Filling the Gap

"I don't ever want to be a mom."

No matter what her daughter's intentions might have been, Ursa decided not to take the declaration personally. "And why do you say that, Azula? Raising children can be very rewarding."

Azula puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms, just like she always did when she was feeling aggressive. "Because being a mom is like being a servant. You spend all your time watching over Zuko and me, but any servant could do that, and you can't even teach us Firebending. I want to be someone important. Dad says that I might even be Fire Lord someday." She gave a little stamp of her foot and said, "I will never be a servant to anyone."

Ursa let all of that pass through her, like water passing down a river bed. She wasn't always successful at keeping her calm around her daughter, and sometimes a firm voice and a strong grip were the only things that would get through to the little girl, but Ursa sensed that in this situation, Azula would take any outrage as a sign of victory. "I think you have the wrong idea of what a mother does, then. You can choose not to have children, but a smart girl like you needs to make an informed decision. Mothers are more important than you realize."

Azula just rolled her eyes.

"Let me explain, then." Ursa sat down on the grass of the garden, and pulled her daughter into her lap. "In the Fire Nation, family is very important. We pattern our ways on the dragon clans, on how they work together for the greater good of the group. A mother is an important part of the family. I watch over you and Zuko, yes, but that isn't just to make sure you obey the rules. I watch, and I see what kind of people you are growing to be. I learn your personalities, your dreams and your hopes, your strengths and your weaknesses. I try to make sure you grow into strong adults, and also happy adults. I keep an eye on what you learn, and make sure your schooling is properly preparing you. I keep your father aware of everything, and try to balance his own goals and dreams with yours. I also help him, keeping an eye on his own life and dreams, and step in with advice or action when I see the need." Ursa paused briefly, wondering how to explain to Azula the concept of a marriage without love, of a husband who considered his wife a burden, of a person so destructive he would rather his own dreams died than those of others succeeded.

She found no answer, and so finished with, "If you don't want to be a mother, you don't have to, Azula, but you're so smart and perceptive that I think you would raise wonderful children if you put your mind to it, and you could manage a family that would be the most successful in the Fire Nation, even if you never became Fire Lord."

Azula considered that, her eyes narrowing as she turned the words over in her mind and dissected them. As troublesome as Azula was, Ursa couldn't help but feel a fierce pride in her daughter's intelligence. True, she lacked the gentleness and empathy of Zuko, but Zuko himself lacked courage and the ability to think things through. Ursa highly doubted Ozai's assertions that he would one day be Fire Lord, but if it did somehow come to pass and then the crown passed on to Zuko, her children would need each other to form a balanced whole that would bring the Fire Nation to greatness.

Unfortunately, Azula had a way to go before she could play her part, yet. "I think you're wrong," the little girl said as she shoved out of Ursa's embrace. "It must be nice for you to think you're important, but I don't think you really do all that much. I'm never going to be a mom."

With that, Azula bounced away to go find some manner of amusement, and Ursa sighed to herself, alone.


"And what of Princess Ursa?"

Ozai turned from his examination of the Temple Hearth and gave a thin grin to High Fire Sage. "She has paid for her crimes. No one will ever see her again."

The older man seemed to be expecting more, but Ozai let him wait. He felt no need to discuss the woman who was once his wife, and the Sage didn't need to know of her exile, just that she was out of the picture. Finally, the High Sage let the matter go with a shrug and said, "Very well. So you and your children are the sole remaining members of the Royal Family in the Capital. You will need to rule until Iroh returns."

Ozai lost his smile at the mention of his failure of a brother. "And so we come to the reason for my visit. I didn't just come to inform you of my father's murder. There is a complication in the succession. Tell me, what is your greatest duty as High Fire Sage?"

"To oversee that the Fire Nation honors the spirit of the Flame, of course."

"Indeed." Ozai took a breath and readied himself for what was to come next. This would be the most important conversation of his life, the turning point in his journey to the height of power. For so long, he had been held back by everyone around him, by futile concerns for his family, but no more. Now, it was time for him to rise as a lone dragon in the sky reaching for the sun. "And yet both my father and my brother have drifted from that path. Iroh's flame died with his son, and now he wanders lost in the world, refusing even to send word of when he expects to return. My father betrayed our nation's secret histories by trying to return Roku's bloodline to our family, an act of weakness that housed his very killer under his own roof. He coddled Iroh in his weakness and spent his ire on my heir, and so invited the wrath of Ursa. He couldn't even defend himself from her. It strikes me, High Sage, that the spirit of the Flame is in danger of dying in my family."

The older man stroked his beard, listening passively to Ozai's allegations. "And for what purpose do you raise these speculations, my Prince? The loss of the Royal Family would be… disconcerting for our people."

"It occurs to me," Ozai said slowly, "that it is my duty to redeem my family. Your order must be given more freedom to operate, to administer itself, and a donation from the Royal Family's wealth can be made to expand and further glorify the Capital Temple. After all, I need your help to restore the spirit of the Flame to the Fire Palace. But to do that, I must be named as the Fire Lord, indisputably. You know that Iroh has always disapproved of your involvement in politics. He would force you to towards fundamentalism, to the old weak ways. And I'm sure that if my father had realized that, he would have made some provision to pass the crown to me. It is our duty to honor his need to redeem himself, and to return the leadership of the Fire Nation to the proper path."

Ozai waited patiently for the High Fire Sage to speak. Rushing the older man would be a mistake, the kind that Ozai might have made in his younger years before all the betrayals- Ursa's, Zuko's, Azulon's- had taught him the value of playing the long game. Ozai was different now, ready to ascend.

Finally, the High Sage said, "I admire your wisdom, Prince Ozai. Perhaps your father did make some provision, a whisper in my ear that we kept secret so as not to dishearten Iroh while he sought victory. Now that Iroh has failed, this secret must be revealed, for the good of the Fire Nation."

Ozai grinned and bowed. "It is good to know that we are of one mind."


Azula's white funeral outfit was utterly spotless, and every strand of hair was in its proper place. This was satisfactory to Azula, because to her, less than perfect was less than acceptable. Considering that she was perfect in every way, it was the world's duty to match her perfection; it owed her no less. And considering how often Da- Father approved of her Firebending progress, of her strength of body and mind, the world would do well not to earn her wrath by disappointing her.

Naturally, Azula had selected for herself companions who would likewise never disappoint her. "Mai, Ty Lee," she addressed them in her rooms in the palace.

Mai, of course, waited quietly, but Ty Lee hopped forward to hug Azula and cried out, "I'm so sorry about your pa-pa and your mom! I'm here for you! Cry if you need to!"

Azula extricated herself from the embrace and gave Ty Lee an approving nod. "I don't cry, but I'm glad to hear that you understand your role. I need you- both of you- to be more than just my friends, now."

Ty Lee nodded heavily and looked like she was about to cry, but Mai just raised her eyebrows and started to look intrigued.

Azula continued, "Zuko and I are heirs to the throne, now. We all know Zuko is a dum-dum, so even if he somehow gets to be Fire Lord someday, I'm obviously going to have to do all the real work around here. So I need to be as strong and as smart as I can- which is very strong and smart- and sacrifice what I must for the greater glory of my family." She paused for a moment, wondering how to phrase what she had to say next in a way that wouldn't reveal weakness, a way that would be... perfect. "My family lost a lot last night, and now we have gaps in our clan structure. My father is going to be Fire Lord, so we can't bother him with trying to fill those gaps. And Zuko's a dum-dum. Therefore, it falls to me to handle those things, as well as preparing myself to be a possible Crown Princess. I'll need your service, girls. I'll need you to always follow my orders. I need you to always be thinking about how you can provide me assistance. I'll need your unquestioning loyalty."

Ty Lee nodded again, squeezing her hands into fists and crying out, "I'll always be there for you! I'll never leave you alone!"

Mai stayed silent.

Azula stepped close to her silent friend, and reached out a hand to stroke her face. "Mai, I'll especially need your help with Zuko. You know he's not strong, and that he's easy to trick. I'll need you to watch out for him, along with me. You can help him be better, and even better, you can tell me when he fails or is going to fail. He's always so jealous of me, but you can keep him from running away. For his own good, of course. You can do that for me, right?"

Color had come to Mai's cheeks the whole time Azula had been speaking of Zuko, and at the prompt, she said, "Y- yes. I can help with Zuko. And you. You can depend on me."

"Perfect." Azula stepped back and gave a single clap of her hands. "You're both such good friends. But you should also understand that because of my responsibilities, I can't tolerate failure. I know it won't ever happen, but if either of you betray me the way my mo- Ursa betrayed grandpa, then I will have to treat you like Traitors to the Crown. But don't worry; I know I can trust you both. There won't be any problems."

And then she drew Ty Lee and Mai into a shared hug, making sure she didn't wrinkle her spotless white outfit in the process.


After Grandfather's funeral, there was a feast to honor Dad's becoming Fire Lord. Zuko hadn't expected the crowning, because he thought Uncle Iroh was supposed to become Fire Lord next, and no one had explained to him what was going on. Dad was too busy being in charge of everything to worry about little stuff like taking care of his kids, and Zuko was avoiding Azula as much as possible. He was almost afraid of his sister now, because for the first time he was realizing that he couldn't stop her from doing whatever she wanted to him. If she did something really bad, Zuko could maybe tell Dad about it after the fact, but the thought of trying to get Azula in trouble just made Zuko even more afraid.

He sat quietly during the somber feast, and no one talked to him.

Afterwards, he went back to his rooms in the palace's tower and clutched the knife that Uncle Iroh had sent to him until he fell asleep.

It was another year and a half before Uncle Iroh finally came home.

Zuko had been practicing his Firebending when Azula brought him the news. He had been really surprised when she approached him and said, "There's something you should know," because he had pretty much gotten used to being the last to find out about anything. This time, though, Azula explained that Uncle Iroh had finally come back and bowed before Dad, confirming the crowning, and officially retired as a General of the Fire Army. "You should stay away from him as much as possible," Azula had said. "Everyone considers him a failure, and he's clearly weaker than ever. Dad's going to let him sit on the war council as a courtesy, but no one is going to listen to him. If you associate yourself with Uncle, everyone will think the same of you. They'll think of you as a failure, and not listen to anything you say. If you feel the need to talk to someone, talk to me. Or find yourself a pretty girl and stay busy with her. Just try to be strong, this time."

Zuko wasn't sure what to think of all that, but he eventually reasoned that if Azula felt the need to come and talk to him like she respected him, then what she said must be important. He resolved to stay away from Uncle Iroh, after he took care of one little thing.

He needed to express his condolences.

He found Uncle Iroh sitting in the garden, quietly pushing tiles around on a Pai Sho board. Zuko walked right up to him, bowed, and said, "I'm really sorry about Cousin Lu Ten. I miss him, and I bet you do, too. He was a good person to have as family."

Uncle Iroh's face went sad at that, but he smiled and put a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Thank you, Nephew. And I am sorry that your mother is no longer here. I don't know the details, but I am certain that if she had her way, she would still be here for you. She loved you very much. It's just- it's hard, when loss leaves such wide gaps in our lives, isn't it?"

Zuko nodded, and forgot everything his sister had told him. "If- if you want to talk to someone, because you're lonely, then you could talk to me. I've been reading about the history of our army, because Dad really likes me and Azula to know all about battles and stuff, so maybe we can talk about things like that."

Uncle Iroh's eyes crinkled together as his smile grew to cover his entire face, and he said, "You are a good person, Prince Zuko. I am honored to have you as family, and you can rest assured that I will never leave you, so long as you want an old fuddy-duddy like me in your corner."

Zuko smiled back.


Ursa thought the hardest part about leaving would be saying goodbye, but both Zuko and Azula were asleep when she went to them, and only Zuko had managed to open his eyes long enough to register her presence. Ozai hadn't so much as looked at her again once he had what he wanted, and Ursa finally just left him to his desires.

It was as the ferry was carrying her out of the Caldera that the real pain- the feel of the new gap in her life- hit her. It wasn't for herself that she hurt, but for the people she was leaving behind. Zuko and Azula would have to find their own ways, now, and find people to fill in the holes in their lives. Ozai would be unfettered now, free to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of power. Ursa just hoped that he was human enough to feel some last loyalty to his children, that once he had his supreme power, some echo of the bonds of family would make him want to preserve his children so that they could someday inherit his legacy.

The ferry moved on down the river, and the gap between Ursa and her family grew until the gap was the whole of her life.

END