she is worrying she's missed something so important.

I slide closer to her and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. "When have you ever not noticed? When have I ever managed to keep something like that from you? Besides, why would I want to? I've got an incredible family, the most beautiful mate. I promise you'll be the first to know."

"I know, I just worry. What if I miss something and I lose you? Just brings up a lot of memories I'd rather leave hidden."

"You don't need to stay here. You can bunk with Em and Rose if you want, no one will think bad of you."

"I'm not leaving," she replies quickly. "I just want to do something. I feel helpless."

"We all do. All we can do right now is support. It's up to Bella when things change."

We lapse into silence, listening to the steady breaths and heartbeat from next door. A while later they both start to speed up. She's waking up.

She takes her time, apparently disoriented and taking time to remember what happened. My face breaks out in a massive smile when I feel a glimmer of embarrassment from her. It's only tiny, but it's there.

Alice looks at me questioningly. I whisper too low for Bella to hear, "She's getting better. It's working, slowly." She beams at me.

Bella staggers out of bed and takes care of her needs in the bathroom. Finishing, she moves towards the door and stops. The embarrassment grows slightly. After a minute of silent debating, we hear her set her jaw and inch the door open.

The face that looks through is still wrinkled from sleep and incredibly unsure. She stares at us, unspeaking. We aren't looking directly at her, but she must know that we know she is there.

With a tiny wave of shame, she backs away from the door and starts to close it.

"You can join us, Bella," I say softly, causing her to freeze. "Why don't you get a drink, help yourself to anything."

She looks at me, calculating. She still doesn't trust us. Finding no malice from me, she opens the door wide and hesitantly steps through towards the kitchen, never taking her eyes off of us.

Alice has her phone out, texting Emmett. She shows me the message.

I'll swing by tonight Em.

I nod to her. Surprisingly, she doesn't put the phone away, and instead she opens one of the games she had been enjoying recently. I've never understood it, but it makes her happy.

Bella, carrying a mug of what I smell is coffee, moves to hover towards the edge of the room, eyeing up the armchair just past us.

I occupy myself watching Alice's game, hoping it give Bella the confidence to act on her own accord. It works. So slowly, she takes one step, then another, moving all the way past us to sit awkwardly on the edge of the armchair.

"Do you want to try?" Alice asks her, holding the phone out slightly.

Bella ferociously shakes her head and shrinks away. "Shame, it's really fun. You have to solve all of these puzzles. Basically, there is a candy on some strings, and a little green frog-type thing, and you have to cut them in the right order to feed him."

She continues to ramble on about the game. I mouth "sorry" towards Bella, who half smiles and goes back to listening.

"No one will play it with me anymore because apparently I cheat," she sends me a quick dirty look, "but I don't, that wouldn't be fun. I'm just really good at it."

"One of these days we'll find a game you can't cheat at, and I'm sure they'll play with you. Can always play chess with me."

"Yeah, right," she scoffs. "I've been beaten enough at chess. You could let me win some time."

Bella is slowly relaxing into the chair and sipping at her drink as she listens to us joke around.

We discuss everything and nothing when I feel a very small amount of determination from Bella, and Alice goes blank for the briefest second.

"Damn," Bella whispers, clearly having forgotten the empath and seer in the room. She scowls when I laugh lightly.

"Want to share?" I tease. She shakes her head slightly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Alice goes to open her mouth, but I send her a look. "If you change your mind let us know."

We return to our discussion about our adventures over the years. As we are telling her about our time in Atlanta, the panic starts to rise slightly, and I can see she's ready to bolt.

I send her the smallest wave of calm, not enough to manipulate her, but enough to reassure.

The conversation continues as she battles with herself.

Finally, she speaks. "Will you explain?"

I smile to her, proud that she'd built enough courage to ask. The breakdown really has made a huge amount of difference.

"Of course, I will." She doesn't need to say what she wants explaining, it's obvious. "What do you already know?"

Bella thinks for a moment. When she speaks, her voice is still uncertain. "Not much. It was a long time ago."

Yes, of course she would have forgotten after so many years.

"Well, Alice and I didn't have quite the same past as the rest of the family. Neither of us have Carlisle as a sire, or the same upbringing. I can't say I'm especially proud of mine.

"I was born to a large but poor family in Houston, Texas. I joined the confederate army at seventeen, though my paperwork read twenty. In the two years I fought, I rose to the rank of Major, the youngest in Texas regardless that my age was false. It's something I grew to regret. I was young, blinded by the ideologies of my community, and desperate to preserve our way of life. I thought myself brave for fighting and didn't consider the consequences of my actions. I never saw my family again after I signed up.

"What you need to understand, Bella, is that we are very atypical for vampires. Most are bloodthirsty and ruthless. While the north is mostly civilized, the south has been in a constant war for centuries. They fight for territory, for food. There was a tactic developed a long time ago which made these wars all the more barbaric. We are the strongest in our first year to this life, so using newborns to fight gives you an advantage.

"It's not easy, as newborns can be volatile, wild, uncontrollable, and just as likely to turn on each other as attack the enemy. They became… replaceable. As they are killed, the creator has to turn more. That's how Maria's minions found me. She'd hoped my experience and training would be useful in creating an efficient army.

"I was one of the few to survive past the first year, and my abilities to control the army were useful to her, so I rose to her second in command. I was desperate to prove myself, and I managed to train an army considerably bigger than the others. Our success made Maria greedy, so more battles raged.

"The fighting was intense and unending. Over the years, I became sick of what my life had become. It changed when I met Peter. He was one of the newborns I turned a few decades after being turned. He was, I suppose you could say, civilized. He never enjoyed the fight, even though he was good at it. We became friends. However, he became infatuated with a young woman called Charlotte. When her year of use ran out, she was due to be killed with the rest of them. Peter escaped with her. I can't say I was surprised; his emotions had given him away, but I didn't have it in me to destroy someone who had once been my friend.

"Life got bad again. I was alone and missing the companionship I had before. Maria changed after this. She grew to fear and mistrust me, and I knew she was plotting a way to destroy me. So, I started planning, too. The years of war had turned me into a savage, and though I believed her to be my mate, I was prepared to kill her. I didn't need to, though, as Peter returned.

"He'd been gone for five years, and he told me tales of his time up north, the way they live without fighting, co-existing with others of our kind. I walked away without a backwards glance.

"Though I travelled with them for many years, a black cloud hung over me. I had no humanity remaining, and I was a monster, pure and simple.

"Whenever I killed, I'd see that glint in their eyes. The same glint of fear I had also had in my last moments as a human. The more I felt them, the stronger my human memories became. Every human I killed, I felt them, felt their horror and fear, and knew I was the one causing it.

"Peter and Char never had the same problem feeding off of humans; they simply wanted freedom from fighting. I became distant from them not long after.

"I was a mess. I couldn't bear killing, yet what other choice did I have? I went long durations between killings, but the thirst always overtook me. The longer I spent alone, the more I sunk into my hole of depression.

"For years I roamed alone. I shouldn't have, it was dangerous. I was trying to blend in with humans, but for every time I was successful, I sunk even deeper. Eternity in despair, that's what I was preparing myself for.

"One day I stumbled into this one." I gestured to Alice. "She was waiting for me, obviously. I started to feel hope. Alice's emotions were new to me, and I enjoyed feeling them, being around her. We became closer, but I struggled to trust. Whenever I started to open up or think that things might change, I was proven wrong. I'd slip and take a human's life. I'd remember the mistakes I made and how I didn't deserve redemption.

"Slowly, things started to improve, but it took a long time. When we found Carlisle, I took another slump. Initially it was hard, and I hated the constant reminder of my past whenever they looked at me with fear. Human eyes can barely see them, but my past left scars, many scars, and other vampires perceive them as the warning they are.

"I slipped back into that dark place with no hope of escape. Except this time, I knew what I was missing out on.

"After a while I settled into life with them, but I didn't quite fit in. I'd finch at Emmett's roughhousing. I'll never forget the first time we sparred; I nearly took his head off. I couldn't be around humans as easily as they could, and I slipped the most. No matter how much they tried to hide it, there was always a spark of annoyance and blame whenever we had to move.

"I was torn. I could feel the emotions of the family, I knew they loved me, and I knew Alice loved being with them, but it was a new sort of hell. I considered leaving. I considered running away and leaving the good people to themselves, but I couldn't leave Alice. Not after everything she had done for me.

"I still don't know why you put up with me for all those years, especially considering the vague visions." I laugh, looking over at her. She smiles back. "I found a way to make it through those dark times, and you'll do the same, somehow."

I got lost in talk of my past, and feel myself rather suddenly jarred back.

Alice has her usual air of emotions, light and joyous, but with undertones of pride and sorrow. Bella, surprisingly, is fairly open. Her emotions are still muted, but I can definitely sense her shock and admiration. I take note of the way she's subconsciously curled protectively in the chair, her gaze firmly on the now empty mug.

We sit in silence for some time. It's interesting to follow her emotions as she tries to make sense of it. I'm pleased that not once do I feel fear.

Suddenly, Bella's emotions dampen until they disappear into the void of nothingness. She stands up and practically runs from the room, slamming the door behind her.

She goes silent.

"What happened?" Alice asks me quietly, the shock and confusion clear in her tone.

"I don't know, she was doing really well and then went blank." We were making so much progress. Did I set her back?

"I don't think it was you," Alice says as though she read my mind.

Do I agree? No, I don't, but then I often hold myself responsible. "Let's give her some time. If she hasn't come out by dinner, Emmett can always take it in. She might need some space from us."