One month and eighteen house listings with only ONE place that accepts pets. THAT is how I ended up in this situation.

What situation? The one involving me upstairs in my bedroom in my new house holding a very old baseball bat I bought at a thrift store while something is stomping around an attic that I didn't even know I had!?

Let me start from the beginning.

One month ago. -

'I will not burn this shitty suburb to the ground because I am a peace loving citizen who respects all life and doesn't want to be locked up… for now.'

Oh wow. Trust me, I'm not as bad as my current mental state makes me look.

Hi, I'm (y/n). I'm 25 years old and I'm new to town. I moved here about two weeks ago? Yeah, two weeks ago to start a job in two more weeks. That's a lot of time for one person to spend looking for housing in a horrible motel with her dog.

Why am I moving here, to a town that legally has no name? Simple, I got a really really good job.

Membrane Labs.

The name sort of rolls of the tongue, right? Membrane Labs, run by lifetime overachieve Professor Membrane! Professor of what exactly… I'm unsure. But! I was hired by him with a really cool sign on package and him meeting most of my demands as someone with very little experience- so I'm not complaining.

About the job, that is. Everything else? Complaining a whole lot.

"Where is that realtor?" I check around this culdesac for any signs of viable life. So far, nada. I check my old wrist watch to make sure I'm still early, confirmation making this feel even more unsettling. "She told me to meet her here at 11am and it's 10:59 so…. Magically appear with my new apartment lease please!"

Yes, oh yes. I have had to resort to paying someone to find me livable housing. And no, trust me! I didn't want to do this! But one can only circle so many apartments, schedule tours and be horrified by the results so many times before paying someone else to do that for me.

And it was 20. Exactly 20 listings from three different newspapers and online sites. And each one was more horrible than the last.

One had bed bugs.

Another had termites.

The next had cock roaches hanging out in the sink like it was a community pool!

One was basically a tenement shared by eight other roommates?

One had a knife sticking out of a wall that everyone was pretending was perfectly normal.

I'm pretty sure one was haunted.

The one after that DEFINITELY had a dead body hiding somewhere.

There was the one with the creepy landlord who kept following me.

Another had the toilet sitting directly in the kitchen. Like WTF!?

And whenever I told them I had a dog, they all said the same things in varying degrees of rudeness:

"Oh. We don't allow pets here…"

So, yes, I am desperate now. Desperate enough to go into the insane banality of the suburbs and watch my mind become whitewashed by WASP-y, brunch-ing, stay at home moms?

Yes. For the right price, yes. I will subject myself to this life and train my dog to attack anyone wearing pink stretching pants if it means having somewhere to live.

RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING! RING!

I blink rapidly twice before realizing that that's my phone ringing at the bottom of my bag. I quickly turn and open it up, looking through the array of pens, notebooks, novel, sticky notes and chargers.

'Okay, that's either the realtor or motel clerk,' I finally grab a hold of the phone and pull it out. Number is unrecognized but that's no surprise when I only have five other listed contacts outside of my family. 'Don't freak, it's probably nothing! I'm still paid up till the end of the week and I already took the dog out this morning!'

"Hello?" Mock cheeriness. I'd try to be more sincere but I really need to be optimistic about today.

A deep, formal voice answered on the other end. I recognized the voice, something mixed between cockiness and curiosity with a sense of superiority, but couldn't recall who it was off the bat.

"Is this Mrs. (L/n)?"

"MS. (L/n)." It's a quick correction. Easy mistake. Happens all the time. No need to read into it. Don't think the worst of this already, (Y/N)! "Yes, yes this is she."

"Good morning, Mrs. (L/n)!" The deep voice became a mix of pompous and sincere. Like they were genuinely happy to get you on the phone yet didn't care that they had messed up your relationship status. "It's me! Professor Membrane!"

"Professor Membrane!?"

I was so shocked that I almost dropped my phone! No can do, new phone.

After playing a little game of catch-juggle the phone, I finally managed to glue to back onto my ear and try to start a nice, not totally stressed and anxiety filled conversation with my new boss.

"H-Hello! Good morning, Sir! I-I mean Professor!" I stutter, I'm tongue tied, I'm linguistically tripping over myself. But, come on? It's Professor Membrane! "Um, I wasn't expecting you to call so early, um. I mean! I'm I'm glad to hear from you, sir!"

"Hahaha! Oh, please~ Sir is so stiff! Just call me Professor!" The sound of his laughter is actually quiet calming. Like a standard dad laugh. Which is weird for a man who consistently looks like he just turned 40. "I'm just calling to reach out and see how you're doing!"
"O-Oh!" Am I blushing? Can people on the other side of the phone see when someone else is blushing? Oh jeez, that's the nicest thing anyone's done for me in awhile and that's just sad. "Thank you, Professor. Yeah, I uh, um, I'm doing… okay."

"I heard you moved to the city recently." The professor sounded busy on the other line. The sound of tinkling glasses brought to mind either brunch or someone spinning chemicals in a test tube. Was he on speaker phone? "What a great thing! It's always good to get out there and explore new places! I'm just so excited to have you joining our new team for this upcoming project!"
"I'm just a data analysist, Professor." I already catch myself twirling a lock of hair next to my ear. I have to shake it away and stop that! I'm a grown woman for god's sake, not some teenage girl! "Yeah, I just moved a few weeks ago. Still finding a new place to live but other than that, things are going well!"

I would be lying if I didn't say I am slightly star struck right now. Yes yes yes, it's pathetic! I've already 'met' the guy through emails and video calls dozens of times. He personally hired me! But - I can't help it!

I watched "Professor Membrane's Science Lab" since I was 12! I read five of his books, including his weird biography. I follow him on social media, I keep up with his news letters. I have several memorabilia cups and t-shirts from his traveling book tours. He's half the reason I went back for a follow up science degree!

So, yeah. I'm kind of a fan.

"Well that's good to hear!" The Professor always had a way of saying things like he was only half listening. Yet assuring that he understood everything nonetheless. "But are you sure you'll be able to find suitable accommodations in time? You're starting the team next week, correct?"
"In two weeks," you corrected. "Two weeks, Professor. And, it's okay! I'm looking around and, I'm sure I'll find a place in no time now."
"Well we want to make sure all of our lab members are suitably accommodated!" The Professor assured as if he knew exactly what was going on mile away from behind a phone. "Say! I know you're new and you probably need some guidance. How about you stay over at my house while you look for a new home? It'll be a GREAT way for you to get acquainted with our methods and quickly be apart of the SCIENCE FAMILY!"

Living with my boss in a new area with only my dog for backup? OH HELL NO.

Fan or not - I do not need to be that close to the man who signs my checks at the end of the month! I need my space from my work and science.

"T-That's okay!" I try figuring out the best way to politely decline. Because somehow, screaming profanities at the other end of the line never really works out much in my favor. "I, um, I appreciate the offer! It's just, I have all this stuff and I um, wouldn't want to to to IMPOSE on you and your family! I mean, you've already done SO MUCH for me already with the job and-"
"NONSENSE!" I could actually hear the sound of him waving away my intimidation on the other line. That and the sound of maybe something breaking? "It's no imposition at all! Why! It's just me and my daughter living at our house now! After my son, the poor insane genius, decided to spread his wings of independence and move out on his own! We miss him so much. Still have his room set up for the day he reconsiders and comes back to join the family and his rightful place beside me at Membrane Labs! And well, we've actually been quiet lonely on our own!"
"Uh hu…" I really didn't need to know so much about his family life. "Well uh, th-that's nice. But really, I-"

"Just think of it!" Professor Membrane was already painting a picture with you in it. "You'd be staying at the most high tech housing infrastructures in the world! High tech security! Housing bots built into a Smart Home system! Fresh dry cleaning and waffles every morning! What's not to love!"

'The fact that I'd have to see my boss every morning and explain how I don't really wear business appropriate clothing to breakfast or that my insomniac ass likes to go out late at night and not come back until early in the morning.' But you can't explain all of this to your new boss. You have to be polite and political. 'Maybe I should point out the obvious.'

"That sounds…. Great~ Really, really great~" The fake sincerity and over uncomfortable tone was washed down quickly. "But, I have a dog."
"…. Oh." Seems that made him recall his offer faster than anything else. "Well! Um, I can see how your independence is important to you. Reminds me of someone close to my heart. But don't hesitate to ask for any assistance in the future, Mrs. (L/n)!"

Looks like apparently everyone in this town hates dogs. Great. That's just great….

"It's Ms.." You correct again. Very relieved to know that conversation was over but still irked that he keeps forgetting you're not married. "Thank you, Professor. I'm sure I'll have a place picked in no time."
"Remember! You're a part of the Membrane Science Family now! So if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask!" The Professor reminded you. Next thing you heard, some sort of mini explosion in the background. "Opps! I have to go now. I look forward to seeing you in two weeks, Mrs. (L/n)!"
"Just call me (Y/n)…" It's really hard to keep correcting him about this. "And, thank you Professor. See you soon."

Pressing the 'END' button, I put down my phone and let out some pint up sigh. Somehow, hearing the Professor speak made this all seem WAY too real.

'Why did I have to move out here so quickly?' Don't pretend like you don't know. Just suck it up and admit it. 'Maybe rushing into all these new things really was a bad idea. And maybe dragging my dog along with me wasn't fair either…'

Taking a deep breath through my nose and running my hand through my hair, I take a minute to just break down. It is exhausting to think about how much has changed and how much will change in the next few weeks. Overwhelming, even overpowering.

But, I just gotta power through it…

"Mrs. (L/n)?"

That must be the realtor. Straighten up. Straighten up! Don't look like you're about to cry or anything.

"It's Ms. (L/n)." Quick turn, flash a nice smile. Remember, be pleasant. Be happy! It's not like this woman just made you wait in a boring suburb on hot-ass pavement for 15 minutes after your scheduled appointment. Just. Be. Cool. "Hi! Yeah, that's me. Are you the-"
"I'm Beth from Crook Realtors!" A photo-copy representative of the typical white suburban realtor: Waspy, blond with big hair, too-red lips and too stressed smile. "I'm SO HAPPY you chose to move to this neighborhood! I can already tell you and your family are gonna LOVE this town!"
"…. Uh. Just me." Why did everyone think you were married with kids here? Is that just a standard thing in this city or is it sexist? "And my dog. Me and a dog."

"Oh. Well that DOES limit some of our choices." She quickly looked down at a clip board and scratched off 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 12, 16- HOW MANY FUCKING PLACES DOES THAT LEAVE LEFT? "Not to worry though!"

She immediately put the clip board down under her arm and went back to smiling painfully. Which is great because it broke the tension of me sweating nervously.

This was gonna be a long day. I can already tell.

"Why don't I show you the best house on the market for your needs!" Beth immediately started walking forward, heels clipping down a culdesac that made me want to throw up as I followed behind her. "It's been on the market for quite some time now, but that's not new! It's a great house for a single, starter home for a working woman like yourself!"
"It's a house?" I carefully follow behind this woman, checking around uneasily. Were there always this many surveillance cameras in the suburbs? Did people regularly stare out of their windows menacingly? "Um, I think we're unclear about something. I'm looking for an apartment to rent. Not to buy a house or-"
"Don't! Worry!" Beth emphasized quickly by tapping my forehead a little too forcefully. But then she smiled stressfully again and turned around laughing. "Hahaha! Oh noooo no no no! This house has been on the market for so long, we're renting it! And at such a low price, it's a great deal! Really! You just GOT to come see it!"

Okay. Not freaky at all… Good thing I always carry a pocket knife on me at all times because this woman is giving me serious Bodysnatchers vibes.

We walked around for a about 15 minutes while she pointed out all the "great qualities" about this neighborhood: A bus stop, playground, lots of spacious drive ways, family friendly.

Which could also be read as: Way too much car pollution, ugly children running around everywhere, weird people staring at you walking by while watering their lawns, and not enough trees.

Yeah. I'm sweating under this heat and there are way too many phased out looking people around here.

'At least there's a convenience store next to the bus stop,' my eyes catch over to a slushy machine inside and I'm reminded of my empty water bottle in my bag. 'But seriously. How is this whole neighborhood THIS terrible? It's like comically horrible at this point.'

And I am NOT exaggerating. Everything here seems horrible! There's smog everywhere, cars are whizzing past at random paces with no stop signs! There's a mix of really out-of-date scene teenagers walking around alongside what I think are either war veterans or drug addicts. Every animal seems to be missing either an eye or an ear or a leg. And let's not even talk about the smell!

'I'm gonna be sick…' Whether it's the heat or environment, I don't fucking know but this is miserable and I hate it. 'Maybe I could just live in the motel a few more weeks? It's not that bad. Sure, there's algae growing in the pool and rats chewing the floorboards. But if you can over look all of the structure damage and random gun shots, it's actually a pretty nice place in comparison to-'

"Here we are!" Beth announced with no warning so I bumped into her back. How that woman made of hairspray and stone didn't budge is beyond me. "Welcome to the only home that accepts pets and is in your price range!"

Scratching my forehead and rubbing my eyes, I finally back up enough to get a look at what's she's gesturing towards.

"…." It's like looking at a splatter art painting and trying to figure out how people pay money for some kinds of "art". "Uh…. What is that?"

"It's a house!" Beth chuckled for a minute. "Or, well, you're potential new home!"

A house? Maybe. It's more like an abstract interpretation of a house. Like someone was making a mockery of suburban structures and took the joke too far.

It's a strange, green, house shaped structure made out of what I could only call metal. There's a white picket fence that looks more like jagged standing teeth. Six garden gnomes are lining up both sides of a way too straight and narrow walkway with glazed over eyes. …. And are those windows vaguely glowing?

"…" I have to admit, this is horrifying enough to actually seem interesting. Plus, it's hot outside and I could really use some shade and AC. "Um, is it safe…?"
"Mostly!" Beth assured before walking forward. "HAHA! Kidding! That's a realtors joke! It really kills the tense mood!"
"Did they happen to kill the owner too…" I say that mostly under my breath as I follow her up along the path way. Looking around, this front lawn looks both worn and overgrown. Strange combination for what I could only assume is an abandoned building. "Hey, did anyone live here before or…?"
"Yep! A family lived here with their son for over 10 years! Whatta good sign!" She was way too cheerful as she carefully avoided looking at the garden gnomes. "But about 3 years ago, this house fell back on the market! Apparently, no one's seen the family in over 5 whole years! Neat, huh?"
"Uh. Neat. Yeah, sure." Was it me or are those gnomes kind of… following us with their eyes? Don't look, (y/n). DON'T LOOK. "So, mmm, does anyone know why they left or…?"
"Nope! Apparently they all just disappeared in the middle of the night one day. Never to be seen again…." Beth stopped at the front door step and turned around. "What's strange though is, no one seems to even remember who they were…"
"…" I stopped and looked at Beth very stressed out. It's not just the weird idea of possibly mass homicide in this house but the fact that no one here seems to know nor care about it that's freaking me out! Plus, I suddenly have the strangest feeling that there are six pairs of eyes glaring into my back. "Uh, Beth? I'm not sure this is the best idea to start looking at a-"

"WELL COME ON IN!" Beth cheerfully opened the door and threw it open for both of you. "Take a look around at your new home!"

I carefully stood on the walk way as Beth let herself in. From my position, the inside of the house looked dark and… spacious. There was also a cool breeze coming from in it and, did the air actually smell better in there?

I don't know if it was the mixed desire to be inside an air conditioned house or the strange unsettling feeling of being creeped upon, but I immediately wanted to go in! Checking around just to make sure no one was actually following us - All I caught were the garden gnomes around me.

'Are they closer to me than they were before?' Okay, I'm obviously getting heat stroke and freaking out. 'Stop it, (y/n), stop it! Focus! Focus….'

It took only four steps to walk in and Beth shut the door behind me. The room was way too dark for a moment before she flipped a light switch on.

"Welcome to your new home!" Beth announced while pulling back the purple curtains and rolling up the blinds to both windows. Letting in a lot more light and the view of the rest of the street. "It's a real, cozy fixer-upper, but it's completely set up with all the modern amenities a girl could want! Whattad'ya think?"

What do I think?

'I think… I might have entered a strange alternative reality?' Scanning the room, this place sure as hell seems like it came from a different time line or design universe. 'One designed by someone hopped up on crack and sci-fi movies.'

It's… weird. That's the best way to describe it. Weird and way too thought provoking.

The color palette was a strange muted green, bold purple and pale blue with strange materials all throughout. The walls had green wallpaper with flying saucer prints all over them. The floor and ceilings weren't made of wood but some kind of metal substitute with lavender shag carpeting laid throughout. There were purple-green checkered tiles, blue wall paper on different parts of the wall.

Not to mention the weird ass taste in furniture! A weirdly cushy looking purple couch in the middle of the room. Abstract shaped side tables that couldn't hold anything. And a huge, HUGE ASS TV SET right on the wall!?

'Did these people do anything but watch TV?' Just looking at this room left me with more questions than answers.

And that wasn't even the weirdest part. There was a weird painting of a green… mongoose? A monkey? A mutated baby chipmunk? I don't even know what that animal is but it both frightens me and makes me highly uncomfortable.

I don't even know why there is this huge bookshelf here. It's empty and looks like it could easily break or fall over. I could build a better book shelf than that!

And the whole structure of this entire room is weird! It's like a funnel. Where does everyone go? How does anyone move around here? There's only one other door way here other than the front door and it's pretty far away.

Where is the air conditioning coming from? Why are the light switches so small but the lights so bright? Why are the ceilings so tall? How come there are strange exposed pipes and wires above us? Where do they come from and what do they connect to? Why does it smell like intense disinfection in here? WHO CHOSE THESE AWFULE COLORS? DID NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO SEE CORRECTLY?

"If you like this room," Beth popped up next to my shoulder and nearly made me punch her in the face. "Wait till you see the kitchen!"

"Uh…" I'm very confused and unsettled. I can't stop staring at this room and you want me to see more of this house? I don't know if I can handle it. "Is it, um, this color too or…?"
"Nope!" Beth just took my hand and dragged me to the left right next door. "Come take a look! It's a real beauty!"

I'm too mentally mind fucked to argue back and just let her drag me into the next room. Luckily there is a visual break, but it's not the best kind.

The walls here are stripped shades of dark purple and lavender purple while everything else are in shades of green or grey. The whole place is spacious and there's a really large dining table with chair and… burn marks?

'What the hell were these people thinking?' I can't stop looking around. The color palette is just so… so… awful. 'This place would drive anyone insane if they had to stay more than five minutes… Why can't I stop staring at it all?'

"It's a real great kitchen space!" Beth assured while dragging me along as she pointed at all the appliances. "The family must have LOVED cooking! They have state of the art cooking appliances not to mention all of the accessories! Toasters, blenders, toaster overs, ice cream machines, deep fryer, air fryer, cotton candy machine. Not to mention this over and refrigerator! Top of the line design and set! We don't even know where they're from!"

"…" I'm able to pull my eyes away from the walls to check a brand name on that fridge. It's in some kind of alphabet I don't recognize that reads either left to right or right to left. Weird. "Must be Japanese or some other Asian language."

"Maybe!" Beth assured with a laugh before finally letting go of my hand. "Take a look! This is honestly the master space of the house. I hope you like cooking!"

"…" It was weird. I suddenly felt like this space actually… was nice. "I do. I do like cooking…"

Nervously, I check around. The cupboards are also metal, but maybe that's a Buckmeister Fuller design thing? They're tall and spacious, and there's even a ladder connecting to the bottom to let you walk up to the top - neat!

"Great space, right!?" Beth laughed like someone hopped up on way too much coffee. "Why a single gal like you will get a lotta use outta this! After all, the best way to a man's heart is his stomach!"

"..." I manage to hide a grimace along with my raging queerness. Okay, apparently everyone assumes relationship status and sexuality here! Hurray... "Yep. Gonna get me a lotta dinner dates here..."

The woman might not have the brains to stop being rude, but she was right. I was starting to actually like this kitchen.

And she wasn't lying about all the appliances. There's TONS of cooking machines and prep materials! The oven and stove work. Lots of prep space on the metal counter tops.

'Maybe I could get over the color scheme,' I check around and the walls plus the floors don't seem as cringe worthy as before. 'I mean, I could just paint them all and - Is that a toilet?'

Yes. There's a toilet. A random toilet sitting next to the refrigerator for some reason.

'Am I just cursed to be surrounded by kitchen toilets for the rest of my life!?'

"Uh…" It was getting really hard not to doubt the sanity of this town and these people. "There's a… an actual bathroom, right?"
"Yep!" Beth gave a thumbs up. "There's a half bath down here and a full bath upstairs! But why take it from me? When we could go ahead and take a look at the MASTER BEDROOM!"

Before I could question, she immediately cuts over to a closet sized stairway and fervently gestures for me to follow her up. A little uneasy being left down here on my own, I shrug and follow her up.

'Eh, what's the worst that could happen?' I probably shouldn't have told myself that because a whole list of things popped up:

Stairs break down and I fall to my death.

Light fixture explodes setting the tiny stairway on fire and killing us both slowly.

This woman turns out to be an axe murderer with an axe hidden upstairs.

Hornets are hiding in the walls.

MORE ugly wallpaper.

Another kitchen toilet!?

'….' Yeah, that's not healthy. 'Maybe I should have taken that nurses' advice and go see a therapist after all…'

The hallway was pretty tight and cramped, no way more than two people and child could walk up this at the same time. The stairs were surprisingly steep and tight but luckily well lit.

By the time we got to the top, I noticed the "upstairs" seem to consist of two rooms, no windows and a tiny square floor for a hallway.

"…" I stand at the top of the stairs since Beth and I could barely fit in this 'hallway' together. "Uh, Beth? Are you sure this isn't some kind of storage room or…?"

"Oh no! Like I always say to my husband: Don't worry about the size, sweetie!" Beth waved as she carefully crept over to the nearest door. "It's the package that matters!"

"…." I am honestly horrified by this woman and would have preferred her to be an axe murderer. "Please tell me that's another realtors' joke…"

But when she opened the door, I nearly dropped backwards down the stairs in surprise.

Catching myself! I straightened up and bolted right into the next room.

"Holy crap…." Now this is stunning. "Are we in the same house?"
"Yep~" Beth stood and smiled at the door. "A full master bedroom with a bathroom attached, a walk in closet and a storage closet across the hall."

Beth didn't do this room justice. THIS room was an apartment all on it's own! It. Was. Huge! I could walk back and forth across this room all day and still feel like I had plenty of space!

Yes, it was definitely metal. But the walls were actually a nice lavender color, and the floors were a deep auburn red carpet. There was a nice light fixture right above the bed and four other small ones in each corner.

The walk in closet was nice with shelving and stands, an extra clothes rack right next to the door. The bathroom was, thankfully, separated with a door and had a full bath, shower and vanity set!

And, oh man. That bed? In the middle of the room, right across from a HUGE window!

Just walking over and staring out through it made me realize something. Looking over past the endless stretch of suburbs, I could see tree tops, roof tops and Membrane Labs shinning in the distance. There were forests surrounding the city, a lake at the edge and just the barest distant glint of a mountain far away.

Bellow, I could see the backyard. A huge stretch of land full of overgrown weeds and a few actual trees. It looked lush and full of light. The most natural thing around this house made of metal.

'You know, from this height, the view is pretty awesome.' I finally smiled about something. Something that could possibly make the everyday routine of waking up just a little more bearable. 'I guess this is why that family must have lived here for so long…'

It was weird, I actually forgot about that little mystery. About the family that seemed to have gone missing in the middle of the night. The family with terrible taste in color design, a very active kitchen and apparently someone with bladder control issues.

"So?" Beth creeped up behind me but luckily I caught her reflection in the window. "Whattd'ya think? Don't you think this is gonna be a GREAT first home?"

What do I think? What DO I think?

'I think the wall paper here is atrocious.' A list seem to pop up in my mind and run down every negative thought I had before even getting up this morning. 'I think the color scheme downstairs makes me want to throw up. I think that animal in the painting should go extinct and the painting thrown away. I think the cable bill must be outrageous. I think I need to know who built the AC here. I think the front lawn is dying and the gnomes need to get lost. I think this whole house is an electrical hazard and I could die the moment a thunder storm came about!'

So why was the first words out of my mouth:

"So the rent." I turned around and leaned against the window. I'm not against renting this place. It's… an alternative. "And utilities. How much does that add up to every month?"
"Well…" Beth took out the clipboard again and flipped the page. Running down the numbers. "Hmmm. There's no records of a bank loan or utilities company attached. And the original owners didn't leave a follow up name or price for lease so…"

"So… you don't have a number?" No way. I'm not that stupid lucky, right?

"Well! Let's just say it's…" Beth closed the page and looked up at me. "Negotiable."

Negotiable? I'm good with. I'm GREAT at negotiating for shitty deals.

"Well this whole structure seems like both an electrical and fire hazard." I should probably point out the obvious. "I have no idea where the fuse box is or the fire extinguisher. I don't see how going out the back through the kitchen and that front door are safe exit measures. The colors in here are awful. Just… awful. And you have to get rid of half of that furniture down there before this place could even be livable."
"And~"

"…" Okay. I'll bite. "I'll pay $380 a month for rent plus insurance. Get back to meon the details of whatever utilities you use."

I could swear, Beth nearly exploded with the sound of glee. I'm pretty sure that glowing window would have cracked if she went on any longer.

"Alright!" She said excitedly, turning around and pulling out contract papers and two extra cellphones. "Let's draft up the contract and lease right away! We can mark the move-in date straight away to tomorrow! Isn't that neat?"

"Yeah." I shrugged and looked out the window. I was strangely peaceful up here. Away from the prying eyes and the horrible colors and the feelings like I was ignoring something that would eventually catch up to me. I could just stay in here. Fuck the rest of the world. "So, about the wifi?"
"Oh! The whole place is already hooked up and registered!" Beth explained away while walking back down the steps. "Private 6G network too!"
"Oh~ Lucky~" I smiled as I walked out of the room, giving it a second glance and imagining my stuff and my dog in here tomorrow. "Looks like things are starting to get better after all."

Oh man. If only I hadn't jinxed myself...