Thank you so much for the reviews! They mean a lot to me. :)
For those who think Paige is way to OOC for this story, I'm portraying her that way purposely because, on the show, she has kind of gone OOC once she met Tim. In the final episode of season 4, the way Paige walked towards Walter to tell him they already got the gig he was referring to just SCREAMED arrogance, and that's why she seemed a bit 'bitchy' in the last chapter of this story.
Things WILL get better, I promise.
Last little note: Because I want to make the Irish accents easier to understand, there will only be light tweaking to the text so that people aren't scratching their heads, wondering what Sean or Louise are saying. Heh.
"Relationships are messy. It's their nature. ― Paige Dineen (2x24)
Fading
Chapter Three
~ SCORPION ~
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
By the time Paige's appointment came, she decided to go alone instead of bringing Toby as promised, not really wanting any company at the moment. She even decided to use Uber because she didn't even feel like driving herself. What Cabe had said… it tore her up, inside and out. She knew she's been bitchy lately, and she knew she shouldn't have acted the way she did when she spoke to him earlier, but to be honest? Being Team Leader of Centipede was draining her energy, and if she wasn't working, she was taking care of a silent thirteen-year-old who made it clear she was the bad guy in this situation.
When Ralph found out that she started Centipede and said Walter wasn't apart of their lives anymore, the son flipped out, demanding to know what happened. Of course, being only thirteen, he would say something like, "If Walter said nothing happened, then nothing happened!" before walking away and giving her the silent treatment from then on afterwards. In the last three months, he might have only spoken to her when it was necessary and then would retreat to his room for the rest of the day, not wanting anything to do with her.
Not only was she apparently Worst Girlfriend of the Year, but she was also, according to Ralph, the Worst Mother of the Year. In spite of knowing some of her insecurities, Ralph still wouldn't listen to her side of the issue. At this point, she had given up even trying to explain everything to him. No matter what she said, he would always take Walter's side on this one.
It was a lost cause.
But… even if Walter was telling the truth and that his little outing with Florence didn't mean anything, he still lied. If the outing with Florence didn't mean anything, then he should have had no problem telling her the truth, right? Right?!
And yet, it was her fault he lied in the first place. Cabe was right. White lies are still lies, and she was the one who initially encouraged Walter to white lie to spare someone's feelings in the first place… But maybe in her mind, she saw herself as the exception to the rule. Or, perhaps she didn't make her 'white lie' lesson very clear for him… Paige covered her face and groaned loudly, forgetting she was sitting in a waiting room among other patients.
Deciding not to lift her head, she kept her eyes buried into her hands as she prayed for the ground to open up beneath her and swallow her into oblivion.
Between the frustration from her new lease on life, her family drama with Ralph and her resentment towards Walter for lying to her, she couldn't decide which scenario exhausted her more. And with her resentment also came constant conflicting feelings of love, sadness and anger.
She still loved Walter O'Brien; there was no doubt about it, and she didn't think she would ever love anybody more. Maybe never love again. But she just couldn't deal with someone who wasn't completely devoted to her. Everyone she ever loved, loved something else more than her. Was she wrong to be selfish? Was she wrong to want something she never really had?
Cabe and Ralph seemed to think so.
After the first week of quitting and breaking up with Walter, she had come to realize how awful she was towards him. In retrospect, thinking about the things she had said to him made her heart hurt because of how ugly she was towards him. As painful as it was to think that Walter felt something for another woman, he didn't deserve that public onslaught of hatred, bred from her insecurities. And yet, no matter how much she wanted, she couldn't bring herself to apologize. At least not yet.
After having the afternoon to think about Cabe's accusations, she had to agree, he was mostly right on almost all accounts.
She was wrong for dealing her issues with Walter in front of everyone and embarrassing him like that. She was wrong for not letting him explain himself and for slamming his own insecurities across his face as if doing all of that would have made her feel better about herself – it didn't.
But despite how awful she was, she was entitled to her insecurities. She was entitled to feel the way she felt and share the way she felt, but she didn't have to deliver her feelings in the way that she did. She could have waited until everybody left before confronting him… she could have taken a deep breath and remembered she was the love of Walter's life… Remind herself that he wouldn't do something like that to her…
Yet, despite how she handled things, despite how she reacted, Walter was no saint in comparison. Maybe she should have been better at communicating her insecurities with him before becoming more serious, and maybe in doing that, it could have prevented the meltdown she experienced when she found those goddamn tickets in his souvenir book, but there was no way in knowing how things could have ended differently. There was no way in knowing that if Walter had had a better idea of how insecure she felt about being abandoned for something or someone better, then he wouldn't have asked her to attend the lecture with him?
But then again, he did, and he overheard her telling Ralph she didn't want to go…
Maybe she was being ridiculous about this whole thing. Maybe she didn't give Walter a fair chance to explain things. Maybe she should have given him the benefit of the doubt because of how much she loves him.
Paige wanted to scream. Everything was such a hot mess! A huge, hot, fucking mess!
"Paige?" a nurse called out, suddenly shaking the woman out of her exhausting thoughts. She rose to her feet, and the nurse with dark, riotous hair smiled as she started walking down the hallway. "Right this way."
Callan, Ireland
It was evening by the time Walter arrived at his old home in Ireland. When he and Megan left for the United States, he had planned only to return and visit family occasionally upon Megan's request, but he never quite imagined ever returning with the intention of staying… He had stopped calling Ireland home a long time ago, but… his parents were all he had left; he really didn't see any other choice.
His father was right. Scorpion was a failure.
The moment he had made the decision, Walter was dreading his first encounter with his parents, but he knew it was inevitable. At least this wasn't going to be a surprise visit. He could see it now, his father laughing at him for being such a fool for believing in a pipe dream. And this time, for once he wouldn't argue. Walter was a fool; a fool for believing a Cyclone never separated, a fool for believing Paige could love him for who he was, a fool for believing in love. But if everyone was happy without him in their lives, then so be it. As long as they were happy, that's all he cared about.
Walter visibly cringed as he strolled towards the front door of his old home, the vines still climbing in all the right places. The house was the same color, same size and shape, no additions or renovations detected, and the farm was still intact.
At least some things never change.
As quietly as possible, he placed his remaining luggage down on the porch and hesitated slightly before ringing the doorbell. With his hands in his pockets, Walter pursed his lips tightly as he waited for the door to swing open. And damn, did it swing open. He didn't have time to prepare himself when his mother leapt from the doorjamb and threw her arms around him, holding him tightly to her tiny form. He nearly fell forward as she dropped down to the ground, bringing his head and shoulders with her. "My son! I'm so glad yer home!"
When she released him, he gave her a small, fake smile and nodded slightly. "And my things? Did you and Dad receive them?"
Louise smiled affectionately. "Aye, we did. Yer belongin's are takin' lodge in de barn. Yer da wants yer t'store what yer not gonna be usin' in a storage facility downtown. De animals," she laughed a little, "aren't takin' kindly ter their new, silent neighbors."
"Don't worry; I'll sort through my things tomorrow and only keep what's necessary. I, uh," he briefly remembered a lesson from Paige on gratitude and inhaled deeply. As much as he hated remembering, he didn't want to revert to the man he was before meeting Paige. Even though she wasn't in his life anymore, he was going to try is damnedest to continue improving to spite her observation of his EQ growth. Starting today, he was going to apply himself at trying to be a better person to prove to himself that he didn't need Paige. "Thank you…"
Louise touched her son's shoulder and then gently caressed his cheek. A single tear threatening to spill from her left eye. "Yer welcome m'boy." She caught a glimpse of sadness and exhaustion in her son's eyes but decided not to question it, leaving that discussion for another day. "Now, let's get yer bags to yer old room." She started to pick up one of them, but he placed his hand on top of hers to stop her.
"No need. I can get it." He bent down and picked up his luggage before following his mother into the house and up the stairs. She held his door open while he walked through and placed his bags on his bed, a larger size, he noticed. "Tomorrow, once I'm settled, I'll go to Kilkenny and see if I can find a job. I'll move out as soon as I have enough income to sustain myself so you and Da shouldn't need to worry about me becoming a burden. I promise I'll stay out of the way when warranted and help around the house when needed."
"Walter," Louise laughed sweetly as she took her son's hand in hers, "yer no burden, m'boy. Yer welcome t'live with us fer as long as yer needin' t'get back on yer feet. And I'll speak t'yer father and ask him not t'give yeh any grief."
"That's not necessary," Walter said rather quickly but then remembered another lesson from the past and smiled softly. "But appreciated. Thanks, Mom."
Louise matched her son's smile and said, "I'll leave yeh alone with yer things. Call if y'need anythin'."
"Will do," Walter nodded as his mother left his room and headed for the stairwell. Walter closed his door and locked it, not wanting any sort of interruption while he was alone.
He walked over to the window and watched the vast farm grass sway in the wind for miles. Not a single skyscraper in sight. He spotted a flower isolated from the others and sighed as his eyes slowly moved towards the cloudy sky and whispered, "This is for the best."
And then he fell to his knees and wept.
Los Angeles, California
Cabe was surprised when he received a call from Paige, asking him to pick her up from the hospital. He thought he would be the last person she would want to see right now, but as he pulled up to the curb of the sidewalk in front of the building, he could see how distressed she was and instantly didn't care about the crud he'd felt for the past few months. Cabe popped open his car door and circled around his SUV to open the door for her. She slipped in silently, and he didn't bother to ask what was troubling her as he closed the door.
Once they were on the highway, Cabe finally spoke, concerned for the former liaison. "Everything okay, kid?"
Paige remained silent.
Cabe cocked an eyebrow. "Paige?"
"Huh? What?" Paige suddenly shook out of her thoughts and glanced towards the man in the driver's seat, "Did you say something?"
"I asked you if everything was okay. You're quieter than usual and are avoiding confrontation. You only do that when you're upset about something." Cabe replied, keeping his eyes on the road. Before she spoke, he suddenly realized he needed to say something first. "Before you say anything… I want to apologize about this morning…," he frowned deeply, "I'm sorry for blowing up like that. I felt like I'm being tugged in two directions, and the stress was finally getting to me. I shouldn't have taken it out on you and Toby. The things I said? They were out of line."
Paige didn't say anything for a few minutes but eventually said, "I appreciate your apology, but… you were right on most accounts. I was being a jerk towards you, and I was an ass for saying some of the things I said about Walter; I was just… angry and confused and hurt after everything that had happened between us, and I took my feelings out on you because… I guess I was jealous," Paige bit her lip, "you have almost always been a constant in Walter's life, and I wish he could have given me the same sort of devotion he always gave you. It was petty for me to be rude to you every morning since your transfer. I'm really sorry, Cabe. Can you forgive me?"
"Yes, but on one condition." Cabe replied, taking a left turn.
Paige frowned slowly. "What condition?"
Cabe inhaled a deep breath. "You need to also forgive Walter." Paige exhaled audibly, but Cabe cut her off. "I know you're angry with him, and you have every right to be. I love the kid to death, but he can sometimes be a colossal idiot. That being said…, when it comes to EQ, essentially, Walter is an idiot. He's bound to do stupid things when certain decisions involve emotions, but you know that already. And I know, even if it was a meaningless thing on his part, lying about what happened really hurt you, and I was insensitive this morning for excusing your insecurities like a sack of potatoes. I apologize for that." He paused when he noticed how torn up she was about everything. There were tears in her eyes, she was avoiding direct eye contact, and he could tell she was about to fall apart. He gently placed a hand on her knee to comfort her.
"Kid, what you said a few minutes ago… you were wrong about one thing." Paige turned towards him a little. "I haven't always been a constant in Walter's life. Like the two of you, because I lost his trust, we had a major falling out and didn't speak for years. When Walter hurts, like you, he tends to cut off all ties even if he cares deeply for the person who hurt him. Think back to when he learned the truth about his Baghdad project, he fired me off the team, and the same thing happened to you when he found out about what happened in space. You two might be different in a lot of things, but there are more things in common between you and Walter that you might not have realize. You both experienced difficult lives growing up. You have emotional scars from unfortunate events in your lives, but the most important similarity is that you two love each other very much. I could see it in his eyes when he asked me to watch over you and Ralph, and I can tell you've been very distressed for weeks, eyes puffy from crying, I assume?"
Cabe paused, but Paige had no reply. He really could read her like a book.
"Sweetheart," Cabe inhaled quietly, "I hate seeing both of you hurting, and while I'm not going to force you to go to him or him to come to you, I think the two of you need to talk things through and sort everything out privately. The emotional damage this whole mess is causing you is affecting your performance on Centipede, and I'm sure it's the same for Walter, whatever in the world he's doing right now."
Paige closed her eyes and blinked back her tears. "I need to see Walter," she muttered quietly, "There's something he needs to know…"
Cabe pulled to a stop at a stoplight and took a moment to glance towards her, noticing her hand mindlessly resting against her lower belly. She caught him staring, and she instantly recoiled her hand and looked away, embarrassed.
"Hey," Cabe touched her shoulder reassuringly before placing his hand back onto the wheel to turn left. "It's going to be okay. The two of you will figure things out."
Finally, the tears fell. "We… we never discussed having kids… W-What if he doesn't want to be involved? I mean, I won't force him to stick around twenty-four/seven, but I don't want… I don't want to raise this child alone."
"And you won't." Cabe took her hand in his and squeezed it gently but didn't let go. "Walter, no matter what's happened in the past, will want to be involved; he is the most dutiful person I know."
"But I don't want him to stay out of duty, Cabe!" Paige exclaimed, her heart beating hard against her chest. "I want him to stay because he wants to stay!"
Without another word, Cabe whipped the car around and started heading towards the garage. "Then tell him."
The moment Cabe parked the car in the alley next to the garage, Paige tore herself out of the SUV and ignored all of the construction cars parked out front as she raced towards the front door. Cabe, however, spotted them instantly and frowned. Just what was that kid doing? He stood behind Paige as she incessantly knocked on the door, but when the door swung open, it wasn't Walter on the other side.
"What do you want, lady?" The man asked rudely. "I'm in the middle of a reno schedule, and I can't afford to fall behind." He gave Paige a onceover and smirked. "If you want an audition to be one of our exotic dancers, come back in two weeks when we're hiring. But no need to worry, toots. With a bod like that, you'll get the job right away. Just wear something much more revealing." He started to close the door, but Cabe reached his hand out and blocked it from shutting.
Cabe shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his badge. "Say something like that again in front of my daughter, and I'll have you locked up for sexual harassment." The man suddenly blanched, causing Cabe to grin. "Now," Cabe's hand swept passed his sidearm as he crossed his arms, making the businessman gulp audibly. "Where's Walter O'Brien, the owner of this facility?"
"Gone," the man replied instantly. "Sold the joint to my brother this morning."
Before he continued, another man in a suit moved past the other one and said, "I apologize for my brother's rude behavior. He has a sick sense of humor, and I want you to know that we are not using this establishment for exotic dancers. It's going to be a new restaurant once the building is finished with its renovations." He paused, "Pardon me, where are my manners? I'm Robert Russell. By any chance, are you Ralph and Paige?"
Paige suddenly spoke up. "I-I'm Paige… Ralph's my son."
"The kind gentleman who sold me this building this morning asked me to give these letters to you," Robert replied, presenting two envelopes. "I'm so glad you came; otherwise, I wouldn't have had much luck finding you otherwise."
"And did Walter say where he was going?" Paige's throat was dry, and her head began to spin.
"He did not, unfortunately," Robert frowned. "But he was rather in a hurry to leave if that helps."
"It does," Cabe nodded, extending his hand to shake Robert's. "Thank you for your help."
"You're most welcome," Robert smiled, shaking Cabe's palm. He then gave Paige a sadder one. "I hope you find him; he seems important to you, and you, him."
Paige's hand found her belly again, and she whispered, "I hope so too."
But as soon as the door closed behind Robert, Paige clutched her chest tightly, her heart in agony and her head spinning out of control. "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!" she covered her mouth and darted for the garbage bin in the alley. Without warning, she violently retched into the can, and Cabe ran up to her to catch her hair.
"Just breathe, Paige. Just breathe." Cabe muttered, trying to calm her down. When the retching stopped, the agent released her hair, and she immediately dropped to the ground, trying to gain control of her breathing, but all she could think about was that Walter was gone, and she was pregnant with his child. She instantly clutched Cabe's jacket and leaned into him as he enveloped his arms around her. "Shhh, it's going to be okay, kid." He ran his fingers soothingly through her hair. "It's going to be okay; I promise. I'll find O'Brien, don't you worry about a thing."
And once he did find Walter, he was going to give him a good kick in the gooty for skipping town without telling anyone. He just hoped one of those letters would help be able to help him.
~ SCORPION ~
Wow! This chapter about doubled after editing it!
If Paige's inner monologue seemed confusing or repetitive, I wrote it that way on purpose, because when I'm upset over something, my mind tends to rapid fire all of my thoughts, and sometimes, my thoughts overlap and then resurface again and again until the issue is resolved. I imagined Paige's thoughts would be similar in that way.
Please let me know what you think! Thanks for waiting!
